Is telling my Mum necessary?

[Kirsty]

Long story short.

My wife has as pert of trying to deal with her husband being a crossdresser,
told her mother (and sister... but not her father or step-father...
that would not go well).
So now I feel bad that my own mother does not know... I guess I want to tell
her so I can find out if she knew already.

I can never tell which one of them is at the computer so I don't want to engage them
over the internet.... I really don't know what my father would make of it to be honest
there are things I know for sure about him (that he does not know that I know) but
I do not know what his outward reaction would be.

My parents are coming over from New Zealand in December, I guess in person
would be best if at all... I just really want to talk to my mum about it. It does not
seem fair that my Mother in law knows and she does not, plus I guess I'm just
hoping for some insight into my early years... something that explains EVERYTHING!

You know that accident when I fell into the vat of female hormones, or being
stranded for 2 months in a girls dorm where they dressed me up as a girl every
day :) lol

So I guess what I am asking is... a) is it a good idea? b) is it something that we (crossdressers)
generally feel the need to do? c) Is there a "good" way to do it
and d) is there such a thing as a vat of female hormones? :D

*HUGS*

Kirsty

[Amy R Lynn]

Nope, not necessary at all. You should proceed with caution here. Remember that once you come out, you can't go back in. Its a one way door hun!

When coming out to someone you need to ask yourself, will coming out benefit them?

It is tempting to come out. But it seems that more often than not, it is more to try and benefit our self than the other person.

In my own instance I would love to come out to my own Mum. However, I know that she would not handle it well. I think she suspects it already. She has found my stash of panties, and dresses hanging in the closet. She thinks the dresses are my Ex-wife's.. the panties.... I have no idea what she thought of there. She has also told me that she won't stop me from being who I want to be.

My Mom is very religious, and I'm pretty sure she would have a hard time accepting that I am a CD'r. It would do more harm than it would do good.

Be careful, and think about it before you proceed hun!

BTW, it sounds like you have a very supportive wife. I hope that her sister is accepting of you too! Its good to have allies.

[whowhatwhen]

I did and while she was accepting and understanding at first now she pretends it never happened and wonders why I do things that aren't considered okay for men to do.
Still, I'd do it again because I hated lying.

[Ellie52]

Read this thread it has many of the same questions - Difficulties of dressing , marriage and .....

Hope this helps...Ellie

[ME2.0]

You have to listen to your heart more than your head, but if your parents are anything like American parents, whatever you tell your mother will get back to your father, even if they tell you it didn't.

Hugs,
Staci

[Beverley Sims]

A vat of female hoarmoans?
They come in half gallon flasks.
I really think it is the full moon.

All levity aside, consider whether your parents come from a conservative part of NZ. Out in the country for starters.
Do they need to know, in person would be best.
"Don't send them an email." Guess what mum!
Remember it will be around Christmas.
I would even confide in your mother in law and others in the know, about it.

If it is only a short visit, you may be better not letting on yet.
Your wive has not told her step/father either so they don't know.
Why bother as you are not being deceitful and more harm than good may be created.

[GaleWarning]

No ..........................

[Julia Welch]

No... it's not necessary to tell anyone ... why do they need to know?

[Sarah Beth]

That's a very personal decision. Just follow your heart

[Tina B.]

I sounds like mum and dad live in a different country, so not much chance of them stumbling on to anything, so why do you need to tell them, I doubt mum can tell you why you dress, any more than you can explain why to her, and make her understand.
At my mothers age I would never burden her with it.

[Jennifer in CO]

if you ever did it at home, trust me, she already knows.....

[Shelly Preston]

I am thinking if your parents dont need to know why tell them.

If they are living with you while they are here they may wonder about the clothes you have. Mum's can be very inquisitive especailly if your not around.

If you decide to tell her I suggest you do it by telephone and make sur eits not on speaker or by video if you can ensure your dad is not around.

[DonnaT]

I came out to my mom when I accidentally showed her a picture on my camera. She didn't recognize me at first, but I eventually persuaded her it was me.

She's not had any problem with it, and has given me clothes and jewelry.

Although there is no need to tell one's parents for many, you have a guilt you wish to relieve. So it is up to you. You're the one who knows your mom best, conservative, liberal, religious, etc.

Not sure I'd want to tell my mom if she was visiting on holiday, however, in case I ruined it for her.

[Dianne S]

I don't think it's necessary to tell your mother.

I told my mother when I was about 22 years old. She was taken aback and a bit shocked. She asked a few questions, but has never mentioned it since. I think she has deliberately blocked it from her thoughts. I don't think it changed our relationship.

I don't think she ever told my Dad. He would not have been able to handle it and I'm glad he never found out (he passed away earlier this year, sadly.)

Taking off the "child" hat and putting on the "parent" hat: If one of my kids told me she (I only have girls) was gay or TG, I don't think it would affect my relationship with her. As a parent, I love my kids unconditionally. They would have to do something very hurtful or horrible for that to change.