Finding My Identity

[Christine.Lolita]

Lately my wife has been referring to me when I cross dress as “the other Chris”. I am not sure why, but when I hear that I feel a little bit diminished. I know that my wife needs to keep the male me and the female me separate. So far she cannot call me by my female name when I am dressed in her presents, or for that matter my male name. She will refer to me as “sweetie” or something like that.
I think that if I dressed differently she might not feel so awkward about who I am, but so far I have not been able to decide on a more mainstream look. I am very particular about how I like to dress and it has been a real difficult task to try and modify how I look when I present as Christine.
While experimenting with a new look I dressed in jeans and a black blouse and I did my makeup conservatively and choose a mid-length bob cut wig. My wife thought I looked “very nice”.
When I look in the mirror I could see that I looked somewhat passable, I think if I took a little more time with some extra padding in the hips to offset the shoulder hip ratio, I would be closer to passible.
I stayed dressed like that for about 30 minutes and changed into a dress. I came to realize that I was trying to be more passible or look more mainstream not because I want to but because I feel I have to for some reason that I am expected too.

[Leona]

Congratulations! You're a girl! You've experienced the whole "I dressed that way because it was expected" thing.

I would slow down and talk to the wife. Find out what her concerns are, talk about sexual fantasies, etc. I don't know that I'd stop dressing entirely, but I'd definitely tone it down while talking to her. I want my wife on my side 100% of the time, and if she has issues with me dressing, then she can't be on my side 100% of the time.

So take some time off, or some time dressing up less than usual. If you want some pointers, go buy a sarong that you can wear in a slit skirt and claim it's menswear in much of the world. Buy a kilt, if absolutely necessary, so you can be girly wearing a skirt while your wife sees a man.

But whatever you do, TALK TO HER. Don't talk AT her, ask her questions, find out how she feels, and incorporate that into your dressing.

I realize this is counter to the militant view I often present of myself, but that still happens in my life. My problem is she doesn't always tell the truth about how she feels.

[Beverley Sims]

Christine,
True acceptance is slow, have patience whilst she grows use to seeing you in two different states.
It soon merges into one, don't rush it.

[sandra-leigh]

My wife can remember the name of someone she has seldom met, can talk about their immigration problems or their divorce or their son's illness -- but she can't be bothered to remember my femme name, and each time picks a random name out of the air as she fumbles through trying to refer to me. This is not done in a funny or loving manner; the impression is more as-if part of her is refusing to remember it as a strategy to try to pretend in part that the situation does not exist or is not as serious. It hurts.

[kimdl93]

Is it possible that your wife might be more comfortable around you when you're dressed in a more casual manner?

[Sarah Beth]

Even after all these years my wife has only used my fem name a few times while I have been dressed. Sometimes I have wondered about that, and sometimes I have let that bother me a bit, but then she doesn't call me by male name all that much either so maybe its just her way. Stilll when I am all dressed up an you look cute Sarah would be nice, or even a that doesn't look good on you Sarah. Maybe its just that I need someone to recognize me as Sarah and being called by that name would be validation.

[Tina B.]

My wife seems to completely accept my dressing, which I do to much of the time I'm sure. She shops for me, buys me gifts of girls clothes or perfume, but she only uses the name Tina, when talking in the third person, she never calls me by that name directly, and yes at times she will call me by my male name. But I figure if that's what she needs to do to live with this, and she puts up with the rest of it, I'll take it gladly, and she can call me what ever she wants, just let me be me!

[Dianne S]

My wife still calls me by my male name when I'm cross-dressed and I'm fine with it. I still feel a bit funny referring to myself as "Dawn". I don't change who I am when I put on a skirt.