More work, more unhappy?

[Nicole Erin]

No this isn't about the fact that I will probably volunteer to put in more hours at my mind-numbingly boring job. I need more money. Stupid bills. :thumbsdn:

I noticed for some TS on this board at least, it is like the more surgeries they get, the more unhappy they seem.
Of course they make these threads detailing to the hour when they get SRS, FFS, HRT, or whatever.
But then as days pass from that glorious "new", they get more bitter. That usually shows up as snide remarks about "being a real TS" or "Woe is me, my life still bites, I got "sir'ed"...

Years ago when I was merely CD'ing on a part time basis, a few TS told me that some TS think all their life problems will vanish post-surgery. I never said but I always thought, "How is having a vagina gonna make anything different?"

Do some TS really think life is gonna be much different the more TS-related stuff they do? When it isn't, is that what leads to their frustration (for the ones who get more miserable as they get more work)

[Angela Campbell]

I think about this. My life has become consumed with this. If it was all over today, all complete that is, what would be left in my life? What would I do? Where do you go once the dream has come true and there is nothing left to work towards?

[MatildaJ.]

Where do you go once the dream has come true and there is nothing left to work towards?

Couldn't you volunteer at a group that helps other people on the trans spectrum, people who don't have money for housing or food or insurance, let alone for makeup, hair removal, hormones, and surgery? Seems like helping other people would provide more meaning than just continuing to try to be more and more gorgeous or find the perfect outfit.

[AllieSF]

Nicole, you ask a very good question. I can't say that I have noticed the exact same thing here, but I have seen many TS's that do have issues continue after they get what they say that they want. They are all justified in their specific cases, so, I am not saying that is wrong in any way. However, I think that the true elusive goal is not so much outer presentation perfection, whether in public or just washing ones self in the shower, but rather in that inner perfection of realizing who and what one is, truly embracing it, learning how to live with it, and then accepting that whatever exterior modifications they may get may not yield perfect or dreamed for results but do help in the long run. Learning to live with what one is given or dealt I think is the key to future long term happiness and success. If one is happy on the inside, no matter what, they will show that on the outside. Be happy, not sad.

[Angela Campbell]

Couldn't you volunteer at a group that helps other people on the trans spectrum, people who don't have money for housing or food or insurance, let alone for makeup, hair removal, hormones, and surgery? Seems like helping other people would provide more meaning than just continuing to try to be more and more gorgeous or find the perfect outfit.

You know, I already have started that. Kind of a big sister program........except that I am not very big.

[MatildaJ.]

Kind of a big sister program........except that I am not very big.

That's fantastic. Good for you.

[Kathryn Martin]

Do some TS really think life is gonna be much different the more TS-related stuff they do? When it isn't, is that what leads to their frustration (for the ones who get more miserable as they get more work)

Kaitelyn and I have been saying for a long time, fixing your birth defect only fixes one thing. And, uhmm, having a vagina makes everything very different. Some of those having had surgery end up just being TG gone to seed, honey and what seemed like a solution in fact becomes a burden. Can you imagine the frustration..... People should really listen, but hey... what can I say

[PortiaHoney]

There will always be some people who are never satisfied. Yes, these people are likely to be those who criticise others. If your own self image is that bad, then some will try to boost their own self esteem by putting others down. I think that is why I left this place behind for so long and why others "go to seed". (If I got your meaning right?)

True beauty comes from within. What does that mean? We never see ourselves as others see us. Our views are distorted by what we think we should be seeing. Some peoples view of themselves is so distorted, they find it difficult to identify themselves in photographs - photographs never lie.

For myself, after I had the physical changed via GRS, I realised that I was still not perfect. If I had the money, I would probably do more. Maybe I am lucky I cannot afford to make a mess of my body. I am happy with what I have.

I can still change my weight if I can muster up the willpower, but good food is more important to me than starving for "beauty". If I cannot do such a simple change, why should I do any more than that just because it would be easier to pass the responsibility onto someone else.

[Jorja]

Good question Nicole. Yes, there are some TSs that do think all their problems will go away as soon as they have surgery. As you might know, I am another one here that is constantly saying all the surgeries in the world will not make you a woman. It is what is in your head, your heart, and your soul that makes you a woman. This is a 98% mental and a 2% the rest of the stuff deal we live with. The surgeries will only align you body with your mind. All the problems that were there pre surgery will still be there post surgery. It is how you deal with those problems that matters.

[dreamer_2.0]

To add to Jorja's post, you should investigate a book called "Psychocybernetics" by Maxwell Waltz. He was a plastic surgeon who noticed that after giving people new faces (or whatever) some were still unhappy. The book is about developing your self-image and is a really good read.