Respectfully curious

[Lizwriter]

Hi folks - I am a straight, married female writer and am writing a character who is male CD, hetero and single about 33yrs. British, and 'happy' on the surface, but complex underneath...and partly as a consequence of his cross dressing/gender identity, is an acutely intuitive thinker 'out of the box' - hence making him a great detective. I've been online trying to research for my character, but it seems to me, after trawling the www, that CD is the poor cousin of other transgender situations. I really want to find out what makes my character tick; what might be at the root of his CD, and what it says about him. Of course I realise there won't be one single answer to this, but I don't want to just make up what a straight woman might perceive as a 'reason' or set of reasons for CD behaviours and - I hesitate to say 'compulsions', and I'd really be honoured if some of you might answer some direct questions. My questions are all totally out of respect and in pursuit of understanding and empathising with my character, who I do not want to be accused of being a stereotype. Would this be okay? Am I on the right forum? I did have a look at the writers' forum, but it seemed more for creatives rather than research. I am British and UK based, btw - though it seems most of your are from the US. But this site does seem the most CD friendly that I've found, as opposed to cross dressing as a step on the way to gender reassignment. Any advice would be very much appreciated, so... may I ask some quesions? Liz

[jenni_xx]

Hi Liz

I replied to your post in the other thread, but it's probably better to reply here as well. I'm based in the UK and would be more than happy to answer your questions. If you would prefer to ask them in a private message, that's fine by me, but I think you need to write a few more posts in the message board before you can PM.

[Lizwriter]

Also, as if I need to point out - I'm new to this and other chat forums so if I'm making any blunders (eg don't know what tag is or if I should use) any tips will be appreciated. Thanks. x

Oh, thanks so much, Jenni! I don't even know what PM is, so hope I'm not upsetting anyone. Essentially I'm wondering about personal experiences. The obvious UK testimonials and positive role models come from Eddie Izzard and Grayson Perry (who is actually represented by my agency, but I wanted to hear from 'normal' folk so to speak. From some of the threads I've looked at there seems to be a question of is it a compulsion or fetish or just a happy exploration of an alternative gender - and for those answering on the compulsion thread, there seemed to be a common link to OCD - but then, there would be, wouldn't there, because that's what the thread was about. Understandably there has mostly been a degree of secrecy and shame involved for CD folk - but that's surely largely cultural, isn't it? Eddie Izzard says he knew he was CD (I'm assuming TV is no longer acceptable) when he was 4 yrs - and his mother died when he was 7yrs - and he has often wondered about a correlation between continuing and this traumatic life event. I've also heard from some other CDs that there was an absence/loss of female role model - but can't help feel this may be a little convenient for those who want to explain away everything that isn't totally conformist. Anyway - that's a bit of a mish mash of questions to fire at you, but hopefully it explains some of what I'm curious about. Are there common links between CDs that you know? And did you know at an early age?

[Debi]

I am also based in The UK and would be more than happy to help answer some questions from MY perspective. It is something close to my heart, as I think that WE as 'T-girls' need to get out and about more in the World so that people can see that we are NOT freaks, weirdo's and so on... But it is VERY scary to go out and about, so easier said than done! I get SICK and tired that in the media, T-girls are more often than not portrayed as weird and freaky, objects of ridicule, or mass murderers! We are where gay people were 50 years ago and it has to change. Happy to do a voice chat if you want to have a more inter-active Q and A. BTW ... I admire Eddie Izzard so much. He took a real gamble 'coming out' and had so much to lose, but he showed that it CAN be done.

D x

[Lizwriter]

Hi Debi - thanks so much for replying. What you say is exactly why I want to explore the reality of CD in society today, but make it just one facet of my character's personality - not to have him be solely defined by it, if you see what I mean. "Oh, right, that's the show about the gay cop" or 'that's the one about the cross dressing detective'. Of course it's a defining feature, it makes him able to see things from a perspective that a conservative, straight - and probably secretly homophobic 'normal' policeman wouldn't. Anyway - I'm a way away from that. I agree, I love Eddie Izzard, and I'd like to model my character more on him than Grayson (no offence to him) - to help smash the cliches and get to the real man in all his complexity.
So, if I may ask about your personal experience - when did you know you had a desire/need to dress up, is it a compulsion? Are you straight? Do you have a partner? Do you think there was any particular reason - for you, specifically? Does it/has it made you happy/sad? An inevitable outsider? Would you prefer not to be the way you are? Please decline to answer any if they're too personal or cheeky! x

[Debi]

Hi Liz .. I am VERY happy to answer ALL you questions, but I would prefer in a more 'private' way ... That's just me ... some girls will be more than happy to answer in an open forum, but I'd rather keep it more private - hope you understand x

[jenni_xx]

PM just means private message. If you click on a person's name, a pop up will appear with an option to view their profile. From that page you can send them a private message.

The CD community is as diverse as any other community. From CD's who straight, to those who are gay or bisexual. There are those that go out dressed, either to carry out every day activities, or those who just go out to "specialist" clubs catering for the CD crowd. Then there are those that just dress at home in private. There are many who live this life in secret, not even telling their partners (we refer to our partners here as significant others, or SO's for short). There are those who have told their SO's, and their SO's have either accepted it or want nothing to do with it at all. Many who have told their SO's end up still dressing only in private because their SO's can't accept it.

As for the reasons why we crossdress, these vary from person to person. Some may dress for sexual stimulation, others just because it helps them relax. We all have an opinion on why we first began to crossdress - that is, what are the reasons behind the "compulsion", but again you will come across a variety of explanations, thus indicating that either there isn't one single reason that can be ascribed to every CD, or that we, ourselves, can't be 100% certain why we do it.

I was a little older than Eddie Izzard before I KNEW I was a CD - I can't put an exact date on it, but it was around 10 years old. But my first experience happened when I was around 5 - my sister and cousins dressed me up, and instead of fighting them, trying to stop them, it gave me a huge buzz inside. The only thing I did fight was to try and ensure that my feelings (how much I enjoyed it) didn't become noticable by my sister and cousins, because I felt that what they were doing to me was "wrong", not "normal". I mean, even at such a young age, I "knew" that boys just did not dress up as girls - that was out of the ordinary, and I didn't want to NOT be normal.

I would personally regard it as a compulsion. Not sure that I would label it a fetish for me personally. I have often felt guilty about it, and yes, have often felt ashamed. You're right - those feelings do stem from a cultural perspective, rather than a personal one. I did hide it for many many years, but did tell three girlfriends. The reaction of each one was completely different. One didn't accept it at all - hated it, and used it against me, saying that I needed professional help. Another did accept it, but didn't want to play any part in it. The other girlfriend completely accepted it and encouraged it. I've since come out as gay and I am now in a civil relationship with my partner. He knows, and accepts it - I told him about it the first time we met. What is quite amusing to me is that more people accepted me when I came out as gay than they did when I came out as a crossdresser.

In my situation, there was no absence/loss of a female role model - I've always been close to my mother. Nor was I unfortunate enough to experience any traumatic life event. I had a stable upbringing, both my parents stayed together while I was growing up.

I do often wonder though whether my CDing was "formed" as a result of that experience I had with my sister and cousins. Or whether that experience just opened me up to who I actually was.

You know, I don't actually know whether the term TV is no longer acceptable or not. I do know though that I personally do not like the term transvestite. I can't quite put my finger on why though.

[Lizwriter]

I totally understand. Let me know if and how I could contact you more privately - and at your convenience of course. I don't do facebook. Is that what you meant by voice chat? x

[Debi]

Hi Liz - Yahoo Messenger and we could do a chat just like you do with Skype ... very easy to install if you don't have it yet.

[MysticLady]

Hello Young Lady and welcome too the forums. May I ask, why have you chosen your character to be a cross dresser. Do you believe the public will find it intriguing? How far along are you on your story? Does your Husband CD? Sorry for all the questions. I guess, I'm as interested in you as you are in me.

[Lizwriter]

Hi Jenni - that's an incredibly insightful and helpful account of your own experience. It's funny what you say about people being more accepting of you coming out as gay than CD - society has had so much more exposure to and education about homosexuality than gender ambiguity, and as we know - we fear what we don't understand, right? I know that many people assume that cross dressing means you must be gay, anyway - or that it must be an expression of repressed homosexuality. That's what I'd like to challenge in my writing (I wrote an episode of Waterloo Road with a kid in it with gender identity issues, which pushed the boundaries as much as you can within a show like that). I guess in my experience, half my friends are gay/lesbian/bi - some single, some old, some in couples, some with kids - one close girl friend back with a man after decades of being with women - but I don't know any cross dressers, other than from the sort of punky/theatrical spectrum, (which may well be a more 'acceptable' side of CD expression) so it's heartening to hear from you that - as with all those different sexual orientations, that there is no hard and fast rule - or common experience, other than mostly you have all known that there was more than one way from a very young age. xx

[Tamara Croft]

Having been on the link you gave me, is this going to be a tv program or book? And what lead you to our website?

My partner is a CD, from a very young age, I have my own theories as to why, but I will email you them as they are rather personal :)

[Amanda M]

Hi Lizwriter - this sounds fascinating. I´m from UK myself, and a hetero crossdresser. I´m also a psychotherapist with an interest in gender issues. That said, before we can speculate about your character, it would be good to know his family background, is he married, have children, progressing through the ranks, views on homosexuality, how and when does he dress (outrageous or conventional) how old is he, does he have a femme name and so on. Would be great to chat about him! PM me if you like.

Best, Amanda.

[Kate Simmons]

Sounds interesting. A few years back I had considered starting my own detective agency. My field operative would be my female persona, who prefers to mostly work at night. She is able to solve cases better using her insight on feelings and intuition, not to mention the fact that she is empathic and senses feelings.:)

[jenni_xx]

Hi Liz

Many members here will tell you that, upon coming out as CD, they have been asked if they are gay. It is an assumption which many people make. I would suspect that the number of CD's who are gay is similar to the percentage of Men overall who are gay. Around the 5-10% mark (if I remember that stat correctly!!). Society as whole does seem to accept gay people more than transgendered people (CDs, TS, etc etc). Probably because, as you (in my opinion) rightfully say, having had more exposure to and education about homosexuality. I applaud the gay people who stood up and were vocal at a time when homosexuality wasn't as "acceptable", and no doubt such people played a significant part in enabling gay people to be accepted more within society. I also applaud Eddie Izzard - it's good that we have a figure like that who is so open and so respected.

Another thing for you to consider is that for many, myself included, a compulsion/desire to dress up comes and goes. Personally, I can and do go long periods when I have no desire to dress. Such periods can last for weeks, months, or (occassionally) years. When the desire to dress comes back, it is often intense, and can result in dressing for a sustained period of time. Some people in the CD community refer to this as a "pink fog". Some CD's, when the desire to dress go away, may actually get rid of all their feminine clothing/accessories (known as purging), an expensive action, as once the desire to dress returns, a whole new wardrobe has to be purchased! It has often been the case that CD's have purged, or lost the desire to dress, when they commence a new relationship.

My own style of dressing is based around fashion. Other CD's may venture into the more fetish side of dressing - baby dolls, frilly nighties, wedding dresses, or items that would be regarded as "sissy". That kind of dressing doesn't appeal to me at all. I will often mix and match when I dress, wearing both female and male clothing. I don't like make-up, so rarely if ever wear it, but I do get my nails done regularly (I actually work as a nail technician). I don't try to hide that I am a man wearing women's clothes, shoes, or accessories, so the idea of "passing" isn't a concern of mine. For others, being able to pass as a female is a goal. And some do achieve that. Some look fantastic.

Anyway, I'm more than happy to liaise with you as you continue your research. If you want, send me a PM, and I'll provide you with my email address so we can discuss any questions you have further. I do think it would be a good idea to research this with at least a handful of CD's, so that you can get a more varied understanding. That way, it may help you form a more rounded character for your writing.

xx

[Jenniferathome]

Of course you can ask questions. Be prepared for utter confusion. The spectrum of cross dressers here is very, very wide. It's like googling "tall things." The answers will be too broad to reach any conclusion.

Allow me to offer one baseline comment: gender identity and cross dressing are not tied. Some may have gender identity issues and be cross dressers, but some, like myself, have no gender identity problems. I'm a guy. I identify as a guy. I also cross dress on occasion. Also, while "compulsion" is close to what most cross dressers go through, it is more than that. It is "in" us. We are born with cross dressing like a gene.

Feel free to PM me if you like

[DebbieL]

Hi folks - I am a straight, married female writer and am writing a character who is male CD, hetero and single about 33yrs. British, and 'happy' on the surface, but complex underneath...and partly as a consequence of his cross dressing/gender identity, is an acutely intuitive thinker 'out of the box' - hence making him a great detective.

I've written a similar book, with a slightly different theme. Many transgenders, especially CDs, live in "Stealth Mode", keeping their secret from parents, friends, wives, and children. The learn at an incredibly early age to become very effective at deception, misdirection, and as a result, are more able to see it in others.

Transsexuals who live in stealth often also have an even broader, deeper, and more complex abilities, often bordering on supernatural, perhaps because they are much more in tune with femininity and more inclined to question assumptions. This serves us well in technology, scientific investigation, intelligence, and security environments, making your story quite plausible.


I've been online trying to research for my character, but it seems to me, after trawling the www, that CD is the poor cousin of other transgender situations. I really want to find out what makes my character tick; what might be at the root of his CD, and what it says about him. Of course I realise there won't be one single answer to this, but I don't want to just make up what a straight woman might perceive as a 'reason' or set of reasons for CD behaviours and - I hesitate to say 'compulsions', and I'd really be honoured if some of you might answer some direct questions. My questions are all totally out of respect and in pursuit of understanding and empathising with my character, who I do not want to be accused of being a stereotype. Would this be okay? Am I on the right forum? I did have a look at the writers' forum, but it seemed more for creatives rather than research. I am British and UK based, btw - though it seems most of your are from the US. But this site does seem the most CD friendly that I've found, as opposed to cross dressing as a step on the way to gender reassignment. Any advice would be very much appreciated, so... may I ask some quesions? Liz

Feel free to look at my book for inspiration. You are also welcome to message me directly. I can arrange other channels for communication if you'd like to collaborate.

[Barbra P]

Hi Liz

I don’t live in the UK nor am I from the UK (although my ancestry is mostly English and Irish) but I suspect our country of origin has little or nothing to do with our desire to cross dress. In the two years I have been on this site I have noticed quite a few members who list their location as being in the UK, so you shouldn’t lack for English subjects.

Most CD’ers fall into one of two classifications, they are either in the “closet” meaning their dressing is secretive, frequently nobody else knows about and that includes their wife and family. A sub-group to being in the closet might be those who have told their wives or significant others (SO’s) but no one else. The second group would be those who are “out”, they go out in public dressed en femme ( often written as enfemme), they like to go shopping, to restaurants or clubs, movies, meet with friends or other CD’ers. Only a few CD’ers “pass”, meaning they pass the test of presenting as a woman, most can only hope to blend in. Blending in is defined as wearing the same attire as the other women that will be around you so one does not draw attention to oneself. Most people have other things on their minds the birth gender of the people around them, unless something attracts their attention. You don’t wear heavy makeup, a cocktail dress, and stilettos to the mall because to do so will draw unwanted attention and the longer someone looks at you the more likely they are going to come to the conclusion that you are in fact a male. On the other hand when going to the mall even a man with few feminine features can blend in wearing flats, jeans, T-shirt, minimal makeup, and a conservative wig (that would be here in Southern California).

Cross dressers come from all walks of life, construction workers, military personnel, bankers, lawyers, doctors, politicians (definitely in the closet though); it was been reported that even J. Edgar Hoover was a cross dresser (as reported by British writer Anthony Summers in a 1993 biography), although that is hotly contested.

I believe you find that the majority of the members here started at a young age, many before puberty. However there are members here who didn’t start cross dressing until later in life, while in their forties, fifties, even their sixties. Speaking of puberty, cross dressing generally has a sexual aspect to it during that time in a boy’s life – that may continue into later life but often subsides or even goes away completely. I can’t help but think that if you put a bra and panties on any boy who has just entered puberty and stand him in front of a mirror you are very likely to see a reaction of a sexual nature. Many here report that dressing just feels “right”, that when they dress they are more relaxed, less macho, less of an A-type personality – more easy going, gentler, more caring, more feminine.

I have gone out and invariably found it to be a frightening experience, but also enjoyable and satisfying at the same time. I know a few cross dressers who spend more time out en femme than they do in drab (in male attire – dressed as boy). They go shopping, go to dinner, go have makeovers, go to bars or clubs, and even travel by plane, dressed en femme. I can’t say that I have met a cross dresser that passes all the time, or even part of the time, but they gain a certain confidence that allows them to present as a woman and to blend in while out in public and for the most part be accepted as a woman. One way to always make a cross dresser smile is to address them as “Ma’am”; a poker player would probably call that a “tell”.

Like some of the others here I’m available to answer direct questions, or just chat, via Private Messages (once you log ten posts and gain full membership privileges) or by Email (also through my Profile).

Babs

[Lizwriter]

Hi Mysticlady - sorry for delay in response. I did reply to you earlier, but I think it got lost - I hadn't gone through the right protocol and quite rightly Tamara wanted to know more about my credentials. Thanks for welcome and of course you can ask me questions too. I have always been interested in people - particularly 'outsiders' - whoever they may be throughout history - and as a writer it's my job to create interesting characters. Simple answer is yes I think the public will find it intriguing. It is human nature to be curious about that which is different and it is human nature to identify with that which is familiar - I believe showing that there are both those elements in most everything helps dispel fear, create dialogue and inform. But, not to be disingenuous, I'm a dramatist, not a documentary maker, so I want to create an entertaining, complex character that is a positive representation. Think of almost all the screen representations of cross dressing men, from Rod Steiger's serial killer in No Way To Treat A Lady, to the serial killer in Silence Of The Lambs, to the mother luvin' psycho in Psycho - and many freaks and weirdos in between. Isn't it time we had a good guy/gal? x

Hi Amanda - my character is pretty embryonic right now - which is why I'm doing some ground work - but I'd like him to be hetero, more Eddie Izzard than Grayson Perry (no offence Grayson), ballsy and defensive with a protective veneer that presents as aloof wit, but is actually born from years of feeling different. He's single - an only child brought up by his aunt and uncle and cousins when his parents were killed. Some will assume that this trauma informed his gender ambiguity, but he would say that's cod psychology, convenient for then, not for him. Besides, and he's not ambiguous - he's a cross dresser! But of course he is more vulnerable than the charming, untouchable, sexually confident front he puts on. And he has much to learn about himself as a person, as do we all. His views on homosexuality are totally accepting, for obvious reasons - unless of course they're a criminal! As for femme name - I was going to ask if that's always the case...
Can I just say - having been away from my desk for a while, I'm overwhelmed at how giving you're all being. I need time to digest your responses, and would love to PM those who have offered over the next few days/weeks if poss. Thank you all! xx

Thanks Jenni - actually your style is very much what I have in mind for Bobbi - my guy. And I totally agree on liaising with a good handful so I get a rounded varied understanding. I will take you up on the PM thing, thanks again. xx

Hi Tamara - I write for television, and am developing an idea for a possible series - but it's an 'original' piece so far - ie: not commissioned by a broadcaster (although an indie I work with is interested in developing with me) - so at the moment it's not anything other than me doing the groundwork so I get a properly developed character with reality and depth. That's really kind of you to email me personally. It's clear that although I do/will have direct questions - there aren't always clear answers, so personal experiences are invaluable.

[Chickhe]

I think the compulsion part is a side effect of societal pressure a male experiences to be male. It is a type of mental rebellion. The more you fight it, the more you need to do it (its like an itch that you try not to scratch...like you need to go there to find an answer to how you would feel as a woman, but your mind never allows you that freedom). Once you allow yourself to accept that part of your character can have feminine traits and its okay, then the compulsion goes away. So, I think the compulsive part is important which if you explain correctly could really add value to your story. The 'why' does not have an answer.

[susan54]

Hi Liz

I am a hetero CD living in Scotland, a bit older than your character. I dress fully to go out but at home (where I spend almost all my time in skirts, dresses or nightdress), I do not bother with wig or make-up as I don't really like them. For me the fun is in lovely clothes and looking as good as I can in them (for some odd reason they suit my build better than men's clothes). The women I interact with know I am male and I am totally happy with this - as they seem to be. You would not believe how many clothes I have, and if I have a problem at all, it is this compulsive buying. But hey, I can afford it, and I wear them a LOT.

Though I use a woman's name and try (fairly successfully) to move elegantly, I do not think of myself as woman when out dressed, nor am I transgender. I regard myself as a gender tourist.

I like Waterloo Road and enjoyed the episode you wrote. Good luck with your project - very happy to answer more questions by pm.

Susan

[Lorileah]

I want to create an entertaining, complex character that is a positive representation. Think of almost all the screen representations of cross dressing men, from Rod Steiger's serial killer in No Way To Treat A Lady, to the serial killer in Silence Of The Lambs, to the mother luvin' psycho in Psycho - and many freaks and weirdos in between. Isn't it time we had a good guy/gal? Good luck :) Breaking stereotypes is going to be hard.


my character is pretty embryonic right now -...more Eddie Izzard Not the best example of your average CD. Eddie is an entertainer and from what I can gleen, not really that much into the CD world other than as a hook for his character (like saying Larry the Cable guy represents all the country people.)
ballsy and defensive with a protective veneer that presents as aloof wit, but is actually born from years of feeling different. So a "Thin Man" "Sam Spade" "Mike Hammer" kinda guy. A guy who you could count on when the chips was down. You know tall dark and rugged...in a Coco Channel suit red pumps and fedora. With Gams that would stop a steam roller as he walked down the street hips swaying like a pendulum in a grandfather clock. Sorry I just wrote the first paragraph for you...
he's not ambiguous - he's a cross dresser! just a question then....does he dress all the time or only when he's stressed? Is it something he uses to fool people to get information...like Mata Hari? Is he that passable that when he is investigating no one knows he is a guy? That, he can seduce a perp and get information after(when) they are in bed?
But of course he is more vulnerable than the charming, untouchable, sexually confident front he puts on. And he has much to learn about himself as a person, as do we all. The character development will be deep...half the first book maybe :)
His views on homosexuality are totally accepting, for obvious reasons - unless of course they're a criminal! :idontknow: this seems to be really unneeded. Do you really need to bring in homosexuality? (oh yeah I did above when he was seducing a suspect...never mind)
As for femme name - I was going to ask if that's always the case... unless his name could be male or female..I would say yes his femme persona, especially since you want him to have feminine intuition, compassion, cattiness (oh wait...that's me). Maybe more like a secret superhero?

I like that you are working towards a CD who isn't some sort of social misfit. How this person could be an everyday JO(sephin)E. But the question I have is where on the TG spectrum is he? Does he dress once a week? Only to solve the crime? Is he closeted and never even comes out as his femme self....and when he does how do the other professionals on the case take him(her)? Is he full time at work? Or independently wealthy and takes cases only when it suits him (her)? I would be careful this does not become a stereotype thing where the male side can't figure it out but the femme sees the answer as obvious because...she is femme. All in all I am very interested to see where this goes. Maybe you have the key to acceptance in the world for CDs especially after the second movie- ah if I were younger and could still run in 4 inch heels.... ;)

[Deedee Skyblue]

Hey. Liz,

I have a friend who is a married female writer, and after I told her I dressed, I told her I expected to be in her next book. I was hoping you were she... but we both live in the US of A, so you're not. Good luck - I'm certain you aren't going to find any all-inclusive answers here, but there are a lot of people here who aren't shy. But don't let anyone send you on a chase for 'The Crossdressing Rule Book' - we haven't written it yet.

Deedee ;)

[UNDERDRESSER]

Hi Liz, I'm willing to answer questions, for the most part, in this thread. Though I can do PM if necessary. I don't live in the UK, but was born there and was over 30 when I left. I would like it if in the storyline you could explore how many guys bury this because of confusion in themselves as to what it means. Many of us, particularly men over, say.. 45? Had a really hard time admitting this, and understanding that it's not wrong, and fairly common. Even if it IS, a compulsion, fetish, kink, call it what you will, it's harmless, and is often ( in my mind at least ) a way of showing a softer side that men just aren't supposed to display. How many times have you seen a boy chastised for crying, being a sissy, showing fear, showing emotion. In my mind it's harmful, and the sooner we stop doing that to our sons, the better.

It could be a way of explaining why the character has been able to change, and become a different person to the one he was. Being able to have full self knowledge is a very powerful tool, I know it has been for me.

[xdressed]

I've also heard from some other CDs that there was an absence/loss of female role model - but can't help feel this may be a little convenient for those who want to explain away everything that isn't totally conformist. Anyway - that's a bit of a mish mash of questions to fire at you, but hopefully it explains some of what I'm curious about. Are there common links between CDs that you know? And did you know at an early age?

For me there has never been a loss of a female role nor a male one, been quite lucky to have had both throughout my life. Considering how varied we all are there are a surprising amount of things we generally have in common, some of which apply to other transgender people too. Most of us have known from a very early age although very occasionally some start much later. I was 13 which is much later than most but not entirely uncommon when I had my first crossdressing experiences. I've noticed that a lot of us, probably most, are into some form of Rock music, ranging from basic rock like Led Zeppelin up to extreme metal like Hellhammer or Gojira. I think this is for the same reason that a lot of kids who were bullied for being smart and/or nerdy in school tend to grow up listening to rock as well. The nature of the genre means it generally attracts 'outsiders' and gives them a release from the things that anger them in their lives. Not saying your detective should be in a Judas Priest cover band or something (although that's something I would personally enjoy) but it seems to be a common thing among us. An interest in sci-fi seems to be prevalent as well. There was a thread I saw the other day devoted to hobbies we all like shouldn't be hard to find.



So, if I may ask about your personal experience - when did you know you had a desire/need to dress up, is it a compulsion? Are you straight? Do you have a partner? Do you think there was any particular reason - for you, specifically? Does it/has it made you happy/sad? An inevitable outsider? Would you prefer not to be the way you are? Please decline to answer any if they're too personal or cheeky! x

As previously said I started when I was 13 although most start earlier. It's sort of like a compulsion or an addiction but I don't think these are the right words to describe it even though that's how we commonly refer to it. Compulsions and addictions are both things that you can eventually break away from if your will is strong enough, and crossdressing is not something that you can ever stop forever no matter how hard you try. There are people on this forum who have recovered from intense addictions to drugs and alcohol but still crossdress. To call it a compulsion kind of imply's that it's both a negative thing and a choice, and it's neither. I'm straight, as far as I'm aware most of are straight although we are slightly more likely than the general public to be bi or gay. I also have a partner, in fact I've come across very few people on this site who are single. The reason I crossdress is that I am bi-gender. I am male and female inside and I switch involuntarily between them although I do have some degree of control over it (it's very easy to shift over to girl mode if the situation calls for it although much harder the other way round). Because of this I'm not strictly speaking a crossdresser because I dress in the clothing of the gender I am at that time but I'm close enough so I'm sure I can still be of help (although I can go more indepth about being Bi-gender if you wish, there's a lot I could say on the subject). It's made me incredibly happy at some times and seriously depressed at others, and I think that's pretty common. I was seriously guilt ridden about it up until just over a year ago, where the guilt essentially peeked and caused chaos in so many area's of my life that I finally realized that it didn't make sense to be this cut up about it and finally learned to accept myself. Since then I've mostly been very happy about it, as is it a good reliever of stress, I generally feel good when I dress up and look at myself as well as when I am accepted and treated as a woman and it has even brought closer to some of my friends and allowed me to meet new ones I would never have met before. On the other hand it has still created tension between me and my partner on occasion, very nearly resulting in a break up a couple of times which isn't good. I also had one person laugh in my face once when I was out, which especially hurt as it is still the only outright negative reaction I've had while out en femme and I had been referred to as a woman by other strangers that night too so I thought I was doing ok. I can get over all sorts of negative feedback about my band, my art and my general personality but that one brief moment took me longer to deal with than some really harsh and unfair feedback I've had before. The worst and most recurring thing is the dysphoria that comes with being stuck in male mode when I really want to be a girl. It's all consuming and absolutely crushing sometimes, especially as it can last days or weeks due to uni or my family. Sometimes I literally can't concentrate on absolutely anything until I get into girl mode. Generally speaking the good massively outweighs the bad though. Quite often I wish I wasn't this way, I'd probably have more money and more time (although actually I have too much time) I wouldn't have had such self loathing for all those years and I'd be more like the man most people think I am, but having come to accept and understand myself now I doubt I would stop if I could, not after the friends and joy it has bought me. It does still make me something of an outsider, but I kind of strive to be that sometimes as well. There are so many things I dislike about modern culture I am quite happy to be outside of them, but I do wish it was easier for my friends to perceive me as the girl I am sometimes. Acceptance isn't always the path to understanding.


I wrote an episode of Waterloo Road with a kid in it with gender identity issues, which pushed the boundaries as much as you can within a show like that

Just by chance I saw that episode. My parents were watching it and I just happened to be in the same room as them on my laptop. By the end of the episode I had been watching intently ^_^


Think of almost all the screen representations of cross dressing men, from Rod Steiger's serial killer in No Way To Treat A Lady, to the serial killer in Silence Of The Lambs, to the mother luvin' psycho in Psycho - and many freaks and weirdos in between. Isn't it time we had a good guy/gal? x

The Buffalo Bill character really ruins Silence of The Lambs for me, which is otherwise a fantastic movie. Sure the writers claim that he only 'thinks' he is transgender because he hates himself and the women he kills represent everything he is not and thus he wants to become them, but that is lost on the audience and I'm not sure whether that really makes sense either. Psycho I can excuse because Norman Bates is clearly delusional and not at all transgender, plus it is a classic. They are both based on the same real life serial killer and unfortunately the 'crossdressing' element seems to have appeared to be as disturbing as the concept of wearing another persons skin to some horror writers. These are all quite old movies now though (I really hope Buffalo Bill does not turn up in the new Hannibal TV series) as I think people are starting to wake up to the idea that casting a trans or crossdressing character as the villain or killer is both unrealistic and offensive.




I write for television, and am developing an idea for a possible series - but it's an 'original' piece so far - ie: not commissioned by a broadcaster (although an indie I work with is interested in developing with me) - so at the moment it's not anything other than me doing the groundwork so I get a properly developed character with reality and depth.

I really wish you luck with it and please keep us posted. It's the kinda thing I imagine I would have eventually gone on to do if I had chosen to focus on English Literature instead of Art.

I'm a bit younger than your character but I'd still be happy to answer any other questions you might have via PM or whatever. I could also talk about common feelings and experiences we have that you might not think about or things to definitely avoid etc if you want

[JamieG]

Hi Liz. I like your idea for the character. I think the first thing you should realize is that most CDer's don't know why they do it. However, this doesn't necessarily mean it's a compulsion. Why does anyone like what they like and not like other things? As I am a somewhat logical person, not understanding is frustrating, but I find that I am happier if I just accept it for what it is. I enjoy the ability to completely change my appearance, I like the feel of women's clothes, I like being able to let my guard down and not have to project the image that is expected of a typical male. If I don't have an opportunity to do dress, I get stressed. BTW, I am hetero and happily married with two lovely children. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have.

[Phoebe Reece]

Liz, there is one movie out there that mostly gets it right and paints a positive picture of a heterosexual crossdresser. That movie is the 1992 "Just Like A Woman" with Adrian and Julie Waters. It is set in the UK and has a fairly realistic depiction of crossdressing. The ending of the movie is not particularly realistic, but is positive and very entertaining. You might want to try and find out where the writers of that did their research.

The question of why we crossdress will probably be debated forever. You are not going to find one definative answer to it. Many of us believe that we are born with a need to crossdress. Some have a much higher need than others. While some are happy with crossdressing once every few months, some need to do it every day. For a lot of us, crossdressing is more of an intense hobby than a lifestyle. You might do well in your writing to simply treat your character's crossdressing as simply something he does and not try to find a motive for it. After all, would you try to find a motive for an avid golfer that is out on the links every chance he gets?

[AmyGaleRT]

Liz, it's great that you're trying to do an honest portrayal of a crossdresser in your book! I'm personally of the opinion that there are approximately as many reasons people crossdress as there are crossdressers. :) My interpretation of myself is that my soul is part-female, and, when I put on "her" clothing, I let that part of myself come to the fore. But my Amy-self is always present, just "in the background" when I'm being male.

- Amy

[PaulaQ]

From some of the threads I've looked at there seems to be a question of is it a compulsion or fetish or just a happy exploration of an alternative gender - and for those answering on the compulsion thread, there seemed to be a common link to OCD - but then, there would be, wouldn't there, because that's what the thread was about.

My opinion is that in general, the difference between a CD and other TG/TS girls is mostly one of the degree to which they suffer from gender dysphoria. Think of the difference between:
- A Type I Diabetic who must start insulin as a child, or perish (This would correspond to a TS person who insists from an early age they are the wrong gender)
- A Type II Diabetic who discovers they must be medicated or suffer SEVERE complications from diabetes (This would correspond to a later transitioning TS girl)
- A Diabetic who can control their disease with diet and exercise (A person who is able to express their gender identity adequately by cross dressing.)

The common element is gender dysphoria - a horrible feeling where your body feels wrong, the world feels wrong, you feel alienated, different - it is unimaginably nasty, and the symptoms of it vary from person to person. Many of the girls I've spoken with here though describe two common elements:
1. They CAN'T stop CD'ing permanently. They simply CAN'T.
2. When they don't CD for a period of time, they report varying degrees of discomfort, ranging from grumpiness and irritability after a few days / weeks - to pretty serious depression. (The more serious the discomfort, the more likely that person is in fact transsexual.)
The fact that cross dressing is very frequently a symptom of girls who are actually transsexual is one of the reasons I believe these are either the same, or very closely related issues. I'm NOT saying that every CD needs to transition - in fact, that would be WRONG for most of the users on this forum.

The best theory I've seen for this is that there is a gender architecture to our mind - a physical structure to it. Sometimes, for some reason, mostly likely in utero, or shortly after birth, for some the architecture of their mind doesn't quite snap to the same gender as their body - ranging from a guy who just cross dresses from time to time, to someone who's gender queer (expresses an indeterminate gender identity), to a transsexual. It is a spectrum.

It is a compulsion, then, because it is a part of your identity, a suppressed part, and it literally will claw it's way out. (For someone who's TS like me, this process can be quite unpleasant, and for some it's fatal, because of suicide.)

Another idea for why this happens, and the source of it, is that during sexual development, some men fall in love (or develop a fetish, if you will) of themselves as an idealized woman. Their sexual desire turns inward in some sense, and they have a sexual fetish to appear as female. (The term for this is Autogynephilia.) The actual theory behind this is mostly dealing with MtF late transitioning TS girls - particularly ones who are attracted sexually to females. BTW - I hate this particular theory by Dr. Blanchard. I think it is complete bullshit. However, it is taken seriously.

There aren't too many theories about CD's, mostly because modern medicine BARELY gives a shit about TS people. (I'd bet a big % of the medical community would love it if we'd just go away - I have heard some VERY unprofessional comments from medical people.) But they have a product to sell us, and there's too many of us, and we just won't go away. So they tolerate us and pretend to try to understand us, with projects that would make real good high school science fair exhibits. Contrast this with the medical / scientific community's view of CD's - they don't care AT ALL about CD's. Some poor guy is distraught because he loses his wife because he's a CD? Meh - she should get over it, lots of guys do it, it's no big deal. (I've heard this from a doctor who was otherwise pretty clueful about gender.)

So perhaps your character can wrestle with the question of just what is going on inside of him? Is he just a CD? Is he TS? Does he accept himself? Can he accept himself?

Oh, I don't think there is a direct link between OCD and cross dressing. The treatments and techniques that help with OCD do not help alleviate the desire to cross dress, nor the negative feelings one gets when they cannot CD.


Understandably there has mostly been a degree of secrecy and shame involved for CD folk - but that's surely largely cultural, isn't it?

You say "largely cultural" like it's no big deal - it is viewed negatively be a big chunk of the population. Sure, some don't care - but many do - and some of the ones who do are people who are in a position to make your life very difficult:
- your spouse
- your boss
- your social peers / coworkers

[TheMissus]

Hi Liz, another wife here :) You can PM me too if you like, if you want an outside yet inside perspective, if that makes sense. Probably not, lol.

Anyway, like Tamara, I have my own theories on why my H started CD (backed up by counselling with my H) and the female role model wasn't the issue, but it does involve family dynamics.

Also, just letting you know your protagonist doesn't have to suffer gender dysphoria as plenty here never feel unhappy as men. CD is just something unusual they feel compelled to do for an infinite number of reasons that no one can agree on, lol. So he CAN be a masculine character with a twist. But you're the writer and only you will know if having him become a woman is a good idea.

Interesting topic choice though. Personally I've never seen my H's 'hobby' as something I'd like to read about but that's because I live it and it's harder than people think. I hope your book helps dispel some of the stigma that makes it so hard for CD and spouses alike. :)


You might do well in your writing to simply treat your character's crossdressing as simply something he does and not try to find a motive for it. After all, would you try to find a motive for an avid golfer that is out on the links every chance he gets?

After years of writing study myself, unfortunately, unless you're Stephen King they're gonna wanna know WHY your protagonist does what he does. 'Just coz' doesn't usually cut it. So it's up to Liz to decide which of the gazillion reasons for CD best suits her reader. For me, as a female, I'd take the least complicated that messed the least with the protagonist's sex appeal. But that's because I'm coming off the back of 'Fifty Shades of Grey', haha. :)

[Sabrina133]

Hi Liz, we'll am not from your side of the pond but an American cousin. Ive been CDing since i was 10 or 12 and knew i liked girl clothes way before then. I'd be happy to answer your questions as well.

[Lizwriter]

Hi all - I just wrote a really long post replying to each of your individual contributions to this thread, but somehow it didn't post and I wasn't logged on any more. Maybe there's a time limit on it. Is there a way I can retrieve it? I am a techno-fail. Long and short of it was THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your generosity and taking the time to help me out. I will definitely take some of you up on PMing when I'm allowed, if that's okay. So annoyed my longer post disappeared! xxxx

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Hi folks - I am a straight, married female writer and am writing a character who is male CD, hetero and single about 33yrs. British, and 'happy' on the surface, but complex underneath...and partly as a consequence of his cross dressing/gender identity, is an acutely intuitive thinker 'out of the box' - hence making him a great detective. I've been online trying to research for my character, but it seems to me, after trawling the www, that CD is the poor cousin of other transgender situations. I really want to find out what makes my character tick; what might be at the root of his CD, and what it says about him. Of course I realise there won't be one single answer to this, but I don't want to just make up what a straight woman might perceive as a 'reason' or set of reasons for CD behaviours and - I hesitate to say 'compulsions', and I'd really be honoured if some of you might answer some direct questions. My questions are all totally out of respect and in pursuit of understanding and empathising with my character, who I do not want to be accused of being a stereotype. Would this be okay? Am I on the right forum? I did have a look at the writers' forum, but it seemed more for creatives rather than research. I am British and UK based, btw - though it seems most of your are from the US. But this site does seem the most CD friendly that I've found, as opposed to cross dressing as a step on the way to gender reassignment. Any advice would be very much appreciated, so... may I ask some quesions? Liz

Liz;
I would love to answer any and all questions that you have or can think of. No question is out-of-bounds. Just take in to account that I'm 59 years old, was ex-special forces, a high voltage electrician, a teacher, and am now a watercolor artist. I have a B.S. degree in Art Restoration, 3 Master degrees in Education, Celestial Mechanics & Medical Archeology pertaining to the Meso-America period, and a Ph.D. in Physics. My email address is: wymer96@gmail.com
As always;
Phylis

P.S. Attached is my watercolor of Yosemite to show you some of my talents and capabilities.

[jenni_xx]

Hi Liz

I have found that when creating a long post, if you do get logged out, then using the "left facing arrow" in your tool bar will take you back to your post. Then copy and paste your post (highlight all the text, then press "ctrl" and "C", log back in, go back to the thread, click on reply, and press "ctrl" and "V"). Either that, or before posting your reply, use the copy and paste function that way.

You may also be able to retrieve your post by using the left facing arrow in your tool-bar, several times until you get back to the post that you lost.

[Lizwriter]

Wow - Phylis - that must have been some challenge for you in your I imagine pretty Alpha male career! Thanks for offering to share. Are you hetero? Did/do you have an SO? Do they know? When did you 'come out', if at all? Do you think your CDing makes you more insightful and perceptive about other people? Don't worry if that's too many questions, but you did offer - and this sure beats Linkedin! x

Hi Jenni - I tried that in the first instance, but it was nowhere to be seen. Real bummer because it took me over an hour, and was to everyone that had helped me out, who all gave something different. Anyway, thanks for advice. I'm clocking up my posts, so will hopefully be able to respond personally soon to those who offered. x

[paulinescotlandcd]

Hi, you are welcome to contact me, just a very average hetro, married for 34 years this September, CD'er who investigates certain matters for a living :) I am based at home here in sunny Scotland. I can't send you a message but you can always drop me an email paulinescotlandcd@yahoo.co.uk

[Lizwriter]

Hi Pauline - thanks for that.
Moderator Sandra - apologies for mulitiposting - didn't realise I was doing it, was just replying. I am new to this and have read the FAQ pages, but can't work out what it means re: replying to multiple posts - have tried the 'reply with quote', but it's all funny symbols, so I write a multiple post this morning, merged to reply to all those who had been kind enough to help me out - but I lost it since it seemingly took to long. I don't want to take up valuable forum space on technicalities, so tried to find a way I could contact you direct. Can you help please?

[MysticLady]

Don't worry Liz, I get chewed out all the time for stuff. I'm surprised they haven't pushed the "red button" on me yet.:heehee:. It's just complicated for my simple mind, sometimes. You'll learn, don't worry.:hugs:

[Di]

When you log in click the remember me as it will not time you out.:D

At the bottom of the post there is a multi quote icon at the bottom of each persons post click on it.

And shortly after having 10 posts you can pm

[Lizwriter]

Thanks Di - when I click the reply with quote, I don't get how to use it, it's just your post with some strange symbols (and me, a writer...!).
And thanks Mysticlady (or Victoria? - I prefer Mystic!). I guess you're just not allowed to reply to each post individually one at a time (as you do with emails) without someone posting in between, is that right? I don't do Facebook or any social networking, (not least due to malevolant ex husband) so am pretty bad at the stuff that most people are used to. xx

[jenni_xx]

Hi Liz

It's really just a case of getting used to the site. The moderators (Tamara, Lori, Di, etc) work really hard at keeping the site as concise and regulated as possible, and their work is really appreciated. At times it can come across as though they are "disciplining" us, but the reasons for moderating the site are sound. The way I see it, for example in regards to creating several consecutive messages. the thinking behind stopping us doing this is to stop people from both clogging up the site, as well as making threads appear more popular than they actually are (whenever a poster replies to a thread, that thread moves to the top of the board. Thus, by not allowing people to respond numerous times in succession (which can otherwise be known as "bumping" threads so that they appear more popular), it means that other (recently created) threads don't fall by the wayside.

Trust me, we were all new members once. And all fell foul of the rules and regulations of the forum. But it's a great place, and the moderators do a fantastic job. It's just a case of learning the rules of the place and respecting them. I'm not the most frequent of contributors to this board, so I still make mistakes which fall foul of the regulations. But when I do, I just remember that the moderators are trying to keep the place flowing, keep the place respectful, and keep the site running smoothly.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Thanks Di - when I click the reply with quote, I don't get how to use it, it's just your post with some strange symbols (and me, a writer...!).
And thanks Mysticlady (or Victoria? - I prefer Mystic!). I guess you're just not allowed to reply to each post individually one at a time (as you do with emails) without someone posting in between, is that right? I don't do Facebook or any social networking, (not least due to malevolant ex husband) so am pretty bad at the stuff that most people are used to. xxLiz, the funny symbols should be QUOTE-then your name, and a number to identify your post, then at the end, another QUOTE. Both of those are in square brackets, this tells the system which bits to put in a different format to show what’s being quoted, and separate it from your reply. Try it, add some text, then click "go advanced" and it will show how it will look. After more editing, you can click on "preview" to see how it looks.

For really long replies, do a cut and paste into another program, one that can save as text, ( not word format or other complicated stuff ) then you can cut and paste back later.

The multi quote thing I hadn't noticed before, it's the little " to the right of the other reply with quote button. Hadn't spotted that one before, so not sure how that operates.

[Tamara Croft]

You don't click reply with quote to quote all the posts you want to quote :) You click the little icon next to it, it will highlight it, you do that with all the posts you want to quote then click reply with quote on one of the posts and it will put them all in the reply box. Once you've answered them, you can delete the quote bits :) Best thing you can do, is go in the help forum, create a thread and I'll come and reply to you etc... and then you can play about with the quote in there, just put in your thread I've said it's ok :)

You know, there is an FAQ that explains how it all works :)

The multi quote thing I hadn't noticed before, it's the little " to the right of the other reply with quote button. Hadn't spotted that one before, so not sure how that operates.http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=vb3_reading_posting#faq_vb3_posting

[UNDERDRESSER]

You are allowed to reply to each message individually, but that's where the quote comes in, it allows people to understand what you're replying to, otherwise another message that comes in can confuse people to what you're replying to. The posts are displayed in the order the system receives them. It's not "threaded" to use a technical term.

[Tamara Croft]

Instead of using the quote, you can simply reply to them using their name UNDERDRESSER, you don't have to quote the whole post for sometimes one line of text ;) You can even link a name to their profile like this: -

UNDERDRESSER

to look like this: -

UNDERDRESSER

End lesson lol

[xdressed]

Hey Liz don't know if you've seen but I wrote a long reply to your questions. It's the last post on the first page always an easy one to miss lol

[Lizwriter]

Thanks everyone - I will play around with it and hopefully learn properly how it works. Jenni - I totally agree re: moderators - I'm so much more comfortable knowing they're looking after everyone and blocking any idiots. Ria - I'm gutted I lost my post from earlier (it took me nearly 2 hrs to write. and timed out on me!), I was replying to all who had been so generous, taking the time to answer my post - especially you, Jenni and Paula, who had really dug deep and shared such personal testimonials. I love the colour you give to your young, developing self - the hard rock, heavy metal thing - and one of the questions I had posted at the end of my vanishing post was - did anyone else have a kind of 'thing' (style, music, niche) that they specifically identify with being part of their life and feeling somewhat of an outsider? I would really like to be able to PM you and a few others when I'm eligible if that's ok. Many thanks again, everyone's so lovely and giving on this website I could easily lose a good few weeks just listening! xx

[xdressed]

Oh no, that really sucks. I've never heard of a post timing out or anything on this forum but I've had similar things happen on different ones. Can you not use PM's until you get a certain number of posts then? I'll PM you my email address if that's easier ^_^

[Barbra P]

Hi Liz

Having also lost postings on forums that I was still in the process of writing, I stopped composing my replies on the forums themselves. I now write my replies in Word and copy and paste when the reply is finished. Not only do I avoid possible time outs or log offs; I get a better spell-checker, even a grammar check.

[MatildaJ.]

Though I use a woman's name and try (fairly successfully) to move elegantly, I do not think of myself as woman when out dressed, nor am I transgender. I regard myself as a gender tourist.

I love that phrase "gender tourist"! I'll ask my husband if that sounds like him.


I now write my replies in Word and copy and paste when the reply is finished.

I do that if my posts are starting to get beyond a couple of sentences. Now it's mostly superstitious -- if I don't do that, then I worry that the computer will crash any second.

[JadeEmber]

Hi folks - I am a straight, married female writer and am writing a character who is male CD, hetero and single about 33yrs. British, and 'happy' on the surface, but complex underneath...and partly as a consequence of his cross dressing/gender identity, is an acutely intuitive thinker 'out of the box' - hence making him a great detective. I've been online trying to research for my character, but it seems to me, after trawling the www, that CD is the poor cousin of other transgender situations. I really want to find out what makes my character tick; what might be at the root of his CD, and what it says about him. Of course I realise there won't be one single answer to this, but I don't want to just make up what a straight woman might perceive as a 'reason' or set of reasons for CD behaviours and - I hesitate to say 'compulsions', and I'd really be honoured if some of you might answer some direct questions. My questions are all totally out of respect and in pursuit of understanding and empathising with my character, who I do not want to be accused of being a stereotype. Would this be okay? Am I on the right forum? I did have a look at the writers' forum, but it seemed more for creatives rather than research. I am British and UK based, btw - though it seems most of your are from the US. But this site does seem the most CD friendly that I've found, as opposed to cross dressing as a step on the way to gender reassignment. Any advice would be very much appreciated, so... may I ask some quesions? Liz

So, if you're not familiar with it, this will take a while for you to really dig into. You really need to live in the skin of the character. It's unclear what you're suggesting in terms of the viewpoint of your piece, but given the depth of familiarity you should expect of yourself, it might be wise to not have that be the viewpoint character. Play Ishmael to his Ahab. That occludes his internal workings. There's a risk of cliche here, though -- the British detective duo and so on.

This is a really tricky business. Take "Kiss of the Spider Woman," which is a great experimental novel. Molina is an interesting character, and clearly Puig had some insight as he understands what it means to be transgender, even though in terms of terminology Molina is only defined as gay. And yet the book suffers from its age. It was forward thinking for its time, but really the footnotes need to be skipped now.

Really, if you hang around this forum, you'll see there's immense differences. In some sense, you can make this character your own if you wish. Still, be careful. There's a risk of saying that someone is intuitive because of this other factor. At the same time, however, many people use all sorts of things to take them out of their normal mindset and see problems through a different lens (drugs, crossdressing, travel, music, etc.).

I'm not saying you have a bad idea, for sure! Take your time and immerse yourself, but be a bit skeptical of what people say here. I'm not criticizing anyone, just saying that forum posts, while interesting, often simplify issues (as some people in this thread essentially point out). Ultimately, ask yourself if you can dream yourself into this character. Barbara Eisenberg once said that none of her stories are finished until they have the true quality of a dream, and that level of trust needs to be there. If not, maybe you need distance. Or maybe it should be a crossdressing woman instead. There are examples of that as well already, but it might shake up some tropes.

[Lizwriter]

That's a great idea Babs, thanks. x

[susan54]

Liz - see also my post on this Forum in reply to "What is it?".

There are a couple of things in relation to my own background that I might be prepared to put in an email but not on the Forum - such as my own theory about how I got into this - an origin I have never known anyone else claim. But possibly I am odd!

[sometimes_miss]

Hey, Liz, it's your character, you decide what makes him 'tic'. Not all of the writers forum is fiction. Continue your search there, you'll find plenty of information. Crossdressing as a step to gender reassignment? Well, a lot of us kind of reassign our gender to ourselves whenever we dress; for some, it's simply a visual and tactile reinforcement of what we feel we are or what we feel we're supposed to be. The only common link among us, is that we wear clothing that our society only sees appropriate for females. Some of us feel the desire to crossdress as soon as we're self aware, others, sometimes not for decades. Some have a triggering event that sparks us to do it. Others (me) are conditioned into it as children. Your character WILL be defined as the transvestite cop/detective, because that's how most people work; it's whatever characteristic that stands out most that they will identify him by. Consider; if your detective had a hunch back, he would be most easily identifiable as 'the hunchbacked' detective by anyone who discussed the book/show/movie to another person, whether you want that description to be the primary one or not. Rock Hudson was a tremendous actor, but should you forget his name, and bring up 'that handsome actor from the 50's on, who was in Giant with Elizabeth taylor, you know, the one who turned out to be gay when they found out he had aids' EVERYBODY will know exactly who you are talking about. Same with Liberace; mention the flamboyant gay piano player and guess who's name will immediately pop up. Any character that has something about him that stands out as unusual will automatically have that primarily define him. Yul Brynner; bald actor is the description that you think of first; not great, famous actor. Monk; ocd detective. Ironside; wheelchair bound detective. Kojak; bald detective. McCloud; cowboy detective. So if you make your detective a crossdresser, that's who he will be defined as, and honestly, I don't think you're going to have a hit on your hands with this. However, in support of the concept, I promise to buy it whenever it comes out.

[Lizwriter]

Thanks Alex - I hear what you're saying.
And Susan, I definitely will check out your post 'What is it'? And would love to hear your story so will PM you. Don't worry about replying if you change your mind. x

[MysticLady]

Hi Liz, So, what have you learned so far? :straightface:

[Julie York]

Hello Lizwriter. You certainly took on a tricky subject. Have you thought of doing something easier like writing about a detective who loves his wife, clocks off at 5pm and doesn't drink too much? :)

Good luck.

[flatlander_48]

Anytime someone sets out to try to understand WHY we crossdress, they should know that they will be settling in for the long haul. Reason being that while there are common threads, we may be SO different in many ways. We cover the spectrum of responses and I think that's a great thing. Difference is something that should be appreciated and celebrated. After all, if we all thought the same and acted the same, what would be the fun in that?



We are hetero, gay and bisexual.
We cover just about any occupation and profession that you can think of.
We cover all relationship variations that you can think of.
We started at early, middle and late ages.
Some only underdress; others full dress 24/7/365.
Some of us are out, some not and some to a few.
Some of us go out in public dress from time to time; some not at all.
When we dress some of us like to be age appropriate and some of us lean more towards the red light district style.
For some it is just about the clothes; for others it is about the clothes, the personna and actually being feminine.
Some of us feel an attachment to the larger LGBT community; some want to distance themselves from the community.
Liz, you know Yoda said: "There is no Try, only Do.".

However, for us in the crossdressing community, perhaps he might have said: "While there may be a Why, there is only Do.".

[Leona]

I'm going to suggest you just do whatever you want. The CD community is so diverse, you'll probably make something up that's true for someone somewhere.

If you are going to use the CDing as part of the "darker side" of the character, I'd ask you to give us a chance to comment on what you say. It's not that you can't do it, it's just that if you want to portray a CD heroically while also showing that CDing can contribute to a person's dark side, it would be best to run the portrayal by us so we can comment on it.

Otherwise, as long as you avoid the stereotypes, you shouldn't have any problems making stuff up. Try to imagine a woman sharing a body with a man, and then let them share the same memories and even the same identity.

[WillowWriter]

Hey Lizwriter! Coming from another writer, I'd say this is a good place to start with finding out how all of us tick. I'd say personally, it'd be much easier to have a model or base as your foundation for this character, as that'll help you narrow down a lot of the big chunks of info you'll need. Anyone here would probably be more than happy to help you out one on one, myself included. Hope you're getting good info as of now :)

[Amanda_Robinson]

As you can see there are many different personalities, motivations and experiences here. That's what makes it such an interesting place to visit.

Skipping all the personal history to the adult me, I like women A LOT. I love my wife and she knows all about me. Sometimes I feel like dressing up and some times I don't. The mood comes and goes but it is very soothing. There are certain times that I certainly do not feel like it at all such as during times when a member of my family is in a stressful situation. As a result of this odd but not so uncommon hobby I have come to a greater understanding of many things about women. My wife and I are very close. I have done this off and on for many years and right around age 40 I quit worrying about what strangers might think. In most cases no one pays as much attention to me as I had once feared they would. I have a great time when I go out in my exciting disguise even though it is probably obvious that I am a dude. :o) I go to stores, movies, clubs and restaurants. I have found that people are usually comfortable around you if you are comfortable with yourself.
Good luck with your book.
~Amanda

[Davena Doll]

Hi Lizwriter, I love to be Questioned on an open forum so shoot.

[Lizwriter]

Okay, this is second time I've timed out, so will be quick. In answer to your question, Mysticlady - what have I learned so far - I will refer you to Flatlander's post above:

We are hetero, gay and bisexual.
We cover just about any occupation and profession that you can think of.
We cover all relationship variations that you can think of.
We started at early, middle and late ages.
Some only underdress; others full dress 24/7/365.
Some of us are out, some not and some to a few.
Some of us go out in public dress from time to time; some not at all.
When we dress some of us like to be age appropriate and some of us lean more towards the red light district style.
For some it is just about the clothes; for others it is about the clothes, the personna and actually being feminine.
Some of us feel an attachment to the larger LGBT community; some want to distance themselves from the community.

You've all been incredibly helpful and I feel confident I can go forward informed as much as possible, with a few personal contacts now, CDs and SOs who have agreed to advise me as and when. I'll keep dropping in from time to time if that's okay - to see what's going on - but just in case I don't get a chance to post for a bit - thanks everyone who has been so helpful to me - especially Tamara and her associates who run this website so well. It's been a brilliant source of information for me, and I've made a few friends too! xxxx

[xdressed]

No problem glad we've all helped. Don't forget you've still got my email ^_^

[GinaD]

Happy to help if I can. PM me with any questions you have if you would like.