Identity Help!

[SophieKitty]

There's a lot of abbreviations and labels and I don't know what half of them are, I'm so ditsey or technology minded that it took me 20 minutes to figure out what CD meant *blushes*

Anyway as you may or may not know I have no idea what to call myself when I finally come out to friends and family (I intend on looking unrecognisable and stunning when I do it), but to help them, and me understand what would you personally say I was?

1) I switch between male and female persona dependent on mood and am proud of both personas and forms.
2) 99% sure I'm straight as in just sexually attracted to females, or at least the female form. So I'm open to other CD/Trans men due to the feminine look and feel. HOWEVER I'm open minded to having a boyfriend if we we're both madly in love.
3) I don't want any operations to look more female, become female as I equally like my male self. I just enjoy dressing as a woman when I'm Sophie, and as a man when I'm not.

Anyway what does that classify me as? Please help, your wisdoms are needed. The only label I can think of is Human Being.....But my mum and my male buddies, and a lot of girl-friends aren't going to understand unless I give a specific label. Plus psychologically I think it would help me understand myself, and will be easier when chatting to women in bars or clubs. Help appreciated ladies xxxxx

[MatildaJ.]

People who like to present as both genders and don't have a primary gender (so don't know which one is the "cross" in "crossdressing"), sometimes say they are "bi-gender" or "dual gender."

Other people present attributes from more than one gender at the same time, and often call themselves "gender fluid" / "gender bending" / "gender blending."

Does that help?

[KarinaRae]

I am in the exact same boat as you Sophie - I took to calling it gender-neutrel. I love both my male and femme sides, however the femme side isn't public just yet.

[Rachelakld]

Also in same boat, i use the term " crazy- nice". It worked fab on my family

[SophieKitty]

People who like to present as both genders and don't have a primary gender (so don't know which one is the "cross" in "crossdressing"), sometimes say they are "bi-gender" or "dual gender."

Other people present attributes from more than one gender at the same time, and often call themselves "gender fluid" / "gender bending" / "gender blending."

Does that help?

I like the sound of bi-gender. Has a ring to it. :-)

[RADER]

This is the question asked by Manny; They all want a "Label" to call themselves.
You are a CD, or a Trans, Or something between. Just be your self, and enjoy
how ever you are dressed.
If you need a name, Maybe just flip a coin. LOL
Rader

[Julie Gaum]

Seems like there are many lost souls on this thread. There are those, understandably, who don't want to be labeled at all --- that's fine too. However, since you're asking for definitions I'll turn to a source that a member, ReineD, and gg (genetic female) offered, so if you would google to the definitions found at: World Professional Association for Transgendered Health, version 7, you will find answers that just might leave you more confused than ever. One point to consider, one that has been thoroughly discussed on this Forum --- a CD does that move to a different category merely because they might fantasize when dressed --- only after you have actually crossed from fantasy to actuality may you assume a new description. Another caveat for those who state that they believe they are 95% of a certain identity --- kidding/deceiving yourself --- like saying I'm only 5% pregnant.
Have fun unraveling.
Julie

[Nyla F]

It may take several labels to describe yourself: Sex (and optionally whether you are transitioning), Gender Identity, Gender Expression, and Sexual Orientation.

But the reality is, it doesn't matter what labels you give when explaining it to other people because we don't all have a common understanding of these terms. You'll still have to explain to others what it means.

[Tracii G]

Nyla put it well.
If you figure out a label then go to use it the person isn't going to know what you mean and just call you a gay pervert homo.
I guess I'm gender fluid or bi gender but I'm not worried about labels.

[Lorileah]

I think your label is SophieKitty. You are you. Technically you are transgendered. Any other label yo want is up to you. You can be many things.

[Nyla F]

I'd like to add that I understand the desire to find the right labels for oneself. It is really a process of trying to understand and accept ourselves. And then, with the help of some specific terminology, to be able to explain it to our loved ones. I'm sure not everyone needs to go through this process, but it helped me.

[Beverley Sims]

Use your adopted name, I would choose one carefully so as you can live with it.
Around family a feminine given name is all you need and other friends if you go that far use your family name.
That would be more acceptable than Sophie Kitty which is your user name here.
You present yourself as transgendered in my opinion and Sophie is a nice name and is not easily abbreviated.

[Kate Simmons]

"Pink foggy with a chance of female" maybe?:)

[MatildaJ.]

Use your adopted name... Sophie is a nice name.

I agree -- one possible approach is to simply say, "sometimes I'm [Male Name] and sometimes I'm Sophie."

[AmyGaleRT]

Sophie, you're just like me in those respects! My own belief is that Amy is always part of me, and sometimes I dress to let that side of me dominate. But the "other" side of me is always "in the background" no matter which of me I'm being.

I kind of favor "bi-gender" for my representation, though I also claim the titles "transgender" and "crossdresser." But exact names are not important; someone once said, "It is more important to know the thing than the name."

- Amy

[DebbieL]

You can safely call yourself transgender, but not transsexual. Transgender is a broad term which covers the spectrum from the fetish dresser to the transsexual, and pretty much anything in between. This is a good way to start.

You want to think about your sexual fantasies. In your fantasies, are you a man making love to a woman or a woman seducing a woman, or a woman being seduced by a woman? If you make a list of your top ten favorite fantasies or sexual activities, is sexual intercourse as a man with a woman in your top 3? If so, congratulations, you're nice and heterosexual and just have a wardrobe issue. On the other hand, if you really like kissing, caressing, and touching - while dressed, then you may be a male lesbian or bisexual. As a lesbian bisexual, you would enjoy making love as a woman as well as as a man, to a bisexual woman, you would be a wonderful catch.

If your favorite fantasies involve having your female partner seduce you, taking control, perhaps even ordering you or forcing you to dress up, then having you sexually please her before she pleases you, you would be a "Sissy". This has a very different meaning than it did when you were in elementary school. In this case, you are submissive, wanting to submit to another woman, and let her take control of the situation. This is a common fantasy among cross-dressers who feel like they have been "forced" to dress and act like men all the time, and wish they had more support in dressing and acting like a woman.

There is no true "right answer" here. It's generally a good idea to start with the broadest term, and then narrow it down as people ask questions. In some cases, you will tell them you are transgender and that's already more than they want to know. Others will have a few questions.

Here are some of my answers to the most common questions:
Are you gay? - Yes, I'm a lesbian, I like making love to women as a woman?
How long have you known - I didn't know I WASN'T going to be a girl until I was 6, when my sister was born.
How long have you wanted to be a girl? - Since I found out I WASN'T a girl - about 6.
Did your parents know? - yes, but they didn't want to talk about it.
Why not? - At the time "treatment" was painful and traumatic - shock and lobotomy - they were trying to protect me.
How did you dad take it? - He was a bit feminine himself - hated sports and loved symphony, ballet, and had many female friends.
When did you start dressing? - When I was 2 - I made my own dress out of a plastic bag. I also made skirts out of towels.
Did others know? - No - I kept it a secret for over 30 years?
Why did you keep it secret? - In elementary school, a "Sissy" would be violently attacked, in Jr High, a "queen" or "fairy" would be whipped and beaten.
In high school I had several gay friends and lots of women friends, and didn't want to lose them.
In college, I was one of 25 boys in a school of 900 women. I was afraid I'd get kicked out if I was just another girl.
Did you tell your wife? - yes, about 3 weeks after we moved in together. I hoped I wouldn't need to dress, but I realized I had to tell her.
My biggest worry is that she would find my stash of underwear and think I was having an affair. We got married about 6 months later.
How did she take it? - She seemed to accept it at first. I didn't find out until 12 years later that she was lying at the time.
We were married 9 years and got divorced so she could marry her lover.
Do you have children? - Yes, a boy and a girl, now adults.
How did they take it? - Their mother told my son. She was hoping he would hate me. It backfired and he loved me even more.
My son told my daughter, and she wanted Debbie to take her shopping. She can't wait for "Grandma Debbie" to take her daughter shopping.
How did you "Come Out"? - I was about 33, and went to a Halloween party as a french made. They noticed I walked too well in heels.
- I started going to AA and NA meetings as Debbie. My sponsor realized that Debbie had the capacity to be honest - Rex not.
Did you want a sex change? - Yes. Back in 1990, I even started transition.
Why did you stop? - My ex-wife threatened to have my visitation revoked in 1992. She still wanted child support though. I ended up moving to New York.
Why did you leave your children? - in Colorado I had no legal rights. I could be fired because I was perceived as homosexual. I'd already experienced it once.
What happened when you stopped? I got REALLY FAT. I started substituting food for self esteem and sexuality. I actually doubled my weight to over 330 lbs.
Wasn't that dangerous? - Yes, I had a heart attack and stroke before I finally started dressing and Debbie started losing weight. I've lost over 80 lbs and have about 70 more to go.

When you plan your answers to questions like these, based on YOUR life, you will quickly find that people you want in your life will be curious and understanding, people you do NOT want in your life will want to avoid you and will not accept you.

In your case, based on what you've said above, you probably will have much less trouble - but you will find yourself attracting those who support you.
You can't attract them if they don't know who you really are. Worse, you could attract people who would reject Sophie.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sophie, I', just a Crossdresser, A guy that loves dressing s a lady.

[SophieKitty]

Thank you everyone, it's really interesting that there are just too many identities to really count. So far I think I'm definitely leaning toward bi-gendered. But I may just find myself being just a plain run of the mill crossdresser after a while of experimentation *shugs* it's going to be fun finding out :D

[Tina B.]

Sophie, go to the first page of Male to Female crossdressers among the stickies at the top of the pale you will find one on descriptions of terms we use to describe us, maybe one of them will help you.

[Jorja]

May I suggest you look at this link. It will give most of the terms of this site and through out most of the Trans community as well. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162499-Common-abbreviations-used-in-this-forum

[AmyGaleRT]

So far I think I'm definitely leaning toward bi-gendered. But I may just find myself being just a plain run of the mill crossdresser after a while of experimentation *shugs* it's going to be fun finding out :D

The exact name is not important, Sophie. The important thing is to be who you really are...and be it in style! :)

- Amy

[MysticLady]

This is the question asked by Manny; They all want a "Label" to call themselves.


Hi Rader, who's Manny? :heehee: :hugs:



Anyway what does that classify me as? Please help, your wisdoms are needed. The only label I can think of is Human Being

Sounds to me, like you're a Sophie. :hugs: