Is it possible to completely understand our crossdressing?

[Nyla F]

In another post about labels, I thought I had a simple answer: Describe your Sex (and optionally whether you are transitioning), Gender Identity, Gender Expression, and Sexual Orientation.

But now that I've thought about this more, I think this doesn't say enough. There are other general characteristics or aspects to crossdressing. If I want to really understand myself and be able to explain this to another person what questions would I need to answer? Here are some more I thought of.

I'll just apologize up front about the wording of these questions. Obviously I'm biased toward my particular characteristics. To me the best responses to this post would be ones that combine and simplify theses aspects so they apply to more people.

What is my motivation? Is it resolving the disparity between birth sex and current gender identity? Is is sexual arousal from the clothing? Is it and outlet for expressing your unique ideas on gender? Other reasons?

How do I feel when crossdressed or not crossdressed? Some overlap with motivation but could include other affects that crossdressing has on you.

To what extent do I understand myself?

To what extent do I accept myself?

How often do I crossdress?

To what extent do I crossdress? Clothing/wig/makeup, At home only or out in public, ....

How much time, money, and energy have I devoted to crossdressing? How much do I spend on a regular basis?

To what extent am I satisfied with my current boundaries and constraints on my crossdressing?

How far do I want to go? If I could live however I wanted what would that look like?

[MissJoanne]

What is my motivation? It's a release from "normal" life, a chance to be someone else, someone different.

How do I feel? Very calm when dressed.

Do I understand myself? No.

Do I accept myself? Totally.

How often do I crossdress? Every couple of weeks, but I would probably do so more often if the opportunities arose.

To what extent do I crossdress? Full outer and undergarments, latex vaginal prosthesis and breast forms, makeup, wig, jewellery, and recently bought my own female prescription glasses. I go out in public to stores and restaurants, have been called 'Ma'am' and had doors held open for me!

How much time, money, and energy? When this all "detonated" at the start of the year, I rented a storage unit and mailbox (ongoing costs around $100/month). I've probably spent around $1000 on clothing etc. in that time. I don't have a regular expenditure on clothing, but I'll occasionally see something I like and buy it.

Am I satisfied with my current boundaries and constraints? No. I know Joanne's times have to end, but don't like the fact that they don't end on my terms.

How far do I want to go? If I could, most of my social life would be as Joanne.

[kimdl93]

It's totally possible. You get to decide what CDing means to you and what part it takes in your life.

[DDee]

I do understand myself
I do accept my cross-dressing
I don't fully cross-dress as much as I would like to
I have fully cross-dressed but only a few times totally ( Halloween at a party) and never outside the home
I am not satisfied with my current boundaries I feel alone as I don't have any cross dresser friends that I know of lol
I don't think I would live as a full time cross dresser , but would like to dress totally more often

DDee

[OzSam]

What is my motivation? I don't know. It changes from year to year or day to day.

How do I feel? It is great for stress relief. Sometimes just fun. Sometimes thrilling.

Do I understand myself? Work in progress. I understand myself a lot better than 30 years ago when I started, but not as much as I would like to.

Do I accept myself? It depends. I don't when I see how sad it makes my SO sometimes, but mostly I do.

How often do I crossdress? Underdress most days. More than that probably weekly on average in private. In public probably once every 10 years or so.

To what extent do I crossdress? panties, bra, chicken fillets (only just recently), stockings, garters, shoes, skirts, shorts, dresses, shirts, nail polish, lip gloss

How much time, money, and energy? Time? Go shopping whenever I can. About $40/month. Energy? Not much.

Am I satisfied with my current boundaries and constraints? There are a few things I would like that my SO is just not ready for, and some I think about, but I am not ready for.

How far do I want to go? Are we talking Nirvana here or realistically. In Nirvana, I could still be the guy that everyone knows, but wear what ever I wanted. Realistically, not much further than I am taking it now, since other aspects of my life are too important to me.

[Nyla F]

Thank you for sharing, but I'm not asking that you answer these questions here. I'm trying to figure out if these questions are enough. Its kind of a meta-discussion. What important aspects of our crossdressing and the effects it has on us would not be covered by these questions.

[OzSam]

OK, so I guess I missed the point. I think since CD is such a diverse thing, it would be very tricky indeed to come up with a comprehensive set of questions to fully explorer what it means to everyone.

[NicoleScott]

We can go crazy if we're obsessed with understanding it all. Maybe it will be figured out some day (year, decade, century.....). But it just isn't figuring "it" out, because there are many different things that drive us to CD.
We live in a universe that hasn't been figured out yet (not really, not even close), and we do OK.

[Tina B.]

What is my motivation? To stop the demons that run thought my head when I don't dress (depression, repressed anger, hostility).

How do I feel? Fine either way, dressed or not, unless I don't dress for an extended time, then see the first answer.

To what extent do I understand myself? Doctors and researchers don't seem to fully understand it, so no reason to think that I would.

To what extent do I accept myself? Almost totally, although it took many years to reach that point.

How often do I crossdress? Every chance I get! That will range from twice a week, to 5-7 days a week, not counting underdressing, or sleep wear which is 7 days a week every week.

To what extent do I crossdress? Clothing/nylons/wig/makeup, Jewelry, scent, prostheses, At home only, by mutual agreement

How much time, money, and energy have I devoted to crossdressing? How much do I spend on a regular basis? Way to much, over the years it has run into the thousands of dollars. I don't spend anything on a regular basis, I am more the pink fog type of shopper When I get on a run, I will spend a couple hundred dollars in a day, but may not buy anything again for months. Or I'll go through a period where I'll shop everyday for days, spending just a few bucks here and there at a time, but then it all adds up.

To what extent am I satisfied with my current boundaries and constraints on my crossdressing? Very contended, since retiring,
I have the time, to dress almost anytime I please, when I have to go drab it's not a big deal anymore. In a perfect world, going out might be nice, but in a small town, where my family is too well known, I would never be comfortable doing it here. But the rest is all good!

How far do I want to go? If I could live however I wanted what would that look like? I think I've gone as far as I want to go at this point in life, life being what it is at this point in history, how ever in that perfect world, I would like to wear what I wanted anytime anywhere I wanted, while with anyone I happened to be with.

[SandraV]

What is my motivation? A chance to resolve my mild dysphoria, even if for only a short time. A chance to resolve my gender identity conflict.

How do I feel? Like I'm me.

Do I understand myself? No.

Do I accept myself? Working on getting there.

How often do I crossdress? Not nearly as often as I'd like. Working on finding more opportunities to do so.

To what extent do I crossdress? Fully transform myself to appear female to the best of my abilities. Trying to get better every time.

How much time, money, and energy? Not enough time, don't know how much money, and a lot of energy.

Am I satisfied with my current boundaries and constraints? No. Yet I accept this as a tradeoff needed to maintain my current family life.

How far do I want to go? Don't know. At times I feel I need to transition. At times not so much. Hopeful that I can find a middle ground I can live in.

[Lynn Marie]

This cracks me up. The OP posts that the point was not to answer the questions, and we just go on answering the questions! I always wonder if anybody actually reads any of this stuff?

[Sarah Beth]

I'm going to respond to the question about do I understand my crossdressing. The answer to that is no, I have no idea why I want to do it or why I enjoy it so much. If I'm honest I am not always comfortable with it but I believe that is because of all that uncertainty about what my family would think other than not accpeting that as part of who I am.

For the last three months I have had something fem on nearly every day. I wish I could get completely dressed every day and spend time working on doing my makeup, at which I am horrible. Unfortunately I can't to that because there are way to many things that can come up that would make me be in a rush to change from fem to male.

I don't have a big budget for fem things and frankly its hard to find things I find cute in my size. I've been shopping for new shoes for a year now but try to find something cute in as size 14 d that has a reasonable price tag.

To this point I have never really been outside dressed competely. This is something I want to change and something I have been thinking a lot about lately. This forum has helped me realize that its important for me try that at least once. There is nowhere close around her for me to be comfortable doing that but I am looking seriously at going to Denver to try it out. That looks like the closest place to me that I could possibly safely go out. The problem is I don't think I could ever do it on my own.

Since I this has turned into a bit of a rant I'll go on to say its I am pretty lonely where I am. I feel lost, and sometimes hopeless and helpless. This forum has helped some with but at the same time shows me what I miss.

[MatildaJ.]

I am looking seriously at going to Denver to try it out. That looks like the closest place to me that I could possibly safely go out. The problem is I don't think I could ever do it on my own.

That sounds like a great idea! When you're getting close to planning a trip, but you don't have your dates yet, why not post a thread with the subject line "Anyone in Denver?" or something like that. I'm sure some people in this group live in or around Denver and would be happy to help someone with their first evening going out. If that doesn't work, you could try to plan a trip to one of the national conferences; there are a bunch listed here: http://www.lauras-playground.com/trans_conferences.htm

Good luck!

[franlee]

In short but accurately the answer is, no more than understanding any aspect of my life. All the stuff you asked can be asked of all my other desires and actions. I learned long ago "it is what we make of it."

[Stephy]

In answer to your question of what questions need to be asked, here are some more I have:

Were you born intersex?

At what age did you first experience a desire to dress?

Is your primary objective in dressing to satisfy an inner need such as your identity or to attract a partner?

Do you dress with the same regularity or does it vary depending on factors such as stress in your life or the seasons ?

Hope these help.

Steffi

[Nyla F]

Steffi, thank you. This is what I'm looking for. I thought about intersex, and clumped that under describing one's sex, but I can see how that might not be clear. I hesitated enumerating the possibilities because certainly I would miss something.

Age you started is good, and maybe to generalize this we should be able to describe our entire history. Not just our beginning, but patterns over time, our personal growth.

I would consider primary objective to be equivalent to motivation. I wonder if such a broad category needs sample questions like yours to spur thought.

I really like your last point. It's like identifying triggers, if you have them.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nyla, I'm a guy that love dressing as a lady and to look the best that I can , It's just who I am and it's what I do.

[Beverley Sims]

This cracks me up. The OP posts that the point was not to answer the questions, and we just go on answering the questions! I always wonder if anybody actually reads any of this stuff?

That is why I had not bothered to reply till "now". :)

[Kate Simmons]

Without addressing that whole list, I will say that we only need to understand it to the point of being able to manage it. To be perfectly honest, I only look at dressing as a piece of the puzzle to understanding not only femininity but masculinity as well. When we mature as a person we get to the point where a balance is struck and we truly own ALL of our feelings. The glitter and glitz part I enjoy having fun with but the rest of it goes much deeper than that for myself. Let's just say I understand the needs of myself and others in a much better way. :)

[CarlaWestin]

Not really caring that the OP states to not make comment, I'll dive right in. A long, long time ago my evil gender confusion compelled me to seek out professional therapy. In the first ten seconds of the very first session, the therapist handed me the keys to life itself. The statement was, "Here we want to get to the heart of the matter." I've applied this simple tactic to every aspect of everything I do. So, the heart of the matter with CDing is, it's just part of me and I can't go through life with parts missing.

[Frédérique]

I LOVE lists of questions!!! :clap:

What is my motivation?
To have fun…
How do I feel when crossdressed or not crossdressed?
The same, but in different clothes…
To what extent do I understand myself?
Very well. I’ve made a study of my “self.”
To what extent do I accept myself?
Thoroughly. I’m pretty much all I have, you know…
How often do I crossdress?
Probably not as much as you do. I’m a part-timer…
To what extent do I crossdress?
All the way, top to bottom, most of the time…
How much time, money, and energy have I devoted to crossdressing?
I spend much more time, money and energy on my artwork – crossdressing is for relaxation, and I don’t sweat it…
To what extent am I satisfied with my current boundaries and constraints?
It’s fine with me. I don’t like to bother people, so I don’t…
How far do I want to go?
To the galaxy Andromeda, if I could, but I’ll settle for walking across this room by putting one foot in front of the other, dressed as I like (of course)…:battingeyelashes:

[Samantha_Smile]

What is my motivation? I like the break. It's the best de-stresser I've ever found, and that includes alcohol, marajuana, ecstacy... Try to name a feel-good drug...
Crossdressing is better. I like the self esteem boost I get when I think I've done a good job and I look pretty. They're all pretty selfish motives, but isn't all true pleasure seeking in some way selfish?

How do I feel? TIP TOP LUV! Honestly, if you need more info, see the answer to the above.

To what extent do I understand myself? To the extent that it's been part of me for over half my life. I've no ideas of going 24/7 or transitioning (some people hold the notion that CDing is the Transexual minor leagues).

To what extent do I accept myself? To the extent I'm happy to share my secret with long-time friends. Im never going to grow out of it, it's just part of me.

How often do I crossdress? Beetween twice a week and once every two weeks.

To what extent do I crossdress? Home only, but I'm determined to get out to a friends house to dress, and Im DYING to get to Pink Punters or somewhere similar.
In term of the physical extent - its either all or nothing with me. If I cant complete the picture, why start it?

How much time, money, and energy have I devoted to crossdressing? Time - LOTS, countless hours learning makeup techniques on youtube, countless hours applying said techniques, countless hours searching for size 11 (UK) heels and 38" inside leg skinny jeans.
Money - LOTS, have you seen the price of size 11 heels that dont look like fetish fodder?
Energy - Enough, I dont think it's a particularly energetic activity/compulsion.

To what extent am I satisfied with my current boundaries and constraints on my crossdressing? Somewhat. My GF knows I CD, but we agreed Im never to shave certain areas (my legs if you must know).
But when I hit the pink fog, all I can think about is shaving my legs.
There are other aspects, but this is primary.

How far do I want to go? Like I just said, I would like to be able to shave my whole body, just so I would have more scope for clothes and not have to be tied to jeans, leggings or hoisery that blocks out my legs to hide the hair.