dealing with guys

[tiffanynjcd24]

Hi yesterday i know that i said i thought about dating guys while dressing en femme. Truth is i just wondering and should ask this question what is like for a crossdresser to date a guy like what is there to expect before actually get into a relationship with a guy. Would guys try to use and exploit crossdressers for sex and everything else? Would guys treat crossdressers as a sexual object instead of treating them with respect? Because i hate the fact i would date a guy who just want me for sexual reason and not loving me for who i am or respect me. Lately i been dealing with guys on here who are very horny and wouldnt take the time actually get to know me as a human being. BTW I still like girls and mtf transgenders and crossdressers because of their beauty and personality but more importantly i would marry a transgender woman someday. Right now i am thinking about dating again mostly dating another crossdresser a mtf trans or a woman

[SophieKitty]

Genetic Females have this problem too, I'm afraid you just have to realise if a guy is sexploiting you or not. It's always best to not have sex with a guy until he's proved that he loves you

[tiffanynjcd24]

trust me i would never let a guy have sex with i dont care if he has big muscles

[laurie01]

Dating a guy would be an exciting but awkward experience if that's what you are into. Most men do get turned on when they see someone of the opposite sex even if its a male that is passable as a female. Its just how men generally are. MTF transgendered are less horny at times because of the hormones they take.

[tiffanynjcd24]

right i understand its just i have these wonders and most guys would want me to be on hormones

[jenni_xx]

I'm currently in a civil partnership. I told my husband about my crossdressing the night we first met. However it's never been something that has dominated our relationship, and certainly isn't something that defines our relationship. We are two men, one of whom (me) likes to explore his feminine side on an "irregular" basis. We first met as men, dated as men, and only occasionally has my cding played any part in our sex life.

It seems you would like to have a relationship with you presenting yourself as enfemme. In that respect, you are most probably limiting the kind of guy who you can attract. The majority of gay men, just as the majority of straight women, are attracted to men who look like men, not a man who identifies themselves, and presents themselves as female. But clearly there are many men out there who are attracted to "trans" people. I personally have never dated a man who is specifically attracted to cds however, so I don't really know too much about them, and what they would like from a relationship. I suspect that it is as wide-ranging as any other type of relationship can be. Some may only be interested in sex, and not dating per se, some may not be interested in being seen out in public with you, some may feel proud to be with you. As with any relationship, the "trick" is finding someone who wants the same thing out of the relationship as you do.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I understand but i am actually expanding the dating horizon and most guys would want me to transitioning into a woman because the fact is that i am younger and cute. But what i do want is love, honestly and respect that is with anyone and thats all i care about

[jenni_xx]

It's good that you know what you want. I would like to ask, what is it about dating a man that you find appealing? Is it based on an attraction to men, or perhaps also based on the idea that being with a man will make you feel more feminine?

Do you think men who are attracted to cds would want you to transition into a woman, or to remain "pre-op"?

To answer your questions in your OP, I would say that yes, there will be men who just want to use you, just as there will be men who just want to use women. There will be men who are only interested in sex, and not interesting in forming (or committing) to a relationship with you. But there will be men who will treat you with respect, want you for who you are, and not what they want you to be. As with any potential relationship, the only way to find out is to get out there, meet men, but make it clear from the start what it is that you are looking for. Perhaps an online dating site, whereby you can list what it is you want, what you don't want, could work for you. Just be careful though - there will be any number of men who will lie to you, tell you what you want to hear.

[Kate Simmons]

Guys are a piece of cake to deal with even if they generally do want only one thing. A real woman knows how to handle her man though.:)

[missynicole]

like anything i believe there are good ones and bad ones. i know one who treats me like a queen......ohhhh how i love that.....

[Amanda M]

Would guys treat you as a sexual object or with respect? You are a man, you have hung around guys growing up? The answer is - it all depends on the guy, but I rather suspect for the majority, you would just be a sexual object. Like any other woman.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I dont have many guy friends

[Vickie_CDTV]

If you are looking for more than just sex, you would probably be better off pursuing a relationship with another M2F (there are certainly lonely M2Fs out there.)

[ReineD]

I understand but i am actually expanding the dating horizon and most guys would want me to transitioning into a woman because the fact is that i am younger and cute. But what i do want is love, honestly and respect that is with anyone and thats all i care about

I don't think that most would want you to transition, cd23. Based on what I've read from personal experiences here and elsewhere on the web, admirers usually walk away after a transwoman has had SRS. Admirers prefer crossdressers or pre-ops because of the one body part they have that GGs don't have. And my impression, confirmed by real life experience and several people in this thread, is that it's mostly about sex for most of them.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

There are always exceptions, but...

The guys you will meet now will not want you to transition. Oh they will say they want it.....but they don't
Guys that like cd's are all about one thing...
and it dangles between your legs

don't get me wrong ..its totally cool with me and I don't think its fair actually to say tranny chasers are creeps..they are out there expressing their own sexuality and for their own thrill and they are pretty transparent about it..

lots of them will treat you like a lady but in the bedroom they will focus on your male parts...

this works out great for gay cd's, but if you really want to be treated like a woman its not so hot when it gets down to business..

Also many guys enjoy cd's because (for obvious reasons) the whole persona can be better kept up with bj's instead of any other kind of sex
...guys that like cd's know this....

all generalizations, but I wouldn't bet against them

[kimdl93]

I think the fact that you ask the question implies that you know the answer.

But here's a suggestion. Why not worry second about whether someone is mtf or ftm or whatever and go with what you're attracted to

[Sabrina133]

It's good that you know what you want. I would like to ask, what is it about dating a man that you find appealing? Is it based on an attraction to men, or perhaps also based on the idea that being with a man will make you feel more feminine?

Do you think men who are attracted to cds would want you to transition into a woman, or to remain "pre-op"?

To answer your questions in your OP, I would say that yes, there will be men who just want to use you, just as there will be men who just want to use women. There will be men who are only interested in sex, and not interesting in forming (or committing) to a relationship with you. But there will be men who will treat you with respect, want you for who you are, and not what they want you to be. As with any potential relationship, the only way to find out is to get out there, meet men, but make it clear from the start what it is that you are looking for. Perhaps an online dating site, whereby you can list what it is you want, what you don't want, could work for you. Just be careful though - there will be any number of men who will lie to you, tell you what you want to hear.

here here hon, great questions and great recommendation. spot on.

[Barbara Dugan]

If you have already dated women it wont be easy that you will be used or exploited while dating guys on fem mode...If you have never done it just follow jenni and Kaiytlin advice they are right on target.
let me tell you that transgender gals can also use and abuse admirers too.

[Badtranny]

Kaitlyn is correct. Dudes that like CD's or pre-ops are definitely into your dangler. Most of them will be closeted about what they like so that means no public dates. They would prefer to meet you for sex and catch ya later, but many of them will show a bit of patience if they think it'll pay off. Some are nice guys, some are total d-bags.

They're all looking for the unicorn, which is that rare creature who is tiny and passes without question, yet retains an enormous boner. If you're young and pretty enough that their friends won't read you, then you may have a shot at an almost normal dating life.

If you're 'almost' passable like me, then it gets a little trickier. Pretty much all of my experience since transition has been with guys who don't want to be seen with me in public so dating and relationships are not exactly my area of expertise. However that is slowly beginning to change so I may be broadening my horizons in the next few months. ;-)

[tiffanynjcd24]

If you are looking for more than just sex, you would probably be better off pursuing a relationship with another M2F (there are certainly lonely M2Fs out there.)

I understand that the hard part is women and m2f rejected me I dont understand why

Sometimes I think that being with a man would make me feel more feminine

I tell myself that I am happy being myself and that I would never transition to be a woman. I just felt that it wouldnt be easier for me to be in a relationship

[Rogina B]

What some of us are trying to say is simply this..You are "looking for love in all the wrong places"...getting laid is one thing,a real lovey dovey relationship is quite another!!! Oh,and most "admirers" want your penis to work really well,so HRT would "curb their enthusiasm"...Unless you were Brazilian,with a foot long,fully functional one..lol If they won't be seen in public with you at their side,then they aren't comfortable with their sexuality..

[tiffanynjcd24]

I understand where you coming from hun its true also even though that I am happy with who I am I am yet still come out of closet

[Beverley Sims]

I have spoken to you before in another thread about this and the respondents are giving sound advice.
Decide what you really want and then make a decision.
An experiment in this area is not like trying on makeup.
That you can wash off.

[Nicole Erin]

CD23, in your mind you are probably imagining Prince Charming who knows how to make love. Yeah to be dating a fine looking gent who knows how to treat a lady is a nice fantasy but the reality is a little less bright.


They're all looking for the unicorn, which is that rare creature who is tiny and passes without question, yet retains an enormous boner. If you're young and pretty enough that their friends won't read you, then you may have a shot at an almost normal dating life.

Men think they are gonna date the "ideal" no matter what gender they seek.
Guys may want that but they fail to realize they better be ready to hand over big dollars for a session with that.

[MysticLady]

Admirers prefer crossdressers or pre-ops because of the one body part they have that GGs don't have. And my impression, confirmed by real life experience and several people in this thread, is that it's mostly about sex for most of them.

Believe it or not Reine, I totally agree. 99% of it, is just the erotic sex that they want. A man portraying a woman. How more erotic can it get. They get the best of both worlds. They don't want relationships or love or anything like that, that's what their wife or girlfriend is for, but they can't provide "the extension" they seek.


.
let me tell you that transgender gals can also use and abuse admirers too.

I agree, CD's also have fantasies and they most definitely will use and abuse just as they get used and abused. Erotic Sex is very Lustful. Human nature. :straightface:

[Lorileah]

I understand but i am actually expanding the dating horizon and most guys would want me to transitioning into a woman because the fact is that i am younger and cute. But what i do want is love, honestly and respect that is with anyone and thats all i care about


right i understand its just i have these wonders and most guys would want me to be on hormones

UM...let me tell you about the REAL world. 99% of the men you meet before you transition do NOT want you on hormones. They want someone who looks female but has functioning MALE equipment...You are going to be so disappointed. They want sex, so far I have not met a man who wants anything more and all but one ran like their ...ass was on fire when I said I was going to transition...the other one kept saying "I'm straight...I'm straight...." every time we made out and when he got sex....I have not heard from him since... Want to keep a man around? Tease them to death but never give it up.


I think the fact that you ask the question implies that you know the answer.



:yt:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I understand that the hard part is women and m2f rejected me I dont understand why

Sometimes I think that being with a man would make me feel more feminine

I tell myself that I am happy being myself and that I would never transition to be a woman. I just felt that it wouldnt be easier for me to be in a relationship

This is a big red flag...read the posts...they want your "unicorn":o there is nothing about that thing that will make you feel more feminine..

if your dressing is totally sexual, and you are totally cool with your private parts you may enjoy feeling feminine right up until the point where your sex organ comes into it and still enjoy...

but pls don't expect much from this lifestyle...expect lots of secrets, lots of people not saying who they say they are, and lots of people that do this multiple times a day with multiple partners

[IleneK]

Maybe I'm not understanding what is your ultimate goal for a partner. As the wife of a TS, I think to transition or not to transition should be based on the needs of the TS, and the identity of the TS, and the TS's present relationship, not what a potential partner may want in the future. Also, the need to transitioning has NOTHING to do with being "younger and cute". Yes, it may be easier, but that is not what drives the need to transition. Transitioning is not a choice.

Also, you should date someone because that is your interest. Same advice I would give a GG, find out who you are and what are your interests first, then look for someone who accepts you. Don't change because you think that's what will attract someone. You won't be happy
Good luck

[MysticLady]

Tease them to death but never give it up.

:yt:

I totally agree.... :iagree::yt:............and don't give it up!!!



but pls don't expect much from this lifestyle...expect lots of secrets, lots of people not saying who they say they are, and lots of people that do this multiple times a day with multiple partners

Looks like you've been around for a while. I would listen to this person, cd23. (when are you going to get a name?)




Also, you should date someone because that is your interest. Same advice I would give a GG, find out who you are and what are your interests first, then look for someone who accepts you. Don't change because you think that's what will attract someone. You won't be happy
Good luck

Woman, what we have is a child that, confusion is setting in. He want's his cake and be able too eat also. Life doesn't work that way. He'll learn.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I understand thank you everyone for sound advice

[MysticLady]

Good Job Kiddo, We'll set you straight..........................:heehee:

[tiffanynjcd24]

I dont know its just im going through a lot and I still thinking about hormones

[Nicole Erin]

Oh another thing about guys who like "fully functional". Take a guess as to what they wish for a TS to do to them?
If you have a disgusted look on your face, no further explanation is needed.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I understand that the hard part is women and m2f rejected me I dont understand why
Sometimes I think that being with a man would make me feel more feminine
I tell myself that I am happy being myself and that I would never transition to be a woman. I just felt that it wouldnt be easier for me to be in a relationship

You might want to find a M2F TS who has had tried having a relationship with men, and have been burned by the whole experience; there are some TS (not all by any means but some) who feel the need to go out and have a conventional relationship with a "real man" to prove something to themselves and end up disappointed by what they experience. They might be more open to trying a relationship with a "soft" male, or another TS. (Might even be true, to a lesser extent, with GGs who have been abused and exploited by men.)

[tiffanynjcd24]

And also what about m2f crossdressers m2f transwoman and gg would they be ok with dating a crossdresser im just wondering

[tiffanynjcd24]

Right now im just going through stuff

[ReineD]

And also what about m2f crossdressers m2f transwoman and gg would they be ok with dating a crossdresser im just wondering

You look young in your avatar (in your 20s) and if this is in fact your age range, then I'd say that you have greater chances at finding a partner certainly among TGs, but also among GGs. My youngest son is 19 and I've noticed that he and his friends don't seem to have the same strict definitions of gender identity, gender roles, and sexual orientation as the generation before them.

As to the males, I don't think that men your age would shun you as much as they would have in prior generations if they are your friend already. But, I think it would still be difficult for today's young, straight genetic males to date another person whom they perceive as a male, even if this person has a feminine identity. And gay males by definition are attracted to men. A gay male might want to date you, but only if he perceives you as a male who dresses up, which is not what you want if you are transgender.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I understand where you coming from

[junemay]

Dating a guy would be an exciting but awkward experience if that's what you are into. Most men do get turned on when they see someone of the opposite sex even if its a male that is passable as a female. Its just how men generally are. MTF transgendered are less horny at times because of the hormones they take.
Well said

[GinaD]

I think you have to accept the fact that any man who is interested in you will also be interested in the sexual side of the equation. I know there are some guys who are interested in a relationship and will appreciate you for who you are as well as what you can bring to the table for them. However, it is no different for CDrs as it is for women, and that is most guys are only looking for a sexual partner. It is via the dating process that you weed out the one timers to find those worth spending time with. I wouldn't get intimate with someone until I feel comfortable he wants more than sexual gratification.

[ReineD]

I know there are some guys who are interested in a relationship and will appreciate you for who you are as well as what you can bring to the table for them. However, it is no different for CDrs as it is for women, and that is most guys are only looking for a sexual partner. It is via the dating process that you weed out the one timers to find those worth spending time with.

The trouble with guys who are interested though, is that few (according to what I read) want to go out in public with a CDer. They don't want the CDer to meet their friends. So the relationship may have some closeness that is more than sex but it is a secret, hidden relationship except maybe going out to trans clubs and such. I agree there must be some guys who are willing to be out and proud with a CDer, but I'm guessing this is not the norm.

[tiffanynjcd24]

When guys look at my profile they tend to be rude and horny. A lot of guys dont have any respect for cders. To be honest even I thought about guys theres no chance I wouldnt date one like most of them are in the closets

[PaulaQ]

@cd23 - a lot of guys have no respect for women period. You are young and pretty, and this is a fantasy for them. Also, they are assholes.

[Barbara Dugan]

When guys look at my profile they tend to be rude and horny. A lot of guys dont have any respect for cders. To be honest even I thought about guys theres no chance I wouldnt date one like most of them are in the closets
May I ask you on what kind of sites or were go do you have your profile?

[tiffanynjcd24]

Transgenderdate.com lots of guys on that site

[Barbara Dugan]

Transgenderdate.com lots of guys on that site

Looks like a nice site, online dating can be fun but you must be aware that sex is what is on the mind of guys young or older that browse dating sites and that will never change, but is interesting to deal with them you learn a lot even from the rude ones and hornier they are usually the more insecure very easy to deal with.
I really don't understand the guy bashing that goes around here, it seems that the act of hate guys will make you more feminine....my advice will be be don't take dating guys too seriously till you find the one

[Tracii G]

+1 on what Barbara said.
You have to weed out the jerky boys.

[Lorileah]

The trouble with guys who are interested though, is that few (according to what I read) want to go out in public with a CDer. They don't want the CDer to meet their friends. So the relationship may have some closeness that is more than sex but it is a secret, hidden relationship except maybe going out to trans clubs and such. I agree there must be some guys who are willing to be out and proud with a CDer, but I'm guessing this is not the norm. Well said and so true. The guys I have met (can you call it a date when you don't GO anywhere?) are exactly that. They don't want to be seen (I do have one exception to that rule...but I don't love him). My first rule now is "You will take me out to dinner, theater, shows, shopping. I am not your secret lover."



I really don't understand the guy bashing that goes around here, is it guy bashing when you relate your experiences?

[Rogina B]

My first rule now is "You will take me out to dinner, theater, shows, shopping. I am not your secret lover."

That is the policy that I promote...and it weeds them out fast!

[Barbara Dugan]

[QUOTE=Lorileah

is it guy bashing when you relate your experiences?[/QUOTE]

It may be when we choose the experience to say something bad about men...we hardly hear anything bad about women here and we know them are not perfect either.