Im so confused! Help?

[Jennifer Now]

When I was 11 or 12 years old, I discovered crossdressing by wearing some of my moms clothes. And I loved it!. But, I only tried it a few times and gave it up. But, almost a year ago, my feelings for it resurfaced like an old flame. And now I feel that flame burning bigger and brighter than ever before. I am to the point where I'm craving to crossdress. So much so that when I think about it I get week in the knees. I WANT TO BE A WOMAN SO BAD!!! But what's holding me back, aside from my wallet, is that I'm afraid of what risks I might be taking if I started. And also I consider myself a Christian. Crossdressing is considered a major form of lust, which is a bad sin in my religion. I want to crossdress so bad, but because I don't have money, because I'm afraid of the possible risks, and because of my religion, I'm too terrified to start.

What should I do?

[Erica Marie]

Its called pink fog. You are the only one who can decide what to do. If your religion says it is wrong then you have to look deep inside yourself to determine what is right. Is it a fetish or do you think you may have gender issues. Maybe a councelor or someone at your church could help you along the path you must take.

[Kate Simmons]

What you need to do Hon is identify and address your feelings. Deep feelings are what drive the urge for the most part. Making those feelings our own makes it a choice rather than a compulsion.:)

[Jenniferathome]

Isn't finding a woman attractive and attempting to date her a form of lust? Yet all religions favor marriage. It's lust, until it is not. Cross dressing will be the same. It's taboo, today, for you. It won't be after few months.

[docrobbysherry]

Saying you're a Christian is like saying you're a doctor. There r many varieties of both!

If I had a bad tooth I wouldn't go to a dermatologist. If I wanted to CD, I wouldn't go a church that excluding everyone except those that perfectly follow their strict doctrine!

Yes. When u start dressing it CAN be a very slippery slope. U mite easily find yourself falling into that CD rabbit hole!

The thing u must consider is; do u wish to be miserable thinking and worrying about dressing all the time? Or, do u wish to be happy and worrying about the dressing your doing?

These r questions many of us ask ourselves. And the answers r different for each of us!

[Jennifer Now]

Thank you all for your wisdom. Honestly I think my CD desires are purely sexual.Once I pleasure myself, I lose all interest. But only temporarily. Is that normal?

[SophieKitty]

Thank you all for your wisdom. Honestly I think my CD desires are purely sexual.

Jen I used to think that, but after 8 months I noticed myself keeping the clothes on, an feeling really comfortable. For me I'm Sophie maybe 6 days a month. But for those 6 days, I am Sophie. I used to be a christian too, but I lost my Christianity way before I was Sophie. Things change, and if God does exist and he's ever loving I think he loves every one of us equally, and if he made us all in his image, God must be a little transgendered too.

Anyway before this turns into a religious debate, it's perfectly normal to be a human being, and every human being is unique. And if it is just sexual, that's perfectly normal too :) I hope you find yourself, but please don't let anyone, especially a book tell you who you are or what you feel. However don't be afraid. It could be like me where 2 days in every 10 on average you feel like being a woman, and every other day is just being an ordinary guy. Just explore who you are, don't suppress it.

[Lex321]

the same thing happens for me. Normal is a really interesting word. I think EVERYONE struggles with being normal. Everyone has something they like that isn't "normal" I think you will find the most happiness when you accept yourself for who you are. Crossdressing isn't "normal" but I don't think it is strange either.

Long story short in my opinion, just be yourself and do what makes you happy. As long as you don't hurt someone else. I am sure you are a really good person and the fact you like to wear a dress doesn't make you a bad person.

[Beverley Sims]

Lex,
Leviticus sounds like a cheery sort of person.

Jennifer,
You do have to interpret what your religion tells you about various subjects.
You can not take it all literally.
Practice it by all means but strict adherence to the rules is not the same as it was even a few years ago.
Ask others opinions and read what others have said here.

[Jennifer Now]

As far as my dressing goes I've developed a theory. I believe the only way I can make a solid yes or no decision is if I can experience dressing for what it is. If I could have a full makeover done then I could make a decision based on my reactions. Does that make sense?

[Nicole Brown]

You made 2 comments Jennifer which mean totally different things. First you say that you discovered crossdressing by wearing your mom's cloths, and love it. Then you say that you want to be a woman, while these both fall under the transgendered category, they are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Crossdressing is simply wanting to wear the clothing of the opposite gender, whether for sexual gratification or not. Wanting to be a woman is most often associated with an individual who is a transsexual. Most transsexuals begin as crossdressers and then, over a period of time realize that they are transsexual. Not all crossdressers become transsexuals.

Being a pre-op transsexual woman I have been through it all and would strongly suggest that you identify a good, qualified gender therapist to assist you in determining who you truly are and what your desires and need are. The use of a good therapist is essential and should be chosen over a religious leader who my have an alternate agenda.

Remember, this is your life you are talking about and you must determine what is right and best for you.

[Julie Gaum]

In my opinion, IMO, getting a make-over is not a good idea if you plan on making a decision based on your reaction. As several members responded there is a lot of confusion in your mind at this point. I would like to confine my post to just one of your questions: The majority of CDs go through a stage called "fetish cross dressing". For some that description applies for their life time but for many more it's merely a stage before finding that "pleasuring yourself" is only a small part of whom they really are and the many other pleasures both in the mental state as well as in the joy of the clothing and/or makeup, hair, perfume and so on become major components of your actions. It is also interesting for you to know that self gratification doesn't appear to be the main motivation for most of those who, as you also stated, have a strong compulsion to transition to become a woman. Unfortunately, many exceptions exist in the full spectrum of cross dressing but I hope that some light has been cast on your, very normal, turmoil.
Julie

[Ressie]

You didn't tell your current age, but I'm guessing under 30. I'm 60 and sexual pleasure is still what it's about for me (but that's just me). God forgives so don't worry. Just accept yourself along with all of your human imperfections. Everyone sins, we're human.

[Wildaboutheels]

FACT: A man's basic programming is to impregnate as many females as possible. Which is WHY men are so much more VISUAL than women. Our vision IS what allows us to do that very thing. At 24, of course "the force" will be strong with you. Men's VISION and how it affects them also accounts for WHY there are so few FtM CDers.

FACT: Almost EVERYone here went through your "phase" at some time and most felt "guilty and/or ashamed" about it. Some have moved on and/or no longer do "it" or seldom do it. Some here call that "progress". For others, the years go by and nothing changes.

FACT: There is no right or wrong way to do this, so no need to worry about what you should do next.

Hopefully you won't feel you need to follow some particular path to "fit in" at this Forum?

[Jenny CD]

I'm confused by your post, honestly. I'm wondering what made your feelings to dress to resurface? And, I'm not sure what you mean about "I WANT TO BE A WOMAN SO BAD". Do you just want to look like a female, or actually become a female? Right now, I can see that your feelings about CD are running rampant. Slow down. Start small... Go to Wallyworld, or Dollar General... Get some cute panties, maybe a bra. Some eyeliner. See where it goes.

Being Christian... What does that matter? I mean, are you going to invite your pastor over for lunch while you're dressed? What you do in the privacy of your home or mind is your business and no one elses unless you tell them

[Jennifer Now]

When I say I want to be a woman, I mean look and fell like one. But nothing on a permanent scale.

[PaulaQ]

"Why did this come back after so long"?

Nobody knows for sure - but this is exceedingly common. My opinion is that cross dressing / wanting to appear female is a part of your identity, and you can only keep that part of you locked away for so long. Times up, apparently.

"My religion holds me back"

Find a Christian church that will accept you. They are out there. No one church has a lock on the truth - God's too big for that. There are good Christians who'll accept you.

"I want to be a woman SO BAD"

Why can't this be literally true. There is no shame in that. You should try to understand your feelings as best you can, don't worry about what others think. Nobody has a right to tell you how to feel.

BTW, in the unlikely event that it turns out that you actually are a woman after all, most of the time there's not much of anything you can do to stop this - because it's not just a part of you - it is you. So since you can't really stop this stuff anyway, why worry? Just do what feels right.

[Celeste]

Hi Jenifer,my dressing resurfaced also.At first,it was scary...so much more of a bigger step than just playing with moms stuff,but as time went on I realized there was no need to allow my fears to rule me.

As for the religion,I love God but do not believe in antiquated religious beliefs.Try not to make this some kind of "crime" in your head...it dosen't have to be that way, because you are free in this world to experience exactly what you want,including cding. In the end,we do not have to drag around a religious ball and chain...God loves us all.

[Requal Jo]

Hi Jennifer. Have you considered going to an Op Shop or second hand clothing store to obtain clothing to see if this is what you really wish to do. I have found some very nice clothing in these shops at very cheap prices. Cross dressing is only a lust if you seek it for sexual pleasure. Dressing for yourself is not hurting anyone. You may have some sexual feelings in the beginning (as I did) however they soon disappear with the frequency of dressing. Requal Jo.

[suzy1]

May I suggest you join the religious section Jennifer.
The question of Christianity and CDing comes up a lot there and there are some very nice members that will help and encourage you with the religion and the crossdresing problem.

[Jennifer Now]

Heres the thing. Ive still not figured out if CD is for me or not. In the past 9 months, Ive gone through 2 purges, the last one still in effect. And as far as my CD experience goes, Ive only ever dressed up. Ive never altered my masculane body to make it more femme, nor have I ever worn make up. So, Ive devloped a theory that the only way I will ever know if CD is for me or not is to experience it to the max. To somehow turn myself into the woman I keep picturing myself as. But because I dont have the resources or the know-how to do so... I feel like im stuck in an endless void.
Does that make sense?

[Nicole Brown]

Yes Jennifer, what you want to do, figure yourself out, makes a lot of sense. My only concern is that you are not choosing the best way to determine what actually is best for you. In my earlier reply to you cry for help I strongly suggested that you seek out and work with a qualified gender therapist. Only with proper guidance can you truly and fully determine where your future lies.

Getting all dressed up and making yourself over to look like a woman may show you what you can and would look like, but it will not answer the important questions which truly need to be answered. You really need to get answers to understand if you are transgendered, if you are a crossdresser or if you are transsexual. Focus more on your mental and emotional self and their needs rather than your visual self. It is what is inside of you that will guide your future needs.

[Jennifer Now]

Ok, I think I understand now. Thank you Nicole.

[Nicole Brown]

It is my pleasure to help Jennifer. If you want to communicate one on one, please send me a PM and we can make arrangements to either take this offline or call each other. Best of luck...