Starting in later life-2

[kimdl93]

Celeste and I exchanged emails yesterday after her thread entitled 'Starting in later life' was posted. She observed that we had a lot of similarities in our recent life experience and that I had changed a lot in the three or so years I've been here. Her comments were affirming and I really appreciated them.

Since I became fully appreciative of the distinctions between CD and TS (I accept the term TG to encompass all of us) I've tried not to interject myself too often in TS discussions. I wrote to Celeste in PM because I didn't want to intrude where I don't belong. I've taken the position that I am middle path, and honestly, it doesn't feel right for me intrude in TS discussions.

But on the other hand, it doesn't feel like the middle and as my life unfolds, it seems I'm skewing more decidedly towards the TS side of the spectrum.

But here's the problem: I don't feel I have GID. Yes, it's true that I feel much more normal, happy, whatever, when I present as a woman. I am uncomfortable wearing male clothes, but it's not torture. Just a necessary evil. At the same time, i live at least 70% of my life as a woman and I've come out to my neighbors, some select friends and coworkers and my closest family.

And, quite honestly, my intention is to live most of the remainder of my life as a woman.

It's not a transition...but it's something.

All of this has occurred over a three year time period, give or take a couple of months. I recall Veronica Moonlight half joking that the difference between a CD and a TS was two years...or was it three? At the time, I thought, I hope that's not true. I couldn't imagine having the courage or desperation necessary to take that step.

What I didn't realize is that it wasn't one big step, but many small ones. I am not transitioning in the sense that a TS person does, but I'm certainly changing in ways I didn't imagine possible a few years ago.

After reading Celeste's note, I wondered what am I ...maybe TS lite? That seems disrespectful of you who have take difficult steps. My evolution, by contrast has thus far been embarrassingly easy.

On a very personal note, my great fortune was to marry a woman who, even at the outset, was drawn to something more than just a tall Norwegian male...even after I came out to her. In more recent times, as I've emerged, to use her words, she could see the joy in me when I freely expressed myself. Whatever else I may be, I am so deeply grateful for her acceptance.

[Angela Campbell]

I am hoping you can continue to have contentment with your life and body. I thought I could for a long time too. The problem is one day I realized that it is possible to be what I always wanted to be, and once that "pandoras box" is open it cannot be undone. The ride started and quickly was out of my control until I began the steps I am taking, then things settled down considerably.

What you are? You are Kim. At least to me. Since we do not know all the reasons we are the way we are there may never be an answer. Be glad for what you have and simply find happiness and comfort where you can. You are one lucky person. (I always thought you had a good head on your shoulders...unlike me sometimes lol)

[Barbara Ella]

WOnderful post Kim. And what more could someone possibly ask for. To realize what one is, and accept it, and be comfortable, and not be afraid of what anything in the future may bring...absolutely priceless. And then to top it off with such a wonderful wife goes a long way to put one in a good position with whoever you may be. So good not to worry about any negatives of what someone may or may not have. What I have at the moment is what I will be happy with. I see that in your post Kim. You need never hesitate to post your thoughts.

Thanks for sharing

Barbara

[kimdl93]

Looking at my post count, it appears I haven't censored myself at all!

[I Am Paula]

For quite awhile I thought I could live happily by just presenting as a woman. Kim, you and others may remember that just a couple of years ago I said I didn't need hormones or surgery to be complete. Times change, and I did.
You may feel continued contentment where you are. We are all unique.
Do you have to have GD to be in the club? No. Thank god you don't, it just about finished me. There's some dysphoria there, obviously, cause you don't want to live as a guy. (who would?) The degree of a woman's menstrual cramps does not effect how much they are a woman, does it?
Does that make you TS? There is no technically yes or no, or virtually yes or no. There is no almost. As far as I'm concerned you have transitioned. You went from practicing male to practicing female. In my books that makes your comments and views welcome here.
I think you Kim, have an excellent grasp on the realities of transition. You bow out of discussions about HRT, and surgery, cause you aren't there, but on many subjects your views are spot on. A non-op transsexual is still a transsexual, so why not a non-medication?
I still have one advantage- Betcha can't grow boobs! LOL

[kimdl93]

Wow, Celeste, you kinda nailed it. No, I can't grow boobs....YET!

I totally agree, that I don't want to live as I guy and, "who would!"

A friend and business associate I came out to a few months ago asked me about my intentions regarding HRT and surgery. i expressed my concerns, given my age, and she mentioned that a prominent member of Houston's TG/TS community is pre-OP. she lives and works totally as a woman but has elected not to pursue HRT or surgery...at this time. I guess I would like to be a legitimate part of the community, as she is, recognizing, as you said, that I know nothing about the challenges and complexities of SRS and HRT.

Ok, I'll admit it...there's lots more hat I know nothing about!

[Angela Campbell]

That is why this part of the forum is here. To learn about all those things. Don't worry, my comments about catching this from some tranny are probably not what happened.

[melissaK]

I started HT in 2006 at age 52. It's 2013 and I'm now 59. I didn't declare my intent to transition in other ways (name, hair, dress, appearance) until Jan this year.

Transitioning and deciding to be me bought with it a lot of mid life crisis elements. Repressing my gender issues my whole life also led to me repressing a rebel antiestablishment streak. Trying to find "me" has brought out a lot of issues besides gender issues.

Then, my transition plan went somewhere I really didn't expect. My sexual orientation has been lesbian, and my transition plan included trying to keep my wife. She's a fantastic partner. In January our relationship ended as we knew it. We each had a lot of self discovery to undertake.

I quickly realized I had no interest in being June Cleaver, rather once I freed myself to explore myself, and when I reconnected with my anti establishment nature, I saw myself as fitting in the middle. Neither all F nor all M. I didn't see this coming. (This drifts off topic but it's a strange place in the middle. Few role models, few sisters in this in between land. But being in between has allowed my wife and I to find a new relationship. It's at the edge of what she can accept, I am pretty fine and don't feel I'm at the edge of anything. I don't feel like I put on the brakes or am slow pedaling anything.)

So as for old age transitioning? I can't see that age has much to do with being who you are. When you transition, you become what you have been hiding. At least for me.

I should add this though, the girl in me is quite real, and girl personality wise I'm quite immature. My wife really notices my interests have more in common with a teenage girl than an adult woman. This is a commonly reported observation. But if I did this at 30 it would be far less outside my age demographic than at nearly 60. So in that sense, learning to be a woman of our actual age seems to require so time spent learning all the stuff old women would otherwise have learned. So transitioning late may have you not fitting in well with peers.

(I might a meant to post this under Celeste's thread from yesterday. But it kinda fits well here to as Kim is in her own self found middle ground too).

[kimdl93]

Melissa, I understand exactly the challenge of maturing as a woman. I've always been an old soul, but it seems that over the past seven ...no eight years, I've rapidly gone from tween to forty-something.

I won't share too much of my wife's life, but I do know that she's come to appreciate me in a way that, well, I slowly revealed over the years. I've always been more comfortable as ...a lesbian lover...despite the apparatus. And that seems to work for us.

It's a transition, but certainly not 'the transition'. I humbly defer to others in that regard!

[Marleena]

Oh this is a spinoff on Celeste's thread?

Kim, you've found your place and you explain it truthfully. There are no surprises and no fantasy stuff like a non-TS on hormones talking about being girlie all the time... At some point you may find you need to take it further or GD may rear it's ugly head. Being happy and comfortable with who you are is important. For now you seem content with what you're doing and that's the key to all of this.:)

[Angela Campbell]

I'm always interested in what you have to say.

[Nicole Brown]

We are all different and we all need to express ourselves in our own way. I believe that it can be safely said that one of the only thing we all have in common is that we all fit somewhere in the TG community. It really doesn't matter if we are CD or TS, we are all sisters.

This forum would be a pretty dull boring place if we were all exactly the same with the same exact thoughts and views. It is these differences that keep me returning and remaining an active member. For me, it is thanks to the woman here that I have found my way to my place in life. Oh, and just for the record, when I complete my RLE and undergo my GRS next year I will be 67 years old. It is never to late and you are never too old to become your true self.

[I Am Paula]

Yes, Kim's and my thread kind of merged, but thanks for all the insight

[Diversity]

Good post, Kim. Thank you for sharing and I am beginning to see that the transition from CD to TS would indeed be a series of many small steps. Wonderful to hear that you have such a supportive wife as you go along your journey. Good luck to you both.
Di

[Marleena]

Kim you know I'm in the don't transition unless you absolutely have to camp. If you can find happiness spending most of your time as a female I applaud you and anybody else it works for. I wish I was that lucky. However you also know if the GD gets bad enough to get to a gender therapist. Transitioning is a last step and you'll need to decide how far you need to go with it to find that comfort with yourself again. Every step in transitioning brings new problems that you will expect and many you never even thought of. For every action there is a reaction.:)

JMO as always.

[kimdl93]

Yes, Kim's and my thread kind of merged, but thanks for all the insight

No intention of hijacking your post, Celeste ;). It was a bit of a coming out for me....acknowledging that I feel a kinship ...a sorta TS, even if my experience isn't quite the same. I really do feel drawn to the shared experiences, even as we differ in some particulars.

Marleena, I really didn't see these steps as transition. It's change, for sure from living as a male to living as a woman. Maybe by taking little steps, the reactions to each action are easier to absorb.

[Rogina B]

You are not alone here! There are quite a handful of us that are of the "serious T mindset" and are comfortable in our own skin and have made changes in our lives that allow us the freedom to be ourselves. Reward isn't without risk,but I am quite happy that I take the risks in order to be me.

[PretzelGirl]

Kim, I have been one to post here on occasion and I have done it with great care. For me it is mainly because I am still learning. Learning about myself and learning about other's experiences. If you feel you are TS and if you feel you are posting when appropriate and withholding when it isn't something you have experienced, then how could anyone ask for anything else? This is how all discussions should be. I don't think that being yourself has to be a major struggle and I feel greatly for those that it is. It is a shame that many have to walk that path but don't use that to feel like your path isn't any less valid. Be yourself and be proud of who you are.

[Nicole Erin]

You have to live your life as you see fit. Don't worry about specific labels.
Here is the thing - Even if you don't pass well, you will be accepted as a woman so long as you present best you can and act like a lady.
As far as starting too late, there is no such thing. We have a member here who had SRS after 70. I think plenty of TS don't even start til later in life.