I told my gf...

[Celina]

For the past couple of weeks my CD'ing desire and the confuesion it has brought with it, has been eating me up inside, and yesterday evening I finally took the jump and courage to tell my girlfriend.

I had been running the conversation for days inside my head, but as usual I wasen't able to say it just as well in real, as in my head. I was so nervous, not like anything i've ever experienced before. I felt like I was about to go on stage for thousands of people...

I told her how I loved her, how I thought she was the most amazing women in the world. (Because she really is the most amazing women in the world that i've ever met!) How I loved that she is that kind of girl, that loves to look good, wear dresses, high heels eventho it's cold, hurts and all of those things girls go through, just so they can look good for their loved one, and how I saw her as an idol for those reasons, aswell as her amazing loving personality. And that this had nothing to do about me joining the other team or me changing sexuality or anything like that. That I was wanting to buy some outfits for myself, seing as I had (yes I know, it's a sin!) borrowed/used some of her clothes, and that it made me feel terrible. I also told her how I feel when I dress up. And much more...

I had feared the worst and had hoped for the best miracle ever. It was a long conversation obviously, and she wasen't happy to hear what I had to say. She deffnately felt as I was stepping into her side of the pitch, which I truely understand. She actually called me unnormal, which hurt, but then again. I'm not normal, to what normal is, so she's kinda right I guess. She regretted that she said that about me, but honestly I dont blame her at all. I am what I am...

The way she reacted had me regret that I said it. It hurts seing one you love so much, cry that much as if her world just fell apart. But she was glad that I told her, she don't want me to have things behind her back, neither do I. I don't want our relationship to be build on lies, dosen't make a solid foundation for the future.

I'm glad I told her my secret, as it was eating at me, and she could feel and tell that something was on my mind for some time. However I perhaps wish I had given myself abit more time to think about all the things i've put in motion now, and specially seing as i'm still fairly new to the crossdressing thing, at least on a more regular basis as a grown up. She dosen't accept it, but knows she cannot forbid me, and that's where we stand right now I guess.

One thing that keeps staying in my mind from our conversation, was a thing she said; "I want to be soooo mad at you, but it's you... And I love you!"

I'm going to give her the space and time she needs, that's the best I can do now. It's up to her now, to see if she has the tolerance to accept this part of me or not. For now my worst fear of her calling it a day, hasen't happend, and hopefully it won't.

A relieved Selina.

[Tina B.]

You never know just how they will accept, and what will cause them to run, lot's of luck, I hope she realizes you are still you!

[audreyinalbany]

yeah, be patient, go slow, let her absorb what you've revealed and don't push it...

[Katie1989]

So proud of you. Coming out earlier is the best. Hope it works out for you! :)

[Sonya]

Good on you for telling her and I hope all work out good for you. You did the right and courageous thing to do and you should be proud of yourself, hopefully your girlfriend will understand this part of you. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

[Lex321]

It took me 2.5 years to tell my wife, then GF. Good luck.

[Celina]

Thank you so much for your support all of you! It means a lot to me :)

[Raychel]

Selina, When I told my wife about 7 years ago, she totally freaked out, It was a very rough time for us
Now that the dust has settled, I am out to our kids as well and free to dress whenever I want.

I hope in time things will work out just as well for you. :hugs:

[Jenniferathome]

You did the right thing, good for you. Now, ask her if she'd like to,talk about it. Answer any question she has and offer her resources to help her learn that this is actually pretty common. This site can help her

[Rachelakld]

The right thing is not always the easiest and you did the right thing for both her and yourself.
Praying everything goes well for you

[MandyLee]

As much as you wanted to share your secret think now you just passed that on to her Give her time don't push her and be open to talk

[Celina]

Selina, When I told my wife about 7 years ago, she totally freaked out, It was a very rough time for us
Now that the dust has settled, I am out to our kids as well and free to dress whenever I want.

I hope in time things will work out just as well for you. :hugs:

Thank you Raychel! I'm so happy to hear things worked out for you! Hopefully i'll be just as lucky as you where *kisses*


You did the right thing, good for you. Now, ask her if she'd like to,talk about it. Answer any question she has and offer her resources to help her learn that this is actually pretty common. This site can help her

Thank you Jennifer. We had a long conversation again yesterday. When she came home from work, she didn't say much and neither did I. If we said something, oh boi was there bad tension in the air! But in the end, we had a very nice and good talk.. She had a lot of questions, and was clearly trying to understand, which i'm really happy about. I also read this thread & comments for her, after I told her that i'd posted this on here. Having my thoughts and your comments read to her, seemed to help her to some degree of understanding.

She also seemed to be interested in joining the forum, so we agreed if she still felt for it, I would help her out either friday or saturday as she's not working and we got plenty of time to talk.

Again thank you for your support, i'll keep you posted ;)

*Kisses*

[Jennifer Marie P.]

That's great news now you have a supporter.

[Tawne]

Oh just read this story, I can imagine this is a "usual" outcome, shock but she loves you so is going to think about it. Problem is she'll probably have to find an out and talk about it with someone IE: her friends, see what they say and this is the part where **** starts to fly all over the place. But of course it depends how influenced she is by others in general, whether the final outcome will be solely her decision or influential. Probably the most important thing she will need to know is how far you plan to take this, she needs to know you're going to keep your manhood. Just my opinion, but if she's going to need an out, the best place she can go is here, and I think anyone would be very surprised that there are a heap more CD'ers then people think, just look at the front page ratio (85 members and 345 guests) 7-1 declared lol so yeah, we aren't a rarity.

[Celina]

I think your right Tawne, on the manhood thing. I do belive that is one of her concerns, most likely the biggest. How is this going to evolve over the years, and how far am I wanting to take it in the future. I can image that is somewhat of a fearsome thought for her right now, at the moment. And honestly I haven't given it a thought. Right now I just want to dress up and have some fun! I'm not that worried about her telling others, as she allready said she won't, and I belive her. I've let her know, if she have anything, even the tiniest she should ask! The numbers online aswell as the member count honestly blew me away, and so many are joining each day. I'm quite surprised to be honest. I hope she want's to join and use the forum regulary for her own sake and for ours, and so she can see that, this "unnormal" thing isen't that unnormal afterall...

[MsRenee]

Just give her time to let it all sink in.
Shes gonna have a lit of things running tbru her head and Im sure shes gonna bring them up when shes ready, just remember to keep giving her love and affection.
If shes gonna accept you this will help her by showing your not gonna close her out of your life.
Welcome to the forum girl and I wish you ad yours years of happiness together.
Renee

[robrose91]

Hi,

My GF caught me being laced into another one of my friends who got me into corsets and encourages me to dress up as it feels natural to me and whenever im dressed up I feel so comfortable and relaxed that i even go shopping with my girlfriend buying heels and bras and underwear anything really. Apart from having catsuits corsets and every item of female clothing and whenever im home im a girl and sometimes going out im a girl too depending on the day.

She was initially shocked and she has now come round to the idea and with my other friend they both encourage me to dress up daily and ive been wearing heels so often now my feet have slightly shaped to it but im happy because its what i want. My GF always goes buying me new outfits to wear like recently ive just got a corset style top wetlook leggings and 6inch patent stiletto heels which i never take off.

Its a fantastic feeling and hoping i can share more ideas to other CD's who want advice on going out for their first time or anything :)

Thanks

Rob (Rose is my girl name)

[Celina]

Hi Rose,

Dressing up does really feel fantastic! Glad to hear that your GF has come around, and that both she and your friend encourages you to dress up. Sounds like the three of you are having a lot of fun! I feel slightly jealous, hihi... Anyways can't wait to see some pictures of you, your shoes and outfits. By the sound of it, it seems there are plenty to take pictures of... Hope to chat and see you around...

Hugs, Selina

[Beverley Sims]

Xelina,
Be patient, go slow, let her absorb what you have said and don't push it.

[Tina_gm]

It has been 9 months for my wife and I. She has come a long way in that time. But she still feels that it is among the most difficult things in life for her. She has days where it doesn't bother her much, she can talk about it, even joke about it. There are other days where she struggles with it and is bothered greatly. There are two things which my wife and I am assuming most spouses and SO's have to deal with. 1st is the cd issue itself, and for those who have been told later on in the relationship, the reveal of it after becoming committed. My wife has told me that it is the latter which is the hardest to deal with, but the cding itself is certainly no picnic either.

Patience because of both elements is key to keeping a relationship healthy. I am learning this. I am by nature not a patient person. I am also realizing that it took me 3 decades to accept myself, so its not likely that my wife will only need a few weeks.

[Christina Kay]

Now I understand Gendermutt the advice you gave me in another thread. My wife knew about my cd early in our marriage. Mostly neither of us understood it. Where as it was sexual then, now it is comforting.My desire , and her wanting to cope and stay married. So It went into a closet, once in awhile it would surface or I would get caught. So I understand now, what you have been talking about. And yes i was blonde and ditzy when young, so a little slow on picking things up. lol Thank you :)

[MissTee]

Hey Selina and welcome. You've come to the right place for support. Good luck in your relationship.

[ReineD]

A 1994 study of 106 spouses of crossdressers by G.R. Brown, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that two thirds of these women did not divorce their husbands because of the CDing. Those that did, were likely to divorce due to having been lied to.

I can't help but think there is an even greater percentage of women, 20 years later, who are willing to accept their SO's CDing to varying degrees.

Although the horror stories here tend to be more graphic and so they stick in our minds, we do have a great many members who are happily married and whose wives know about this. Be sure and look up threads about the pink fog, and ask for advice from the happily married CDers on how to best avoid it. :p

Also, do keep talking to your gf. She will have many questions, and as you both learn how to meander through this, her moods might yo-yo (mine did), but eventually she will see that you are not going anywhere and your relationship is intact. It will just take time.

[Celina]

Hey Selina and welcome. You've come to the right place for support. Good luck in your relationship.

Thank you! I cannot argue with that, this forum and it's community is truely amazing! I'm very glad I found this. It has been very helpfull :)

And thank you RenieD, I am not going anywhere! I got the greatest GF ever! ;)

A small update...
So it's been slightly more than a week agoe since I told my GF, and there has been some progress since last I posted. She knew I was buying a wig, and tuesday I picked it up from the post office on my way home from work. When I came home late after soccer I told her that I had picked it up earlier on, and that I looked funny... So she asked if she could see the wig.

So I picked it up and put it on. Came into the living room and she laughed (She thinks I look like a death metal fan :doh: ) Anyways we got talking, while she helped me on how I should style the hair. We ended up however agreeing that it may not be the right wig for me (for now), and that I perhaps should try some other styles, lenghts and color. So we had a look on ebay, and found some other styles (haven't bought any yet), and to replys on what I could do, she kept saying "we" a few times. I looked at her and said "we?", "Yeah I rather be a part of this, than having you shutting me out and do it in secrecy, so you won't be in your own world" - I was so happy to hear that!

She also said yesterday that she is going to help me with makeup, and stuff like that. So I consider myself very very lucky!

She still has no desire as of yet to see me dressed, but I can certainly live with that, considering the huge progress and step she has allready taken. I know she still needs a lot of time, and I am definitly going to give her that.

Hugs Selina :heehee:

[Tina_gm]

Judging by your GF's initial reactions (normal) and that she does not want to see you dressed, there is obviously some discomfort there (also normal) I would slow it down a bit. Yes, she is trying to accommodate you... This is sometimes where there might be a backlash. Just because she will do certain things with/for you doesn't mean that you should just yet.

[Marcelle]

Hi Selina,

Like you, I only recently came out to my wife after 24 years of marriage. I can only echo the advice given . . . go slow. You are doing the right thing by keeping the communication lines open discussing things with your gf. My wife has started taking an active role in our discovery of Isha (helping me with make-up, helping me pick out appropriate clothing and lingerie). She agreed to see me dressed a week ago but that was on her terms. Prior to dressing we discussed how she would like to proceed, I go off to the bathroom as me and emerge as Isha. She decided she wanted to help with the transition as it might lessen the shock if she could see it start to finish . . . it did (according to her). Although the shock was that I am not very pretty or feminine at all :battingeyelashes: lol

Have fun and explore at a pace that is comfortable for both of you. Also remember, that as much as you need her support, she needs yours as well as you travel down this path together.

Hugs

Isha

[Tawne]

Hi Xelina looking forward to hearing updates on this. Take things slowly if you go too fast too soon she might freak, but I think things are looking good (you still have a gf), just take it easy! You can try using your en femme skills to take better notice of her, throw some extra compliments her way when she wears lipstick that matches her clothes, or puts on a nice pair of earrings, she's gonna like that, the fact that you have the power of en femme, you can connect with her on a deeper level than ever before :P

[SharonDD]

I was once told by a S.O. that it wasn't that I liked to dress up that hurt. It was that I shattered her vision of being the man of her dreams, her Prince charming. I think about that now I am dating years later and I believe it true. Good luck.

[Celina]

Hi Xelina looking forward to hearing updates on this. Take things slowly if you go too fast too soon she might freak, but I think things are looking good (you still have a gf), just take it easy! You can try using your en femme skills to take better notice of her, throw some extra compliments her way when she wears lipstick that matches her clothes, or puts on a nice pair of earrings, she's gonna like that, the fact that you have the power of en femme, you can connect with her on a deeper level than ever before :P

Ty Tawne! I am complementing her as much as I can, but without over doing it... Well I've allways shown big interest in how she looks, being makeup or clothing. And I've allways loved shopping with her, which is unusually for a guy... Now I know why... *ooops!* - I am doing my best on taking it slowly, but I let her know, that she is in her right to say stop when she feels it's just to damn much...

Anyways we bought clothes on some online sites this week, for both of us, and had a little catwalk when it came. I've bought my first shoes and dresses, and today we went out to buy makeup (her idea actually). And.... She helped me with putting on makeup this evening, and gave me tips on how to do it. Anyways I loved how I looked, and I got a few compliments from my GF too, however I made sure, that I was no match compared to her...
So now I'm only missing the beard cover (which is on it's way) and abit of pratice, and i'll be ready to take some new pictures! And if she couldn't do enough for me.... She is going to visit her parents next weekend, to let me have abit of alone time... She surely is the most AMAZING women!