Match.com

[tinak415]

My guy side has had a Match.com account for a few months and I've had mixed results. Last night I had this idea of opening an account for Tina just to experience Match.com from a "woman's" perspective and see what kind of responses I might get.

Now I have absolutely no intention of starting a conversation and leading guys on. My thought is to immediately say thanks for your interest, but we're just not a match.

Any thoughts?

[linda allen]

I would have to wonder how many other accounts are bogus? I'm sure yours wouldn't be the first. People sometimes aren't what they seem to be on the Internet.

[jenni_xx]

No harm in setting yourself up a profile "for Tina", especially so considering your intentions (not to lead anyone on, be polite in your rejections should any interest come your way). And it could be useful for you in terms of finding out what guys do write about in the messages that they send to women (a great filtering process of what and what not to do yourself.

I say go for it.

[Kate Simmons]

I guess that's okay if you don't mind spending money on an account that will yield no results. Last I had been on there in 2003, there was a monthly fee.:)

[nethiker55]

It could give you some insight in to how you are received as a woman

[natalie_cheryl]

it might even be a way to tell a woman that you do get serious with about your "other half"

[Kimberlyfaye]

I have to join in with this because I can give you some advice. I had dual accounts on a site once. As an experiment to see what interest I would get. I got chatting to a few guys and it went ok. You will get messages of all sorts though. some "hey baby, let's chat" or "ur hot fancy sum fun" But it does depend on how you set up your profile. But the problem you may find is that, and this is especially problematic with men, is the fact men always feel things will go somewhere if a woman shows him even the smallest interest. I know from experience not only online, but with my ex too.
Now, due to the suggestion by my therapist, I have set up a new account which states I am male. The gender is set to male and what I am looking for is set to female. He told me to set up the profile like this so that any woman I chat to knows upfront about what I am. And now I am seeing real results because all the women I have met are accepting of it because they already know. From experience I believe this is the best way to go if you are looking for a partner.

Of course it is completely up to you but personally I would be careful setting up a female profile because although it might not happen, you are sort of lying and you may upset some guys should they find out.

Hope this helps you out :-) x

[Lorri_c]

I joined okcupid in as a guy looking for a girl. One of my matches was a girl looking for a guy into crossdressing but he had to be skinny. Boo.

[heatherdress]

Why?

Disingenuous - yes. Wasting someone else's time - yes. Leading someone on - yes. Maybe hurting someone - yes. To what end?

[NicoleScott]

It reminds me of the crossdresser that wants to go out just for validation.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I have been on a few site's still on three, on my account it says who i am just like here or any of the other forums im on , and quite a lot.

i dont have any issues because people know who i am and what i am as a person. i think some males are inclined to not read my profile because i have had emails from a few, who are / were interested in a friendship view to marriage ,so they get a nice email back that they would be disapointed in myself, i could not fullfill a males needs, even though im a female, .

one needs to be up front with people be honist its okay dressing just dont try & fool others because you will get caught out,.

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

I would advise against it. I'm sure Match.com includes many people who misrepresent themselves in a variety of ways.

You can bet that a femme presentation will get lots more attention, but other than satisfying your curiosity, what is the point?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tina, Be careful what you wish for you never know where it might lead.

[Juliea661]

Hi Tina! It could be fun....
But....
I met my wonderful wife of 1 1/2 years on Match, and I'd like to think Match is built on honesty and therefore honest input...
For me it was a serious life changing process/site, and I would have not appreciated knowing that the one on the other end was just playing with me.
That's my two cents.
Hugs Jules

[CD_blue]

I say go ahead and do it. I met most wonderful woman (not the comic book one this one is real!) on Eharmony. I'll be honest though before I signed up to Eharmony which costed good sum of money I went on the free ones such as match.com and POF with few "bogus" profiles to see what worked and didn't work. Just basically learning the in's and out's of online dating. There is no harm in what your doing imho. Personally though I wouldn't respond at all to the messages. Match.com to read actual messages/send messages you have to pay. The members are just going to assume your profile is not a paid profile since you can set profile up for free.

[Lori Kurtz]

Why?

Disingenuous - yes. Wasting someone else's time - yes. Leading someone on - yes. Maybe hurting someone - yes. To what end?

Gotta agree with "heatherdress". And with others who urge you to find a way to do it honestly. I have to admit that I'm open to criticism on this, by my own standards, because I often engage in cybersex online with guys who think I'm a real woman. But that's not an environment where real people are seeking real relationships. It's just a quick and uncomplicated sexual experience. The guys I play with get the orgasm they wanted. But the guys who might find "Tina" interesting will be hoping to find a real woman, and will be trusting you to be honest with them. Even if you cut off every potential relationship early on, the other person's feelings will already have become involved, and the very fact that you inexplicably cut them off might well be hurtful.

[Jodi M]

Playing games with other peoples minds and emotions online or anywhere else is never right!

[Sheren Kelly]

I'll join the chorus, this is a bad idea.
How would you feel if you initiated an online connection, only to find the other person was lying or at best just using you as an experiment? Treat others as you wish to be treated.

[Lynn Marie]

Your idea sure sounded fun at first but after reading all the replies I have to side with the girls who are against it. I hate being deceived and conversely deceiving others. It hurts to be "had" or lied to.

[Wildaboutheels]

BAD IDEA for many reasons on many levels. I have actually SEEN the mailboxes of a few ladies I have met on various Dating sites. They wanted to show me firsthand what they go through/put up with. NOT pretty, believe me. Why make an already bad situation worse?

And Match DOES conjure at least some profiles from thin air.

[suchacutie]

Why not generate the site you really want (it seems): Name: Tina. Gender male. Looking for: female. Then in the description explain that you live in both genders and are looking for a woman who is interested in a relationship with a guy and in having a girlfriend at the same time.

Direct, honest, and maybe successful in the ways you'd love it to be.

[Nicole Erin]

I don't think any feelings will be hurt because men who use dating sites tend to message a lot of women. They are used to rejection, even if someone talks to them a few times then cuts ties.
Does someone REALLY still think online dating is like this scenario? Someone browses profiles, finds a promising match, sends message, gets message back, talks for a bit, meets real life, and then...?

Online dating is a waste of time in any case. At one point, it may have worked for some but these days it is full of creepy men, men pretending to be women (even if they are not TG at all), scam artists, prostitutes, idle profiles...

The genuine good men on those are far and few between (if any). A lot of the actual women on there are just "seeing what kind of attention they can get". They have no intention of going on an actual date with someone in person, no, they prefer to read thru the love letters while eating their anti-depression pills and waiting for the SSI checks.

Basically yeah you can set up a female profile but the feedback you get will say little about how you are taken as a woman. Men see a photo that even somewhat resembles a woman and they do not even read the profile, they just add her to their mass mailing list for the day and send them all a quick "Hey baby what's up?"
So the men on dating sites, how then do they see women? They see a life support system for a vagina.

[CD_blue]

I think it is important keep in mind what the OP said "Now I have absolutely no intention of starting a conversation and leading guys on. My thought is to immediately say thanks for your interest, but we're just not a match."

They aren't going to be leading no one on, nor are they going to having conversations. To me it's just information seeking. If one was to start emailing people back and forth pretending they are something they aren't... That is whole different ballgame than what OP is talking about. Leading someone on pretending someone your not is bad thing to for sure stay away from but don't think that is case here. Having done online dating thing before as I mentioned I got turned down few times and turned down a few. It's not a blow to the ego at all. Mostly on match when people have to pay to respond.

[docrobbysherry]

Why not generate the site you really want (it seems): Name: Tina. Gender male. Looking for: female. Then in the description explain that you live in both genders and are looking for a woman who is interested in a relationship with a guy and in having a girlfriend at the same time.

Direct, honest, and maybe successful in the ways you'd love it to be.
I believe Match is one of those sites that won't allow u to post pics of, "someone other than yourself". If u join as a man, I think they'll only accept pics of a man.

I tried that there awhile back and Sherry's photos were rejected.

[Leona]

Do it on Craigslist instead, preferably in another city. And give up early in the conversation, perhaps spilling your beans. Most of the men on there aren't going to hook up that night anyway, and the ones that are, well, don't be the person they hold out for and then wind up not hooking up.

I did it in the Seattle craigslist and had a great time. One guy, after I told him what I was up to, got into a serious conversation about the results I was getting. He was flabbergasted to see that not only did he not have any style, but he actually stood out just because he returned messages. :)

Anyway, craigslist addresses the concerns some of these girls are throwing up: you're not wasting their time because you're not the only person they're talking to (or trying to talk to, anyway). There's a high likelihood they'd be wasting your time if you were serious about a hookup.

Now, as for actual dating, POF is always free, and because of that has some of the benefits that craigslist has (e.g. you're not wasting their time because you're not the only person they're talking to, and a lot of them are still basically looking for a hook up anyway), while still carrying some of the respect that Match.com generally carries (people there really are looking for relationships). As for the photograph thing, I have a feeling that if you do what Sherry did on POF instead of Match.com, you'll be able to keep the profile with the pics up. But it would be better to put the CD pics in the private area, and share those with someone before you go on a date. That's assuming you're looking for dates.

[Tamara Croft]

This thread is quite funny, all those holier than thou attitudes regarding creating another persona and deceiving people... HELLO, YOU'RE ALL MTF CDS... gosh!! whodathunkit!

[Eryn]

I think that creating a account for you femme side on match.com has to qualify as a Really Bad Idea.

People join match.com to find mates, not to be toyed with by people fantasizing about being the opposite gender. Getting rejected hurts and just because other people might be doing similar things doesn't make it right.

[linda allen]

This thread is quite funny, all those holier than thou attitudes regarding creating another persona and deceiving people... HELLO, YOU'RE ALL MTF CDS... gosh!! whodathunkit!

Yes, but this is a crossdressing forum, we know what to expect and we tell each other that we're crossdressers. match.com or any other mainstream dating site is supposed to be real and for real people seeking relationships with other real people. No doubt there are frauds on these sites but for some folks that's their best chance to meet someone. I used to work with a man who met his wife on eHarmony. For real. They were in the ads for a time.

[vanitysumers]

on ALT.COM you will find women who like TS and some CD'S/TG.

[IMkrystal]

I believe Match is one of those sites that won't allow u to post pics of, "someone other than yourself". If u join as a man, I think they'll only accept pics of a man.

I tried that there awhile back and Sherry's photos were rejected.

In general finding women interested in a relationship is difficult no matter what you do. My photo has been rejected on Match, POF, and other dating sites even though I have explain myself as a man who crossdress. The problem has always been the lack of women open to this lifestyle. There are crossdressing and adult dating sites available, but not being “main stream" most women have no interest in these sites. The one site able to avoid this problem is Crossdresser.com. It markets to people curious about transgender issues and allows the general population to read about people different from them. Having just passed the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington, hopefully women who come on this site will realize the stereotypical views are untrue and trying to define us with words such as transgender, crossdresser, queer, deviant, etc. does not express our individualities. As long as we remain under the radar, sites like crossdresser .com are our only hope.

[Sheren Kelly]

... HELLO, YOU'RE ALL MTF CDS...
And we are representing ourselves as such, as opposed to representing ourselves as a GG in a forum that is dedicated to fostering personal relationships. I don't see the parallel.

[NicoleScott]

The internet can be used for deceptive purposes, but sites like this one (this one) allows some of us to be honest with who we are when we don't think we can in real life. I'm a crossdresser and my real name is not Nicole. I can't tell my co-workers and family that. That's not dishonest. Representing myself online as a real GG would be.

[Beverley Sims]

I met a Nigerian banker there and gave him my credit card details, was that wrong? :)

[NicoleScott]

I met a Nigerian banker there and gave him my credit card details, was that wrong? :)

Just be patient, Beverly. You'll soon get your big payout. I'm sure the check is already in the mail, like he said it was.

[tinak415]

Hi!

Thanks for everyone's responses. A lot of good points pro and con of my idea.

I've decided not to go through with my "experiment". Many of the above responses that were against my idea, reminded me of my own guy mode experience with Match. I always read the profiles and sent notes to women that caught my interest. So I've had some amount of hope that there would be a connection of some degree with these women. It was always frustrating when I would get an immediate thanks, but not interested. Which I did appreciate that they took the time to send me a quite note. Then there were the no responses at all, which happened a lot more often. Anyway, knowing how I felt when i received the rejection notes, or no note at all, I don't want to get someone's hope's up just for my own "research".

Thanks again for everyone's feedback!

[heatherdress]

This thread is quite funny, all those holier than thou attitudes regarding creating another persona and deceiving people... HELLO, YOU'RE ALL MTF CDS... gosh!! whodathunkit!

You suggest honesty is a "holier than thou" attitude?

I also do not equate dressing in female clothing, or any type of clothing, for my personal enjoyment, typically within my own home, to be the same as deliberately misrepresenting my sex (lying) to someone who has paid money to find friendship or love and could become embarrassed or hurt.

Maybe this thread is not as funny as you think.

[ReineD]

Tina, if you're asking if this is ethical, my thoughts are no. You're still leading people on even if you intend on not following through. Others will take time from their busy schedules to read your profile and write. You would be wasting their time, if nothing else, not to mention how someone might feel being rejected.

But, if you do plan on setting up a profile as Tina somewhere with the express purpose of meeting people and following through, then I think it is a good idea. I've read several times here that people have used Plenty of Fish (POF) (http://www.pof.com/). It's free.


It could give you some insight in to how you are received as a woman

Not really. Tina would only be posting a small picture of herself with wig, etc. A one inch picture does not truly reflect who anyone is. The rest of the profile would be made-up stuff which anyone can do as well.

If Tina wants to see how she is received as a woman, her best bet is to attend the speed dating evenings where she sits for 5 minutes in front of someone chatting, then moves on to the next twenty guys. This would be a true measure of how well she passes. Not a one inch picture at the perfect angle, with profile details that are made up to suit the situation.


EDIT - Tina, I've just seen your response that you're not going to do it. I think this is best. :hugs:

[SophieKitty]

I just set up a Sophie account for OkCupid, and blatantly said that I'm only interested in women (but did say guys are free to try and woo me), and it's amazing that I've had over 100 guys view my profile, and had lots of straight guys send me really dirty sexual messages. But in a way it's a confidence boost, because they said my girl mode looks hot xD

[brinda_cd]

Has anyone used OkCupid to meet men?

What is the best place to meet open minded men?

[Khaleesi81]

Internet dating is hilarious. That said, I did meet my fiancé on okcupid. But had some laughs along the way!

From the impression I get from girls, just the odd CD would be nothing compared to the amount of illiterate hairgelled douchebags sending girls poorly spelled one like messages asking if they want to hook up.

[cdmcconnell84]

Tina,
Though I think a lot of responders to this thread of yours raise some valid concerns, I think some of the criticism is a bit unfairly harsh. Some of it I think too might depend a bit on what the details of your situation are.
Take me, for example, I've got an OKCupid profile I just included in my signature (I think that's allowed via the forum's rules, right?). Anyway, I created this profile because I wanted to go out more as my feminine self and wanted some friends to do things with when I did. I don't know about you, but I consider myself more transgender than crossdresser, but if that's the case for you then I don't think it's entirely "disingenuous" to open a "female" profile. In my opinion, there is not a stark dichotomy between online profiles that are "truthful" and those that are "lies"... It's much more a spectrum.
OKCupid doesn't allow me to chose "Other" as my gender, but I might go that route if they did. But, if anything, I feel it's more honest for me to check the "female" box than the "male" one in this case. My photos are of my feminine self and that's who I want to make friends as... I do explain in one section of my profile that I'm mtf transgender, but I purposefully didn't put that in the very front of the profile. I'm hopeful that for a little while people will actually think about whether or not we have the same tastes in movies and love to travel rather than what's in my pants. Obviously, if your photos are all smoke and mirrors that present you very differently than you would seem irl, there's some deception there (the same kind that very large GGs engage in not rarely though, I'd say), and if you don't feel at all transgendered, but only see crossdressing as a rare hobby, so that you'd never be interested in meeting irl as a woman, then yes, I'd say the exact plan you had for Match.com might not be a good idea, but if you're like me, I think you might consider something like what I put up on OKCupid.
Just a thought...
Best of luck to you!
~ Caleigh

[Bridgetlagurl]

A transgender woman in New York has died after being beaten by a group of men who attacked her and yelled gay slurs.

The victim, 21-year-old Islan Nettles, died Thursday in a Harlem hospital when she was taken off life support five days following the attack.


The attacker, a 20-year-old man named Paris Wilson, was arrested for assault but now that the victim has died he may face murder charges.


The attack on Nettles was the latest in a spate of bias incidents this year in New York and a total of 68 have been reported so far this year, showing a significant increase from the 54 that were reported in all of last year.

Nettles and a friend, another transgender woman, were out Saturday evening in Harlem when they ran into a group of men and one pounced, punching Nettles in the face, police said.

The New York Post reports that the attack took place after Wilson began flirting with Nettles, before he realized she was transgendered.


Once that became clear, his friends started teasing him and he proceeded to attack her.



Hate crime: A witness told police that the attackers yelled gay slurs at Nettles, who was walking down a street in Harlem with other transgender women
Hate crime: A witness told police that the attackers yelled gay slurs at Nettles, who was walking down a street in Harlem with other transgender women


After the attack, Nettles was hospitalized, slipped into a coma and later died.

The witness eventually told detectives about the anti-gay remarks- after initially leaving them out of the criminal report- and the hate crimes task force took over the investigation.

Detectives are looking whether the suspect had propositioned Nettles.

Upgraded charges are possible following the medical examiner's ruling, police said.

Nettle's sister, Elana, said in an interview Friday that she and her mother were coping well so far but did not comment further.


The bias attacks this year range from yelled slurs to the May killing of a 32-year-old gay man in Greenwich Village. Police stepped up patrols this summer in response.

In May, police said Mark Carson, 32, was first taunted with homophobic slurs, then shot in the head in Greenwich Village, not far from the site of 1969 riots that helped give rise to the gay rights movement.

A suspect was arrested on a charge of murder as a hate crime. The killing, and other bias attacks, sparked a summer protest attended by thousands.


Too late: Nettles was in a coma at Harlem Hospital for five days before she died on Thursday
Too late: Nettles was in a coma at Harlem Hospital for five days before she died on Thursday


Some of the other bias incidents this summer included an assault last week where two men were attacked in Chelsea.

Christine Quinn, the city's first openly gay City Council speaker and a mayoral candidate, denounced the most recent attack.

'An attack against one person, or one community, is an assault against all New Yorkers,' she said in a joint statement with other council members.

'We ask all New Yorkers to come together, to embrace our differences and to denounce hate violence.'


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2401090/Islan-Nettles-beaten-death-transgender-woman-dies-attack-New-York.html#ixzz2j7LptKeI
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

To the person who said something to the effect that this is quit funny because we are all lying on here. We are not lying, we are being open here to the fact that we are CD, TG. There is a big difference when you lead some one on that you are in fact a BIO FEMALE. There maybe a lot of male who do not approve of us, but have no intention of doing anything to harm anyone. Put them in the spot of being fooled and you are risking your life.

[cdmcconnell84]

I hate to derail this thread, but....
No, Bridget, this is a false equivalency.
Tina's creation of an online profile does not put her life at risk. In fact, most of the thread's criticism has been that if Tina were to do as she stated she was considering doing and simply turn away all of the interested parties that came her way, she would be the one in the wrong for wasting all of these men's time.

Your final quote though I find quite a dangerous thing to say:

Put them in the spot of being fooled and you are risking your life.

Depending on what Tina decided to do there might be some sort of "deception" to speak of, but in the case of Islan Nettles?!
How was she "fooling" anyone? By being transgender and being out in public?

We live in a dangerous world and it's good for all of us to remember that, especially those of us transgressing gender norms. So yes, it's true that there's a lot of hatred and violence in this world and yes it's true that we gurls can be liars just as much as any other kind of folk... but let's please not come to the conclusion that simply being ourselves constitutes a lie.
Sorry for the rant, but I just feel very strongly that this is an important point here on this forum.
Thank you,
Caleigh

[Bridgetlagurl]

Sorry I did not mean to over state this. I took the story from the New York Times as it started with a online profile, in this case FB. Just meant to point out the dangers of not being up front about who you are in the event you get wrapped up and decide to meet some one.
Anyways it is worth talking about.

[AllieSF]

I am a little late here, but knowing and participating in the online dating scene for quite a long time (obviously with little true successes) I see no harm in doing what you are proposing, especially when you had planned ("had" because you have now said that you will not do this) to decline conversation, written or otherwise, with anyone who contacts you. No one is going to get hurt when you do not communicate with them. Someone please tell how that could happen. As for wasting someone's time. It is a dating site and just surfing it can be a big waste of time, so that will not hurt nor really waste a lot of time for most of the people who may try to contact you. If you ever look at some of the messages that you receive, the vast majority of them are one liners. Why, because those "honest" people also just ignore someone's effort to contact them, deleting the message, many times without even reading it.

I do believe that you can learn from the experience if you handle it correctly. You can see how people respond to your looks and your profile. Now, since Match.com is a paid site, why not try a free site like plentyoffish.com or OKCupid.com. OKCupid I think has advised members and maybe new members that they do limit gender variations form posting. So, check out their rules first.