Confidence

[LeaP]

I've recently been accused of lacking confidence. One more specifically "RLE confidence." This on the basis of writing about experiences like getting my ears pierced. In that thread (and others like it), I've expressed fear, hesitation and other such feelings. These apparently give some – and they have all been cross-dressers to date – the impression that if I am afraid of such small things then RLE will never happen.

First of all, I'm not going to stop writing about my feelings, on even small events like getting my ears pierced. (And that, indeed, is a small event.)

But the main point of this post is that there is an immense difference between simply going out dressed with confidence and taking steps toward changing your life, not going back, and incurring the myriad risks that carries.

I can go out dressed with confidence. So what? In the larger scheme of things, right now, that means absolutely, positively nothing. When your everyday life is rooted in your male existence, it just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you're part-time. It doesn't matter if you're president of your local support group. It doesn't matter if you have a Facebook page filled with pictures of yourself dressed to the nines.

There's a material difference between the confidence required to do those things versus transition. Because transition steps shake your psychological foundation in a way that those other things don't at all. This is why I can have the feelings I did in getting my ears pierced even though that seems to comically contrast with not being concerned about growing breasts. Fact is, I went through a period of major self-consciousness with breast growth. I got over it. That doesn't prevent me from invoking transition fears anew by taking a much smaller step.

The accompanying accusation is that if I fear such small things that I will never actually make it to RLE. All I will say in response to that is that the fears, big and small, are not keeping me from moving forward.

So think what you like. But until you are taking my road and for the reasons I am, you just might consider keeping some opinions to yourself.

A final thought. Confidence is not the same as courage. I do lack confidence! But I go ahead anyway. Something I could not do before deciding to transition. Some people say that going ahead in the face of fear or lack of confidence is courage. I'm not so sure about that. To me it still just feels like fear and lack of confidence. But I will tell you this – some of those comments and accusations have come to me secondhand. And I sure don't lack the courage to say things to people's faces.

[Nigella]

Each of us travel this journey in our own way. You are right in that it is turning umpteen years of a male existence on its head. It is even harder for someone to transition in situ, rather than move and start all over again.

There is a world of difference between changing clothing to suit your particular mood and changing your life. RLE is not an easy step to take, it does take courage, the courage to show the real you, to accept that people will not see you in the same light ever again.

For those who seem to think that we, TSs, are scared, bloody right we are, we run the risk of losing everything that we have built in our lives, is that a lack of confidence, no its not, confidence comes with time, it is built up with experience.

Lea, as you progress through your particular path of transition, you will gain the confidence and courage to move forward. It may only be baby steps, but as I have recently learn't, woman was never meant to run before she could walk. Ignore the naysayers, follow the path you feel is right for you, you are travelling the road, make it a safe journey :hugs:

[Ann Louise]

I feel your courage and strength Lea and I'm proud to be your trans sister. Ann

[Angela Campbell]

Fear of major change is understandable. It is the sign of sanity and intelligence. Fear is the rationalization of something dangerous. It is like a caution sign warning us of possible dangers. Confidence comes with overcoming our fears.It is quite different to go out in public knowing you can revert back to a more comfortable male role if things go wrong for you, but in transition there is no going back. There is no other option, there is no hiding it.

In my mind if you do not fear those small things you are not ready for RLE, You are in a fantasy.

[Beth-Lock]

I finally threw away my reluctance/putting off getting my ears pierced after several years of RLE, when I had actually been given an SRS surgery date. At that point my procrastination was starting to look silly. But I had memories of the problems my mother had had, getting her ears pierced late in life. My ear piercing, done at a small store, by a sales assistant with a lot of experience and a detailed written protocol to follow, was much better done, (than by Mom's Doctor).

Anyway, I don't believe squeamishness proves anything, except perhaps you are either a squeamish person, or are having an attack of squeamishness.

My ears are fully healed now, and I am really happy I can wear all manner of nice earrings and the greatest number and variety are only made for pierced ears. I am also getting quite used to putting them in, though it can still be a time-consuming struggle, especially for some types. (I was also really happy, after returning from SRS that I could wear short-shorts, and bought three pairs in different colours. Then my sister spoiled it all by telling me I was too old to wear any shorts, anyway. But I had the experience for a while.)

If I or anyone wanted to pass as a guy again for fun, I don't think anyone would worry about signs of pierced ears betraying you. I suppose if I were really worried I could cover the holes with stick concealer. I think the worry in the back of some people's minds, is that it is an irrevocable step into being a woman.

It takes one some time to get one's mind around that, just like it takes a lot of people several tries to fully accept a friend or relative, or romantic partner as being trans. The mind plays tricks on us all. But you can't make an omellete, without breaking eggs.

[LeaP]

I don't think I really hit the radar for the gossip machine until I started writing more openly about my feelings in the open forum. In the past, I kept such things to Safehaven. Thinking on that, I realize that in some respects that was a continuation of hiding. There are some things I still only take there or will say there. But that's because I need the strictly limited input and perspective of TS alone, or want to make candid comments that may be misunderstood outside.

But as I have experienced more and more emotional integration, I find I don't have to hide emotion any longer. I don't feel threatened by being myself. As a sidenote, I also find that I am nicer. I don't have to let things build up until they explode out of me inappropriately.

LOL! At least, I think I'm nicer! I laugh because I find I'm acquiring a different sort of directness. I have always had the ability to be direct as an act of will. But it always had an edge to it. There is a difference now. I'm simply expressing what I feel, appropriately. No doubt I will acquire that "mean and nasty TS" reputation in time, too!

[emma5410]

I did not get my ears pierced until two months into my RLE and I still felt nervous. You are right to point out the difference between courage and confidence. People call me brave but I am doing what I have to do. Somehow I find the inner strength to take each step. I found the strength to walk into work as Emma for the first time because I had to do it but I was anything but confident. My confidence has had to be built slowly through experience.
Most CDers are cisgendered. They cannot understand what it is to be TS. I would ignore their gossip and ignorance if they are criticising you for something they will never understand.
Keep going Lea you will get there in the end.

[StephanieC]

Hi Lea,

I commend you for writing about your feelings. It certainly helps those of us who lack both courage and confidence. (However, it seems I'm becoming more social as time goes on.)

I think there are some people jump into the deep end of the swimming pool and some that enter gradually from the shallow end. We all have different experiences and different motivators. For me, I think the important thing is that I'm moving in the right direction, regardless of the speed.

So thanks for taking a chance and sharing with us.

-stephani

[Kelly DeWinter]

Lea;

Posting online is not about lacking confidence. courage or anything. For some reason people have a natural tendency to drag others down. You are doing well, so what does it matter what anyone else thinks ?

[Nicole Brown]

I hope no one minds if I jump into the middle of this discussion, but as a woman who is just over 6 weeks into her RLE I believe I have a few worthwhile things to say. First, and foremost I sincerely believe that we all go through, and experience RLE differently. IMHO, no one has the right, much less the privilege, to say or determine what is proper for anyone other than for themselves.

In support of Lea, let me say that I was shaking as i sat in the chair to have my ears pierced. Why, I really don't know, but it has absolutely nothing to do with confidence or appearing in public as a woman. Since moving into my new condo 6 weeks ago, I have lived full time as the woman I am. All of my new neighbors know me only as Nicole and as a woman. When I went to the mall to have my ears pierced, I was dressed entirely as a woman. I am out and about as Nicole full time and have long ago passed the point of being anything but totally comfortable presenting as a woman.

So, Why would anyone have anything negative to say about someone who get a little nervous about having a hole punched through her ear? Or her eyebrows arched and trimmed, or long semi permanent nails attached to her fingers? I was nervous when I had all of these procedures performed for me, does that give anyone the right to pass judgement on me or anyone else.

As I just mentioned, I have only been into my RLE for 6 weeks, but I truly believe that my transition began nearly 2 years ago. You know, I was also nervous when I began laser treatments, when I began electrolysis, when I started HRT and as my body began to respond to the hormones. Is there really anything wrong with a person reacting to an unknown? Most, if not all of us, at one time or another have experienced unknowns and in their own way reacted and responded to it.

I consider myself a normal sane individual who just needs to straighten out and correct some birth defects. I am totally beyond caring about what others think of me, it just doesn't bother me, or matter to me any longer. Stay strong and do what is right for you Lea and just ignore those, who most likely don't even know you, but feel it is there place to evaluate or judge you.

[LeaP]

You are doing well, so what does it matter what anyone else thinks ?

Thank you! The only opinions that matter to me are those of us who are in the same position or have gone through it already.

So why bring the different views of this up? Because I think it pinpoints a key source of differences. The contention that I lack confidence sufficient to transition is based on a view of crossdressING (not crossdressER necessarily) confidence. Confidence pertaining to THAT is a different animal. I didn't have the type of fear when overcoming going out dressed that I'm experiencing now. It's not better, not worse, just different - lest anyone think this another example of TS elitism.

[Nigella]

There is no TS elitism as far as I can see. Those who felt that they knew best, and showed it in their postings, have flown the coop, and lets face it the forum has not collapsed because they are not here.

A TS who is going full time has so much to face their confidence can take a battering. As a CDer, I never thought twice about going out and being me, some of that confidence was lost when the decision to go full time was faced. It was slowly regained. The real world as faced by both a CDer and a TS are so far apart that elitism can be perceived, but the old adage of walk a mile in her shoes certainly fits. Until you have tried to live the live of someone you do not understand, you will never understand them.

[kimdl93]

I'm glad you speak out about your reservations, fears and apprehensions. It seems to me that these are the things of real life experience. I don't think anything should be deemed a litmus test and you shouldnt have to apologize for having concerns. If people can offer advice and encouragement that helps you past some obstacles, wonderful. But, no one should suggest that you are falling short because of the choices you make or don't make.

[LeaP]

... So thanks for taking a chance and sharing with us. ...


This comment gave me pause. I couldn't figure out why until I realized I didn't take a chance in posting. I have become secure enough - or confident enough - that my identity, my core, is not threatened by my expressing fears. Put differently, I've moved past bravado to really not caring what others think.

It's not confidence in my lack of confidence. It's feeling secure in myself in the face of lack of confidence (or doubt and fear).

[Kelly DeWinter]

Leah;

Good for you, your confidence,pace and decisions are your own; too many people jump into decisions based on emotions and then regret those decisions ( I bought a car once on an emotional decision , and ended up paying for it for 4 years ! ) Decisions need to be based on a lot of things especially permanent decisions. Love your avatar hon.

[LeaP]

... Love your avatar hon.

Thanks! I need to take a new one. I was at least 50 pounds heavier when that was taken.

[Jorja]

Confidence comes through experience. If you try something once it is an experience. Do it three or four times, your confidence begins to build. Do something every day 24/7 you soon discover if it is something you can live with. Transitioning is no different. However, transition will attract attention quicker than most other things one tries in life. There will be the hate mongers. They will try to unsettle you. They want you to quit your transition to make them feel more comfortable in this world. While what they will say and do will hurt deep down you must learn how to keep focused on your main goal. Guess what? It isn't about them. It is all about you and what you want and need in your life. Do not be afraid to step out there and be yourself. Thousands have gone before you and have successfully transitioned. You can do it too.

PS - Do not be afraid to be scared at times. Do not be afraid to second guess a decision. This is how we learn. Take your situation and dissect it just as you have everything else along your journey. Make a decision that you can live with and keep moving forward.

[Sandra]

I personally think that those who say these things, lack the confidence themselves and saying this makes them feel better.

[KellyJameson]

It is sometimes difficult to not see everything thru the looking glasses of transsexuality but we are more than just transsexuals because every transsexual is an individual and I think there is a risk to forgetting this because all the focus at first is on being transsexual and transitioning in the beginning.

We discover ourselves as transsexuals but forget ourselves as individuals but we need to keep our individuality to find our transsexuality and vice versa.

If you reject one you lose the other.

There are transsexuals who are extroverts and others who are introverts.

If I had not accepted my individuality I would never had accepted my transsexuality because I am not like any other transsexual I have ever met and this would have resulted in never overcoming serious insecurities and self doubt.

Confidence is the result of what we become and in this "becoming" we become more confident so it is one more process in the process of transitioning but to transition you must accept your individuality while also deciding what to let go of or acquire to take you further along to becoming an individual.

At its core transitioning takes you to self actualization which is the extreme state of being an autonomous fully formed individual and it is in this state of self actualization that confidence blooms fourth from.

Fear is not something outside of us but it is "us" and it is this aspect of us that can prevent self actualization depending on our relationship to fear as "us"

Fear, self doubt, insecurity, lack of confidence, ect are all experiences of the self on the path to self actualization through transitioning.

Every step on the path whether it is RLE, breasts, ear piercing, electrolysis, SRS will bring afresh the challenges of fear, self doubt, insecurity ect.. because that is what it is to be human.

Transitioning is a microcosm for the whole of life as the process of movement toward self actualization.

The experiences are different for the transsexual from the cis-gender but contextually they are very similar because first and foremost we are all individuals struggling at its core with the same problems.

Many woman "as individuals" have had the exact same experience as you when first getting their ears pierced

In hindsight I can now see that one of the dangers to transitioning is forgetting that you are an individual (human being) first and a transsexual ( woman) second.

It is very easy to lose yourself by getting lost in gender.

There must be a balance struck because they are interdependent.

We must see both at the same time to have either.

Congratulations on the weight loss Lea

[Badtranny]

This is why I don't like to see opinions on transitioning or specifically RLE from people who haven't done it.

I don't care how much time you spend 'en femme' or whatever, your life will completely change when your name changes.

Also, let's try to not redefine RLE the way we've redefined transition in this forum. It is a REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE and that means 24/7. Real life doesn't happen in fits and starts, it happens every minute of every day. It's not almost real life, or real life except at work, you're either full time or your not. Lea is preparing for an enormous life change, not a day of shopping in the next town. Those preparations are nerve wracking and terrifying. She is making permanent steps into the future and in doing so, will inevitably leave many things behind. There will be a point when her life is changed irrevocably and this is a cliff she sees coming. People who haven't approached this cliff don't have any reference to speak from.

[LeaP]

Thank you, Misty - very well put. I have started seeing almost everything I do in the context of that cliff. The relationships I have with people now. My behavior patterns now. It's not to this point yet, but I can see that it's heading toward becoming an all-consuming focus.

[Kathryn Martin]

Courage, heart, fortitude is doing what must be done in the face pain and adversity, but with heart. I have come to know you and you have heart. The road you are on has nothing to do with getting dressed and everything to do with getting real. People like to opine away mostly about things they have not the foggiest clue about. Weekend warriors, pfft. What is real is walking into a meeting that you have to chair or a courtroom and asserting who you are while doing a good job at what you are hired to do. A bit different than going to a gay bar on a gurls night out with the bloody support group, isn't it.

[stefan37]

if you are actively transitioning there will be a point and it does not always happen in order or at specific times, when it gets real.
Courage or fear getting your ears pierced is not the same as getting your name changed and facing the world as you. It is comfort and we all have different levels of comfort and we all reach it at different times. Fear of the unknown certainly plays a huge part. We also all different levels of confidence. Anybody that has taken the step to start HRT and commit to transition will have the confidence to live their life as their innate self. It will happen, it has to happen, how long is up to each individual. i can remember first wearing nail polish and eyeliner daily in male mode years ago. getting my ears pierced also invoked the same feelings of discomfort initially. I know I did and I bet Lea also feels self conscious. As we progress further we need to conquer now feeling of self consciousness. Those feelings will fade as our confidence grows.

Lea ignore the calls that you lack confidence. You took the step to start transition, that decision alone is a huge leap into the unknown and although we have experienced members to help us along, as we reach each step we have to let go our fear and jump.

Stay strong Lea, work your own pace and you will be fine

[melissaK]

Loved your OP LeaP.
It all resonated with my intuition and it all made sense to me.
:-)

[Nicole Erin]

Keep in mind that the hardcore CDs have a different mindset. Worry not if they think you have confidence or whatever.
With RLE - There is an awkward phase when you are adjusting to your new role but once it is over, it becomes normal.
When I was kinda getting ready for full time, I remember my co-workers obsessed every day about something femme I was wearing. These days, the only comments I get about my outfits are compliments from women.
The only time I get stupid comments is if I am wearing something a bit too ****ty. Other than that, people don't even notice me. Hopefully they notice my hot legs though...

Also if you have not been around other TG much in real life, people don't act the same as they do on a forum.

The goal is not to impress other TG, it is to assimilate to everyday society. Once you been full time for a while, a few months at least, you are just another woman in the crowd.
Also, given your appearance, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I mean if I saw you and didn't know who you were, I would just assume you were another GG woman and not give a second thought. You will do fine.

[Deborah_UK]

I've had a break from here for a while, but your post resonated with me Lea.

I think that Melissa Hobbs has put her finger on it. You're talking about Real Life Experience, not fantasy life, not "I went into the ladies room and "passed"" you're talking about living life as you were meant to be.

I spent a couple of years building to RLE, making sure I did things that would make that first day less traumatic. I transitioned in situ, but in an employment situation that gave me quite a bit of protection (the UK Civil Service) - you should do things exactly at your own pace.

I remember so many people saying how "brave" I was to transition. I always disagreed, I wasn't being brave, just finally being me.

But I do like the cliff analogy - once you step over the edge there is no going back, but you appear to be doing as much as you can to ensure that the step over the edge takes you to a much better place and a good landing.

Oh and having pierced ears is so better than wearing clip ons! :)

[Rogina B]

I know I did and I bet Lea also feels self conscious. As we progress further we need to conquer now feeling of self consciousness. Those feelings will fade as our confidence grows.

I am the guilty party that Lea doesn't mention. Every time someone that is making steps to transition posts something that shows a lack of confidence,I get to wondering..And yes,sometimes posting,but not intending to be mean,just questioning. We have posters that fear telling their SO's or families. We have some that fear telling their employer,and we have some that fear some very minor events in my sole opinion. You[the transitioners] have huge changes coming on. They are really gutsy changes in the quest for creating a "happily ever after" for years to come. To me,[it seems] that so many of the hangups are just a small pebble in your path and something you take in stride in order to create your "happily ever after". And that's a very brave thing to attempt,but it goes a lot easier with constant displays of confidence which builds at different rates for different people. "Putting on your big girl panties" is just another expression for it. And confidence plays a big part in achieving the acceptance of others that are important in your life. My post was merely to question,not shake.Rogina

[Jonianne]

.....I find I don't have to hide emotion any longer. I don't feel threatened by being myself. As a sidenote, I also find that I am nicer. I don't have to let things build up until they explode out of me inappropriately.....

I love what you are saying here, Lea.

When I was in intense therapy, my therapists said their job was to put themselves out of a job. In order to do that, I had to learn how to express my feeling to others as I felt secure enough and trusted both them and myself.

This forum is a place to share your emotions, no matter how small or insignificant someone thinks it is. Anything can be major to any of us at the right time. You have proven yourself to have experienced a very important growth in your life and that is something we all can admire and hope to improve on in our own lives as well. Congratulations!

[LeaP]

I am the guilty party that Lea doesn't mention. ...

You give yourself too much credit. And, as usual, you have no idea what you are talking about.

[Sally24]

There are many paradoxes with us so I don't find it strange that little things like pierced ears would affect you. I find that posting and sharing your feeling here on the forum is very therapeutic. It allows you to try to put into words what you are feeling and thinking. If that helps others, great! But it is probably done more for me then for them.

I don't expect to be following a path to full time or RLE but find that much that is shared on this part of the forum matches me. Keep on writing and sharing and living Lea!

[gonegirl]

You[the transitioners] have huge changes coming on. They are really gutsy changes in the quest for creating a "happily ever after" for years to come. To me,[it seems] that so many of the hangups are just a small pebble in your path and something you take in stride in order to create your "happily ever after"...... "Putting on your big girl panties" is just another expression for it. And confidence plays a big part in achieving the acceptance of others that are important in your life...

If anyone believes that a TS person who is transitioning does so to create their "happy ever after", then you have no idea what this is all about. Using terms like "putting on your big girl panties" in this context and stating that "displays of confidence that play a big part in achieving the acceptance of others that are important in your life" is ignorant commentary that has no place in the TS forum.

What it is about has everything to do with identity, self acceptance, quality of life, and survival. The last one on that list is usually the first one a TS becomes intimately acquainted with and is one reason why there is very low tolerance for BS around here.

Sincerely,
Simone.

[stefan37]

I am the guilty party that Lea doesn't mention. Every time someone that is making steps to transition posts something that shows a lack of confidence,I get to wondering..And yes,sometimes posting,but not intending to be mean,just questioning. We have posters that fear telling their SO's or families. We have some that fear telling their employer,and we have some that fear some very minor events in my sole opinion. You[tuhe transitioners] have huge changes coming on. They are really gutsy changes in the quest for creating a "happily ever after" for years to come. To me,[it seems] that so many of the hangups are just a small pebble in your path and something you tuake in stride in order to create your "happily ever after". And that's a very brave thing to attempt,but it goes a lot easier with constant displays of confidence which builds at different rates for different people. "Putting on your big girl panties" is just another expression for it. And confidence plays a big part in achieving the acceptance of others that are important in your life. My post was merely to question,not shake.Rogina

Why would that be you get to wondering? Small pebbles and minor event are very large boulders and major events. Fear of losing a spouse which by the way happens more often than not. Losing family, just ask those that are estranged. Losing your job, umm that never happens.

I have a strong sense of self confidence some say borders on arrogance. I have no fear. Yet There are periods I doubt what I am doing may be too fast. I have received my new name, social, and drivers license. I feel scared at times how will those that dont know yet react. Will I lose them as clients? Will my business just starting to be profitable after years if digging out if debt from the recession crash and burn? This is real shit and Frankly I would be worried if those transitioning have no concerns or episodes of extreme trepidition.

As far as happily ever after. There is no guarantee after spending tens if thousands of dollars we will be any happier. I feel much better about what I feel about myself and that does make me happy. But that happiness us tempered by the sadness losing my wife as my spouse .

I am happy for you you have found your balance, but for those of us that need more it is no walk through LA LA land. But tiptoeing through a minefield.

[LeaP]

What it is about has everything to do with identity, self acceptance, quality of life, and survival. The last one on that list is usually the first one a TS becomes intimately acquainted with and is one reason why there is very low tolerance for BS around here.


How right you are, Simone. Well said.

One of the points of my OP is that confidence is often irrelevant to acting. I do not expect acceptance from others and the idea of "happily ever after" never occurred to me.

Of the things you mention, survival and identity are first - each are aspects of the same thing - and quality of life is a matter of living intentionally. I'm satisfied in how things are going.

[Kathryn Martin]

What you are describing is the series of firsts that seems to in some ways characterize every persons life. I am saying this to point out that these types of experiences are not unfamiliar or uncommon to anyone but take on a much larger significance when experienced through transition. I recently appeared before the Court of Appeal for the first time since my transition. The question, will the Court be respectful although completely insane when you think about it was nevertheless there and the occasion of some distress and dithering. It is just like the earrings the first exposure in a new environment, any environment. Persons like us tend to be somewhat conservative as a survival tool. So stepping out of our comfort zone (which is of course what we do all of the time) tends to inflate as an experience because it means overcoming our survival mechanisms and doing it anyway.

The idea that the "pursuit of happiness" is at the core of our acting is so very much the "comfort fantasy" and of course is quite wrong. That happiness often follows is one thing but remember this fixes just one thing and pretty much nothing else. Big girl panties, pfft, is more related to the question of whether your bum is fat. That's easy to take care off: diet and exercise.

[Rogina B]

Kathryn, Isn't the goal of transitioning,"happiness"? Doesn't a person here achieve that by getting their physical body in tune with their mind? I have never heard otherwise. So,"a happily ever after" is a term I used to describe the possible future,lifelong happiness that should be the goal of transitioners. Am I so wrong to think that? Now for confidence...In order to get there,you have to be confident that it is what you want,and confident that you won't let little challenges bother you cause you are confident of the goal. I have questioned the confidence of more than a few members here as they seem challenged by such small things when there are huge things in front of them. Someone on the beginning of of this path toward a "happily ever after" is just that,at the beginning.When a person plans to transition in their present work place,they have to be confident to do so. HR department protection or not,it isn't for the thin skinned. Melissa Hobbs has pointed that out many times here.If earrings are such a big deal,or telling a spouse the truth,or being honest with others of your personal intentions,what happens when the bigger rocks are in the path? So,if you didn't transition to become more happy,why did you do it?

[LeaP]

You are mistaking a possible (perhaps hoped for) result for motivation. People are driven to transition out of need.

The comment that transition is not for the thin-skinned is often delivered to those who express a fantasy wish to transition.

When the bigger rocks appear, you climb over them.

[Anne2345]

So,if you didn't transition to become more happy,why did you do it?

You transition to survive, Ro. You transition so you don't lose your f'ing sanity and go completely bat-shit insane. You transition so you don't claw out your freaking eyeballs and slit your goddamn wrists wide-open because life is all screwed up backwards, frontwards, inside, and outside. You transition to make yourself right. You transition to give yourself a chance to make it in the outside world as the person you really are. You transition because you have no other f'ing choice. Comprende, Ro?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Its obvious that you don't take us at face value Rogina..

I transitioned to survive..

Once you survive, its up to you to find happiness in whatever form it may take..

The offensive idea implicit in your posts is that transition makes you happy...that living as a woman IS the happily ever after...that is the crossdresser fantasy in a nutshell...it has nothing to do with what transsexuals that transition go through.

[Kathryn Martin]

Rogina, maybe it is time for you to revisit your assumptions. You make assertions which we tell you are wrong yet you keep operating under the same assumption anyway to the point of being presumptuous. Just take this simple thought that transition when undertaken is to survive. It's simple is it not. Not one transsexual believes that they have a happy ever after when they take the path. We are not fairytale queens or kings with pink bubbles and unicorns. Do you really believe that transitioning will solve your family problems, your financial problems your health problems. Just as much as being a genetic male or female solves those problems. Just as much as being healed from depression, cancer, irritable bowel syndrome and having your cleft palate fixed. It may seem to someone who dreams of being a woman when in fact they are not that "becoming" a woman would make them happy. But they soon find out that in fact all of their life problems remain and do not get fixed by bringing body and mind into alignment. If you are an antisocial male, you will soon find out that you are an antisocial female. And your lupus or your MS does not go away because you are taking hormones and have surgery.

Everyone is challenged by small things all of the time. For transitioners during transition small things tend to amplified because every step is another threshold to conquer, even ear piercings.

Please don't make assumptions about us. They will all be wrong ......

[Nigella]

Thread done, it is now getting personal and I don't believe it is worthwhile keeping it open because the same poster will not quit