bas1985
08-31-2013, 06:46 AM
Sometimes I think that a TS before coming out is like a wounded person whose wound cannot heal because it is covered. I see myself as a badly burned person, he tries to conceal the deformity with a mask. In my teen years there was a girl in my school who had the entire face burnt for an accident. Poor girl, the face was almost gone, she could see (with glasses), but she had no nose. She wore mini skirts that showed beautiful legs, she was tall, had ample breast... but the face!... oh, the face...
A TS person is like her. Her wound will not heal, no plastic surgeon will entirely correct the accident, he may restore something, but the wound will be forever.
Coming out as TS is like putting off the mask and show the TS wound to the world. The "horrible" wound, infected. Exposing the wound to the outside may heal it so it will not get infected and, at least, it will save our life, but it is exposed. Coming out, especially later in life, is a never ending battle because we will never be like a "normal" woman, no amount of plastic surgery will entirely correct the birth defect. I see myself as that girl in her teens, with life ruined by an accident, a GG which could not aspire to be pretty because the wound is healed but has left a monster behind.
I never saw her again, we went to different universities, maybe she did manage to have some face reconstruction, maybe a face transplant, I don't know, in any case her memory reminds me of my wound. My TS wound which is becoming infected. I am arriving to the point of choosing between keeping the mask on the wound, and die of infection, or exposing it to the air, saying "look at the monster", but healing it. Yes, maybe I would become a monster, at 40 I would maybe "blend" with other women, not certainly "pass", but the choice is not really a choice.
It's a different kind of wound. A blind person, or a mutilated one are "visible", their wounds are clear... the TS wound is scary, because usually it is exposed after years of "normalcy". I think for myself, I see my shame, the fear of exposing my illness, my "discrepancy".
I also think that the trans phobia is related to the type of the wound. I recall that girl. Even if she was the nicest person in the world you cannot saw her without an initial feeling of eeriness. It was difficult to look into her eyes. I suppose that for the average person it is the same feeling when there is a TS. I think it is the nature of the wound.
The face is what we have most personal in this world, even movies work on this subject (face off, for example). The term "persona" in latin was the "mask", but now in Italian you say "persona" to intend all the body. Strange, isn't?
That girl had no face, so she was not a "persona", a TS is putting off the male mask but he has not a female mask ready, it takes years to at least look "almost" female to the casual observer (without surgery). But... the good news is that a healed TS is better than a ill man with a mask.
The wounded healer can heal. It returns the subject of "healing", of being witnesses of a difficult path. In a interview an Italian TS which I estimate (she transitioned in her 50s), said that the TS are martyrs but in the original meaning. The Greek original word μαρτύριον (martirion) means "witness". Trans sexuality brings a message. Hopefully we are not like the oldest martyrs tortured and sent into the Colosseum eaten by lions. Those "witnesses" paid a high price for their conditions. Now the price is lower, not so lower, but lower somewhat.
We may pay with loss of job, of families, necessity to relocate to discover new people... but hopefully not with our lives.
Well my Saturday sermon is over :). Sorry for the boredom.
A TS person is like her. Her wound will not heal, no plastic surgeon will entirely correct the accident, he may restore something, but the wound will be forever.
Coming out as TS is like putting off the mask and show the TS wound to the world. The "horrible" wound, infected. Exposing the wound to the outside may heal it so it will not get infected and, at least, it will save our life, but it is exposed. Coming out, especially later in life, is a never ending battle because we will never be like a "normal" woman, no amount of plastic surgery will entirely correct the birth defect. I see myself as that girl in her teens, with life ruined by an accident, a GG which could not aspire to be pretty because the wound is healed but has left a monster behind.
I never saw her again, we went to different universities, maybe she did manage to have some face reconstruction, maybe a face transplant, I don't know, in any case her memory reminds me of my wound. My TS wound which is becoming infected. I am arriving to the point of choosing between keeping the mask on the wound, and die of infection, or exposing it to the air, saying "look at the monster", but healing it. Yes, maybe I would become a monster, at 40 I would maybe "blend" with other women, not certainly "pass", but the choice is not really a choice.
It's a different kind of wound. A blind person, or a mutilated one are "visible", their wounds are clear... the TS wound is scary, because usually it is exposed after years of "normalcy". I think for myself, I see my shame, the fear of exposing my illness, my "discrepancy".
I also think that the trans phobia is related to the type of the wound. I recall that girl. Even if she was the nicest person in the world you cannot saw her without an initial feeling of eeriness. It was difficult to look into her eyes. I suppose that for the average person it is the same feeling when there is a TS. I think it is the nature of the wound.
The face is what we have most personal in this world, even movies work on this subject (face off, for example). The term "persona" in latin was the "mask", but now in Italian you say "persona" to intend all the body. Strange, isn't?
That girl had no face, so she was not a "persona", a TS is putting off the male mask but he has not a female mask ready, it takes years to at least look "almost" female to the casual observer (without surgery). But... the good news is that a healed TS is better than a ill man with a mask.
The wounded healer can heal. It returns the subject of "healing", of being witnesses of a difficult path. In a interview an Italian TS which I estimate (she transitioned in her 50s), said that the TS are martyrs but in the original meaning. The Greek original word μαρτύριον (martirion) means "witness". Trans sexuality brings a message. Hopefully we are not like the oldest martyrs tortured and sent into the Colosseum eaten by lions. Those "witnesses" paid a high price for their conditions. Now the price is lower, not so lower, but lower somewhat.
We may pay with loss of job, of families, necessity to relocate to discover new people... but hopefully not with our lives.
Well my Saturday sermon is over :). Sorry for the boredom.