Fakers, False Identities, Pretenders et al.

[Debglam]

I guess I should preface this by saying that I am not calling anyone out or asking for comments on any specific individual. I see this as a phenomenon on other forums also and am frankly baffled by it. No less a trans* activist than Andrea James is investigating this HERE (http://www.tsroadmap.com/info/wannabes.html). I understand con artists, bullshitters, and people simply puffing themselves up a little. Hey, nobody in their right mind is going to post a photo of themselves looking like the sea hag! But seriously, I just can’t understand why someone would go to the trouble to completely create a false persona pretending to be trans*. Why? To what end? Are we really that cool? :battingeyelashes:

Personally, I don’t consider being trans* to be all bad but in a way it seems to me that it is like creating a false identity on a cancer patient site. Why?

[Kelly DeWinter]

Interesting Topic;

Who knows why people do what they do. Why do people steal anything ? I lump it in the same category of Bernie Maddof, He could not steal the billions he did with out creating false companies and identities. He did it out of greed, to gain something others had . There may be people who want to be trans so bad they assume the identities of someone else who has made the transition. Lot at the show Catfish, where people assume identities because they have a low self esteem.

In the end it's usually greed is some form:

Here is an example

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/mother-daughter-duo-sentenced-fake-soldier-internet-romance-100123445--abc-news-topstories.html

[Tamara Croft]

Oh they do and it's a shame, we've had one in particular here, fooled everyone into thinking she was something she wasn't... I've known for a while about her, but I didn't know how deep she'd befriended some people, had I known that, I'd have done something about it.

[whowhatwhen]

Oh come on, you can't just say that without more details!

Still, no one here can verify anything about anyone unless you've met IRL.
Either way it doesn't matter, people here are quick as hell to sniff out stuff anyway so it's kind of self-regulating I guess.

[stefan37]

Guess you didn't get the memo. Being trans gets you membership into a secret society with a secret membership card with fabulous membership benefits.

[Debglam]

And to prove my point, I am on Facebook as we speak on the "I'm Transgender and Proud" page no less. They have a thing going where they will post a photo of a trans person with a little bio. It is kind of nice to see trans* people all over the globe simply being who they are. A photo pops up of a lovely woman who claims she transitioned 8 years ago and the comments are filling up with other women lamenting that their transitions haven't been going as well and how they wish they were that pretty! A friend explained to me how the reverse search on Google Images works so I checked her photo. It comes up with a match on the web page of a female actress who does not appear to be trans. Given that it could be a stage name versus real name issue, I contacted the mods to have them check. If this "woman" is a fake, her post is making real life trans people feel like shit. Again, to what end??? Maybe Kelly is right and it is some sort of low self esteem thing?

[stefan37]

There is romanticism for an individual to fantasize about being a woman. They can not get their fix from guys talking about panties and breast forms. They want to hear and comment on people that are undergoing real physical change.

I have no idea really why people do what they do. I get a pretty good sense of who is authentic and who is not. I would be suspicious if those that breeze through their transitions pass always and live such a glorious life.

The reality is we all have losses, turmoil and appearance issues at some point. This is no easy free ride.
Regardless of what the posers think it is. Think it is great to have a vagina. Think how much fun it is to dilate 5-6 times daily 20 min for 2 months. Sounds like fun sign me up.

[Inna]

I think it is simply called "self delusion" and it proves to me, that without it, transition would not be possible. Now some do go overboard, and simply pretend or make others believe they are not who they really are.
On the other hand, for me, if I didn't see the beautiful girl on the other side of the mirror, i would have never set out on this impossible journey to begin with, because after all, I have never dreamed of being a Transanything, but simply a pretty girl amongst the world.

[docrobbysherry]

Well said, Inna. It's nice if someone else thinks Sherry is pretty. But, if I didn't see a pretty woman in my mirror and pics, I'm pretty sure I would never have even looked for cd sites like this one!

Maybe this would help explain other "fake" trans? The vision in their mind of themselves is as attractive women. But, the view in their mirrors is quite the opposite. So, they do the next best thing. Pretending on line to be that pretty girl?

[Eryn]

From the birth of the Internet there have been people who derived pleasure from inserting themselves into subject-specific groups and wreaking havoc. Back before webforums there were mailing lists and Usenet and crafty people would join a group, create a backstory, and then gradually their posts would become more and more off-the wall. Less creative people would simply pop up on rec.pets.cats and post a recipe. That's where the term "Don't feed the trolls!" became popular. People whose only interest was trolling got together and planned attacks. These groups and dedicated individuals pretty much ruined Usenet since it was difficult to moderate them out.

With web forums, trolls have to be a bit more stealthy. If they are found out they can be banned which puts them back to square one. This doesn't discourage them, though, because they have no real vested interest in the forum they attack any more than a graffiti vandal has a vested interest in a particular wall.

One other personality does need to be addressed. There are people who through disability aren't able to actually do the things they talk about. They dream it, they want it, but they cannot do it so they live their fantasies out here on the 'web. This is actually a healthy release for them and doesn't hurt the community at all so I have no problem with folks of this type.

[Debglam]

Well said, Inna. . . Maybe this would help explain other "fake" trans? The vision in their mind of themselves is as attractive women. But, the view in their mirrors is quite the opposite. So, they do the next best thing. Pretending on line to be that pretty girl?

Inna and Sherry, I agree and think that is a separate thing though. Heck, I don't even think using "dream" avatars and profile pics is bad if it is clear that is what you are doing.


One other personality does need to be addressed. There are people who through disability aren't able to actually do the things they talk about. They dream it, they want it, but they cannot do it so they live their fantasies out here on the 'web. This is actually a healthy release for them and doesn't hurt the community at all so I have no problem with folks of this type.

I think this may be close to the mark Eryn but I do think a line needs to be drawn. What becomes a problem is when these people's fantasy starts to involve real people with real problems. Individuals like this giving advice on how to come out, SRS, transition, etc., and they have done none of it. The real people are hurt by this.

It turns out that the mods busted the person I was referring to on Facebook. Real women with real problems lamenting THEIR real transition against someone posting a fake photo and talking about their easy transition. Sad and infuriating at the same time.

[Aprilrain]

There are people who through disability aren't able to actually do the things they talk about. They dream it, they want it, but they cannot do it so they live their fantasies out here on the 'web. This is actually a healthy release for them and doesn't hurt the community at all so I have no problem with folks of this type.

I have to disagree. I don't care what your situation is, lying is lying. We had one particular member here who had it all, she was young, beautiful, rich and married with perfect children. She awed and subsequently befriended many people including me. It often made me feel bad about myself (at first) because I knew I'd never be able to be all that. She had the ultimate TS success story and people looked up to her as someone who had "done it"! It was all a fraud. Why should we tolerate someone who puts themselves out there as a success when in all likelyhood they haven't done shit? While I have sympathy for those who can not transition for whatever reason, I do not think that gives you the right to fabricate a life for yourself. Maybe it dosen't really matter over on the CD side of the site where it's pretty much all fantasy anyway but here on the TS side we have real people taking real steps to transition and need real advice and support from other real people who have actually done it!

[Tamara Croft]

Well said April, this isn't fantasy, this is real life for TS members, you want to live in fantasy land, go post in the mtf section!

[Debglam]

:yt:

You have a point April and Tamara. I have a real hard time with dishonesty under any circumstance but realize that there are some really sad people out there. :sad:

As a middle pather, I'll add that I don't think anyone on the trans* spectrum should get a pass on being dishonest but that clearly the cost of dishonesty is greater on those that are "all in."

[Kathryn Martin]

One of the issues about fakers is that sometimes they are really difficult to distinguish from those that are really in deep stealth. I guess the way to find out is if you in some way exist in a provable way. I have seen people vanish when things got a little too close for comfort.

[steftoday]

Holy crap.
I just figured out who you all are talking about.
Wow. I was wondering where "she" went.

[melissakozak]

I honestly think there are people who simply get his or her kicks out of pretending, period. It is sad, but true. I know exactly who Deb is referring too, and now, 'her' voice is silent....and many of us thought her story was real...oh well....

[Deborah_UK]

I have been questioned about my experiences in transition by some on here because my experiences haven't fit in with their model of having a really hard time, and as if to justify their experiences compared to mine I've been called out because I don't post a pic anymore. I was attacked by several on here for not showing a pic and decided to stop posting for a while.

Well I think that this thread proves that posting a pic proves absolutely nothing.

My life experiences are as relevant as others and I can speak of my experiences as they have happened to me and if someone gets some comfort or hope then that does it for me.

I don't have to justify my experiences to anyone and if they don't fit for you, fine, but they are MY experiences and I will post where I think someone may benefit (hence my return yesterday in LeaP's thread on confidence).

[noeleena]

Hi,

Hmmm.

I wonder what it takes to show ones self as to being who one is do i have to be put on trial & stand before a board so i can give an account that im for real.i wonder, if one wonted to you could read of my interviews for two T V stations here in NZ Cambell Live and Closeup TVNZ, interviews for our Papers plus of cause the net, by just useing my name, & its for real. take that up with our Police & Births Deaths & Marrage dept, & the Timaru Courthouse,

Allso i think what i have writen well tryed to is real all names are real. places & other details , any way why would i wont to pretend, im too involved with in Waimate & our people to not be well known, any way as iv said tell lie's they will catch up so why not just be real, long run its a lot less hassle real life is more than enough .

...noeleena...

[Nigella]

One thing about experiences is that they are unique, yes there are similarities but ultimately each persons transition pathway is different. This forum has a good reputation for "finding out" those who wish to deceive, in one forum, what the heck, most of it is pure fantasy, a break from the trials and tribulations of real life. In the other forum it is about living real life.

[Ann Louise]

It's only my two cents but i much prefer this type of discussion over those regarding the degree of "transness, " and judgemental labeling that erupts spontaneously here sometimes. Outright liars are dogs, but transgender newbies blindly trying to find and get started on their path are another. The former deserve scorn and derision, and the latter my compassion and support. Ann

[Nigella]

That can be difficult to judge at times Ann, I agree that "newbies" need compassion and support, but they also need harsh reality. That is where you will find "judgemental labelling" coming to the fore. There is and always will be varying degrees of "transness", but that is less frequent than it used to be. We have to support those who feel they may be TS, some have yet to seek professional help to confirm their place on the TG spectrum. Those who want to BS the community are eventually called out, whilst the aftermath of this may be bloody, in the long term it is good to show the fakers, liars and hangers on, for what they really are.

[Ann Louise]

Gosh you're right Nigella, and I get pulled each way on this topic. There's another thread just started up on Harry Benjamin, and "IV," "V," etc., and my thoughts that go out to our sister, the OP on that one, are kind of like what I'm trying to say here, on this thread. She, dear Dreamer_grl, is just such a questioner and seeker. And she's open and honest and unafraid of exposing her inner heart to all of us, and to anyone in the online world with a search engine. Her sincere questioning is very similar to the inner hell that I went through before I resolved all that, and I would be so sad to see her and other's like her being the recipient of overly pointed questioning and comment. I don't know what the answer is, but I know what it feels like, and it feels like love and compassion. Thank you Nigella, and btw I hope you're doing well. Ann

[PaulaQ]

OK, I know who the impostor was. I am saddened by that.

You make good points Ann Louise. I think you are right about dreamer_girl.

I know the MtF section is rife with totally unrealistic BS, but this forum is not so great for a someone trying to come to terms with their gender issues. The harsh reality offered here sometimes borders on hopelessness, and to someone who's suicidal, that could push them over the edge. That was my experience anyway - one of the posters here linked something fairly toxic in my opinion, and it was the last little nudge I needed to attempt suicide.

I had a lot of folks try to convince me I'm not TS, despite having textbook symptoms for a late transitioner.

I do understand the need here to remind people about how hard this is, and how its nothing like their fantasies. (Anybody who'd fantasize about transitioning is nuts, BTW.) But I took a lot of flak here. I also got some great support, but I was about half convinced that the cure for my misery was worse than the misery itself. If that were really true, why wouldn't you commit suicide?

[Nicole Erin]

One of the issues about fakers is that sometimes they are really difficult to distinguish from those that are really in deep stealth. I guess the way to find out is if you in some way exist in a provable way. I have seen people vanish when things got a little too close for comfort.

Another way to kind of know if someone is fibbing is when their stories start to mis-align.
Funny though how when some lie how they really like to go overboard with cinderella stories that are unrealistic for anyone except maybe some rich celebrity.

As for WHY - I still believe people who say they are trans really are on some level. Whether it is merely wishing they could transition to those who actually have. We know there are many levels.
Where it starts to become unrealistic is when they are 100% stealth, have a rich husband, live in some prestigious town, blah blah.

[kimdl93]

I wonder if for some it's living vicariously...doing on the Internet what they wish or could never possibly admit they might do in real life.

Of course there aren't hose who behave in venal, manipulative and exploitive ways because it gives them a sense of control. in either case, its rather pathetic.

But now I feel like I'm missing out...who was this great imposter?

[Michelle.M]

OK, I know who the impostor was.

Well, all of you who have figured this out are much smarter than I am!

I think this thing about faking it as a TS is sort of like those folks who pretend to be police officers or decorated soldiers and such. Their own lives are so inconsequential they need another identity. And for those who pose as TS there's the added fetish component.

Weird. And harmful to those who are really struggling to have a functional transition when this impossible example is held up as some ideal to be desired.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I'd add delusional mental illness (such as schizophrenia) to the motives already listed. A shirttail relative lives in an idealized alternate reality when not taking his meds. Just saying it's not always mean-spirited.

[Kimberly Kael]

Where it starts to become unrealistic is when they are 100% stealth, have a rich husband, live in some prestigious town, blah blah.

I certainly become skeptical when one unlikely attribute is piled on another, but there really are people near that end of the bell curve who still need company. So until they start handing out bad advice or lording their supposed traits over everyone else, I don't see any reason to challenge folks. My own life seems relatively charmed, so who am I to call someone else out unless they become a problem?

[Debglam]

I think this thing about faking it as a TS is sort of like those folks who pretend to be police officers or decorated soldiers and such. Their own lives are so inconsequential they need another identity. And for those who pose as TS there's the added fetish component.

Weird. And harmful to those who are really struggling to have a functional transition when this impossible example is held up as some ideal to be desired.

Yeah, I believe that is a pretty valid assessment. I'm still a bit befuddled though. If I were going to completely make up some online persona I don't know if I would pick trans*. Probably Sophia Vergara's sister or something like that. :daydreaming:


So until they start handing out bad advice or lording their supposed traits over everyone else, I don't see any reason to challenge folks. My own life seems relatively charmed, so who am I to call someone else out unless they become a problem?

Amen sister! I'm not advocating for any sort of witch hunt but in my Facebook example, one woman replied to the fake picture/post "you give us all hope." Heartbreaking, and a line is crossed. One person's make believe can't be allowed to harm another's reality IMHO.

I guess one of the main reasons I don't get this is that I believe if these people were simply honest they would likely find a place in the community.

[Inna]

OK I've got to come clean...............I'm really a extraterrestrial trying to pose as a transhuman so that I can infiltrate and assimilate and............................well, you know.................................that thing extraterrestrials do!

[Nigella]

Inna, you mean ya wanna probe :lol:

[Persephone]

Forgive me for being harsh, but I think that some of this thread is the pot calling the kettle black. A great deal of what passes for CD/TG/TS thinking, perhaps even including some of my own now and then, is sand castles built in the sky.

What is it they say?

A neurotic builds castles in the sky.

A psychotic lives in them.

And a psychiatrist collects the rent.

Everytime I read of someone's belief that once they "transition," once they have SRS, or once they "whatever" the whole world will suddenly turn from black-and-white to color and they will forever after get to play in the Emerald City I shudder and pray for the best for them.

And everytime I read that only a certain brand of CD/TG/TS is worthy I shudder and pray for those people too.

If we're entirely free of sin, if we are leading lives pure and free of dangerous illusion, then how do you explain that the number of self-declared "lesbians" on forums like this one is about ten times the average for GG lesbians?

And how about just plain greed and jealousy? A couple of people on this very thread felt less because "she" had more, because her life was better? What the Hell should that say about themselves? We're all dealt a hand and we need to make the best of ours, not someone else's. How do you feel when you read "People" magazine or watch entertainment gossip? Inspired? or marginalized? Doesn't that say more about you than it does about Selina Gomez or anyone else?


One other personality does need to be addressed. There are people who through disability aren't able to actually do the things they talk about. They dream it, they want it, but they cannot do it so they live their fantasies out here on the 'web. This is actually a healthy release for them and doesn't hurt the community at all so I have no problem with folks of this type.

Yep. Go ahead and tell me that you know for sure that the person you are so busy trashing and whining about wasn't a quadraplegic confined to a wheelchair, taking hours, maybe days, to painfully type her posts out using a mouthstick. Or maybe she was a victim of a transsexual beating left paralyzed from the neck down, just trying to live out an online life that was her last shred of happiness.

Are you prepared to prove otherwise?

Have a nice day.

Persephone.

[Rogina B]

I've known for a while about her, but I didn't know how deep she'd befriended some people, had I known that, I'd have done something about it.

I find it amazing how much work "she" put into crafting and developing a personna..The real life details in PM s were so real,that there was no reason to doubt the truthfulness of it all.And some of us "knew" her in a different way. Yet in the end,everyone she confided in knew her equally..NOT AT ALL! Seems like there had to be some truth in the beginning,and the fiction spun from that. Like the Facebook pics Debglam mentions,it is very strange behavior to target the "T" community with deception,especially if you aren't connected to it. But,we'll never know..

[Kelly DeWinter]

OK , I'm not sure who this person was, and have to admit i'm curious. There are a number of people who post only one or two questions here on the forum, whom I suspect are posting the questions to elicit a specific response, just by the way the question is framed. Then they don't ever post again, this is another form of fakers.

[ReineD]

I've got mixed feelings about this. I was warned about 4 years ago that she was a fake by some staff members here, but I never followed through, never called her up on it even though she used to PM me late at night with light hearted comments because she was bored. She did get into some of the debates with the best of them and I've got to say that many times, I agreed with her POV.

Who's to say what her motives were for doing this. But if she hurt anyone, IMO she hurt herself the most. Imagine living a life of hiding who you are, even behind the anonymity of the internet. People who cannot show others who they are, don't have much to hang onto. To those who felt hurt because you compared yourselves to her, I agree with Persephone. We all have to deal with the hands we've been dealt and there is no point envying anyone whom we perceive has it better than us. No life is perfect.

Still all and all, I'm glad that it all came to an end, if it will only help her to turn things around for herself. I don't know how it all came down, but I just hope that the people who were involved in exposing her didn't do it out of spite.

[whowhatwhen]

4 Years?!
Do you guys have a file on everyone or something?

O_O

She was always nice though and I hope everything gets worked out in the end.
There's enough crap in the world to hold on to any malice.

[Nicole Erin]

Part of the possible harm may come from this -
We know us TS tend to compare ourselves to each other. So if someone is believing the wild stories, it may make them even MORE distraught about their own short comings. Kind of the "Keeping up with the Jones's" mentality. Let us admit we feel jealousy when we see a better-off TS. THIS one we dare not name had a better life than what Mother Theresa probably has in heaven.

Rogina said about "crafting a personna". Well, some people are real good at this. Ever read even a page of a Danielle Steele book? JUST ONE PAGE! But most of us don't try to pass ourselves off as that ultra-perfect human.

[Badtranny]

To those who felt hurt because you compared yourselves to her, I agree with Persephone. We all have to deal with the hands we've been dealt and there is no point envying anyone whom we perceive has it better than us. .

Bah!

I never envied her. I don't envy anyone if I'm being honest. Persephone's post is a red herring and a straw-man at the same time. Perhaps she's in communication with this person and is being fed a whole new personality in preparation for a contrite return.

What about those of us who were hurt because we had long Yahoo chats with her in the very beginning of our transition and shared many personal details about plans and hardships. What about those who looked up to her NOT because she was supposedly beautiful but because she had walked the path a few years before us and we respected her perspective on our decisions. What about those of us who were totally fooled by her charade and now feel like total dorks for buying into her BS.

I would love to say that I always knew and I wasn't surprised, ...but I didn't and I was. Thankfully April uncovered her ruse.

[Kelly DeWinter]

............... Maybe it dosen't really matter over on the CD side of the site where it's pretty much all fantasy anyway .................

It matters. You have to start readings more of the posts from the 'other side' to understand that most people on the "CD side' end up settling for a compromise life because of spouse, family and or work. Why do people presume that someone who is CD lives a fantasy life ? How many TS start as CD or even as fetishists ? from the posts here , most of them. It's not like a TS woke up one morning and by that afternoon they had transitioned.

[Debglam]

We can't forget that there are very vulnerable people, and I'll include myself when I first came out, that hang on every word that the "big girls" have to say. They are reading these words, looking at these photos, and basing their actions on what they read and see. Yes, people should use their good sense but I know that I had no frame of reference when it came to teh trans!

[ReineD]

What about those of us who were hurt because we had long Yahoo chats with her in the very beginning of our transition and shared many personal details about plans and hardships. What about those who looked up to her NOT because she was supposedly beautiful but because she had walked the path a few years before us and we respected her perspective on our decisions. What about those of us who were totally fooled by her charade and now feel like total dorks for buying into her BS.

I would love to say that I always knew and I wasn't surprised, ...but I didn't and I was. Thankfully April uncovered her ruse.

That's just it ... I never knew for sure either. I heard another person's opinion, I never saw any proof. But, I never forgot it.

And what you say is true. I hadn't considered that when I posted. Some of you did share a lot of personal information with someone who wasn't forthright with you and I don't blame you for feeling betrayed. I apologize if my prior comments seemed insensitive.

[Kathryn Martin]

But isn't she just another Potemkin Village among the many on this board. ( Grigory Potemkin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grigory_Potemkin), erected fake settlements along the banks of the Dnieper River (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dnieper_River) in order to fool Empress Catherine II (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_the_Great) during her visit to Crimea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crimea) in 1787. The phrase is now used, typically in politics and economics, to describe any construction (literal or figurative) built solely to deceive others into thinking that some situation is better than it really is.)

I had many conversations with her over time and frankly she had a lot of sense and realism about many things. Is the betrayal maybe more about having been fooled rather than what she actually did to anyone. I remember her fondly whether I was fooled or not.

[Laura_Stephens]

There have been a few times where I thought about posting a picture of "me" that wasn't real. I never followed through on it.

I very much wish I could be like others here. That is to say, I wish I could transition. Sadly, I have health issues outside of being in the wrong body that make it all but impossible medically to transition.

there isn't a day that goes by where I don't wish that I could be in the process of transitioning for just one day. To feel what it is like to be "on the way" to who I was meant to be is something that I long for.

If you notice, the ONLY picture I have ever posted is a "cartoon" picture from the stock images provided by this site. I have never claimed to be somoene I wasn't. I have never claimed to achieve something that I haven't. At the same time, I do understand why some poeple do. In a strange sort of way, pretending brings one slightly closer to where one wants to be. However slight that is, it is still enticing.

Instead of pretending, I have opted to resort to praying to God that he sees fit to make one exception re: the whole "you only get one life to live" thing and allows me to have another shot where I can be born female OR I have the opportunity to transition.

It has been a long while since I posted here. Several years ago, I asked to to be granted access to the "private" forum for those who are transitioning. Even though that is out of the question for me, it gave me solace to see that it is actually possible. Then, about a year ago, my access was revoked. The quote that came to mind was from the 1965 animatronic version of Rudolf where Yokon Cornelious says, "What do you know? Even among misfits we're misfits!" Broke my heart...

[Tracii G]

So this person is a GG pretending to have transitioned? I'm still unclear as to who this person is.Can you tell us?
Totally unrelated but why do TS's have such disregard for TG and CD members? Did they not start somewhere?

[Zylia]

[...] Maybe it dosen't really matter over on the CD side of the site where it's pretty much all fantasy anyway but here on the TS side we have real people taking real steps to transition and need real advice and support from other real people who have actually done it!

I kinda felt offended when I read this. I mean, even CDs have feelings, but then I figured you're actually at least half right.

So yes, maybe it doesn't matter that much, it's all make-believe anyway, but it should matter though, because CDs have real lifes too and their own set of issues and challenges to deal with. Not as big and complex as on the TS side, but still things that can have quite an impact on your life.

Anyway, I'd love to complain much more about this, but who am I kidding, right? :)

[Nicole Erin]

Oh come on, it is not like they don't get some whoppers on the CD side.
"My wife forced me to dress up and go to the mall", I have a girlfriend who is 100% accepting, I went on a date and the guy had no idea..."

The CD's have their fair share of liars about how great their adventures are, they just manifest in different ways.

I have nothing against the CD folks, I mean they have it just as rough. Either they gotta hide REAL careful or they are out there putting up with the same BS as us. They may have it worse cause they sometimes try to lead two lives that cannot intertwine.

[Zylia]

Isn't that exactly what I meant? I'm not really interested in posting examples, but yes, some stories are too good to be true to say the least.

[Aprilrain]

Since a lot of you don't know who we're talking about and are speaking hypothetically I can say that badtranny said it best, it's not about someone posting a few embellished stories in an open forem, its about a person who I got to know on a personal level who I shared intimate details about my life, who claimed to be in the same boat I was in only further along. I know it didn't take them hours to type with a stick in their mouth because I spoke with them vie instant messenger. I know that every picture this person ever posted of themselves was a picture of a model with some face photoshoped onto it. She readily took compliments for those pictures as if they were pictures of her. She fabricated stories about people dieing and getting their children, that's not cute or insightful its just wrong. She claimed to live in places that she never lived, even talked about the weather in those places, how weird is that? This person sent me a picture of her "girlfriend", it was a picture of a porn star! If you want to embellish or completely fabricate a story about going out to a drag club and getting hit on be my guest but don't PM people and pretend to share intimate details and fake photos about your fabricated "life" it's wrong.

Anyway I highly doubt that this person was a GG if anything they were likely middle aged and male.

[Tracii G]

Its killing me not knowing who this person is. I might have chatted with them too.
Its pretty easy to detect a doctored photo I'm surprised no one called her on it much sooner.

[Barbara Dugan]

I would love to say that I always knew and I wasn't surprised, ...but I didn't and I was. Thankfully April uncovered her ruse.

Her history always sounded too real to be true but I had the impression you had met her in person, that is why I bought her tale:eek:
I had few exchanges with this person trough the time I've been on this forum, mostly about the attraction to guys, these were very harmless and innocent.

I can only imagine how the girls that confide on her intimate and personal stuff must be feeling....play with people feelings is utterly disgusting

[arbon]

Why keep refering to this person as her it was all a great big lie some guy with a messed up fantasy

[whowhatwhen]

I don't know, I guess I try to assume there was a reason for everything.
*shrug*

The whole thing seems a bit too in-depth for someone who isn't at the very least somewhat TG.

[Eryn]

...One other personality does need to be addressed. There are people who through disability aren't able to actually do the things they talk about....


...Yep. Go ahead and tell me that you know for sure that the person you are so busy trashing and whining about wasn't a quadraplegic confined to a wheelchair, taking hours, maybe days, to painfully type her posts out using a mouthstick. Or maybe she was a victim of a transsexual beating left paralyzed from the neck down, just trying to live out an online life that was her last shred of happiness.

Are you prepared to prove otherwise?

Thank you, Persephone, for understanding what I was attempting to say.

Before there was the internet, there was amateur radio. Back in the '80s, at a hamfest, I met a person that I had chatted with quite a bit on the air. I was rather shocked to find that this person was in a wheelchair and only had limited use of his hands. For this person, the ability to interact with others without the stigma of his handicap was precious. I don't recall if this person had misled me about his personal activities or not, and furthermore I really didn't care. I was just happy that I could brighten an unfortunate person's day a bit.

Now, should a "faker" of this variety give advice about transition? the answer is probably "no", but many TS people seek out (and pay for) advice from a lot of people who haven't and won't transition. If the advice is valid, it doesn't really matter where it comes from.

I see more danger in the malicious fakers, the ones who do it just for the kicks of seeing others fall for their spiel or the ones who give intentionally false information including too-rosy transition stories. Those are the ones we need to guard against. If it sounds too good, it's probably false.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I have said, on several occasions: "Lies do not Become Us". Direct lies are one of the things that can set me off. But I know how lying and deception can become habitual in transfolk. And then some use lies for various reasons.

Some will try to get higher status in the "pretty hierarchy" by photoshopping models and whatnot.

Some will try to achieve higher status by saying their transition started younger than it did, or the knew at a younger age...because as we know "Younger is Better".

Or someone might say they've told their wife that they're Transgendered and deep in their hearts want to transition and that they're supportive...when their wife doesn't even know that they "dress" at all.

And there's self deception of various kinds, by CD's and TS's.

Not much can be done for it, except to keep one's eyes open....there are "signs" to see for those that can see them. It's why I'm harsh sometimes, some transfolk are too quick to take the easy path of deception, either in part or full.

Veronica

[Persephone]

I never envied her. I don't envy anyone if I'm being honest. Persephone's post is a red herring and a straw-man at the same time. Perhaps she's in communication with this person and is being fed a whole new personality in preparation for a contrite return.

Wow, Melissa! You and I have had occassional correspondence and have often been on the same side of issues so I'm a little surprised and hurt that you would hurl wild accusations at me. Perhaps the arrows I shot landed a little too close to home?

No, I am not currently in communication with this person. She and I did have a few PM conversations about private matters and, in truth, I had a few suspicions about some of the things she wrote because it didn't always add up, but my feelings about it were those that I posted previously, in the message that you responded to.

And just for the record, all of the pictures and posts that I make are true. I do not Photoshop pictures. At most I may crop them and use some of the automatic "enhancement" tools to improve the clarity of the final photo. Same with my posts. Sometimes I alter a name or a date in order to protect the identity of others, but that's it. The activities and events are real, my participation in them is real, and there are several people here on this forum who can vouch for that.

I have always admired a great deal of your apparent honesty and straight shooting, Melissa, and I would like you to extend me the same courtesy.

Persephone.

[Amy A]

If the faker was the person I think it was, then the photos were clearly not legit, and I thought everyone knew this. The profile pic was a face P'shopped onto a body, quite badly, and one of the avatars had Christiano Ronaldo in the background. I just didn't think it was polite or would go down well on the forums if I pointed it out. I didn't know much about her backstory though. She did contact me via PM on one occasion but I was reluctant to start up a conversation.

People just want attention I suppose. You have to wonder whether its the result of loneliness, or some kind of fetish. The fact that this person came onto a trans forum would perhaps suggest they were an admirer, but this is all just conjecture, I'm thinking aloud.

[whowhatwhen]

I dunno, there's tonnes of material out there for an admirer that require less work.
I've spoken with her in PMs a few times and noticed nothing unusual, the avatar was obviously not her but then again tonnes here have drawn ones or whatever so it's not like an avatar has much weight anyway.

Edit:
Hell, it took 4 years before I got one.

[Badtranny]

If the advice is valid, it doesn't really matter where it comes from.

Really?

It certainly matters if the person has passed themselves off as a someone who has faced the same demons as you when in fact they have not. How would you feel if you and I had become friends (huge stretch) and I was telling you stories of how I handled my crossdressing with my wife, and you were asking my advice on certain things and I was happy to give you my opinion on how to handle various situations.

After a couple of years it comes out that I wasn't even married and in fact I wasn't even a crossdresser. How would you feel after chatting with me for hours on IM? After telling me intimate details about your relationship and your fantasies?

It's absolutely bizarre to me that some people don't seem to care about integrity or authenticity, but this time I can definitely say I'm not really surprised.

[whowhatwhen]

I don't think it's a matter of not caring so much as actually verifying it being problematic.
Unless people meet IRL then how are you supposed to know?

All we have to go on is text and maybe whatever pictures we decide to post.

[PaulaQ]

It's absolutely bizarre to me that some people don't seem to care about integrity or authenticity, but this time I can definitely say I'm not really surprised.

ROFL. I have no sympathy for liars, and in NO WAY do I condone the actions of the person in question, but really, it seems to me that the person in question dared to differ with the party line of this site, which is:

1. Transition is a horrible idea. You CDers stick with your wives and don't even think about it!
2. Every transition is a nightmare - it is the worst possible thing you can go through!
3. Anyone who posts anything positive is probably lying.
4. Most of the CDers who transition ultimately did this to themselves. They should've chosen differently!
5. What's GD? We won't give you a straight answer - but remember, as bad as we make transition sound, it must be worse than what you are going through right?
6. You aren't a transsexual - no not at all. Back to the CD forum with thee!
7. I know you are asking a desperate question - but I'm going to use your thread for my own personal soap box, and if what I say in reply sounds bad for you, tough shit, I wasn't talking to you.
8. Don't fall into the easy trap of transitioning when you don't really need to! It's a slippery slope and easy to just kind of stumble into this! (Docs must just give this stuff out like candy, I guess.)
9. You'll be miserable - this is hopeless.

I believe there are a lot more people than just the person in question who post untrue stuff - it's just theirs follows the party line, so nobody calls 'em on it. The amount of hogwash here is unbelievable sometimes.

Have a super-cool night believing whatever you want though!

:) <3 :)

Anyway, overly positive bullshit isn't the problem here. Sure, it could be - but thanks to the diligence of the members and the party line here, well, I've been in emergency rooms that are cheerier places than the TS forum! :)

Just remember girlies - there is no hope! :D

PS. The only thing missing from this thread is the issuance of torches to the angry mob.

[Nigella]

This thread is beginning to take a turn to "them and us". That stops NOW. There is some interesting discussion taking place and I would hate to see such a worthwhile topic closed down because it turns into a battle of one side against the other.

Keep your comments in relations to the OP, if you want to discuss CDs v TSs take it to PM.

[Kathryn Martin]

Much of the commentary on this person sounds pretty self righteous to me. Maybe if you considered for a moment that how you claim to feel is how most of your contemporaries have felt when you told them you would transition. And don't tell me it's not the same thing. Whatever the motives are for someone to make up such an elaborate story online, I think that person likely has lost something as a result of being "outed" here. Whether she is a man or a woman I would venture to guess a pretty lonely human being who was seeking a way out of her loneliness. She wasn't just there for a hoot, if you remember, she frequented this place almost daily for a very long time. And mostly she was intelligent and kind to those she communicated with.

[Rogina B]

You are absolutely right Katherine...many of us enjoyed hearing from her and shared a lot of ourselves. What is kind of amazing is that "back in her early days" not one of the more "local"[West coast] girls ever met up with her,yet communicated freely with her via PM's. Being so "stealthy" back then[single,etc] wouldn't have held water as an excuse for not meeting up,yet it seems that no one here actually tried doing so.Sort of amazing in itself!

[kimdl93]

Ok....very slow on the uptake here. I think I figured it out. Am I disappointed? Yes, do I think, there but for the grace of God, go I. Nah. Maintaining a hoax takes a good deal of effort, just keeping the story straight. But supplementing with pictures takes greater hubris.

But I confess...that's not me on either my avatar or profile;)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I talked to her privately 4 or 5 years ago and called her out on her perfect story and fake pictures..

By PM she explained in details that her pictures did have some "touch up" and then regaled me with stories about her fiancé..

I had many private conversations where she bragged about her success and used it as a wedge to argue her POV..

she drove one of the best people this forum ever had off this forum

good riddance...

[Beth-Lock]

But I confess...that's not me on either my avatar or profile;)

I would like to confess here and now, that the unattractive photos of me posted here, were not real; only the atractive ones were, LOL.

I think I already confessed years ago, that I had fixed by blurring part of the face in one of the photos I posted, (using GIMP, hey its free, not Photoshop), because the bandaids I had carefully cut out to cover my moustache, did not do a totally effective job of that. But I looked so good in that tan skort, I just had to post it, that and others here wanted to see a photo of me, and that was the best I could manage at the time. (Obviously the attempt to brake my crossdressing by growing a moustache and even a beard, did not work I went 24/7 a year later.)

[Zylia]

Long live google image search. Make-believe is all fun and games until people really start to trust your fake you. I feel sorry for the ones hurt by all of this.

[Marleena]

She wasn't just there for a hoot, if you remember, she frequented this place almost daily for a very long time. And mostly she was intelligent and kind to those she communicated with.

I agree with this... I made friends with her over the past year and didn't really question her being real or not. I mean she was a long time member here. Any struggling TS would like to live her life as it seemed ideal and the stealth part seemed believable. I had lots of laughs with her and found her to be non judgmental with me and looked at her as a mentor. I too shared personal info with her as I felt comfortable with her. I still believe she is of good character and would protect her friends. In fact I saw her protect her friends here. She made my time spent here more fun.

I can also see where people would be angry by feeling conned by her. Many others seemed to have shared personal info with somebody that they found they can't trust now. I think in her quest to remain stealth she got carried away with her charades. That's what I think but maybe I'm just too naive?

[Tamara Croft]

4 Years?!
Do you guys have a file on everyone or something?Not a file, I just have a very long memory... and every single email, PM etc since I joined the forum ;)

It's one thing to join the forum using a false name, you have to know Tamara isn't my real name, but still, everything I share on this forum is true, people know me, I've met a few of them, I've even been to the States and stayed with Sharon for a month, she can vouch for me :D

But those that have poured their hearts out to people who have made up such stories, who the hell knows what they are doing with this information? People get hurt, it sets them back. As for the paraplegic comment, seriously... that was uncalled for!

[Nigella]

... you have to know Tamara isn't my real name, but still, everything I share on this forum is true, people know me, I've met a few of them, I've even been to the States and stayed with Sharon for a month, she can vouch for me :D



and once met, never forgotten :hiding:

[Tamara Croft]

You cheeky madam Nigella :slap:

Anyone wants to know who it is can PM me.

[Kelly DeWinter]

You know this thread reminds me of other famous fakers. I really liked a Comedian by the name of Mike Warnkey, I loved his story and some of the aspects really resonated with me, His comedic outlook on life also inspired me. It was a sad day when it was revealed that most of his story and his life was either a fake or highly exaggerated.

The hard thing about fakers is ultimately there is a grain of truth about them, but they want to be 'the story' and to fit in so bad that they build an elaborate fiction , when they would be just as welcome as themselves .

The other thing about fakers is that when they are finally discovered , people in general fall on them like a pack of ravenous wolves and tear them apart, instead of giving them a chance to fess up , apologize and restore them to the community.

So what is worse the fakers or the people who tear them apart afterwards ?

[arbon]

The fakers.......................

[Beth-Lock]

So what is worse the fakers or the people who tear them apart afterwards ?



The fakers.......................

Or is it just a matter of two wrongs don't make a right.

[Marleena]

Speaking of fakes.. I'd to thank every woman that ever had a fake orgasm for me!:heehee:

[Kelly DeWinter]

............... Tamara isn't my real name ......................

OK, then why would you choose this name ? :wm::wm::wm:

http://kentucky.arrests.org/Arrests/Tamara_Croft_9053773/


PS. We need an icon for tongue-in-cheek .


Speaking of fakes.. I'd to thank every woman that ever had a fake orgasm for me!:heehee:

.... both of them ?

[Frances]

Maybe I am super naive, but I am having a hard dismissing everything about "the one will shall not named". Maybe I am thinking of the wrong person, after all. The narrative has been so consistent, and the willingness to help always unwaivering (from what I remember reading). I would love to hear her side.

There was a member a few years ago who fabricated stories about his music carreer and showed bought-pictures of a fake wife. He was lying a lot and would get caught often because his story changed here and there. I even found the site who sold him the wife.

In my opinion, it would be hard to constantly lie, but give the same consistent story. Fake photos? Sure. Fake life? I don't know.

[Tamara Croft]

Well when you tell someone you live in a certain place and have lived in so many other 'nicer' places etc etc... evidence of IP addresses that ARE the only consistent thing tell the real truth of where said person really lived... so yeah, they lied.

[suzy1]

It matters. You have to start readings more of the posts from the 'other side' to understand that most people on the "CD side' end up settling for a compromise life because of spouse, family and or work. Why do people presume that someone who is CD lives a fantasy life ? How many TS start as CD or even as fetishists ? from the posts here , most of them. It's not like a TS woke up one morning and by that afternoon they had transitioned.

Thank you for saying that Kelly.

Suzy is no fantasy!!!!!

[Badtranny]

wouldn't have held water as an excuse for not meeting up,yet it seems that no one here actually tried doing so.Sort of amazing in itself!

You have no idea who tried meeting her. There was a time shortly after we met that I was driving down to our Bakersfield office every month. I was never able to coordinate a meeting with her. She never wanted to Skype, (no webcam?) She told me she didn't "do Facebook". She was like a ghost, but always up for text chatting.


Fake life? I don't know.

Really? She never posted from ANY of the places she was alleged to have lived. Never logged in from Vegas. Never logged in from Santa Barbara. Never logged in from New Hampshire.

To the people who think this is "no big deal", I think it's sad that you have become so cavalier about honesty and integrity that it literally doesn't matter to you one way or the other anymore.

I defended this person in arguments against people who I respect. I demurred from taking her on over one of my pet issues because I respected her and I knew it would be a tough battle. I completely bought into her whole persona and if she ever needed money I might have even sent her a hundred bucks. To find out that she was nothing but a fabrication is infuriating.

The people who would excuse this kind of con would not be welcome in my home.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am really curious, from where she really logged?

[Nicole Erin]

What kind of surprises me is that someone would be allowed to be torn apart like this on the forum.
I am not excusing her false statements but usually around here they are pretty strict about "no flaming" and all that.

Ehh I don't know, I know I would feel pretty crappy if I had my name dragged through the mud. Yeah I had that happen years ago on another forum but it was cause they learned I was TG. Never use the same name on two unrelated forums.

[Frances]

Melissa, I actually think lying is a huge deal. I just don't like joining a lynch mob without proper evidence, and I cannot access her login data. In the case of Transrocker, I researched it and found evidence, but the lying was obvious anyway.

[arbon]

Well he is not here anymore so fair game

[Marleena]

Here we go with the you're not my friend if...:brolleyes: Why take it out on the other members if you are angry? Is it worth losing friends over?

This person has not had a chance to defend herself if she could. If it's proven this whole thing was a hoax and I'll be angry too.

[Tracii G]

I can't imagine if said person were to come here, fess up and apologize for the deception. How would they be treated ?

[Nigella]

OK, lets get one thing straight, the person in question has made the choice to stay away from the forum, however, remember this is a public forum available for all to see, so who knows if she/he is reading this or not.

[Marleena]

If it's proven the whole personna was a fake then I was conned too. I'll be angry at myself for being so stupid, not other members...

[Badtranny]

I just don't like joining a lynch mod people without proper evidence, .

Lynch mob? There is no mob and there will be no lynching.

I gave her Admin rights to my site so she could post a few things and ALL of her logins were from somewhere other than she said she lived. I never thought to look through the IP logs until April found out her pics were of an actress.


What kind of surprises me is that someone would be allowed to be torn apart like this on the forum.

How are we tearing her apart? By pointing out that she was lying? So we should protect her by not mentioning her? Are we supposed to pretend she never existed?
Are we supposed to pretend that she is real?

I haven't said anything that isn't true. I did consider her a friend, she did turn out to be a fraud. Those are facts.

[suzy1]

Is it out of order to ask who we are talking about? It is isn't it. Well someone had to ask and I am the one that usually puts her little dainty foot in it.:eek:

[Frances]

Well, I have met or skyped with Stephenie S, Melissa, April, Kathryn, Kaitlyn, Kerianna, Melimelo, Beth-Lock and Inna. I know you are all real. Everyone else could be real or not... or exagerating a great deal. It's what happens on the Internets, isn't it?

[Kimberly Kael]

She never posted from ANY of the places she was alleged to have lived. Never logged in from Vegas. Never logged in from Santa Barbara. Never logged in from New Hampshire.

That's fairly damning evidence. I'd certainly be ticked to have wasted time interacting with someone who wasn't merely stretching the truth but engaged in wholesale fabrication!


To the people who think this is "no big deal", I think it's sad that you have become so cavalier about honesty and integrity that it literally doesn't matter to you one way or the other anymore.

Cultural values haven't really caught up with technology. I hope that over time we'll adjust and newer generations won't act out in an online context any more than they would in person. We're currently caught in this awkward point in time where privacy and anonymity are valuable tools also subject to rampant abuse.


The people who would excuse this kind of con would not be welcome in my home.

While this statement appears to have elicited an eye roll from some, I'm absolutely with you. It's one thing to extend the courtesy of trust to those who we'll never really know, but I see no reason why anyone should be expected to excuse abuse of that trust.

[Nigella]

Time to call an end to this, enough has been said and now its time to draw a line.

[Tamara Croft]

------------------------

I drew a line :D

[Nigella]

:) /////////////////////////////////

[Tamara Croft]

Well you said it was time to draw a line :D just complying lol ;)

[Lorileah]

Everyone else could be real or not... or exagerating a great deal. It's what happens on the Internets, isn't it?

um...wow...OK...I have to admit...I was born into a male body...I need extra "help" to get pretty...I am addicted to Flexees and Boots cosmetics....I am sorry I led you to believe....aw hell no I ain't :) What you see is what you get.