Harry Benjamin - Possible Answer To My Fundamental Question (long)

[dreamer_2.0]

Am I transexual?

I've lost count how many times that question floats through my head, likely the same as many people here. Having spent hours reading and stressing over trying to figure out who or what I really am, the answer continuously eluded me. In an older thread (not sure which one) someone proposed that maybe there is no answer and that any pursuit is likely futile. Perhaps they're correct but still I search.

Initially believing myself to be just a crossdresser, I came to realize that the feelings and emotional turmoil suggest there is something deeper than merely enjoying the feel of women's clothing. But am I transexual?

Upon my return to this forum my initial, uneducated, thoughts were no, I'm not. Transsexuals appeared to know they were women inside and have known sometimes their entire lives. My position seemed to contrast that as I know, much to my disappointment, that I'm male and simply (simply?) long to be female. This perspective put me somewhere in between crossdressing and transexuality, feeling I didn't belong to either group, or label.

Perhaps I don't belong to either and am simply holding onto a ridiculous fantasy which precludes me from ever transitioning. If you'll excuse a reference from The Simpson's (hey we discussed Star Wars a while back), I feel like Homer who got his hand stuck in a vending machine trying to get a drink that was stuck. In doing so he in turn got stuck requiring the fire department to come to his rescue. Their solution was to amputate the arm and upon pulling out a large saw, Homer quickly pulled his arm out of the machine out of fear. The fire department laughed and asked if Homer was actually stuck or merely holding onto the can.

Is this what I'm doing? Holding onto the metaphorical "can", creating my own prison? Surely this would mean I am not transexual then and am, rather, just an idiot with an idiot's dream. This doesn't satisfy my search for answers though (perhaps because I still refuse to let go).

I've spoken with quite a few ladies here trying to grasp a better understanding of them hoping it would shed some light on me. It was helpful but ultimately still didnt provide the concrete answer I'm desperately seeking (assuming there is one).

I'm certain Harry Banjamin's "The Transexual Phenomenom" has been discussed on this forum but, I just started reading it and, while still very early in the paper, it appears to hold the answer. Or at least getting me closer to it.

In reading about the 6 types of transvestites and transsexuals (7 if you included cis-gendered individuals), I feel I fall within types IV and V, VI; all three are considered transexual to varying degrees.

Type IV: Non-surgical, wavering between transvestism and transexual. Dressing provides insufficient relief from gender discomfort. Surgery is attractive but not formally requested. Hormones needed for emotional comfort and stability. Therapy is used for guidance though curing is unsuccessful. Social life dependent on circumstances.

This is me, except surgery is more than an attractive option, I seriously want SRS, if nothing else (though as we know, this is often one of the final stages). My social life is non-existent as I feel so shy and awkward around people. Ideally this would change if transition is pursued as hormones appear to "open" people up.

Type V: Moderate Intensity, feminine feeling as if they're female trapped in a man's body. Dressing again provides insufficient relief. Surgery requested and usually indicated right away. Hormones again needed for emotional comfort and as a precursor to surgery. Therapy is used for the same, guidance, but offers no cure for condition. Surgery hoped for and often obtained.

Lots of similarities here, too. Despite my constant wavering, the discomfort (evident in my other posts) is easily moderate to extreme. While I don't believe I am a woman inside, I have quite often joked about being a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Dressing, while fun, doesn't provide any relief and often exacerbates the dysphoria. Therapy, while providing much needed conversations in person, is actually encouraging the pursuit of my female side suggesting my therapist knows chances of being "cured" are virtually non-existent. Surgery is definitely hoped for, but will it be obtained? Too soon to tell.

Type VI: High intensity. Total psychosexual inversion. Gender discomfort intense and dressing, again, offers no relief. Intensely desires relations with normal males as "female". Surgery is urgently requested and usually obtained. Hormones required for partial relief and therapy used same as previous two Types. Despises male sex organs. In danger of self-mutilation and/or suicide if left frustrated too long.

Again, lots of similarities. Dysphoria is usually intense (especially lately). No need to repeat ineffectiveness of dressing (though by typing it I just did). Not completely certain if I have a total psychosexual inversion however, in sexual relations, I much prefer taking on the female role and get very little pleasure out of the male role. This is extremely problematic being a mostly-straight man. Which leads me to the only bit I don't believe fits; I'm not gay therefore there are no intense desires to have relations with other men. Having said that, I'd be lying if I said I've never fantasized about being a woman in a sexual relationship with a man. It's definitely something I'd like to experience. Perhaps there is some latent homosexuality in me, or simply bi-curiosity, as I have actually fooled around with a couple guys. Hated kissing them (ugh stuble on stuble) but loved going down on them. The entire experience was done with my eyes closed, pretending to be female. As for male sex organs, they don't disgust me, per se, but I do think they're ugly, too big, and i truly hate them. Scarily, I have considered self-mutilation on more than a few occasions. Fortunately the rational side of me knows doing so can be life-threatening. Besides, I was terrible in art class and doubt my self-made vagina would earn a good mark, or even a star for participation. As for suicide, well, haven't done it yet but the fact that "yet" is in that sentence is very disturbing. Today was an extremely difficult day...

Harry's paper was written a long time ago and there have likely been some revisions since its initial publication, though based on his transexual descriptions, perhaps I really am transexual.

It's not a concrete conclusion but it's the best explanation I've found so far. Of course, this adds weight to what many of you said to me during last week's meltdown (I Want to be Normal) in that I need to stop fighting this.

Considering everything, the only word to describe how I'm feeling now is: F***. Oh, so much f***, so very very much f***.

[Aprilrain]

Do you have a therapist versed in gender issues? If not, get one! You're driving yourself nuts!

I know cause I've been there.

[dreamer_2.0]

The one I'm currently seeing is a gender therapist.

[ReineD]

A gender therapist might help you.

I think the type VIs are the little kids who know without a doubt they are not the gender their parents think they are. And the gender dysphoria that they experience while very young does not ebb and flow with age. These are the kids today who are transitioning in their teens or as soon as they can when they're adult. At any rate, they don't ask themselves whether or not they are TS. They just KNOW their gender, and it is female for the MtFs, and male for the FtMs.

I take it the type Vs are similar to the type VIs, except they come to this knowledge a bit later on in life. Maybe they've been influenced by factors in their upbringing to deny themselves who they are. But judging by the description, it seems as if the type Vs also do not think of themselves as TS. They know that they are women (or men for FtMs).

According to the description, the Type IVs are the ones who waiver, who go through a significant amount of time asking themselves if they are TS or not. I don't know if they experience solid gender dysphoria as a child, but I shouldn't think so. By solid GD, I mean more than wanting to play with dolls or wearing a pretty dress.

[stefan37]

Certainly a gender therapist will help you sort things out. Ultimately you have to decide if you are able or need to transition. Have you taken any steps to change your everyday life? Take steps and see how you feel. Adopt a more female presentation, see how it makes you feel. Start electrolysis. It is only facial hair. See if that helps. Start taking those steps that are readily reversible. For me I had some events a few years ago had me facing my mortality. I said screw it I started wearing nail polish, eye liner daily and got my ears pierced. I felt more comfortable with myself and my anxiety lessened for a bit. I believe those small steps staved off transition for 3 years. Fear of the unknown can be paralysing. We know deep down what we need to do. Fear prevents us from moving forward. When I made the decision to transition I lost my fear except the fear of losing my wife. Whenever I came to the fork in the road, taking the branch towards transition felt right. That rightness has propelled me forward.

You are the one that has to decide how you want or need to live your life. We relate our experiences. Your therapist can give you insight. But we and we alone control our destiny how we want to live. Nobody can do that for you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I did not suffer from "gender dysphoria" until later in life.

I did suffer from a 24/7 thought process that plotted/wished/dreamed/fantasized/wondered about being a woman... and I mean 24/7..

the things that protected me from gender dysphoria were compartmentalization, masturbation, and crossdressing...the crossdressing was constant and furtive (as was the masturbation)...the compartmentalization was locked up so tight I look back and its incomprehensible to me that I functioned...imagine every time you see a woman, you wish you were her, but you don't think about it unless you are actively thinking about it...

As it dawned on me that I could not escape this, Oh F*** is one of the thoughts I had too.

[bas1985]

Hi Dreamer,

I think we are in the same boat here; I suppose that in our case the CD past is like a weight that alters the perception; because probably we have in mind a "pure" TS which did not CDed a lot and whose GD was always present, at a maximum level. I have no suggestion here, unless something very simple, as it is already done. Start with small things, easily reversible, whose impact is not so strong, like nail polish, ear piercings, long hair, electrolysis or laser. Go for an androgynous look also IRL, it is not necessary to dress to "satisfy" the womanhood, that is a CD phase, maybe just a pair of sun glasses, a unisex pair of sandals (I have bought here in sale a beautiful pair, no heel, just leather, feminine but not "too much"). This is not transitioning, but it is a bit of "walking with other shoes" (literally), trying to see what would be to live 24-7 as a woman (that is transitioning).

Of course if you don't come out publicly the other people will read still a male, that may hurt you, but your aim is not initially to pass, but just to get your feet wet in the female sea, taking some confidence. No life changing decision is required, for now. That may calm you a little.

This is my current path until my gatekeepers will give me the OK to HRT (and I accept).

[Inna]

As Kaitlyn put so directly my own experience as well!

Cognitively, our experiences can vary in tremendous measures, from subconscious mechanisms, to conscious daily struggle or perhaps, experience of minor discomfort throughout life's experience.
Harry Benjamin was a phenomenal observer, yet he too compartmentalized for obvious scientific reason.
However as I go on not only being in touch with my own experience but also dissecting experiences of others, who may seem different from external perspective, yet, who internally proceed towards the same goal.

Types such as I II III IV and so on, seem as though, significant stations along the same path leading inevitably towards absolute womanhood.
take my meaning of absolute womanhood with grain of salt, i suppose absolutes are not truly present in nature, lol.

our life, starting from the crib, differ from one another explaining differentiation of experience, yet in the core, we tend to have one need, expression, need for experience, seeking out, of femininity!

I believe, in the most deepest of desire, we all want to BE the woman in dreams, yet because of conceptualization, possibilities and limitations, weather perceived or implied, we only go, seek and take upon, "as far as we can but NOT as far as we want!"

[arbon]

Does it really matter? Live your life the way that feels right to YOU

[ReineD]

Does it really matter? Live your life the way that feels right to YOU

Best answer yet!! :)

Definitions and experiences from others can only serve as guidelines. They can't tell you who you are.

[Badtranny]

I know. All of this consternation over what?

Live your life already. If you want to transition then do it. If you want to be somewhere in the middle then do it. If you want to have long hair then grow it. The root of all of this flip flopping like a fish gasping for air is just simple fear. You're afraid to be yourself whoever that is. Stop being guided by fear.

Accept yourself, respect yourself and then set yourself free.

[LeaP]

Stop being guided by fear.



… And stop trying to guide yourself by the Harry Benjamin scale. I can pretty much guarantee you your therapist isn't going to use it.

[Nigella]

Boy am I glad that my transition has been based on what has been right for me and mine, rather than read all the "tech manuals". I can say with hand on heart that I have not researched any of the "techy stuff", there is so much of it about, it would have confused me more that I was. It felt right at the time I did something to move along so I did it.

[Lori Kurtz]

One more vote for some therapy. Go for it--you're worth it.

[stefan37]

I agree Nigella. I just went with what feels right. But then again I have lived my life largely by following my gut feeling and letting my brain figure a solution if it went South. Awol Nation summed it nicely " Never let fear decide you fate".

[Kathryn Martin]

Boy am I glad that my transition has been based on what has been right for me and mine, rather than read all the "tech manuals". I can say with hand on heart that I have not researched any of the "techy stuff", there is so much of it about, it would have confused me more that I was. It felt right at the time I did something to move along so I did it.

I think to some extent that is true for everyone who transitions. The tech stuff came more as a result of having to argue in front of Human Rights Tribunal and Courts about transsexualism and it's impact on peoples lives. If you confronted with the likes of Zucker and Blanchard in the Courtroom you better know the tech stuff too. And apart from it all, it's good to know and helped me understand the condition better.

[ReineD]

The brilliance with the Benjamin Scale is that it addresses the idea that there are different terminal points to transvestism and transsexualism. Not everyone is either a fetish crossdresser or destined to be a post-op transsexual. There is indeed a scale (we see proof of this in many of the posts that we read in this forum), which is useful for the people who do not feel as if they fit at either extremity.

The finer points about the descriptions of the various types can be argued, and there are overlaps too. But I do disagree with dismissing it entirely as being non-relevant.

[Kathryn Martin]

What is relevant is the fact that he developed a phenomenology, albeit in the 40s, 50s and 60s. If someone were to take this up I am sure there would be a much more elaboration. The scale would likely be refined but in it's fundamental strokes it is brilliant.

[dreamer_2.0]

Boy am I glad that my transition has been based on what has been right for me and mine, rather than read all the "tech manuals". I can say with hand on heart that I have not researched any of the "techy stuff", there is so much of it about, it would have confused me more that I was. It felt right at the time I did something to move along so I did it.

Not everyone has been blessed with the absolute certainty of what they are. It may be fine for some to place their hand on their heart and claim they *know* whats right for them, but I prefer to research the science to understand and be objective rather than blindly trust an internal feeling.

Those tech manuals are imperative for understanding and I want to understand WHY I'm messed up and HOW it happened. Only then will I trust this intangible feeling in my heart. Frankly I'm perplexed as to why or how people would risk their lives over a mere feeling.

[Leah Lynn]

The tech stuff - Interesting, but the last stuff I read; there's still not a solid, positive, definitive answer to the big WHY. Maybe when my mother was frightened when six weeks into her pregnancy carrying me, her system kicked out an extra shot of estrogen instead of adrenalin, and my motherboard was shortcircuited. Maybe it was when Dad beat her up during her pregnancy. Maybe I'm just plain f**ked up!

Whatever the cause, I've wanted to be female as long as I can remember. After about 56 years of denial, I started dressing. I have nothing to stand in my way now, so I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the doctor. I've had one endo consult. Next week a psych consult, and a second endo. I may not achieve the apex, but by God, I'm going for it because it's TIME.

Respectfully,

Leah

[Kathryn Martin]

Ah, but there is you just have to find ......

[LeaP]

You are going to find that you can't think your way out of this.

[stefan37]

Not everyone has been blessed with the absolute certainty of what they are. It may be fine for some to place their hand on their heart and claim they *know* whats right for them, but I prefer to research the science to understand and be objective rather than blindly trust an internal feeling.

Those tech manuals are imperative for understanding and I want to understand WHY I'm messed up and HOW it happened. Only then will I trust this intangible feeling in my heart. Frankly I'm perplexed as to why or how people would risk their lives over a mere feeling.


Then you are not ready to transition. The undercurrent becomes very strong. The urge to be free becomes to intense. At that point you know what needs to be done. Letting your mind dwell on the reasons why and why me will lead to paralysis and the condition will receive no treatment. There comes a time fear can no longer be an obstacle. The internal feeling is this is what I need to do and take the proverbial jump into the unknown.

There us a reason we caution do not transition unless absolutely necessary. All of us that have or are transitioning reached that point and no amount of reason or logic could stop us. Go forward taking reversible steps and if it feels right continue.
Only you can live your life. We can relate our experience and there is much commonality that resonates in this community. But we are all different and go at our own paces.
If researching until you find the answers to your questions is what you need. Take the time to discover them. You may be disappointed they elude you. Many are not answered until you have progressed and may never be answe

[Nigella]

Not everyone has been blessed with the absolute certainty of what they are. It may be fine for some to place their hand on their heart and claim they *know* whats right for them, but I prefer to research the science to understand and be objective rather than blindly trust an internal feeling.

Those tech manuals are imperative for understanding and I want to understand WHY I'm messed up and HOW it happened. Only then will I trust this intangible feeling in my heart. Frankly I'm perplexed as to why or how people would risk their lives over a mere feeling.

Some just accept that they are different, they whys and wherefores are, at least to me, beyond my simple understanding. My approach to life has always be a consideration of various factors to reach a conclusion that is satisfactory to me. Think of the worst case scenario and anything better is a bonus, that has been what has served me well.

I never knew, until late in life, that I was TS, it was a culmination of factors that led me first of all to accept that is what I was, then to seek the professional help to confirm my own feelings.

My life was never at risk because of a mere feeling because I dealt with issues when they arose.

[TeresaL]

My therapist recently left me with a recommendation about my gender direction which I have greatly neglected. She is encouraging me to really tune into my internal gender (look inside, not outside for the answers).

Also...
"Live it and quit analyzing it". Quit thinking about it so much. STOP IT! Just do it. Be the person you are on the inside.

[DebbieL]

My therapist recently left me with a recommendation about my gender direction which I have greatly neglected. She is encouraging me to really tune into my internal gender (look inside, not outside for the answers).

I've gotten the same advice from FOUR different gender therapists, starting in 1988, with the last one, I'm currently seeing, about 3 months ago. Getting the advice is easy, ACTING on it is more of a challenge.


Also...
"Live it and quit analyzing it". Quit thinking about it so much. STOP IT! Just do it. Be the person you are on the inside.

EACH of my therapists, after meeting both Debbie, and Rex, have observed "You seem so much happier as Debbie", to which I responded "I am much happier". Their response was simple: "So BE DEBBIE!"

Could it really be so simple? Could it really be so clear to everyone else?

The answer is yes. The problem was that I kept trying to please others for fear of the consequences.

A marriage counselor gave me the 1988 version of the COGIATI test verbally, and I figure I must have scored above 400 even back then. This was the first therapist I had ever been able to talk to about being transgendered. I secretly suspected that I was transsexual, but was afraid I would lose my wife, my job, and my kids if I let the truth be known.

When my wife and I were both in the room together, he said "Rex, you're a transsexual, and Leslie is not a Lesbian", he then pointed out "If you try to kill Debbie, she will LITERALLY try to kill you. I'm recommending you to a gender counselor who can help you with transition. He then suggested a few alternatives for the marriage, since we otherwise had the textbook definition of a healthy marriage - great communication, no secrets, mutual commitments to the children. He suggested a Platonic marriage, which we'd had for about 2 years already (why we came to him), an open marriage where one or both of us had other lovers, or a divorce. I opted for the Platonic option, she opted for the Open option, and it was only when her lover proposed and proved that he could handle both her and the children, since I wanted my kids to have a two parent family.

I got the transition counseling and started transition, getting LOTS of Real life experience. It was only when my ex-wife made a credible threat to have my child visitation revoked that I aborted the transition. It nearly killed me.

I started again a couple years later, and the second time was told that I would have to stop dressing or anything else if I wanted to have a chance at leadership positions in my career. I aborted again, doubled by body weight in a very short time, and had a heart attack.

After my second marriage, to a woman who knew about my being transgendered, I started considering transition again, and she tried to shut it down. That one ultimately led to a stroke, shutting down the left side of my body for a few months. I eventually recovered, and started again. The third time, it wasn't until I started hormones that my wife told me "I'm not comfortable with this, please stop". That one ended with me in a psychiatric ward - being tested to see if I had already drank a deadly mixture of Prestone Antifreeze and Gatorade.

This last time, I went to the gender counselor realizing that it really WAS life or death. She made the same observation as above. My wife and I are seeing her together now. I've been on hormones, and have started the process to transition at work. Because of the laws in New Jersey, my wife has requested that I not do SRS unless and until gay marriage is legal in New Jersey.

Had I known what I know today, I wish I could have started testosterone blockers when I was 13, so I wouldn't have the low voice (finally going up thanks to hormones, but not much). I'd have transitioned when I was 22 instead of when I was 57.

The problem was that back in the 1960s, the treatment for transsexuals in Colorado was electo-convulsive therapy (ECT) and if that didn't work - lobotomy. My mother had been through 3 sessions of 30 days of daily ECT with 1 month between each session. It erased 2 and 1/2 years of her memory, but she still remembers the terror and pain before each treatment. She would have NEVER allowed that to happen to me. And a lobotomy would have been like killing me in her eyes. I might not have been a total vegetable, but I wouldn't be who I was.

Some of the details I didn't find out until just before my dad died.

Thank God we have real options today.

Dreamer, I reread your post.

For me, the moment of truth came when I had gone to a Lesbian bar, as Debbie. I'd been their as both Rex and Debbie a few times before. This time however, a couple of girls came running from the far end of the dance floor and one was telling me, whatever you do, don't move, stay right there. The other whispered to the bartender. A few seconds later, she told me "whatever you do, don't get up and don't leave. There are a bunch of girls waiting for you and they want to castrate you in the back of the building."

My answer surprised even me, it was "Do they have some ether or cloroform, or something to knock me out while their doing it?". I was just about to get up and head for the back of the bar, when the bartender said "if they don't know what they are doing, they could cut an artery, or they could cut your dick off so there would be nothing to invert and nothing to make a clit with."
THAT LAST PART was what stopped me in my tracks!
I didn't mind being turned into a steer, I was born without them, and I'd tried to get rid of them myself several times.
Even with a jackknife, their procedure was more than I could do on my own.
Even the "Lorena Bobbit" wasn't that scary. But NO CLIT - that just wouldn't be right!

When I had my vasectomy, I asked them to just cut them off instead.
The nurse tried to give me a dozen reasons why I shouldn't, and every one of the side effects she was describing was exactly what I WANTED!
Later, when the doctor was doing the procedure, I told the doctor I wanted $40 worth of "Insurance". He asked me what I was talking about. I told him that if it grew back together, and I got a girl pregnant, I would have to pay $160,000 in child support.
The odds were 1 in 4,000 that it would grow back, so I wanted $40 worth of child support insurance.
I thought FOR SURE that would get them removed (the nurse noted it on my chart), but instead the doctor cauterized the tubs, stitched them down, then stapled them to the bone. Even to this day I can feel an occasional "tug".

You absolutely need to see a professional therapist, with experience in Gender Dysphoria. The fact is that most of us don't fit neatly into one slot or the other. These are just points on a broad spectrum, and you might span 2 levels wide or even 3 on that spectrum. Often, we struggle with the external conflicts such as consequences that seem totally unacceptable to us. The thought of losing lovers, wives, children, parents, homes, jobs, and standing in the community can often drive us artificially into the lower levels. Even a level VI might appear to be a level 3 or 4 - because they can't accept the consequences and hardships involved in making a full transition.

What the professional therapist is looking for is ways of flagging where you REALLY are on the spectrum, and which way you are trending. You might present to a social worker or supervisor as a level II, and your therapist may realize that you are at Level IV already an rapidly moving to Level V, and the right personal events could easily drive you to level VI, because the constraints would no longer exist, and the consequences have already been suffered.

The challenge the therapist faces is that you could slip that far in a week or two, and quickly become suicidal or worse. This is one of the reasons why no one on this board, or anyone who isn't trained, should try to push you back to gender conformity, to push you back to lower levels. Too often, such attempts appear successful for short times, and then there is a sudden death of the client. Sometimes it's an obvious suicide. Other times it's an "Accident", such as falling asleep at the wheel or spinning out on an icy road in front of an 18 wheeler. Sometimes it's a murder, often in or near a location where other murders have occurred (Washington DC for example), and the dress and presentation was clearly NOT to BLEND.

When police began investigating suicides for sign of cyber bullying, they found that more than half of all teen suicides were teens who were LGBT, with T being the largest group. Surveys of the transgender community including about 1 million respondents showed that over half had tried to commit suicide AT LEAST once using a method that should have killed them, before they were 20 years old. Based on suicide help line statistics and follow-ups, the estimate is that between 30% and 50% of all transgenders will ultimately commit suicide if they do not transition. (http://www.lauras-playground.com/transgender_mortality.htm)

As more emperical studies have been done, they have discovered that 99% of transsexuals who transition tend to be happier, healthier, more gainfully employed, are more productive, and have more stable relationships - than they did before their transition.

They have also found that transsexuals have extremely high odds of alcoholism, drug addiction, criminal activities ranging from prostitution and drug dealing to con games, even murder and most recently treason. Many older transsexuals simply let their health go. You often see older cross-dressers suffering from obesity, heart conditions, and other life threatening diseases that they simply ignore or aggravate. A very subtle form of suicide on the installment plan.

This is one of the reasons the pendulum has swung so rapidly in favor of encouraging transition in the last 4 years. The APA (Psychology and Psychiatry) have both stated that is UNETHICAL to try and direct a transsexual patient to gender conformity. The AMA has told insurance companies that transgender is such a powerful and dangerous disease that insurance companies should cover the cost of ALL treatments, including HRT, Endo, and SRS as well as FFS if necessary. It has been suggested that if treated, the insurance companies would actually SAVE several times the cost of these procedures in just 3 to 4 years.

Some companies with strong LGBT and Diversity programs are now expecting their health insurance providers to provide coverage of transition costs. They have found that many transsexuals who have transitioned become more productive, more effective, and produce more extraordinary results after they have transitioned. One of the most famous cases is a transsexual who worked at IBM in the 1960s. She transitioned and was forced to quit shortly after. Within 5 years after leaving, she had been granted over 70 patents, and racked up dozens more in subsequent years.

Talk to your therapist, she will want to see you as female and male, she will want to interview you both ways. She will quickly be able to asses where you are on the spectrum (your estimate of spanning IV, V, and VI sounds about right to me too. But she can also see which way you are trending (toward VI, I would suspect), And might even help you find the "Express Lane" to transition including HRT and SRS. It might still take months or years to complete the transition, but you will probably be healthier, happier, more productive, and have longer and healthier relationships in the long run once you complete the process.