When GG shop staff humiliate you?

[heathr1]

Have you ever had this happen?

I have. The worst time was about 1985, when I asked an assistant to help and she and her boss purposely embarrassed me in front of women customers.

[I Am Paula]

Sorry, never happened. Thirty years of exemplary service in women's stores.

[Amy R Lynn]

Its never happened to me, but I have read stories where it has. Ironically most of those stories end with "And guess what? that store is no longer in business."

I'm a firm believer in the law of Karma. What goes around comes around.

[heathr1]

The one I'm talking about closed down.

[Kathi Lake]

Heathr,

Humiliation can only happen if you let it. Will people have their opinions? Sure. How you react to those opinions determines how you feel about them. Recognize that they may not understand you and what you are doing, that they may not like it, and they might (unprofessionally) let you know about it. Just let it slide. If they do something to warrant the manager being involved, by all means do so - but not as a punitive thing. Instead, use it as a teaching moment. You're not trying to get the person fired, you're trying to educate and gain an ally.

In my dressing life, I have had two times where I felt they were showing an unprofessional level of distaste. Once was an older lady in Talbot's years ago. When I confronted her about her attitude, she told me that she was simply trying to protect the other ladies from a perceived threat - me. I told her I understood and let her know that I appreciated how protective of her customers she was. I told her that I never wanted to make others feel bad, and apologized for putting her into this position. That attitude . . . . changed her. The next few times I was in, she was nice, helpful, and genuinely glad to see me. What changed? She saw that we weren't the freaks many assume us to be.

The other time was in my favorite Ulta. There is an older lady that works there. Every time I came in - dressed or otherwise - she made a beeline to the opposite side of the store where I was talking to the other girls. Over the years, she has warmed up to me, and now greets me by name, and will make it a point to come and say hello.

So, in this - as in everything else - our interactions and our perception take two people. It is not only about what is said or done, but how you react to it.

Kathi

[TxKimberly]

I've gotta admit that it has never happened to me. The least friendly thing I've ever had happen that I can recall, was when I was shopping in boy mode in a mall where the Macy's was separated into two different stores for male and female stuff. I asked if there was someplace I could try on the dress and she gave me kind of a sharp look and said "Not in the ladies dressing room!" I don't blame her for not letting someone who is obviously male enter the womens dressing room, but I do think that she might have been a bit nicer about it, or maybe offered to have it sent to the mens department so that I could try it on there. Blunt and less than helpful - yeah. Rude and try and embarrass me - no.

[Debglam]

Never. Me customer, they employees. My money puts food on their table. I have never had any problem of this sort but would have no qualms about elevating it to the appropriate level to get satisfaction. As Kathi said, "Humiliation can only occur if you let it." I don't let it.

[Amy R Lynn]

Kathi, I like the way you handled all of that! It would have been easy to blow up and make a huge scene, but that would just affirm that they don't want to do business with us. Sometimes taking the time to be calm and explain things goes a long way! Being nice usually goes a lot further than being angry or upset. Good on you! You are a great example for us all.

[Eryn]

There are impolite salespeople out there, but they get weeded out very quickly. If they're willing to watch a potential big spender (and TGs are!) walk out with a story to tell other potential big spenders then they are not long for the business, nor are their stores if they encourage this sort of thing.

I went through a sensitive phase where the least negative feel from others bothered me greatly. I'm now to the point where I realize that nobody can truly tell my gender. They might suspect, but there is always the chance lingering in their mind that I am really a tall, not very attractive GG. They might giggle after I'm gone, but they'd do the same with unattractive GGs.

[vanitysumers]

happen to me several times.

once a FTM said "hey you in the red tee shirt and blue jeans in the TG/TS/CD section of the store on a loud speaker we close in a half our out loud"

[GirlyMan1955]

On a few occasions the sales staff were absolutely horrified that a man was in the bras and panties department. They never said anything but the looks I got were lethal. And to top it off on two separate occasions the evil harridans called security. I know it was because of me. I can't believe that they had never had a man shopping for lingerie. Needless to say I got somewhat spooked. Since then I pretty much stick with the internet. They are happy to service me!

[Brandilynn]

I can pass fairly decently, it's just the voice that gives me away. So I try not to speak that much. I also don't dress to attract too much attention when I'm out, so I can usually cover it up with "God, don't you hate being sick? My voice has been like this all week!" In addition, I usually try to shop on the other side of the state line when I go shopping. It's kind of just a comfort thing. In general, I don't usually get hate, but I do have a crossdressing friend who was told to ask the women's section of a boutique a few months ago. They got robbed the other day, but they haven't gone under (yet)! Lol.

[Jodi]

Note that the OP said this happened in 1985. That is 28 years ago. Long before the internet and the age of communication. In 1985, that kind of behavior could be expected.

In today's world, that kind of behavior is the exception, although, I'm sure it could still happen.

I have been shopping openly and trying on as a guy since 1999. Early on, I would experience some coldness and refusal, but as was said, these stores were not there the next time I went in. When this would happen, I would smile, tell them I will spend my money elsewhere and leave. In the last 10 years, I have received nothing but acceptance.

Jodi

[EllenJo]

Only one time many years ago an SA in a department store lingere department was quite rude when I asked about sizes. She rolled her eyes and walked away without answering my question. However that has been the only time. All of my experiences since then have been exceptional. I would like to think the rude SA was just having a bad day. The department store chain where it happened is no longer in business. (Montgomery Ward)
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Ressie]

This year - I was getting into the habit of going to a thrift store that had the lowest prices, but also always had the same cashier. The last time I was there I'm sure I was being laughed at by her and a male employee. I don't go there anymore. I'm getting a little too familiar in other thrift stores too, but at least they have several different cashiers.

A few years a ago I walked into a consignment shop and within minutes the manager/owner? said out loud in a joking way, "there's a man in the store ladies". I wasn't actually outed, but still felt it was best to leave.

[Robin777]

If you go into a national dept store and get treated badly you can always contact the corporate office and I bet they will fall over themselves apologizing. I don't know what to tell you to do about a local business in a smaller city. I know in a larger city there usually a web page that rates businesses. Post something on a site like that would get their attention. A small town with with a small minded owner I don't know what you can do. I shop with my wife all the time and we buy clothes that the cashier has to know won't fit my wife and I have never had any of them make a comment.

[Melissa Rose]

I have never experienced any poor service or bad behavior from sale associates, and I shop a lot. Debglam and I have done a lot of shopping together, and I cannot recall a single bad incident in a lot of different stores. If someone asks nicely, Debby may share the rules to a game she came up with called Arden Fair Mall Melissa Bingo.

The attitudes in 1985 are quite different from today so incidences from ~30 years ago are not reflections upon today. Jerks and bitches can be found anywhere and at anytime. As others have said, most important is your reaction to the boorish behavior. Going ballistic rarely helps, and handling it with poise and grace often nets a better outcome.

[Tracii G]

A few times for me. I was nice to the SA verbally but I gave her a good stare that let her know I wasn't happy.
99% of the time I get treated well.I have a few SA's that call me by name and always give me a hug.
If you raise a big stink it won't accomplish anything.If you have problems call the corporate office or complain on line.

[kimdl93]

Never happened to me. I cant say what might have happened 28 years ago, but I assure you I would have looked a lot better!

[Christinedreamer]

Only once and it was when I was a teen in 1969. I had an absolute passion for nylon nightgowns (peignoirs) and I still do. I went into a small shop that catered to teen girls and found several drop dead gorgeous, super full and frilly 3 piece babydolls. I gave the usual beginner's BS line about buying for my sister. The silly thing is, I had made more than a few visits to this shop over the span of a year and being a kid, I did not realize they had noticed my several visits with a slightly different story each time.

The the next time I went in I started with my story -again- and the manager took the outfit off the hanger and rang up the sale. Just as soon as I gave her my hard earned money from my part time job, she loudly asked "What do you do with these when you are through with them?" I guess she assumed I was using them for sexual gratification. She then said "I KNOW you are wearing all these outfits. Do you want to put this one on now and wear it home?" That got everyone in the shop laughing at me. I know I turned 27 shades of red.

A couple weeks later I was walking by the store trying not to look in the window and one of the SAs came out and called after me just as I was going into the Woolworth's.. I stopped and was quite scared about being further embarrassed. She said she knew I was wearing these at home and that is was fine with her and the other younger clerks. She said they felt terrible about the way I was teased and she apologized. She asked for my number and said if I was interested, she would call me when something new came in and when the manager would not be in the store. I did and she did and it was a great way to forget the humiliation from the one visit.

[LasVegasXD]

I've usually been treated OK in a variety of settings. In boy mode one time a sales associate gave me bug eyes when she saw the sandals I was buying (the kind that lace up your leg and you tie in a knot, flat). I weakly said they were for my girlfriend, and she said, "Yeah right." At another store I couldn't quite tell if the gg SA was crackig wise at the flip flops I was buying, saying they will look really pretty on me. Ironically when I go out dressed up, I pass 3/4 (as in from the sides and from behind but not in the face), and I receive fewer issues. At an adult store a gg SA pointedly addressed me as sir, but that's usually been it. Yeah some are uncomfortable, but some are helpful. Vote with your cute feet.

Also when I was in grad school, there was a student in a class I TA-ed. She worked at Victoria's Secret. She told me about a guy who wanted to try stuff on in dressing room. Now Vicky's I think has a very tolerant position in that you need to wait for the rooms to be clear, but have at it. This young lady did allow the gentleman to do so, but unfortunately she commented to me how f'ing disgusting she found the whole episode. I seriously lost respect for her then, and small surprise she was fired shortly thereafter.

[Leah Lynn]

I don't recall ever being treated in a humiliating manner. I have had a few have to take a second look, then compose themselves, but then it was all smiles and helpfulness. Or at least a reasonable facsimile. A distant cousin of mine recieved a bad reception in a clothing store from a matronly SA. She politely asked for the SA's name, saying the state civil rights commission would love to hear about her. Instant 180, but my cousin, just smiled and said her money had better places to be spent. That cousin was TS at the time.

Leah

[ReineD]

I have negative experiences, but as a bystander. I don't feel humiliated over them, I just feel as if the people involved are idiots. lol. But I've been in situations where I saw SAs nodding toward my SO (without my SO's knowledge), and two of them were particularly noxious. They never would have shown me their true faces had they realized that I was with my SO.

But to our faces, they're always polite, always professional.

In all fairness, I think that most SAs are more open-minded about CDers than were the two that I mentioned above. At least most have the curtesy to keep their opinions to themselves.

[Christinedreamer]

I also consider the possibility that some SAs have encountered those strange guys who get off on dressing up in the dressing room and being exhibitionistic in trying to get a reaction from the SAs. I have seen a couple times first hand. Plus the media always paints us in a negative light especially on TV shows.

I try my best to dispel that attitude.

[Kate Simmons]

I've never had any problems like that. Most of them want repeat business and will bend over backwards to help as long as your money is green.:)

[linda allen]

Have you ever had this happen?

I have. The worst time was about 1985, when I asked an assistant to help and she and her boss purposely embarrassed me in front of women customers.

1985? You're carrying a grudge a pretty long time, don't you think?

The worst I can think of was at Penny's and my wife was trying on a nightgown and wanted me to see it. I was in drab. The SA said I couldn't stay in the hall by the dressing rooms if any other women came in. No big deal. Nobody has ever said anything cross about me shopping for women's things.

[PretzelGirl]

I haven't had a bad experience yet. I get out quite often (like two to three times a week) and I am actually a little surprised. Someone is going to be rude sooner or later just because there is a percentage of the population is that way. I did get called sir once.... But!


Instead, use it as a teaching moment. You're not trying to get the person fired, you're trying to educate and gain an ally.

I love this phrase and use it myself. We are still coming out of the closet to the population in general. If we let people stomp on us or if we get angry with other people, it won't improve things. But if we teach them and let them know we aren't hurting anyone and are their neighbors, then that percentage of uneducated people goes down a notch and that person may be our next defender. We don't win by running away or turning our back on bad situations.

[Eryn]

I can pass fairly decently, it's just the voice that gives me away. So I try not to speak that much.

Can I make what might sound like a crazy suggestion? Next time, go against this tendency. Talk to the SAs. Ask for help. "Do you have this in a medium?" I really like this but it's a bit short on me." Don't shrink back, assert your right to exist and to be their customer. A GG with a deepish voice wouldn't hide it, you shouldn't either.

It's scary. It might be tough the first couple of times. In the long run it will give you a lot more confidence and make your outings more comfortable.

[cdinmd206]

The wife and I were shopping and we were in the ladies section of a rather large department store. I was looking at some dresses and a sales lady came up to me and in a rather loud voice asked what I was doing in the ladies department. Before I could say anything my wife spoke up in a equally loud voice and told the lady how she hates to shop and that I always pick out things for her to try on and that I always picked out things that made her look good. The sales lady then smiled really nice and told me how great a husband I was for helping my wife shop. I smiled at her and said thank you. By then a floor manager had come over and discretely admonished the lady for her tone and loudness of her first remark. As we were leaving the store the lady came over and again apologized. I gave her my best smile and in a very low tone told her my wife was lying and that I really was looking for myself and then in a louder voice I told her to have a good day. We never went back to that store

[RADER]

I was told that this certain store was very CD friendly; I even called a few days ahead
of my arrival. I wanted a corset, and they specialized in corsets. Sure, come on in.
Now it was a 2 hour drive to the location for me, about 100 miles through the city of
Chicago.
I walked into the store, there where 3 SA tending to 3 GG customers.
I walled around a while admiring all the clothes they had, and even found a few things in
my size, (30).
About 30 minuets later, one of the younger SA came up to me and asked me what
I wanted. I spoke in a quiet voice that I wanted to be fitted for a corset.
She asked again, like she did not hear me the first time, I said that I wanted a corset
fitting.
She thens repeats what I said at the top of her voice.... "You want a Corset Fitting?"
I nodded my head, then she says again very loud as so everyone in the store could hear
it..."You want a corset fitting" "Are you Nuts"
With that last comment, I walked out fast. s I was leaving, I herd, He wanted a corset!
I was very hurt by this experience, and the drive home seemed to take twice as long.
Rader

[ninadiva]

I bought some really warm fleece type sweaters on sale in a local shop a few weeks back (In-Drab). The SA was a gorgeous young blonde girl. She had noticed me looking around because she said at the till 'You knew what you were looking for ! I smiled, winked and paid. I hope I see her next time.

[Stevie]

The attitude has not change much since 85. Yes it is more accepting now but there are still the same idiots out there that have to belittle you for whatever reason they have. Some places probably evolved faster than others.

[Leah Lynn]

Never thought about it back in the day, when I actually was buying for my wife. I remember looking for an item that she'd wanted, and being confronted by an obnoxious SA. I very nastily told her that I was looking for a birthday present for my wife and she just blew a substantial sale. I was loud enough that the manager came out of his office and I unloaded on him. He looked sick when I waved several C notes under his nose and walked out.

I'm much nicer now.

Leah

[Rogina B]

I was told that this certain store was very CD friendly
I was very hurt by this experience, and the drive home seemed to take twice as long.
Rader

And I was the one who told you that they were always good with me and were supporters of the TG scene in Chicagoland.. Anyway,what continues to show in this thread is that an individual SA,shouldn't destroy the shopping experience. Just don't play to it..everyone.

[Kathy4ever]

Never had a problem. I was at Sally beauty store saturday and wasn't sure if the girls were giggling about me shopping there or about something else. I just ignored it and continued shopping. A couple asked if they could help me and said i was just looking. When i went to pay they asked if I had a sally card and i did. If they were snickerig about me,so what. I did buy a nice hot pink nail polish so they could really have something to talk about if they wanted. The rest of the items were generic type stuff like shampoo, foot cream and my favorite item was magic shave. I've never had such soft stubble free legs before. I need a gallon of that stuff. Even helped with my facial hair too. All i can say is don't be so sensitive. Sometimes these people just need some education.

[Amy R Lynn]

I would try my best to not let it destroy my shopping experience. It would really depend on how humiliating the experience was. It could rattle my cage a bit. I don't know .

I like Kathi's approach about teaching them and not trying to turn it into a scene. People are just scared of things that they don't understand. If we don't advocate for ourselves, no one else will.

[Chickhe]

...in 1985, probably happened to me too! But, isn't it time you forget about it and move on and try it again?

[MissTee]

As with many others, through the years I've had my good and bad. Worst time ever was in a Belk's store. Old bat of an SA wasn't all happy with me being in "her" department, and commenting that there was nothing here a man should be interested in. I bought a bra, and then had her ring it up just for spite.

[Beverley Sims]

I turn the humiliation around and leave them stunned.
Nothing like shock value. :)

[Ressie]

what continues to show in this thread is that an individual SA,shouldn't destroy the shopping experience. Just don't play to it..everyone.

Have things really changed that much since 1985? For those that never had any negative responses while shopping, I guarantee that many times the SA was thinking negative thoughts, but knew better not to say anything. Certainly, you are talked about after you leave the store because CDing is just bizarre to most people in 2013. Comments you don't hear - "Did you see that?", "that was a transvestite", "that dude always goes to the ladies dept.", etc.

[Lynn Marie]

I kind of get the feeling that shopping for women's clothing and lingerie in drab is okay as long as you either know what you want or are being helped by a SA. It's the wandering around the store, touching and looking closely at things feminine that sort of looks perverted and may just scare women customers.

[linda allen]

I agree with Lynn Marie about the looking perverted and scaring women customers. I'm sure there are men who do just that.

Remember, many of these SAs are temporary or inexperienced. They may have only seen crossdressers in movies or on TV. Or they may have seen the "man in a dress" in a gay pride parade.

If you know what size you wear, you can say you're shopping for a present for your wife or girlfriend. This may get them to help you find what you want. Just don't look like you're trying to hide from them.

[Jenniferathome]

So your complaint is that 28 years ago, someone was rude? Pretty successful run you got going now.

[Cheryl T]

I've never encountered that either.
I've been going out everywhere the last 10 years and have never had any salesperson humiliate me in any way. Things are so tight right now in the economy that were someone to do that and you have the nerve to bring it to management's attention they will do something about it. Stores cannot afford to lose a customer for any reason these days and they are very attuned to that.

[Laurie A]

It always pains me to hear about treatment like that in a retail setting. I've run a small retail business for many years, and take the profession very seriously. There is never any excuse for such behavior. Smart retailers would recognize that opportunity exists in every encounter and every customer must be treated with respect.

[suchacutie]

We've only been shopping for Tina for 8 years but in that time my only problem has been too much help. Especially in Payless, once they see me trying on heels in drab an SA will invariably show up to tell me about all the savings when buying multiple pairs. Last shoes I bought were suede and at the checkout we had a discussion of what I'd need to keep them looking their best. SA was completely sure they were for me and did all she could to make it clear that was normal.

Still waiting for that first rude SA! It will be fun!

[LasVegasXD]

We've only been shopping for Tina for 8 years but in that time my only problem has been too much help. Especially in Payless, once they see me trying on heels in drab an SA will invariably show up to tell me about all the savings when buying multiple pairs. Last shoes I bought were suede and at the checkout we had a discussion of what I'd need to keep them looking their best. SA was completely sure they were for me and did all she could to make it clear that was normal.

Still waiting for that first rude SA! It will be fun!

That has totally been an experience for me too. In drab trying to sneak looks at some shoes, and a damn SA keeps popping up to tell me of the sales and closeouts.

[LilSissyStevie]

Some people have to pay to be degraded and humiliated by women. Just think, you got it for free.:heehee::dom:

[MonctonGirl]

Have you ever had this happen?

I have. The worst time was about 1985, when I asked an assistant to help and she and her boss purposely embarrassed me in front of women customers.


5 bucks says they wake up alone.

[shayleetv]

I was out shopping a couple of years ago for a present for my wife in drab. I had picked out a skirt and sweater and took it to the check out register. The woman looked at the items and said to me in a not so quite voice, where several women were in ear shot, "Would you like to try them on because I think they are too small for you." My reply in my booming baritone voice was, "Yes I know they are too small for me, but they will fit my wife just perfectly." I turned the tables on her and she was the one embarrassed, not me. I did feel like just leaving the planned purchase on the counter and telling her that it was a rude remark she had made. Before I got a chance to do that another woman, maybe a manager, came over and took over the register and profusely apologized. Then my typical reaction was to feel bad for the SA that I had embarrassed. I completed the transaction and went on my way. And yes they did fit my wife perfectly.

[Allison Chaynes]

The only times I have had issues have been at discount stores, specifically Fred's and Big Lots, while checking out. And even then they weren't a huge deal to me. At a Big Lot's a few years ago, the SA held up the panties I was purchasing and said, "Panties huh?" I told her they were for my wife (one of them was) and she responded, "Yeah sure." I just left. Nowadays I'd make a scene but not then.

At a Fred's about two months ago, I was buying some stretch jeans and clearance panties. The SA asked me (while laughing), "Are these in your size?" I said, "Yes they are!" She laughed and told me to quit messing with her. For the first time ever, I was honest and tol her, "No really, they are." She just laughed like she didn't believe me. I went back about three weeks ago and bought more jeans from the same SA. No reaction this time, she was professional.

[Asche]

FWIW, it's not just CDs that get this sort of treatment. Women and girls who aren't considered thin enough (or otherwise fail to meet society's beauty standards) also get rude treatment sometimes.

I was just reading a thread on a (non-CDing) site where women, esp. teen-agers, were being rather rudely told by cashiers and salespeople "we aren't going to sell you anything" because they were more generously proportioned than the sales associates liked. A place called "Rue 21" was mentioned a lot, as was "Forever 21" (not sure I have the right number.) Words like "hippo" and "fatty" were mentioned.

[Vanessa5]

I won't say that I was humiliated as such but I have recieved some poor service. The places that give (and are willing to tolerate that behavior) poor service don't get my money anymore.

[vikki2020]

never have been humiliated either--- and that's a curved line anyway. I get the occasional--"thank you SIR", --and I just smile, and ask them if that made them feel better? Then, I tell them, not a "Sir" today, and walk away. If it was done in a spiteful manner, I will call somebody.

[Alaina Ann]

Been buying female clothing for 20 years. Both in store and online. I have never had a problem and have met some very nice helpful SA. Often times my wife and I are together and buy matching outfits including nighties and panties in different sizes. It has always been a great girls day out!!

[heathr1]

The up side is that the women who work in Boots give superb service when buying make-up.

[audreyinalbany]

years back I was in a kind of semi-kink boutique--lots of leather and vinyl club wear kind of place--I was checking out the heels and asked the sales associate (male) if I could try on a pair. Surprisingly, he was kind of taken aback and said, "well I guess it's okay unless a woman customer comes in." I mean, this wasn't really what you'd consider a mainstream kind of place and I'm guessing they had had their share of fetishists in the place. Anyway, guess what? The place is no longer in business....

[~Joanne~]

I have only had one bad experience shopping to date and it was at a CD friendly store. It was actually the owner (a TS) who made me feel uncomfortable but looking back, I may have not be ready yet to actually go into a store and try things on so ultimately it came down on me. I have been back since, fully enfemme, and also had one of the best experiences of my life that day.

I have never had a bad experience in a regular store yet. Now I mostly do my shopping with my SO so she is usually right there with me as we look but I do not use her as a crutch. I still go shopping here and there without her and, if anything, I am a bit more comfortable looking at clothes and not caring much what someone else may think.

Last night, I bought 5 blouses and a costume and the SA who rang me up never batted a eye or anything. Had she, I would had have a manager there on the spot because that is the kind of person I am.

[JoanneCross]

I have only had a couple of times that cashiers or salespeople tried to humiliate me. Most have been wonderful! I had an older lady at a second hand place say out loud "I don't think that slip will fit you" my reply was it did two minutes ago when I tried it on, she never commented on the rest of my purchase. The other one was a young teenager in a Kmart store I was buying stretch satin panties in my size and she commented on how pretty they were and how she would like to see them on me, (laughing out loud) I said really they are almost identical to the ones I was wearing, she too stopped laughing and said sorry to me.

[Lillyasia]

The people who like to put others down to make themselves look better are the ones with the biggest self esteem issues. That's why when we say yes that dress, panty, or bra is for me they don't have anymore backbone, especailly if we say it with confidence. Not argumentive, just confidence.

Furthermore, a reminder that it is not illegal for a man to buy a dress, panties, or bra, but what they are doing may be illegal or open them up to civil litigation. But by then a manager should be involved and you should certainly let corporate know. On the other hand, please be sure to let managers or corporate know when you have a positive encounter. Too often only complaints get registered and not enough compliments.

[SometimesJen]

I can only recall a few potentially humiliating situations when I've been shopping, all in drab. The most blatant was about three years ago.

I was looking at bras and panties in a local Wal-Mart. One of the SAs very pointedly told me "Those are for women, not men." I told her I was aware of that and was looking for my girlfriend (which I was). The SA snapped back "Well, you'll just need to bring her in. I can't help you find your size." I left, but as I was walking past the ladies fitting room I said in a louder than normal voice "It's nice to know men aren't welcome to shop for their lady here." Three women left their entire carts of clothes and walked out. I never saw that SA in the store again, nor was I treated that rudely.

Two years ago I had a different experience at a local Macy's when I paused to look at the pumps. An SA quickly appeared and asked if she could help me with anything. When I asked if she had the shoe in size 11 or 12 wide she shouted about two aisles over to another SA "Hey! This guy wants these pumps in 11 or 12 wide. Do we have 'em?" The second SA came to confirm the model number, and disappeared to check the back stock. She returned with two more SAs in tow, each carrying a pair of size 12 pumps. One of them asked me if I was shopping for myself or my wife. I answered that my church was contemporary and open minded, that I was helping with Sunday's sermon and would be presenting it dressed - the shoes were for me. I then asked to try on each of the pairs they had brought out. All four SAs paused, slack-jawed at my direct answer, then fell all over each other trying to find shoes that fit me. Unfortunately they didn't have any bug enough, but two of the SAs remembered me later and asked how the sermon went. One of them actually came to a service on gender presentation in spirituality a couple weeks later. Sometimes standing up and being forthright can have unintended, and even helpful results!

[rachel_rachel]

I walked into a store that was having a sale just wanting to have a look around.. The SA didn't bother to greet with a 'hello' rather a 'have you lost someone mate?'
I turned to her, asked excuse me? she repeated the question, I simply said no i'm right.. (I was in my work clothes, Hi vis shirt etc..) had a bit of a look, turned and walked out. She lost a sale, and that particular store.. lost a customer... I will not set foot back in there again.

[thechic]

Must be different hear in new Zealand, never had a issue with buying woman's clothing

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I had an experience several years ago, but it was indirect yet it was a little embarassing. My wife and I went into a women's store at a mall. We stayed close together as we picked out a nice black skirt and a frilly white top for me. My wife made the purchase and as we were leaving, a young SA said loudly to another, "Some women buy women's clothes for their husbands. We see them all the time." We never went back, and they are out of business anyway. If SA's smartened up, they could make a lot more money for their store with us as customers. Good customer service equals better job security.

Cheryl

[BillieJoEllen]

Its happened a number of times. All situations have happened many years ago. First, I was browsing in our local JC Penney lingerie department. I was dressed. All of a sudden a cashier yelled out very loudly "Can I help you"? Everyone turned to look and I became very embarrassed. They could tell I was rally a man.

I bought a wig at our local K-Mart and didn't like it so I took it back. The clerk helping me said in a very loud voice "Whats the matter? Didn't it fit?" Once again everyone turned to look.

I was purchasing some very fem items at a Wal-Mart and chose the 'friendliest' looking line to buy them in. Saw one where the saleslady was very friendly to every one but when I got up there to pay she clammed up and had a very hateful look on her face. She looked very disgusted with me and threw my stuff in the bag and handed it to me very rudely.

And one other incidence that I remember well was in a Lane Bryant. I was shopping in there the week before and a SA approached me to see if I needed any help. We chit chatted a bit. I didn't buy anything.
I was back there the next week and found a dress that I was hoping was still there. I went to pay for it and wouldn't you know it the SA from the week before came walking buy and exclaimed, "Oh, I saw you looking at that dress last week. I hope you enjoy it!" I was standing in the longest line I was ever in at a Lane Bryant. Of course there were three other men and a lot of women standing in line with me. I could hear and see the snickering. She was loud enough for the whole store to hear.

[Mink]

i've only had very light humilating moments with the workers at stores...

the most common for awhile was "i don't think that's your color..." which always saddened me! why not say the opposite? oh that's def. your color! hehe!

i usually just kinda laugh and don't say much (that's just how i am)

or some light friendly response and usually they'd say something like "i'm sure she'll love it!" and no i don't think they knew it was for me... i think just light teasing like that can be kind of fun!

the most awkward i can think of was one time i was buying a few dresses (fancier ones) and the young lady asked "why so many dresses?" and i had nothing really to respond to that and probably just said "oh i don't know!" which was damn embarassing...

too bad i couldn't have been like "well i don't have that many and you guys just have so many cute ones!" ... ah well

[Courtney . J]

its hasnt happend to me yet but im sure it will someday ,. for the most part all of my girl shopping has gone fairly smooth , except for the last time i went shopping ,. i was at a store just wanting to buy some makeup and maybe some new nail polish ,. but i ended up finding a very cute pink blouse and some cute black leggings/ Pj's with a pink waist band which was only $10 for the set ,. i ended up getting that , some lipstick , eyeliner , foundation , and nail polish ,.. everything went ok and the cashier didnt blink an eye except when i got out to the car i noticed that she charged me twice for the eyeliner ,. doh ! so i had to go back in and correct the mistake ,. he response was " im sorry about that mistake ,. you know why i made that mistake right ? this is the first time ive seen a guy in here buying womens stuff ",. my reply was a modest "yeeaa :o " ,. then she says "well i think thats nice of you:battingeyelashes:"


made feel pretty good ,. now i just need to work on my makeup skills :doh: ahahaha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Heathr, Rule #1, Never let someone else take control of the situation.

[Amanda M]

"I kind of get the feeling that shopping for women's clothing and lingerie in drab is okay as long as you either know what you want or are being helped by a SA. It's the wandering around the store, touching and looking closely at things feminine that sort of looks perverted and may just scare women customers."

Sorry? You really mean I should not touch or look at things feminine that I might want to buy in case I scare the female customers?

On the other hand it's OK for women to wander around the mens' section and handle the goods?

Whatever happened to equality.....

[Miss Trudy]

As one that has been out since the early 80'sand has shopped en femme 100's of times from lingerie shops to the grocery stores I have never been humiliated by a sales clerk either GG or male. Granted I have been made to fee uncomfortable as many here have noted but humiliated, never! First I do have to agree with Kathi in that one can only get humiliated if one allows themselves to be put in that position. All you had to do was leave and go to another store, believe me there are lots of them that want our money. Stand up for yourself and be proud of who you are and show the world you are a real man under that skirt. :D

[Lorileah]

Sorry? You really mean I should not touch or look at things feminine that I might want to buy in case I scare the female customers?

On the other hand it's OK for women to wander around the mens' section and handle the goods?


Very few women examine the boxer shorts and tighty whities like some men do. I have never seen a woman hold up men's underwear and get that far away look. I have seen women get novelty boxers and hold them up and giggle but I don't think it is because they are imagining being tickled later. :)

I have never ever been insulted or humiliated by any SA. Just yesterday the clerk said "don't we have the BEST lingerie prices you ever saw? I could fill my closet with this stuff"

Addendum: Some of what I am reading here that members feel are insulting is really nothing. Calling out to another SA? Happens every day. Less so since they have walkie talkies now. Asking "loudly" if you need help? Do you want them to whisper? Just because you are scared and flitting around in a place you feel you should not be in this seems to be more than it is.

[Alice Torn]

It has never happened to me, because i only shop at thrift or charity stores, or Ebay.com. I have only a few times bought hose or bras or panties in a regular store.

[Joanne f]

Only once a SA tried to make something of it , as I was waiting to use the changing room she came up to me and asked if I was taking a top into the room for my wife , I replied " No" and she looked at me and said , "Oh like that is it " I just replied , " Yes" and she did not know what to say next so walked away , my wife was standing a little way behind me laughing at what had just happened .

[Ressie]

Some of what I am reading here that members feel are insulting is really nothing. Calling out to another SA? Happens every day. Less so since they have walkie talkies now. Asking "loudly" if you need help? Do you want them to whisper? Just because you are scared and flitting around in a place you feel you should not be in this seems to be more than it is.

True, in most cases no one is trying to embarrass anyone, but it's us CDs that tend to perceive it that way. Still, I'm sure that most snicker behind our backs.

[Mink]

now that i think about it there was one girl at a fredricks of hollywood that started laughing or giggling as soon as she saw me... asked if i needed help and i said No thanks! just looking...

and the whole time she just had this big grin and couldn't hold back from reacting to the whole situation! ... i bought something and even at the end she kinda laughed and said ENJOY!

and i could take that as really annoying or offensive but i took at as something kinda fun ... i didn't care! ... yet i was kind of embarassed but i don't know... maybe i have a different view but it IS a kind of fun amusing situation... a guy buying something ultra frilly and girly ... i think i had just shaved my head (for the first and LAST time ever!) so i probably looked pretty extreme!

[Allison Chaynes]

OK, I finally had something happen to me in an actual women's clothing store. Tuesday I was in Lane Bryant using a coupon they mailed me, and a sales associate walked past me and said "Sir, those panties will look so cute on you" and kept walking. I said thanks. Couldn't tell if she was complimenting or being facetious.

[Ocelon]

yeah, some girl waved the bra around a while whilst looking incredibly angry with me, before scanning it and letting me bag it. Maybe she was annoyed at what she assumed to be another handsome but "gay" man? Who knows :P

im just kidding, she probably just thought the latter part.

[alwayshave]

It has not happened to me personally, but Monday evening my SO and I were in the shoe section of Macys at the Pentagon City Mall buying shoes for my SO. A fellow CD, yes I clocked her, walked by and was looking at shoes. One of the SAs approached and asked her if she needed help, and she waved the SA off. The SA came back to the sales station and mentioned the CD to the other SAs. They all looked. A few minutes later the CD left and then all the SAs began to giggle. I was not sure whether I was pissed that they giggled or relieved that they spared her feelings and held off until she left.

[pinkhyori]

Like someone said before its not just CDs. GG's who are not 'thin' enough can get humiliated as well.
That being said it says more about the shop staff in question than anyone else.

[Lexi Moralas]

I usually receive good service , but once in a while usually at a bigger discount store ( like this one Burlington coat factory )
I ll get an SA who is pleasant enough but but for some reason can't help but call me "sir" just to let me know I didn't fool her ! It kinda sucks and takes me down a notch, but I figure its a small price to pay for the amazing deals I get there. Then ill go next door to rainbow where I am always treated amazingly !
I figure I have to expect some adversity when I go out dressed

[StarrOfDelite]

I was purchasing a torso shaper, which was on sale at the local Kohl's store about ten years ago, and the clerk at the cash register said something which could have been interpreted to be inappropriate as a joke. My male voice is very deep, and in response I made some joking comment about how I wasn't sure it was the right cup size for me, and she laughed. She probably shouldn't have made any comment, but my take was that she had no idea that I was buying it for myself, and genuinely thought she was making small talk about the oddity of a man buying a foundation garment for his wife.

[lingerieLiz]

Years ago I would stop at a couple women's stores (they had them in the old days) and browse and purchase sometimes. On one trip I purchased 3 slips that were on sale in my size. A week later I stopped again and the store manager asked in a loud voice "Did your slips fit?" I turned to her and equally loud said, Yes, and continued shopping.

Most embarrassing event was when I was going to purchase two blouses at a discount mall. They had a sale going and the store was packed. When the manager rang them up they were not the price I expected. I questioned the price she got nasty and so I said I didn't want them. I had handed her my credit card so she held onto it while going on a rant at me about how dumb I was and how I had wasted every ones time. The young girl SA had been very gracious and assured me that it was fine to try on the blouses. The women shoppers didn't seem to mind either. The sad part was I would have purchased them if given a logical explanation. As I walked out of the store I saw a sign that they were closing in a month. No wonder.

Twice I actually dated girls who waited on me in women's stores. One introduced me to her father by saying, "He buys all of his clothes at our store."