Lack of Reaction

[SarahT]

The more I admit that I've come to terms with who I am, and the more I mentally prepare for my transition, the more I want to be authentic and tell those I'm closest to. So I am. And maybe it's because I'm only telling those people who I already know will be accepting. Or maybe it's because the people I'm telling know me, and are willing to accept me because of that. Or ... who knows.

But it's just a big surprise how something so pivotal, something I spend nearly every waking moment (and quite a bit of my sleeping hours too) thinking about, they can just say "okay". No big drama, no look of shock, just "okay". They ask a few questions, but that's it.

Did everyone already have me figured out!?! :eek: Or is it just that it's not their life that's going to be turned upside-down? They're not as close to the epi-center as I am?

*sigh* I'm loved and supported by my closest friends, and it's a wonderful feeling. So can I stop bracing myself when i tell them?

[Nicole Erin]

Pretty much. If you don't make a big deal out of things, others won't either.
If you keep up with the CD section and this one, you notice the majority of the time, the person a TS has the most trouble with is their spouse. Once in a while it is their family , friends, co-workers or whatever but usually the spouse.

It may take them a bit of adjustment but it is not gonna be the subject of a reality show or the news.

My experience is this - Most of my co-workers don't care, what tiny family I have doesn't mind (step parents do but hell with them), and friends have no problems.

Once you are full time, you nor most people will even think about "Whoa, a trahnny!" You will just be you and life will go on.
I doubt they "figured you out". They accept you as a friend and/or family and THAT is what matters most. You think they care if you have a one-eyed liar or a pink taco in your shorts? Heck no.
The only bad thing is if you like Coke instead of Pepsi. Now damnit, THAT would be weird. Coke just sucks. Gives acid reflux, tastes groady, BLEH! OK, I got off on a tangent.

[SarahT]

Sounds like I need to just chill out already. Up until now my entire basis of how people react was from my ex-spouse, and what you read in the news. Apparently people who actually care about me, actually care about me.



The only bad thing is if you like Coke instead of Pepsi. Now damnit, THAT would be weird. Coke just sucks. Gives acid reflux, tastes groady, BLEH! OK, I got off on a tangent.

Hm, this is awkward ... I live in Atlanta, Coke center of the universe. There's only one correct drink down here. :)

[Nicole Erin]

Ohh alright, I guess being a Coke fan is forgiveable if you live in coke universe...

Look, not everyone has horror stories like on this forum. Lot of drama queens.

Onto more important things -
You need to start figuring something out now. If you ever get implants, which of your male friends is gonna be the first to play with them?

[I Am Paula]

Most of the people I've told reacted with a long silence, then said some variation of 'If this is what you need to do'. Not much emotion.
The very best was my niece. Her reaction', 'Thank god! Now I can buy you something other than socks for Christmas!'

[Rianna Humble]

Sarah, I can totally identify with your feeling of WTH. No-one at work or around me made a big thing about me starting transition. Some people I had been expecting to be negative even came to me privately to ask how they could support me.

I think my two favourite reactions came after my story featured in the papers. One neighbour watched out to see me going past then came out of his house to say
It came as a bit of a shock to read about your transition but I just want you to promise me that you will let me know if anyone around here gives you grief over it. He is not into violence so this was very heartfelt support.
The other was a lady I had helped and encouraged in my role as a politician. She showed the article in the paper to her husband with the comment
That's my friend!

I'm really glad that those around you have been supportive - long may it continue

[Jorja]

You see, a lot of our worries are in our own heads. We have read stories, we have talked to "friends", our imaginations run wild. We expect everyone out there in the world to freak out as soon as we inform them. The truth is, most of them could care less as long as it doesn't interupt their life. Don't get me wrong, there is that element out there that wants nothing more than for all of us to die by any means necessary. These days it just isn't that big of a deal to the majority of people.

[Angela Campbell]

Most of the people I've told reacted with a long silence, then said some variation of 'If this is what you need to do'. Not much emotion.
The very best was my niece. Her reaction', 'Thank god! Now I can buy you something other than socks for Christmas!'

This is what I get more than anything. The long silence. No real rejection so far. A lot of shock maybe, but at least an attempt to understand.

[I Am Paula]

This week will be the acid test. On Saturday I'm going to a wedding where all my friends will see me as male for the last time. It's not my place to come out at someone else's wedding. On Sunday or Monday, they will get the Email. It pretty much explains everything.
Now I will find out how many friends I lose, and how many will support me. Should be eye opening, I expect 100+ responses by email, or phone. I'll give the breakdown in a new thread.

[bas1985]

looking forward to hear the epiphany's results. By the way... I remember someone posted the idea to have a sticky thread where we can post our come out "letters". I am preparing mine too. There are already two or three but it is a pity they are buried in old threads.

[Deborah_UK]

Sounds like you are preparing the ground extremely well, and having that support network around you will help when you go full time.

Its good to hear positive stories - it proves my point that transition doesn't have to be as bad as the tranny police make out.

[kathtx]

This is what I get more than anything. The long silence. No real rejection so far. A lot of shock maybe, but at least an attempt to understand.

I've gotten surprise from some, but never shock. Lots of curious questions from most. No rejection and lots of love. But those were our friends and my family, most of whom are quite liberal and all of whom are at least open-minded. My wife and I are still working on how/when to come out to her family, particularly her mom. Her dad and brother and sisters in law will be ok I'm sure, but my wife is really worried about rejection by her mom. Her mom makes lots of homophobic comments in general, and is constantly critical of my wife about many issues. My wife is a smart, self-confident woman in most respects -- she's a successful woman in a male-dominated field -- but she's never figured out how to come to terms with her mom on many issues, most importantly her being a lesbian. Since we live 1500 miles away from her parents this doesn't affect our daily life, but its been a barrier to being fully out and has been a real source of anguish for my wife, and therefore for me.

[Leah Lynn]

Mostly the long silence for me, too. A couple of them then wrinkled their noses and asked the "Why do you want to do that?" One has accepted, the other, well we don't socialize anymore. Too bad, his loss.

I have never heard anyone ever order a Rum & Pepsi. However, Captain Morgan & Cherry Dr. Pepper is great!

Hugs,

Leah

[vikki2020]

I'm thinking that a lack of reaction is just what you want. It's what I'm hoping for. Of course, there will be a bit of questioning, or such, but, reversing the situation---what would you think, about any of your friends, coming out with a simular statement? Accept, reject? After the "wow" moment, I'd think I'd be ok, so, what else is new! Today, most people have complicated lifes, and they don't have the time,or energy to worry about yours. They may even think---"wow, I thought I was weird", lol! :)

[I Am Paula]

Acter the long silence, comes the inevitable- 'are you gonna cut off the?' and them some sort of sign language centered around the crotch, and the accompanying grimmace.

[SarahT]

I think my two favourite reactions came after my story featured in the papers.

My favorite reaction was my deacon from church, who I told last night - she gave me a big hug and said "I always thought you were too pretty for a boy!"


Sounds like you are preparing the ground extremely well, and having that support network around you will help when you go full time.

Its good to hear positive stories - it proves my point that transition doesn't have to be as bad as the tranny police make out.

Thanks Deborah. I know I'm going to need all the support I can get. I'm going to be sitting down with my parents next weekend ... I've already had a few discussions with my mom, told her I was exploring whether I related more with my male self or my female self (obviously I already knew the answer). But this is going to be the first "I need to be me" discussion (of many, I'm sure).

[BOBBI G.]

Sarah,

As you continue introducing yourself to your world, you will find most people will let you in on a little secret. Your deacon's comment is along those lines. My favorites have been, "what has taken you so long", and, "it's about time, I've know for quite a while." In general, most folks just want your happiness or could care less. You will always be you. The milk in the carton will not change, just the container.

Bobbi

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Sarah there is a lot of difficult on telling everyone either they will support you or forget you but you have to do what really makes you happy.