A little dose of reality

[kimdl93]

For the past few weeks I've been staying in an RV park...figured it was cheaper than paying for motels while I work out of town. A couple of evenings I've taken walks around the park, just to get some exercise. I was always dressed properly, but it seems I've attracted more attention than I wanted.

This evening I took what has grown to be my usual stroll and just as I was approaching my RV a car sped up and a spotlight shown on me. It was clearly a patrol car. Needless to say, my thoughts were "Oh God, now what?" The officer instructed me to "get over here" and proceeded to ask why I was walking around the RV park at night, dressed like a woman. I explained that I just was out getting some exercise.

He then went to explain that some people had complained that a man was walking around dressed like a woman...checked my ID and again asked my why I did this. To that I could only respond it was a long story, that goes back to my earliest years. I added that I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, but certainly didn't want to offend anyone.

After checking my vehicle registration he went on to say that if people called in the future the police dept wouldn't bother me.

Well, I'm left feeling a bit discouraged. This is the very first unpleasant incident I've ever experienced and the world, at least for the moment, feels a good deal less accepting. I suppose the bright side is that the officer acknowledged that I hadn't done anything wrong.

Much as I hate to, I'm afraid I'll be confining myself while I'm here. I really don't want to offend or upset the other folks here - most of whom are older folks and probably not particularly open minded.

[Marleena]

Sheesh that really does suck! Good thing the police won't be bothering you anymore. You're probably better off going the motel route next time. Some people could easily have been "one people" though. All it takes is one to cause trouble for you.

[ArleneRaquel]

OMG ! Good Luck & Best Wishes darlin.

[suchacutie]

I guess I don't understand. If you are walking around after dark or near that time it would seem that someone would really have to go out of their way to clock you and then have the nerve to call the police. Rather amazing!

[MysticLady]

Much as I hate to, I'm afraid I'll be confining myself while I'm here. I really don't want to offend or upset the other folks here - most of whom are older folks and probably not particularly open minded.

I'm sorry too hear of your troubles Kim. You're right though, sometimes for others sake, we must not be ourselves, unfortunately.


. Some people could easily have been "one people" though. All it takes is one to cause trouble for you.

So True, it only takes one too ruin things:sad:

[arbon]

Your the one that should be offended!! Don't worry about those idiots you have the right to be you and dress as you like

[ReineD]

Well, I'm left feeling a bit discouraged. This is the very first unpleasant incident I've ever experienced and the world, at least for the moment, feels a good deal less accepting. I suppose the bright side is that the officer acknowledged that I hadn't done anything wrong.

Much as I hate to, I'm afraid I'll be confining myself while I'm here. I really don't want to offend or upset the other folks here - most of whom are older folks and probably not particularly open minded.

People fear what they're not familiar with, Kim. And most people, unless they've met a transperson directly, don't know anything other than the stereotypes. I'd bet my bottom dollar that if there was a block party where you had a chance to meet everyone, they'd immediately know that you're OK and no one would have called the police.

So it's not you, Kim ... it's the stupid stereotypes and people's ignorance. I wouldn't stay in from now on. You have the police dept's backing, so I'd go out there again and say hi to the neighbors if they're outside. Introduce yourself and say that you're there for a few weeks on business. Engage them in a bit of chit chat. And then all the mystery will be dispelled.

:hugs:

Also, don't forget. Only one or two people called the police. Not the entire community.

[AllieSF]

Sorry to hear that Kim. I think that the good thing is that your RV park seems to have good security services and the second is that the cops now will not bother you. Other than that, I agree with Arbon, that you should not feel sorry how those other residents think, unless there is some danger in them getting upset, like younger macho men and their biker babes. If most are of the much older generation, kinda like me, then I would just live your temporary life there as you have been doing, which is not bothering anybody by being obnoxious, loud or whatever, and take your walks, sit outside enjoy the evenings, and whatever else you like to do. They really need to learn how to live with your presence and not insisting that you acquiesce to their fears. Good luck.

[Di]

My heart sank when I read this....I am so sorry:hugs:
Reine is right, it is because people are afraid of what they do not know.:hugs:
Sucks but please do not take it to heart.

[abigailf]

Sounds like you handled yourself perfectly with the police. As far as anyone else goes, if you are not afraid for your safety then go out. If someone is offended that is their problem. If they ask you about it, then educated them.

Don't be discouraged. That actually sounded like a positive story though I am sure you were a bit nerve racked. The fact that the police recognized the situation is a good thing.

[TheMissus]

I think you could flip this and ask whether people would be equally concerned if you'd been wandering around at night in drab? My guess is yes. Any person wandering at night (without a dog!) is open to suspicion in this paranoid world and a lone man even more so. The CDing likely just doubles their concern as everyone here knows most people don't understand it.

I also find people in RV parks are super paranoid as they don't who their neighbors are.

Maybe just keep to daylight hours?

[Marcelle]

Hi Kim,

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. I can only applaud your courage for going out in the first place (I have not presented publically). The others are right, it is just the narrow minded opinions of a few who don't understand or are more likely too afraid to understand.

You did a brave thing by walking around, hold your head up high. You are an inspiration.

Hugs

Isha

[Amy R Lynn]

That would make you want to take a step back for sure.

Reine always has such great advice! You can almost be certain that it was probably one person. No one else would call security or the police if they saw someone walking around. Why would they? You were just taking a walk. I'm very certain that most people would not think a thing of it.

I agree I would not let that stop you. Good luck, and do be safe out there!

[kimdl93]

Honestly, if I "flip this around" I would think nothing of anyone taking a walk on the lighted driveways of an RV park, at 8:15 pm, particurly, when the daylight temp topped 100, regardless of how they were dressed...dog or no dog. Walking laps is hardly what I'd construe as "wandering in the night" either.

But perhaps taking a walk is inconceivable and highly suspect to the average resident of this RV park- I've encountered three (3) people total in perhaps a half dozen walks at 8-8:30 pm.

[Jenniferathome]

Kim, you can't stop small mindedness, but now you know the cops won't respond so keep on walking. You may actually change some minds.

[Chickhe]

I would not stop. Doing so confirms to the person who reported you that you did something wrong. I wouldn't push it, but go for another walk and look for the person who watches you then quickly pulls the shades closed... then visit them the next day to introduce yourself.

[Lynn Marie]

Sorry Kim. A dose of reality for sure. You're such a sweetheart, it's really a shame that it had to happen to you. Time for a new dress and a pair of matching pumps. You're a lovely lady, old folks tend to be afraid of everything.

[Beverley Sims]

People in parks seem to always want to check out the new neighbor.
Why can't they just mind their own business.
Sorry it happened to you, it does set things back a bit.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Iv been around a few camp sites worked in one plus Jos & I for a year, and our daughter & Dejarn, so i know what its like i would do the rounds every day / night though the difference we were in charge & the word ill use is ... we knew ... every one,

Now wether youd do this is over to you knock on every door if you like & say hi & you walk around the camp each night so they will know you, , it seems to me those or some are older so think as they do , who's this out late or when ever / time what's this person up to. so preempt thier concerns about you, or something along those lines.

...noeleena...

[monalisa]

I think my heart would have stopped when the policeman called me over. Seems like there is always someone to complain about something and certainly you weren't bothering anyone. Maybe it was a jealous wife and thought you looked too good.

[Angela Campbell]

After checking my vehicle registration he went on to say that if people called in the future the police dept wouldn't bother me.

I might have asked why he was bothering me now. There is no law stating how you should look or dress.

[linda allen]

Kim, I'm sorry this happened to you, but the bad part is over now so there's no need to stop walking. The police won't be back. If any of the residents still have a problem with you walking, they will have to just suck it up and close their curtains. It's probably just one person anyway.

As for the police, they got a call, it's their duty to respond to the call. He could have been a little nicer about it perhaps, but he didn't know what to expect.

And of course, this is a "dose of reality". Any one of us could be in the same situation - asked by the police to identify ourselves and explain why we are males dressed as females. It's not against the law (that I now of), but it's unusual. I think Kim's explanation was appropriate and it left the officer satisfied that she wasn't some pervert out to pick up children or someone who had disguised himself to commit a crime.

[Amanda22]

Kim, I imagine it was a really bad feeling to have a spotlight shown on you and called over to the squad car. I'd have had a lump in my throat the size of a baseball. My take on this horrible experience is that some (how many is debatable) people think crossdressers are very apt to be criminals. A year or two ago I attended a film presentation shown at a local church. The short film showed the daily activities of a crossdresser and did a great job presenting the "why" of CDing. The film was shown by the church to serve as a topic of discussion. I and my wife were amazed how many of the viewers thought that if the person in the film crossdressed, it was likely they justified molesting children. It was shocking. Yes, they were ignorant and uninformed, but I think there are people who think someone who crossdresses is also a criminal. Has anyone ever seen this type of response? I live in Chattanooga TN, by the way.

[Karren H]

Personally I think its time to ramp it up and put on a show every night!... Over the top..... Assuming you can make it around the park in stilettos..... gravel drives usually cause me issues....

[Amanda M]

Nasty event Kim! As far as those who were offended - sod them, to put it as politely as I can. Please, please don't give into them. If they try to complain again, and if the Officer speaks to you about it, tell him to charge them for wasting police time!

[linda allen]

I might have asked why he was bothering me now. There is no law stating how you should look or dress.
The officer did explain why he was "bothering" her. A citizen called in and expressed their concern.

[DebbieL]

Sounds to me like there may have been 2-3 problems. First, you may have dressed so pretty that you attracted too much attention. Remember, the prettier you look, the longer they will look, and the better your chance that they will notice something and you will be read. You probably need to learn to "blend", dressing like the other women in the area.

Second, there are certain environments that are less tolerant than others. For example, you wouldn't go to a Southern Babtist church wearing a miniskirt, black hose, 3 inch heels, and a low cut top. Even if they didn't read you as a cross-dresser, they might read you as a hooker and give you a hard time. The same outfit at a hip club on Friday or Saturday night would be perfect. RV parks are a step down from trailer parks. Many are too transient to afford a long term lease at a trailer park. If you have your own trailer, you could probably get dressed, get in your car, and go to a park where you can get your little walk, at a park in the suburbs or an urban area, and there you would just be another stranger. Being a neighbor, and especially a pretty neighbor, there would be more attention paid - especially by people in a trailer park or RV park.

Getting stopped by the police can be a good thing. The first time I was stopped while "driving pretty", the police officer took my ID and spent nearly 40 minutes checking me against city, state, and federal databases. He also wanted to know my Femme name, which was also used in the search. Eventually he hit the level where he was told that I was "on file" and that he should be nice and polite. He came back to my car and apologized for stopping me, and told me my tail light was out. I asked if I could take a look while he was still there, and he told me yes. I got out, wearing my 16 inch leather miniskirt, blue satin top, tan hose, and 3 inch heels, and opened the trunk. A suitcase had knocked the lamp out of the mount, so I just put it back. He wrote "fixed on site" on the ticket and told me he had to give me the ticket, but there would be no points and only a $10 fine. He enjoyed the show, even though he knew I was male.

When I first came out, it was in Colorado Springs Colorado. The town has 5 military bases, 3 other government sites, and is headquarters for Focus on the Family. Not the best place to start showing up as a way too pretty girl - with a 5 o'clock shadow. I was stopped in the Springs, and the assumption when they first stopped me was that I might be involved in criminal enterprises such as prostitution, con jobs, blackmail, or espionage. When they hit the state level, he found out that I had been a witness for the state. When the got to the federal level, he found out that I had a file, classified, and was to be treated well. Whatever is in my file, is above my clearance level.

A few months later, I went to Denver Colorado, where I had no problem finding several supportive communities, many new friends, and quite a bit of acceptance and support.

Keep in mind that now that you have been stopped, you will need to provide your femme alias when a list of your aliases is requested, such as for security clearance, SEC clearance, or banking industry clearance. You should also include for background checks. There have been a few times when I didn't, and they came back asking "Who is Debbie Lawrence". I then had to write a more detailed explanation, including an explanation of why I didn't include it originally. The interesting thing is that when I have been up front and included the alias, I've always gotten the clearance without any further questions or investigation.

[Maslow's Mum]

Is the glass half full or half empty? Sounds to me that you've raised the level of understanding with at least one police officer and for that I say...BRAVO!

[Christina Kay]

Sheesh, that and also having to work on the road and away from home. The narrow mind of a lot of people. You shouldn't feel discouraged. The displayed courage to do your walks, and be who you are. And then worrying about upsetting others. I was truly touched by that. Hugs

[NicoleScott]

.As for the police, they got a call, it's their duty to respond to the call. He could have been a little nicer about it perhaps, but he didn't know what to expect.


That's what I was thinking, that they responded to a call. It wasn't the cops that overreacted, but the ones who called them. Like the people who called 911 because their burger had only one pickle instead of two.

[kimdl93]

For the record, the police responded professionally, particularly when it was clear that I was minding my own business, unlike the caller. And for the record, I'd was dressed in a tank top and denim shorts several evenings and cotton maxi dress the other nights. Something any mature woman would have worn on a warm summer evening. I don't own a mini skirt!

As for ramping I up...I'm conflict averse by nature. The driveways are paved, but I probably will stick to flats for now ;)

[ArleneRaquel]

kim,
OMG no mini skirt ! Darlin get with it dear. :eek:

[Wildaboutheels]

It think it unhealthy to to allow a clueless person/s to deter us from our path, when we are doing something we enjoy and nowhere close to breaking any laws. Unless there is danger to us or our party or possible danger to our income.

To change your outfit but to continue walking tells the clueless one/s they did the "right thing" and protected Society. Continuing as you were let's them know THEY were "wrong" and might want to adjust their attitude to people who are different. And just maybe stop worrying so much about wrapping paper.

And the REALITY is that clueless folks are everywhere but most will have just enough sense to keep their "archaic" attitudes to themselves. Just like you have seen for X # of YEARS now? Don't let them ruin what you have worked so hard to accomplish.

[kimdl93]

I doubt that my actions...or a strategic retreat....will influence the clueless one way or another. They are clueless for a reason;)

But I will try not to let this hurt for too long. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt right now.

[Debra Russell]

You were in a trailer park --- and expected otherwise? ......................Debra
ps yes that is stereotypical - but no pitch forks or gun fire were involved -- win win

[kimdl93]

I beg your pardon, this is an upscale RV park. The average rig here costs better than $200k ;)

[michelleddg]

Hey Kim, sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug. Plenty of bugs in RV Parks, even upscale ones. If I've done my sums right, the current count is: Number of people in Kim's court - 1,000's, number of people who need to get a life - 1.

Totally agree with your approach to turn the other cheek, my girly intuition says there may be safety issues if you escalate. Of course, if you want to borrow my maid outfit and really strut your stuff I'd be supportive of that, just let me know. Hugs, Michelle

[kittypw GG]

Don't be so hard on them. Yes they are probably afraid and uneducated about trans people but look........I have been around here for years, have cd/ts friends and was married to a cd/??. I am educated on the topic and I still don't get why a man would want to dress like a girl let alone go outside like that. I used to really feel bad that I didn't understand but now I just accept that I won't understand. I probably would not have called the police but what the heck. They can feel some comfort that the cops talked to you and they checked you out and determined that you were not a criminal or predator. Continue on going for your walks. They will get used to it and the cops will not come back.

[Alice Torn]

That was nerve racking for sure, especially when totally unexpected! My second night out, i decided to walk around a little tourist town on the Washington coast, on a Saturday night, after the businesses had closed, and a local cop watched me the whole time, then followed me out of town, and sure enough, he lit me up, and puilled me over. Very professional, he wondere dshy i was walking a t night, there. I just told him , that i wanted to see what life as a woman was like. He checked my record, and told me to go home, and sleep, as my driving was very nervous. Every time a cop follows me, i am wondering a lot of things. Yes, reality is, not everyone is accepting of crossdressers.

[Lexi_83]

Something similar happened to me, only at a shopping mall. The cop who stopped me said the only reason he did so was that there was a bank at the mall. I asked him why, if that was a concern, he stopped me driving away? No answer. Uncomfortable but he went on to explain that it wasn't against the law and that I could dress any way I wanted.

Got stopped at a drunk driving checkpoint en femme. It was late at night. It was state troopers and other than asking if it was my license, he was perfectly polite in the same way he would be to any other woman and I was let through in short order.

I've been out a number of times in the small town I used to live in. I went jogging en femme and often took my dog out after getting home late. The local police passed me many times and never took the slightest notice, or at least pretended not to, hopefully the former.

[kimdl93]

I won't excuse intolerance or ignorance. Obviously, many people do not understand. The fact that they do not understand isn't a justification. In the end, it means they either lack the empathy, the information or the imagination to understand that some of us actually do feel the need to dress and live part or all of our lives as women, and that we feel that we have every right to express that part of ourselves both within the privacy of our homes and outside them.

[MissTee]

Sorry that happened, Kim. I would be hurt, too.

Then the cynical side in me comes out and thinks, "Dang, they made me. I so thought I passed."

[kimdl93]

I have a deeply cynical side, and it never permitted me to cling to any illusions about passing. This experience actually reinforces something I have learned from experience - basically, that we arouse less suspicion and blend in more effectively during daylight hours in busy places. It seems there really can be safety in numbers.

[Ally 2112]

Unfortunately there are still many narrow minded people out there Kim.That whenever they see something even slightly out of the norm can get in an uproar .Keep your head up ! .Wish you all the best !:)

[Marleena]

Kim part of the problem is that while you're in the city everybody is busy doing their thing. In an RV park you're basically a sitting duck. They have time to watch the new neighbors (you).

[Sallee]

keep getting out don't let the fear stop you. the cop said it was ok So let the redneck neighbors get use to it Enjoy and have fun

[mikiSJ]

Hmmm, imagine if you were a black man walking around the park. I think the police officer was polite enough; at least he didn't cuff you while he checked your ID.

[andreanna]

I resent the fact that you call rv parks on step down from trailer parks. I have travelled in rvs and spent many a night in rv parks. Try the rv lifestyle one day, you might find that there is more to life than new jersey

[kimdl93]

andreanna, who called RV parks a step down from trailer parks...certainly not me. If you read my comments would notice that I made no such assertion. In fact, I mentioned that this was an upscale RV park with most rigs averaging $200K or better. So, I suggest you read more carefully.

edit: I stand corrected. the previous remark was not directed at me, but at an earlier commenter.

[andreanna]

Kim, i was reading the posts, seems that DebbieL has that opinion (RV parks are a step down from trailer parks. Many are too transient to afford a long term lease at a trailer park.) I have been in the RV industry for over 35 years, and I know upscale and downscale parks. I am not calling you out on this, I just get really annoyed when someone wants to put me in the trailer trash catagory when I know that i have made a very good living in the industry and seen lots of country before i retired from the business. I am not a kid anymore just someone that can now travel with his moified kenworth and 41ft fifth wheel.

[Victoria StJohn]

Sorry Kim. A dose of reality for sure. You're such a sweetheart, it's really a shame that it had to happen to you. Time for a new dress and a pair of matching pumps. You're a lovely lady, old folks tend to be afraid of everything.

Lynn, that's not true. At 75, I'm not afraid of everything. Maybe when I get a little older. I hope I get there, older that is. LOL Don't take this seriously, I'm just teasing you.:heehee::D

[Julie Gaum]

My take is similar to Amy's but taking it a bit further: As in many neighborhoods there is one person, likely female (sorry but usually true), who has nothing better to do but sit by the window and watch her neighbors. This type is probably over 70, a widow, with a keen eye looking at what's wrong with the attire or the friends of, or the sound from a neighbor's house or who is entering or leaving. She had seen you often enough that she really already knew you were living nearby; however how you walked or some other way you moved or looked "made" you.
Never, knowingly, seen a CD before --- then as Reine and most of us know comes the fear of what's not understood and then anger and reaction --- hence the police call. I doubt the cop's statement that alluded to more than one of the residents being bothered --- but it's understandable that he would say that. My suggestion is to take another route on your walk. I just did what is no longer PC but willl not wane:
PROFILING! They do it on TV most every night -fun.
Julie

[Leona]

I might have asked why he was bothering me now. There is no law stating how you should look or dress.

He was checking out a potentially suspicious character in a place where drugs and prostitution roam free. He was satisfied that the person he found was harmless and told him he wouldn't be bothered. Did he offer any sort of protection, like "If someone bothers you, be sure to call 911" or anything like that?

I'm in a hotel right now, one of those extended stay places with a kitchenette, and while I don't always get positive responses, I've never gotten an outright negative response either. And I do my walking around closer to midnight than 8:15pm.

[Rogina B]

He was checking out a potentially suspicious character in a place where drugs and prostitution roam free.

I'm in a hotel right now, one of those extended stay places with a kitchenette, and while I don't always get positive responses, I've never gotten an outright negative response either. And I do my walking around closer to midnight than 8:15pm.

I surely hope you are kidding...Upscale RV park with older residents...Not a "clapped out" trailer park! LOL

[Lexi_83]

My take is similar to Amy's but taking it a bit further: As in many neighborhoods there is one person, likely female (sorry but usually true), who has nothing better to do but sit by the window and watch her neighbors. This type is probably over 70, a widow, with a keen eye looking at what's wrong with the attire or the friends of, or the sound from a neighbor's house or who is entering or leaving. She had seen you often enough that she really already knew you were living nearby; however how you walked or some other way you moved or looked "made" you.
Never, knowingly, seen a CD before --- then as Refine and most of us know comes the fear of what's not understood and then anger and reaction --- hence the police call.
DJulieIn my old neighborhood I called them "watch ladies." Though they weren't quite that old.

One was a little curious and had no problem with me (at least that's what she told me) , the other was very suspicious and judgemental. But neither ever called the cops.

[Lorileah]

He was checking out a potentially suspicious character in a place where drugs and prostitution roam free... And I do my walking around closer to midnight than 8:15pm. Like THAT isn't suspicious no matter where you are? And I think it would be MORE dangerous to you? But then what do I know.

[jillleanne]

I'd call the local police and file a complaint that there are men and women dressed as men and women walking around the camp grounds at night and you are afraid they might harm you in some way.

[Leona]

I surely hope you are kidding...Upscale RV park with older residents...Not a "clapped out" trailer park! LOL

The hotel I'm living in is in an upscale neighborhood....

As far as drugs go, though, my experience is that an older couple in an RV is much more likely to ask where to find them than a younger couple in an RV.


Like THAT isn't suspicious no matter where you are? And I think it would be MORE dangerous to you? But then what do I know.

I'm not saying they were right to profile. They got a call, they had to check it out. After checking it out, they decided the call was BS. The cops did their job, and it looks like they did it correctly, based on what we've been told. For that matter, the cops didn't profile.

As for the nosy neighbor, one can speculate, or one can find out who it is. :) (I'd go find out who it is, but I'm kind of a jerk like that)

As for me going out late at night, this place gets regular patrols by the cops, so I feel relatively safe. And since the only reaction I've ever gotten that appeared negative can be more readily explained by non-CD factors at play.... But then, I'm in NW Austin, and the OP didn't say where she was. Could be an entirely different demographic there (that still finds drugs and prostitution in an upscale RV park, because, well, it's still an RV park)

[kittypw GG]

I won't excuse intolerance or ignorance. Obviously, many people do not understand. The fact that they do not understand isn't a justification. In the end, it means they either lack the empathy, the information or the imagination to understand that some of us actually do feel the need to dress and live part or all of our lives as women, and that we feel that we have every right to express that part of ourselves both within the privacy of our homes and outside them.

Yep totally agree but if you retreat and hide in your camper then what are you saying? The cops came and checked you out, I'll bet you everyone in the park knows so if you stop walking around as Kim then you are affirming all of their fears. Yep the cops scared the "perv" back into his camper so he won't be a problem. It takes bravery to continue your walks, be friendly. Most people don't have any experience with cross dressers. Like I said cut them some slack. You are most likely the first real CD they have ever been exposed to. Show them you are just like anyone else. Start inviting some over for a fire pit and a beer. Hold your head high, you are a tax payer and a contributing member of society right? Then pursue your right to be who you are without being a jerk. Just be yourself.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kim, RV campgrounds have a lot of family's with young children and I guess that it's only natural that some people would be concerned.

[mikiSJ]

Hi Kim, RV campgrounds have a lot of family's with young children and I guess that it's only natural that some people would be concerned.

I think the coincidence of CD/TG/TS and pedophilia is quite low and if your statement is true then we have a lot of educating to do.