Tops and Bling

[LeaP]

My company went full-time casual recently. That was huge for me because I've always despised male dress clothing, going so far as to only wear the same color khaki pants and white shirts for 10 years to work at one point. And suits give me the creeps. So great …

I started laughing this morning as I got dressed when I suddenly realized the only item of male clothing I was wearing was my top. Were I to switch that out and add some jewelry, I would be completely dressed. Even so, I'm dressed pretty much the same as a gay woman regularly did my last company (she had an androgynous look). Granted, everything I'm wearing is pretty unisex, but still, it made me realize just how thin the presentation line can be sometimes.

Thinking about it a little more, I realized that I would likely want to dress up more after transition. That would be partially to project a more professional presentation and partly to avoid the androgynous look. I actually like the latter, but think it would only feed confusion and misgendering at work.

Life is very odd sometimes…

[MysticLady]

Hi Lea

There's absolutely nothing wrong with "feeling beautiful".

[LeaP]

Of course there isn't ... But what I wrote had nothing to do with feeling beautiful. It is about the irony of finding myself unintentionally dressed at work (largely, anyway) after all these years, right down to the newly-pierced ears. (The ears have been getting a lot of traction lately ... didn't want to leave them out!)

[arbon]

There can be a very thin line, there have been a lot of times when there is not much if anything to distinguish me from a fem looking guy (god I wish I could get FFS and boobs!)

This weekend will be interesting as I am going to another womens retreat. But in this time it is at an outdoor religion based camp, so bunking with 7 other women in a cabin but I'll mostly be in shorts, jeans, tee shirt, pull over and no makeup over the weekend, like everyone else. Without my makeup and some more feminine cloths I always feel a little naked, and even though I will know some of the women most of them I don't know (about 60-70 other women total). I am a little unsure how well I will be accepted.

[LeaP]

I wish you luck on the retreat. I would find a religious camp a little daunting, but as you know some of the women already, I'm sure it will be fine.

Your comment about the clothing is right on topic. Very basic, casual clothes (real casual, not dress casual) are almost universal these days.

[stefan37]

The thing is unless you are wearing a definitely female top most do not notice anything different. Androgynous dress will usually not invoke feed back. Now wear a female scoop neck blouse with women's shoes and notice the feedback you may get. Until your co workers are informed they probably will not put 2 and 2 together. there may be some that are perceptive and they may or may not comment.
Add dangly earrings, necklaces, and bracelets along with some subtle makeup and more will notice. More than likely they will not ask you, they will ask around and everybody but you.

It is a progression that comes naturally when you stop caring what anybody thinks. We start to express ourselves and will go as far as our comfort level allows. It is stepping out of that comfort zone and pushing the bubble that allows us to grow and move forward with our expression of self, and as you do so after a time its becomes your new comfort zone.

With regard to dressing up more after transition, you are already transitioning, you mean after you inform your company you intend to express your self more openly, and it may not necessarily be full time. The wise word is not to present female or wear female accessories until you go full time. I did not follow that course, but my circumstances may be different than others.

[LeaP]

The thing is unless you are wearing a definitely female top most do not notice anything different. Androgynous dress will usually not invoke feed back.

...

It is a progression that comes naturally when you stop caring what anybody thinks.

...

The wise word is not to present female or wear female accessories until you go full time. .

You at right on all counts, of course. I have no intention of becoming suddenly obvious.

The comment on progression is true - and something of a caution. I've heard people counsel so many times that people need to stop caring what people think. I always took this more or less as a matter of attitude, perhaps even defiance. Progression describes it better. In truth, I feel myself becoming less sensitized. The jeans I happen to be wearing now, for example, and which I now wear anywhere, anytime without thought, once made me feel like I was in a spotlight.

But it is good to be aware of the desensitization, the thought being triggered by your mention of accessories. Rather than being intimidated by their use, I'm more of a mindset that I have to be aware of their effect. Or at least until I'm out, as you mentioned. I really want a Brighton badge clip for work, for example. (See this example - http://www.brighton.com/product/necklaces/36956-69955-70051/gleam-flash-badge-clip.html). But it would just be too much now, even though I would be quite comfortable using it at work.

So, everything in its time. I think I can rely on this progression to a degree, however. There seems to be a natural pace developing - sort of like growing into myself. You'll have to excuse the trivial example. It applies to much larger things as well.

[stefan37]

It is not a trivial example actually. To be comfortable wearing it in a work setting, you have to be comfortable with it. I have my own business, so my situation differs slightly. That said I would have been uncomfortable wearing it at work 2 years ago. I would have no problem wearing it now. I have worn wedge heels to the office. I am still not all that comfortable doing so. I have worn a skirt and top , but I would feel uncomfortable wearing a dress. Go figure. We all progress at a rate that is comfortable for us and good or bad comfortable for those around us. Loved ones are the hardest. The danger I find is the more comfortable we become the more we want to accelerate. That acceleration can be dangerous. And you are absolutely correct is is the process of growing into ourselves. The process takes time for us to become comfortable with ourselves internally to be able to project it externally to others.

it is not a race and we all will reach our goal if we keep our eye on the target and constantly move forward. It may seem small stuff to others, but can be huge events to us. It took me a long time to be comfortable wearing earrings daily. I had captive balls, so I would not chicken out and remove them. Now 4 years later I can wear any earring I like including 3 inch hoops or danglies and not feel uncomfortable. And that took a long time. It is true we need to stop caring would others think. but we need to keep in perspective where we are at and how will it effect us.

I can remember the first time I wore clear nail polish, I could swear everyone noticed and was staring at me. So I can relate to your jeans comment. It took me quite a while to get used to wearing reds and pinks on my nails. It is all about progression

[Leanne2]

Lea,
A few weeks ago I drove from work to a town 20 miles away to purchase something that I found on Craigslist. I haven't transitioned so I was in drab from my waist up. The bottom half was panties, women's jeans, and loafers. After the transaction I drove to a cute second hand shop in town. Now, I wanted to present fem so I but on earrings, a necklace, and lipstick. I always carry a string purse so I walked in like that. I owned being female and was accepted as one. The SA let me try on a pretty black dress. I modeled it to get her opinion. Then I bought some vintage jewelry. I walked out a happy woman; which I am. Leanne

[LeaP]

For me to do that would require wig and makeup.