Sexual feelings

[emma5410]

Every so often, along this very difficult journey, I have moments of clarity. Small epiphanies that allow me to jump forward a little.

Recently I have been having doubts about what I am. I am not a man but am I a woman? Sometimes when I am going about my daily life as a woman I have moments when I feel I am a fraud. Just a man in a dress. Horrible, unpleasant moments that shake me and leach away my self confidence. It is like I am facing a wall. On the other side is being a woman whatever that may mean but I cannot get over the wall and I am not sure why.

Today in what may seem unrelated I realised that I am afraid to feel sexy or sensual. Although the hormones have greatly reduced my libido I still have sexual feelings. Feelings I suppress out of shame. Maybe because all my life I have been sexually attracted to men. I realised as a teenager that I was not gay but without that framework it was difficult to understand my feelings. Unlike my gender issues I could not deny them. I had testosterone and a male sex drive. As with my cross dresssing I learnt to depise myself and feel shame and disgust because of them.

Now I am full time I am still afraid to acknowledge them. I am afraid of sexual feelings. I know that Autogynephilia is nonsense and a discredited theory but in low moments, when the doubts crowd in, I am victim to all sorts of crazy and irrational thoughts. I imagine that feeling sexy while dressed as a woman might mean that I am autogynephilliac. As I said, crazy and irrational thoughts.

But today I realised that it is okay to have sexual feelings. Who said that I had to be sexless. I am human and these feelings are perfectly natural. I am a woman and feeling sexy and being attracted to men is allowed (not that you have to be attracted to men to be a woman). That realisation means that wall does not seem quite so high now.

[ReineD]

I am afraid of sexual feelings. I know that Autogynephilia is nonsense and a discredited theory but in low moments, when the doubts crowd in, I am victim to all sorts of crazy and irrational thoughts. I imagine that feeling sexy while dressed as a woman might mean that I am autogynephilliac. As I said, crazy and irrational thoughts.

If you see yourself developing a long term, emotionally connected relationship with a man, then it is not AGP. Please don't be ashamed of your sexual feelings. Sexual attraction and emotional connectedness goes hand in hand for us.

It's my impression that AGP applies to CDing males (not TSs), who are only attracted to faceless men for sex, and only when they are dressed.

[Kathryn Martin]

This is one of the great hurdles. Because of the theories of Blanchard and Lawrence, because of the Baily a sense of innate attractiveness is driven from us. What we see in the gender variant world around us and especially in the crossdressing world is the rejection by society of men in dresses, often done up to the nines. This rejection is connected to the the possibility of discovering that the "woman" you are dating the woman that you may have befriended as a friend might have a penis.

Because this is so mtf transsexuals often fear to express their sexuality and sensuality, fear expressing their full attractiveness to the world. This is especially true pre op.

But in fact being attractive is part of being human. I want to be attractive, sexy and desirable. I want men to find me desirable. When I get ready to go out on a date, go out with my spouse, go to the theater or a concert I want to look amazing like any other woman doing the same. I thrills me to be desirable. The trill is not to wear the clothing, the thrill is to be attractive, a potential mate for another searching for a mate. It is what every woman wants whether the other is a husband, a date or a stranger in search of a partner.

Unfortunately, so many transsexuals fear this like you and often try to not be attractive, not to attract a partner. And it is difficult and fraught with dangers until you have changed your body, after surgery.

Emma, don't confuse this.

[bas1985]

Maybe you (in America) are a bit more "modern", but here in the TS forum I follow in Italy the AGP is a recurrent theme fiercely debated in the forum. Even if the theory has not very credit, its empirical simplicity drives the TSs (only the MtFs ones) in two distinct groups: we may call the groups the "real women in men's bodies" and the "men who want to become women -- in body -- but who are not real women".

There has been a LONG running thread in the forum with the title "The AGP dance" who pointed to this you tube video (it is an opera ballet in Italian where a baritone is dressed and acts like a woman, but of course sings with male voice".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jE7wAuIiiUQ

the thread in the forurm started saying that this man is the classical example of a AGP TS. In this case it is only a CD in stage, but the point is that some men, even after SRS, maintain some male characteristics and they "act like a woman", but they do not "express" womanhood, it is like a fake. In this sense they are AGP because they tend to overemphasize the feminine traits but over the male shell, not dismantling it (the male shell) first... because their true reason of transition is not to because they are women inside, but because they love to express femininity through the filter of their maleness.

In this case the sexual feeling is not considered. It is not because of your sexuality that you may be AGP but you may be AGP because you fail to remove all the male shell which you have built in the decades when you faked the man's role, in this case "late transitioners" are more incline to be AGP, just because they have more "male" data to erase from the hard disk of the mind.

[DebbieL]

Spiro and estro will lower your hormonal urges, including the sense of sexual "urgency", but it doesn't shut off what's between your ears. If you have had pleasant sexual experiences prior to transition, you are likely to have happy memories of those experiences. I find myself noticing men more, partly because they are occurring as less a threat.

Of course, our experiences of sex change significantly. Often, erections aren't even possible, and it can take much longer to achieve orgasms. Vibrators, massagers, or other toys can often be helpful, and we often find we enjoy anal prostate stimulation more. Whether it's a woman with a strap-on or a man, there is an ability to enjoy both the fantasy and the experience.

To me, because I was targeted as a "sissy" starting in first grade (5-6 years old), I associated boys with fear, anger, pain, terror, and danger. Even in Jr High and High School advances and propositions from men were always flattering, but terrifying. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I even thought that I might enjoy men. When my 2nd wife broke took my last form of virginity, I realized I really enjoyed that, much more than I thought I would.

Being married, I'm not looking for new companions, but I could definitely see the attraction. I could especially see it if he wanted me to dress and act beautiful and sexy all the time, wanting me to dress up all the time, and was supporting me through transition. One of the great struggles with being a transsexual attracted to women is that there is MUCH less support for the dressing and transition. It's more like "I'm OK with it, but don't be a ****".

What I HAVE noticed since I first started transitioning the first time, was that I was much more attracted to more "masculine" women. Women who were heavier, taller, and more aggressive sexually and socially. I found that I really enjoyed it when she was in charge of it. I married a woman named Lee, who has a buzz cut, sings tenor and even baritone, and like being in charge of it.