meeting another cd for the first time

[jack-sparrow]

hello everyone

was wanting to hear from people when they met another cd for the first time, what was it like and did you have certain expectations of that person or yourself?

I personally have not met another cd before but would like to at some point, though I'd probably want to meet in my guy mode first.

I'm not sure of places where I'd meet cd's in new zealand...calling any kiwis for help on that:)

[nhlighthouse]

jack-sparrow...should you ever find yourself in Salem NH look me up and we will get together in guy mode and chat and share!

[Princess29]

I would suggest, as you said, meeting in guy mode first in a public place like a shopping centre. Try and find out if you are on the same page and if you want to disclose things like were you live down the line, you'd be able to work that out

[mariehart]

It was a club of sorts. A group including some wives who met up once a week, dressed and often went out to a local gay pub or elsewhere. It was all good natured like a men's club where they happened to dress as women. At the time I was young and pretty and caused quite a stir. I didn't attend much for one reason or another which is a pity. A similar group exists now in Dublin where you can safely meet others in a relaxed atmosphere.

Can't speak for New Zealand but if there's a couple of groups here in a small country like Ireland there has to be similar in NZ, particularly the bigger cities. A bit of googling should throw up something. Facebook and yahoogroups might have something.

[Sarah Beth]

I have only met with one other cd and we met in guy mode first. Actually we had met in a chat room online and got to talking and he needed some work done on his place and the estimates he was getting were all pretty hi so I told him I would take a look for him. I went down and we agreed on a price and talked about the cd thing. I went down a week later and did the work. When I got done he asked me if I would like to take a shower and clean up because I was pretty dirty after the work was done. So I showered and when I came out of the shower there were some girl things there with a note for me to put them on because my other things were in the wash.

While we waited on my clothes to wash and dry we both sat there en femme and chatted about things. I was worried about his wife coming home but he said she was at work and wouldn't be home for awhile. He also told me she knew all about it and that she was fine with the cd thing and with him meeting others.I didn't meet her that day but I did meet her later on.

Bottom line is I was just so much more comfortable with being dressed with him because we had met and talked before.

[NicoleScott]

I would suggest meeting in guy mode first in a public place.... Try and find out if you are on the same page...

Yes, I agree. What drives us to dress and how we like to express ourselves is so different, having one thing in common (CDing) is bound to result in bad mismatches.
Some like to dress conservatively and blend in public, while others prefer less conservative (more fun - haha) looks and are happy to do it privately.
There have been CDing bucket list threads, and upon reflection I'm pretty content with what I have done (and not done). The one thing I always wanted to do but never did was get together with other like-minded CDers, say 3 or 4 of us, for an informal private dress-up party and chit-chat session. Like-minded is the key. I like to make up and dress over-the-top, and that doesn't do well in public. I know there are others like me who would enjoy the companionship of like-minded CDers. For me, meeting another CDer just because we both CD would have a slim chance of being an enjoyable get-together, and we would both feel that way. Many of us who grew up alone with our CDing crave such companionship, but a good fit is important.

[petrahughes]

Meeting and dressing with another CD would be an exiting thing for me, I am also scared of meeting the wrong person, some one who would set me up. Just the fact that I would be seen by someone else as Petra would be a thrill tho and a gurl can always dream of such a meeting !!!

[boots]

It is a great thrill to meet.I suggest meeting in guy mode or being very open minded

[kelly0]

agree, i would be nervous as heck as well. but this is something i have thought of for quite some time now and would love to experience.

i hope this works out for you. be safe, be sure and be well

kelly

[petrahughes]

It is a great thrill to meet.I suggest meeting in guy mode or being very open minded

I think the guy mode 1st meet idea is great advise.

[Gypsy Sam]

Met someone en drab after months of chatting online . After lunch the other person choose to depart rather quickly, and severed all communications. Rejection is hard to take most of the time,while other factors add to the equation. Enjoy the conversation here, and sometimes the silver lining is not perceived until later. Best wishes jack sparrow every encounter is never the same.

[Karren H]

I've met a number of local crossdressers.... enfemme and in drab..... in public and in private.... out for lunch and shopping and in playing dressup..... the biggest thing was getting to know them before hand.... and setting up the ground rules of what was and wasn't going to happen.... and to date..... all my meetings have gone exactly as planned..... one of the girls even lives in the same township and our kids went to school together.... we run into each other all over the place..... she and her wife always visit our garage sale... lol Its a small world....

[Jenniferathome]

This forum is a great resource for that. I met my first cd friends from here. Set your ground rules upfront. there are NZ members from up and down the county.

[Ceri Anne]

I have met a number and they have all gone well. I've never met on in guy mode first myself, but one of my friends was still in guy mode when I met her. I was dressed and we were going out to eat. It can be a bit nerve-racking at first, but I now have a network of CD friends to hang out with. I have only had one who wanted to initiate something sexual, and when I expressed I wasn't interested in that, everything was cool again. As Jennifer says, look in the directory to see who is near you, send them a message. I have also made posts in the meeting section to meet girls in different areas I travel to. I love the friendships that have developed.

[AllieSF]

Meeting someone new, should be treated as just that whether in male or female mode. We are not kids and we have so many things to talk about that is not just CD related. I have met many CD's in male mode and male mode. When meeting someone who has not yet gone out, or is still a newbie, I will suggest that we meet in guy mode. As Karren and others have said, getting to know them through emails or chat will help to know them better before meeting.

[LisaDee]

I have met with several CD's. Always in public and always dressed. Usually for lunch, a couple times for coffee. Some I had a lot in common with, good conversation, and some were less compatible but, nonetheless it was always pleasant.

[Lexi_83]

I met other CD's for the first time at a club. Then later at a support group. I get really shy and standoffish so I found it difficult. Never been out together with another CD.

See if there are any suppor tgroups in the area, some have meeting places where you can come in drab and dress there. There are all kinds of people of all ages, from the newest CD to women who are just about through their transition.

[Allison Chaynes]

I met one a few years ago in drab shortly after I accepted I was a CD. He brought his wife and we had a pleasant dinner at a local restaurant. Didn't have a lot in common but I'd say it went ok. I would just echo that you set ground rules prior to meeting, if you talk to someone from Craigslist they're more likely to think you're looking for a sexual thing, unless you make it clear you aren't!

[Kimberly Kael]

From my own experience, I'd say there were two consistent surprises. One is that you're not guaranteed to have much of anything in common beyond the obvious. You're not likely to become best of friends based on a single shared interest, so it might be best to either get to know people in an online context or a group environment to improve your odds of connecting with someone enough to enjoy spending time together. The other is that you're likely to see your own insecurities when speeding time around other CD/TG folk. "Is that really what I look like to other people?" was a phrase that leapt readily to mind. Getting comfortable with myself was an important step in accepting other people as well. Your mileage may vary.

[Dianne S]

I used to belong to a CD social club years ago. Some of the people I met there were really great; kind, generous and lots of fun. Others were shallow and annoying. I guess what I'm saying is that just because someone CDs doesn't mean you'll necessarily get along with them. But it's great to have something in common with the ones you do get along with.

I kind of drifted away from the social club when we had kids, but now that they're older I'm planning on rejoining. It will be interesting to see if and how 17 more years of life experience will change my perspective.

Echoing what Kimberly said, it can make you feel a bit insecure. The really good-looking CDers made me depressed at how badly I failed to pass, and the non-passable ones made me depressed thinking "wow, I probably look just like them" :) I guess you just can't win.

[Lorileah]

I have met with several CD's. Always in public and always dressed. I prefer meeting already dressed. First there is an illusion we want to present. I know that there are some here who dress a a hobby, but most take it seriously. And when you meet as guys, I think it would be MORE awkward.


Meeting someone new, should be treated as just that whether in male or female mode. We are not kids and we have so many things to talk about that is not just CD related. Yes, it does get boring talking what underwear you have on. But it should be in public


I have had maybe two planned meetings. The first was 15 plus years ago and the person stood me up 5 times. She wanted to meet as a guy and then "dress up" at my place. I should have seen the reds flags there. There were several of them. First she wasn't "out" to her spouse, so she was sneaking around. Then she wanted to mess MY place up with the make up and all AND wanted me to paint her. All this in a one hour meeting. (so basically she wanted someone else to do all the work.) And she wanted to dress while I watched (so me being there was just to see her naked in her mind...well in the end I found out she wanted MORE than just looking...with her getting the benefit and me not getting anything). This is why I am a little hesitant when someone wants to meet to "play dress up" in private.


Another was with a member here who was just passing through. We had a wonderful lunch, in public.

Always meet in public

[mikiSJ]

I belong to the River City Gems in Sacramento and they have a monthly Drab Gab where members meet for the first time (me) or as an ongoing meeting (me, also). They meet in guy mode at a revolving restaurant for lunch and it is just a great place to talk about things not girly, but related to however we present when not in guy mode. I found the group to be very reassuring and when I went to the first girls night social, I had friends I could immediately talk with.

Find out if there is something similar in your area. If there is something similar, you could then invite the individual you want to meet to the group meeting and do it safely, if that is your concern.

[Lori Kurtz]

I had one random chance encounter with a CD; I was in drab, she was not. It was completely unexpected and very exciting, but I was married at the time, and my wife did not know about my CDing. Since CDing for me was always a sexual experience, this encounter quickly became sexual, and it was the only sexual experience I ever had with a non-GG. It involved kissing and intense rubbing of our bodies, but no direct genital contact. When we were done, we made plans to meet the next day, but I chickened out, partly out of shame, and partly out of the fear of how starting something like a relationship with a real person could complicate my life. While it was a unique kind of thrill for me, it was also one more source of shame, and in a new and different way: not only did I feel bad about doing something outside what is "normal" and "proper," which was a problem for me at that time with respect to CDing itself, but it was also an extension of my dishonesty toward my wife, and it meant standing this innocent CD up the next day, when for reasons she knew nothing about, I didn't show up.

[kimdl93]

speaking of meeting public and en femme, a make up stylist asked me if I'd ever consider stopping by in male mode. I said no. I just didn't feel that I wanted her to know me as a male. I'd rather she know me as the person I prefer to be. I think I'd feel the same about meeting other CDs. Why would I want to meet them in male mode when this is who I want to be know and accepted as.

[Vanessa5]

I have met someone from here. It was to basically give some of my extra clothes to this person. I was nervous but you know what, all my nervousness went away when we met and we chatted for a bit and hopfully we can meet for coffee or lunch. I have also reached out to someone moving close to me and am looking forward to be her friend.

[Lexi_83]

. The other is that you're likely to see your own insecurities when speeding time around other CD/TG folk. "Is that really what I look like to other people?" was a phrase that leapt readily to mind. Getting comfortable with myself was an important step in accepting other people as well. Your mileage may vary.You make an excellent point.

[PretzelGirl]

I have met many people from this board (and I am not limiting it to CDs). I think the mode of meeting is very dependent on both of the people. Generally, I prefer to meet dressed, but if there is any doubt in my mind if that might be an issue ahead of time, then I just bring it up for discussion. The first meetings are normally something like dinner which is perfect. It puts us in a place where we can relax and talk and get to know each other. There is no risk of a problem, so I feel I am giving the other person some comfort also.

I had one tell me that before she said yes, she read some of my posts to see what I was about. I think that is great and I respect that. If the other person is moving forward with some care, then I don't have to worry either.

Everyone thinks that the talk will be all about CD'ing or TGing or something related. Yea, some of that will be there along with some talk about this board. But I have really made some friends and enjoyed getting to know the person which is more than just what we see here, although this is a big part of many of us. Every friendship enriches my life as far as I am concerned.

[NathalieX66]

CD/TG Support groups are good
Transgender meetups are good
Transgender conferences are good
I never did Craigslist, mainly the thought of my limbs and body parts ending up in a dumpster comes to mind,but that's just me.

Personally, I have no idea what life is like in a city like Auckland, Christchurch, Sidney, or Melbourne, since I live on the top side of this planet. How do you New Zealanders & Australians keep from falling off the planet? Does gravity work the same down there? Just kidding.

Just find a decent support group, and go from there.....Peace & Love.

[jack-sparrow]

oh wow, thanks for responses and good advice...with regard to what would happen when meeting another cd, that thought of 'cd & girly' talk had crossed my mind but I think it would be nice to know I had something in common besides crossdressing, even it was something masculine like consumer technology, sports, politics etc.

[NicoleScott]

I can see how it might be awkward, as Lorileah put it, to meet in guy mode. For others, it may be better. I'd say do whatever is agreed upon. I have chatted with other CDers and discovered some common interests, like hunting and fishing. We even discussed going deer hunting together combined with a dressup session. Gives new meaning to the term "field dressed". haha (But, no, we won't be dressing in the field).

[Chickhe]

I only ever met one and it was because I was curious about joining a CDing club in the area. We met over lunch and just talked about some CDing adventures. The person I met was TS and totally out and their female presentation was not very convincing at all, but they were very comfortable with themselves. I dressed as best I could and she mentioned to me that there were some guys at another table checking me out which I didn't believe, but it was true. We also did some shopping which was fun and she was so loud the whole store knew we were there, but I sucked it up and went with it...and I survived. I learned there are two ways to be out...either fit in or make your own bubble. It was enjoyable for me, just different that what I was used to. The main thing is to be safe, leave a breadcrumb trail some someone can find you in an emergency and I tended to park at a distance and walk so it was easier to see if I was being followed and to make it harder for anyone to know which car was mine. You should establish some sort of communications before just to get a feeling for who they are.

[Allison Chaynes]

Now I could definitely get into a hunting club like that!


I can see how it might be awkward, as Lorileah put it, to meet in guy mode. For others, it may be better. I'd say do whatever is agreed upon. I have chatted with other CDers and discovered some common interests, like hunting and fishing. We even discussed going deer hunting together combined with a dressup session. Gives new meaning to the term "field dressed". haha (But, no, we won't be dressing in the field).

[Shelly Preston]

I would suggest anyone thinking about meeting other should read this

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?93981-Guidelines-For-Meeting-Others

[NicoleScott]

I read it, Shelly, and it's good advice for meeting anyone new, especially from an online connection, CDers or othewise.

[Genesis]

I was a go getter and invited several CD/TV to a gathering at my house, but only after MANY email/chats. I figured if they did not want to chat it was not somebody I wanted to meet anyways. I would not meet one on one from CL due to the HUGE number of crazies. Even though I am a smaller guy, I made it clear I was not an easy target ( manned up in a dress ) lol.

[jack-sparrow]

Thanks girls for awesome help :), I read the 'meeting others' thread, can also be useful for online dating sites too

[Tawne]

I met a member a week ago and it was great! We met in guy mode as we thought that would be a good choice, then we had some finger food and just talking. Then later after some wine we went en femme and it was just so fun! It was really comfortable meeting someone who you know won't freak out! lol.

[KarinaRae]

I too also met a member form here last week. We met in guy mode and after a drink and some nibbles we had a little show and tell of some new dresses I got. Then came the fun part, and went en femme. And for the first time I felt free with being in CD. We took a handful of photos and had a great evening :D

But to the OP - like all websites, always be cautious about meeting people online!

[Tawne]

I think meeting people is just the best way to be able to freely express yourself :)

[Beverley Sims]

Establish where you are, New Zealand is not all that large.
Establish contact with others in Auckland, Rotorua, Wellington, Nelson, Christcurch, Waimate, Dunedin and even Stuart Island.
That will be a good start.
They are all on this forum.

[jack-sparrow]

I'm in auckland, central auckland specifically

[molly m]

interesting. i've only been fully dressing up for the last couple years and, since then, i've developed kind of a fantasy that i would get to know and really trust something of a "mentor" online who would invite me to visit so that we could go out to a cd bar that she frequents. and, since, she would be a "veteran," she could doll me up properly with makeup before we went out to the place where she was a regular so she could introduce me to others. not too much to ask, huh? lol!!! pretty sure i'd be trembling with excitement as i've only gone out driving one time all dressed up and, although i stopped at 3 places and got out of the car for a bit, i went undetected (it was after sunset), and that was crazy thrilling! so, i can only imagine how it would feel as we drove to and walked into a club where i had been assured that i would be welcomed as a girl! which would lead to the next part of the fantasy, but that's another story for another thread!

[JamieQ]

I met another member on here a few months ago. It was a short meeting of a few hours but it went extremely well! We met in guy mode basically due to a dr's appointment for my friend and a wig problem on my part. We are meeting again for a whole day out...me in girl mode and I am not really sure what mode my friend will arrive.:)

[Tracii G]

Amanda I'll be in girl mode this time and I hope we have a great time.
I think our first meet up went well altho' we were pressed for time.
I'll bring my cam and take tons of pics, bring one too.