Vulnerable in girl mode?

[Tiffanyselkoe]

I was with my wife the other night and we had to drop by an ATM prior to visiting a local club. On the way we walked down an alley, myself not giving it a second thought until my wife asked "are you sure we should be doing this?". She was mainly concerned for safety reasons. This got me to thinking if I should reevaluate my thinking while out and about dressed. As a guy, I never worry about situations where I could be at risk. I do like feeling pretty and dainty sometimes but may need to consider precautions I haven't considered until now. Has anyone ever had any experiences where you've had to "think like a girl" as far as safety and being out in public has been concerned?

[bridget thronton]

I always try to think like a girl about safety issues (dressed or not)

[Christina Kay]

Having taught women self defense course's. Try to listen to your intuition, women have a wonderful ,ability with it. Just listen to it , and try to develope this If something doesn't feel right ,it probably isn't. Have to unlearn things, start to be more peripherally aware of your surroundings. Finding a site that talks about women's self defense and the tips they would offer. Would be a really good starting point, to the realities women face. That in male mode we forget or ignore. :) hugs

[Kate Simmons]

I always figure the safest and most practical distance between point A and point B. The idea is to avoid confrontations or bad situations. If someone is determined to attack me, however, they will have to deal with Rich's muscles, not to mention Kate's wicked left hook, heels and handbag which usually weighs a "ton".:)

[linda allen]

Any time you are out "dressed like a girl" you should think like a girl. That means avoiding dark places, bad neighborhoods, etc.

Even though you are actually a male and may be able to defend yourself, there's no point in putting yourself in that sort of situation.

[Lacyfem]

I do try to be careful when I'm out but haven't been confronted. But have been asked if I'd like to have a drink with him. I said yes but would be scary if it was otherwise.

[Lorileah]

You are a target when you are dressed. So many here want to be seen as a woman they don't realize that in many situations you ARE seen as a woman. Women are considered easier prey than males. People who take advantage of this won't stop to consider your height, weight or build. Remember that these are not sexual crimes but violent crimes perpetuated by people who have little ambition but usually lots of brawn. Also realize that the clothing itself makes you less likely to be able to protect yourself. Heels make you unsteady to start with, clothes are usually tighter. I learned this wrestling a drunk on New Years Eve. In male mode I would have thrown him to the floor in minutes. As it was it took almost half and hour just to get him in a chair, and then my dress was over my hips exposing everything underneath. Also remember that these crimes are quick. They don't walk up to you and talk to you usually, they hit and run.

So be aware of your surroundings. Listen for someone behind you. Talk to strangers, say Hi because that tells them you have seen what they look like and you know they are there. If you are confronted, resist and yell as much as possible *(they don't want to hang around long so delaying them scares them). If they are after your purse or money throw it away from you and run the opposite direction. Never walk anywhere alone where you cannot see or be seen by others.
Sounds good to say you can fight, but you will at least lose something, you won't be unscathed so use it as a last resort.

Most of all don't put yourself in a situation where you feel uncomfortable.

[cyndigurl45]

In a previous lifetime (male mode) I did an uber masculine job, federal law enforcement tactical medic, basically I was the guy that the cops called when they needed help, I thought if I did this I would be more manly, (Ya right) anyways having said that I am constantly aware of my surroundings BUT as I transitioned I discovered that taking on a possible critical situation in my LBD and heels would be difficult even for me, then HRT has softened my physic which amounts to muscle loss, I could no longer bench 300lbs. So I have adapted to my new lifestyle, never go anywhere alone is the best advice I can give, not always possible by should be a priority when out...

[SometimesDiana]

More than anything else, heels make me feel vulnerable and hinder my ability to fight or flee. When exploring someplace new, I feel safer in sandals that I can fling off. I also go out friends and stick to safe neighborhoods.

[kimdl93]

The precautions I'd take when dressed en femme are the same ones I would take any time. I try to avoid situations where I feel there may be any risk - like walking down an alley. I probably wouldn't do that regardless of how I'm dressed!

[nethiker55]

Dress like a girl think like a girl. Although a mugger might be in for a surprise

[carhill2mn]

It is alway best to "think like a girl" when you are out in public. It is better to avoid a potentially dangerous situation rather than try to get out of it.

[Frédérique]

Vulnerable in girl mode?

Yes, definitely, in fact I positively GET OFF on being vulnerable… :clap:

[Sophie Yang]

Tiffany,

As a generalization, I would say most Cross dressers, never '“think like a girl” as far as safety and being out in public has been concerned.' Why? Because girls have years of real life experience about being “targets and vulnerable.” It is inculcated into them from an early age through out their lives and they do not have to think about it. They are always aware of it.

It is like muscle memory for them. Take a martial artist, even if they haven't practiced for years, react and block without ever thinking about it, even in non-threatening environments. Your wifes question "are you sure we should be doing this?" and your observation “I never worry about situations where I could be at risk” perfectly reflect the differences in real world training about safety. My wife calls it, “you are just pretending to be a girl syndrome.”

Safety for a cross dresser is like a fish thinking about fire. It just doesn't happen. For a girl, safety is like a fish's awareness of water.

That doesn't mean one cannot develop a new awareness about personal safety while out and about. It will just never be as tuned as GG awareness.

[Miriam-J]

I was quite conscious while at SCC in Atlanta last week, but occasionally came close to slipping. There's a beautifully landscaped garden/ravine behind the hotel where I loved to walk and relax, with a nice network of trails. But I had to frequently remind myself to not venture beyond areas occupied by others, especially at night. Really goes counter to my guy reflexes, but necessary anyway.

Miriam

[mikiSJ]

I remember about 20 years ago my wife and I stayed in The City to attend the symphony. We took a cab to Davies Symphony Hall but afterwards, it was a pleasant evening and I asked my wife if she would like to walk back (0.5 mile) to our hotel in the Union Square area and she answered yes. I was in drab and my wife in heels and I wasn't thinking about where we were beforehand, but I soon realized we were walking through the Tenderloin, and it was a particular busy Saturday night with the prostitutes (male/female/trans) being very active and the bar patrons staggering out the doors onto the street.

I have two scars from my wife: 1) from a finger nail dug into my forearm when trying to fly out of Reno, and 2) from a finger nail dug into my right hand as my wife had me in a death grip until we reached our hotel.

Safety for a woman (whether a TG/TS or cis) is a very real thing and as some have said above, know where you are and plan ahead. I do that now!

[Rileyaz]

There are times I can tell you that I feel vulnerable when dressed like a girl. I never thought this would be the case, however I now know why gg's feel nervous when out at night. I sure do.

[Tracii G]

Having been trained to defend myself by and with whatever means I still stay very aware of what is around me.Even in guy mode I'm like that.

[DebbieL]

You ARE more vulnerable when you are dressed. When you are wearing heels, hose, a short skirt, a nice blouse, and a bra, your ability to use MOST of your male self defence strategies are nearly useless. Self defense for women is totally different. First and foremost, is not PROVOKING an attacker. If someone is rude to you, you shrug it off and move away, move to a more public area, a place where you can ask for help if you need it.

You learn to yell FIRE when you are being attacked. Yelling RAPE will bring a lot of spectators who want to watch, yelling FIRE bring out REAL heroes who actually will take action to stop the threat.

You learn to use the heels, on the arch of his foot, rather than trying to kick at the obvious places. Balancing on heels makes a high kick very difficult for anyone who has not trained to fight in heels.

Learning to appear MORE vulnerable, pulling your hands to your shoulders with your fingers relaxed and slightly curled will make you look more vulnerable, but it's actually like a rattlesnake that is coiled up for a defensive strike. If the perpetrator moves closer, you now have the ability to fully extend your relaxed hand (NEVER make a fist), putting the heel of your hand into his nose (potentially killing him or causing a VERY bloody nose), and the relaxed fingers will scratch the eyes, temporary blinding him - giving you time to kick off your heels and run to the more public area where you can get help.

You need to be more aware of your surroundings. Are there people calling out to you? Are they making comments that are offensive? What is there distance from you? Where are your closest "safe zones".

These are things that well dressed women are aware of all the time. They have also learned to maintain their "war face", a poker face expression, devoid of emotion, not making direct contact, sweeping the eyes side to side while the head remains forward.

Alpha males learn almost exactly the opposite. Even the mildest threat is openly confronted. As you approach another man, you look him in the eye, waiting until AFTER he has nodded to you to nod back, usually with a polite smile. ANY form of disrespect is to receive an immediate response, a demand for an apology from the offender. The clothes worn provide protection and conceal the shape and positioning of the body. Shoes are low, wide, and allow the wearer to maintain balance under even extreme situations. The denim pants are thick enough to protect against knife strikes, and the billowing shirt makes it difficult for the perpetrator to properly asses your weight, strength, muscular development, or agility. It could even be used to mislead an attacker, causing him to strike empty cloth rather than exposed flesh.

Male clothing was evolved over centuries of fighting, including duels, war, and interactions with ruffians and hooligans.

I'm always amused when a man says to me "Wow, you got a lotta balls to wear a dress like that". I correct him "Actually, balls are a liability, it takes a lot of COURAGE to wear a dress like this, whether the person wearing it is a man OR A WOMAN!

[docrobbysherry]

I've always tried to be carefully when out as Sherry. I never figured I'd have to worry when out dressed as myself. Because my ugly old mug repels even bats and serpents!

So, I was quite surprised when a very large, young man followed me to the deserted end of a parking building in Vegas after midnite a year ago and propositioned me. I now look carefully when I'm out to see who's around and/or following me! It's hard to hear sneakers when your spike heels r clicking loudly on concrete floors.

[Beverley Sims]

When out by myself as a girl in lonely places I think of myself as cake on the kitchen table with ravenous children about.
"It is danger danger Will Robinson."
Just be aware of how you appear to others.

[JaytoJillian]

... Has anyone ever had any experiences where you've had to "think like a girl" as far as safety and being out in public has been concerned?

Yes, once I was snapping pics in a very popular tourist area. It was late at night and it seemed as if I was all alone. This guy--big guy appeared out of nowhere and started making chit chat that rapidly turned to very aggressive propositions of a sexual nature--things no sane guy would EVER say to a woman. He even mentioned that he'd done time in prison. Luckily a group of bar patrons walked by. I took that as my cue to exit---The guy still followed me to my car, asking why I was leaving and whether or not I was scared. Very creepy incident.

[TeresaCD]

Absolutely feel more vulnerable.
And look it too, so am acutely aware of the risks.
Which we need to be, I think

[AmyGaleRT]

A few weeks ago, I was about to leave the Black Crown to get back to my car, when I noticed a bunch of guys walking up the street in front of the front gate. One was carrying a case of beer, so I guessed they'd just been to the liquor store down the street. Something about them made my feminine intuition buzz: danger, danger! I paused inside the courtyard until they'd gone well past, then carefully made my way up the street, keys gripped in my hand, hoping they wouldn't stop or turn around. Thankfully, they didn't, and turned right at Arkansas where I had to cross the street to the left to get to where I'd parked.

Now, they might not have been the sort that would take advantage of, or take umbrage at, a T-girl innocently walking back to her car. But I wasn't about to take chances. And I felt relieved when I had made it into the car and punched the door locks shut!

- Amy

[noeleena]

Hi,

There are a few places i would not go any way, now i can't say would i as a male, cant say that, there have been a few i was very uneasy about, being female is as i see it quite different from those of you who are male,

we have to think differently i know there are some who would try to take me on & being well known make matters different again , we here in Waimate are well placed because of being only less than 3500 people , though i think there is a few who would not take much to cause one harm drugs or drink ,

Say in the bigger cites yes very different so i plan where i go though knowing those places very well helps & where the hot spots are, its not quite the same to day as it was many years ago , so as a woman i do have concerns ,

...noeleena...

[Lynn Marie]

Women are prey, especially when dressed in heels. Once again, know your neighborhoods, pick your venues. Travel in pairs.

[BOBBI G.]

Having been living as my true self for the past 7 or 8 months, yes I have a continuous feeling of mild vulnerability. When I'm in public the feeling is a little stronger, and I have taken steps to feel a little more secure. My therapist and I were discussing this very topic yesterday. I have never worn a skirt or a dress in public, the vulnerability factor kicks in and this is something she and I are going to work on. All in all, there is a world of difference in the way I see the world, now that I have started puberty all over again.

Bobbi

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi!

I'm pretty happy go lucky as far as my attitude goes, but beneath that, I am a very cautious person regardless of where I am or what I am wearing. Evil exists and often finds it way crashing in at unexpected times. I too have a background in self-defense and security and cannot emphasize enough how important it is for everyone across the spectrum to be aware of their surroundings and to feel changes in the wind, as it could mean life of death in some circumstances.

Enjoy life, just with both eyes open. =)

Cheers,

Kalista

[Tiffanyselkoe]

Thanks for everyone's input. It is all food for thought. No wonder my wife was nervous.

[Ceri Anne]

Hey girl! As stated above, when dressed, you are perceived as a girl and considered an easy target. If they make you as a CD, that alone can make you a target, more for people who wouldn't normally want to rob or rape you, but just beat you. The worse mentioned, don't be afraid, just remain aware of the risks. If your out in public, stay out of dark alleys, Columbia has many that are well lit, and often transported, so no need to be paranoid, just cautious. Ceri is confident, yet vulnerable. I have run into situations on the road where I wasn't too sure of the interest I was attracting. May have been a pass.........may have been something eles........just good to keep aware.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Has anyone ever had any experiences where you've had to "think like a girl" as far as safety and being out in public has been concerned?
Thankfully just once in many many times out. The problem was that "the public" were missing at that hour of the night. :sad:

I hadn't thought about safety until then but it did give me an insight into the female world.

I did have another concern. If the fellow found out that I was a male would the situation be even worse? Either way I was out of there quickly (and that's an advantage of flats although I do envy those who can wear heels).

[robindee36]

It is a dangerous world Tiffany whether in drab or dressed. Seems every day there are news stories of assaults, flash mobbing and other confrontations. We need to always be aware of our surroundings, stay away from isolated areas and generally seek light and people. You are never more vulnerable than when you are alone, in the dark and away from the relative safety of groups.

Be careful everyone no matter how you are dressed or presenting.

Hugs, Robin

[Lilly Black]

I went to an honoring our dead meeting at our lgbt center here in chicago and bawled my eyes out. I think it dawned on me that I could be on this list just because of who I am. The brutality of the crimes is particularly chilling.

http://www.transgenderdor.org/memorializing-2012

Everyone be safe out there!

[Cheryl T]

Today we always must think safety no matter how we are dressed, but especially when we present as women. If we wish to be perceived that way then we must accept the risks that come with it and safety must be paramount in our minds.

[suchacutie]

Tina has definitely helped me to be aware of how women perceive their environment. I did go through the stage of thinking that it would be one heck of a surprise to have someone who thought Tina was an easy target to be made aware that she was considerable tougher than her 4 inch heels might indicate.

But then I evolved to realize that the best situation was to NOT be put into a position to have to show how tough Tina is. That evolved into realizing that maybe I didn't need to explain just how tough I am in male mode as well. When in male mode any attacker has already sized up my male capabilities and is probably ready to come at me with overwhelming force. At least in Tina mode, they will not expect what will come back at them!

So, I always assess the situation as Tina would. It just makes so much more sense!

[Andrea Renea]

At 6ft 2in and 215 lbs I don't normally feel vulnerable, but as Andrea for some strange reason I do when
I'm out. Maybe its the bra, forms, shoes & purse.

[julia marie]

No doubt, women are perceived as easier targets, because their presumed weakness, carrying money in an easy-to-grab purse, or for sexual assault. So it's only natural that they should be more aware than men of their surroundings, stick to better lighted and populated areas, and do things like have their car/house keys ready well before they stop walking. Guys need to be careful too, but for women there are additional concerns. So, when I go out as Julia I assume that I am more likely to be targeted for all the same reasons (a potential rapist will be surprised and disappointed, but probably angry too). Toss in one more threat that CDers face, and that is that a gay-basher may have "made" us and followed us to our cars.
So, yes, be more careful than you would in drab.
Also, those of you who think that because you are big guys you can handle any assault may be sadly mistaken. An attacker has the advantage of surprise, and often youth. Plus, fighting in heels and a skirt isn't a great way to end the night (or life). If you are over 40 and get a surprise attack by a 19 year old gym rat, you're likely to take a beating. Something like pepper spray may be a good thing to keep on hand (check local laws), but it isn't effective on everyone, even if you are able to get it out of your purse in time.

[Krista1985]

I'd say there is more potential for things to get ugly for a CD in a dark alley than exists for a GG, or especially a GM.

The lurker in a dark alley sees what appears to be a lady walking through. Purse, heels and skirt, easy pickins and low fight/flight risk. But lo, upon getting closer, the defenseless lamb begins to resemble a fellow ram. Once the assailant realizes that their prey is not what they appear to be, they may become agitated and lash out. The mugging may turn to an assault. If the crime in progress is of a sexual nature all the worse for the CD victim.

In my experience, there are nothing but dumpsters, rodents, homeless folks, hard drug users and/or stick-up kids in urban alleys. Unless a person can identify with one of those groups, it's probably best to steer clear... regardless of gender situation.

[Marcelle]

I can't offer a lot of advice here as I am not out and about. I have taught my wife self-defense and we approached it from all angles, her dressed out for a run and her dressed in a skirt and heels.

Until I saw this post I never thought how different self-defense would be in a skirt and heels. So, the other night my wife and I sparred in our basement, her playing the attacker (sweats and running shoes) and me total en femme (skirt, heels, lingerie, wig, make-up and purse). She kicked my ass in about 2 minutes. :eek:

I was completely thrown off center . . . heels are not easy to get off in a hurry and the skirt ended up tangling up around my waist, wig came off and ended up in my eyes. Purse went flying (didn't even know what to do with that).

So, even though I can handle myself quite well, a valuable lesson learned for me . . . never rely on your macho manly man physique or skills to save the day when you are dressed pretty.

Hugs

Isha

[GinaD]

I had a scary lesson when I was a teenager. I would regularly dress and sneak out of the house at night, sometimes just to walk the neighborhood or meet a "friend". One night I was walking past a parking area near my house when a man stepped out of his parked car with his pants open and his "junk" exposed. He tried to coax me toward his car but I beat feet back home. Since then, I have occasionally had men follow me on foot and in vehicles, but since that night I am very careful where I go as Gina alone, and even with girl friends. There is no shortage of creeps and predators. Awareness is the key as it is the wildebeest that isn't paying attention to its surroundings that gets eaten by the lions.