When masculine and feminine collide

[Tina_gm]

I am quite new to this world of crossdressing. I have felt it, known it since adolescence. I have, until this last December hid it, denied it, suppressed it, overcompensated because of it.

It has been a pressure that has been slowly building within me to release it. By last December that pressure became too strong and I confided to my wife. She and I have gone through many of the typical struggles that married couples go through after the reveal. She is still with me and we continue to navigate these struggles. We have made some progress.

My own inner struggles continue as do the relationship ones, and with these too I have made progress. But they do continue.

I would describe myself as Transgender. I fit best with the dual gender crowd. I have not created an alter female persona. It appears to work for many on here, but not all. I would be one where I just do not have an alter female ego or persona.

Especially in the beginning weeks, I struggled to the point of anxiety when my masculine traits and my feminine traits collided. It at times was a very bumpy ride emotionally. It still can be for me.

Dressing for me is for comfort. It is one way where I am connected to the feminine side. I have certain other feminine traits, my natural physical mannerisms tend to me feminine in nature. Not all, but many of them are.

My emotional process tends to be more typical for women then men. My wife actually pointed this out to me. However, I sometimes express my emotions in more of a masculine way. It can be like a collision of sorts. And not always a very pretty one.

I am sure that my acceptance of being TG can be a cause of this. I am in a process of accepting myself. As is with so many of the SO's, some days are better than others. The same holds true for me. Some days I am ok with being TG, other days I struggle. Some days I believe I am rejecting my feminine side. Other days I embrace it. Some days I simply feel more on the masculine side then the feminine side. Other days more feminine. Often, I feel both simultaneously. It can be very confusing to me. I have walked through a mall, gone into athletic store, or shops for tools etc etc... men's clothing departments and find things I like and want. Then, feel the same with women's departments and clothing isles. It can get my head spinning at times.

For those of you who experience or have had these similar experiences, how do you cope when the worlds collide?

[Kate Simmons]

When you finally embrace all of your feelings, you will find that you don't have to be one or the other, you can be both or neither. it's all according to how you feel at the time. It's hard to describe to someone else and has to be experienced to be appreciated as you are now doing. This is how we become a "full spectrum" person as I call it.:)

[Persephone]

You're fine!

All of us are a product of mixed traits. Think, what would a girl be like if she was told she was a boy and raised as a boy? Or a boy told he was a girl and raised as a girl? We're all not far from that and so we have a mix of feelings, attitudes, hobbies, habits, you name it.

But it's O.K. Particularly in today's world where the lines between "masculine stuff" and "feminine stuff" gets more blurred all the time.

So enjoy who you are!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Stephanie47]

You indicated dressing for you is a matter of comfort. I've found dressing is also for peace and serenity. It is an escape from the male world I had to function within. I have been able over the years to compartmentalize male and female expectations of society. If dressing is a source of stress relief, trying to introduce my female side into my male dominated life would induce stress. There are many duties in life that society has ascribed to women. Fortunately, being married to a woman who worked in a male dominated business (military) that blurred the distinctions between male and female roles. As a partner I've been accustomed to doing many household functions that are traditionally ascribed to women. Sometimes those functions are done in male attire. Sometimes, as today, I fully in female mode. In either mode I feel comfortable.

I've seen on this site many individuals who seem to want to "mix" their female and male personnas in daily life. To me that is a prescription for unnecessary stress. And, in many cases a prescription for disaster. I think the key to successfully navigating this duality is to have sufficient time to fully express each side of your personality.

[Marcelle]

Hi Gendermutt,

I have gone through and are still going through many of the same things you discuss. I have come to realize slowly over a five year period that a part of me was missing and that is Isha. My day job is in an Alpha Male world and I live in that world as manly as the next. But over the past five years I began to struggle and this began to bleed not only into my work by my personal life. I was always angry and hostile both at work and at home . . . it scared my wife to death. I slowly slid into depression and it ended with a requirement to tell my wife the truth about the secret I was hiding.

Since that time, I have been slowly integrating the two halves to make the whole. Isha brings focus to my male side, focus I have not felt for years, and I bring strength and reasoning to Isha. My anger is abating and my wife and I are reconnecting on all levels. Not saying this is happily ever after but it is a start.

Like you I love to dress en femme at home. It allows me to connect on a base level with Isha but when I go to work I stay male mode (no under dressing). For the time being, I need to keep the two separate as they express themselves differently.

I think you are on a road to discovery and if you take some time to be introspective . . . What is it about your feminine side which completes your masculine side, you may find some solace and understanding.

Don't suffer alone with this, you can always post here for support/advice as you have done now. One question, do you have an open dialogue with your wife on this subject?

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

I think the old joke was that when masculine and feminine collide, they tend to meet in the middle ;)

I seemed to be fairly comfortable with myself these days, and that has been increasingly true since I began allowing my feminine side to show through. Its mostly a reflection of a degree of self acceptance. As I've achieved that, the old frustrations and, frankly, temper tantrums that were so once too common, have gradually faded away. So, not so many collisions. I enjoy the person that I am without analyzing it too much.

[Tracii G]

Mutt you don't have to be one or the other be both and let both sides coexist with in yourself.
Just because you feel one way about something and it differs from the norm don't worry about it you don't have to point out how you feel to others.
I was in you place several years ago and finally thought why am I arguing with myself? To what end?
I FINALLY let go of the conventional thought on gender and set myself free to explore with out caring what the world thought.
It has been an awakening for me and I'm a much better person mentally for letting go and just being myself whatever that is.LOL

[SometimesJen]

Hi there GM. I appreciate where you're coming from. I'm also gender-fluid, sometimes feeling masculine, sometimes feminine, sometimes something in between. As with you, my emotions and mannerisms are also a blend of masculine and feminine. When I first noticed these differences I was quite confused too. It can definitely be a bumpy ride emotionally. I eventually accepted that all of these different identities are just ways of describing *me*, who I am. None of them are the end-all be-all of who I am, they are each a part. My biggest conflict is how I choose to manifest this blend that is me.

At work, I wear a button-down shirt with a collar, slacks, oxfords or loafers, and deal with calls and emergencies in a straight forward, get-it-done way. My feminine side comes through in other ways - how relaxed I sit, how I hold my hands as I type, how I cross my legs, even what I imagine I feel when I tip my head up and my hair brushes my collar. If I'm feeling masculine, I'll lean more forward, shoulders up, feet flat on the floor or legs crossed with one ankle resting on the other knee, striking the keys firmly with my fingertips. If I feel more feminine I'll sit back more, shoulders down and relaxed, legs pulled under my chair or crossed at the knee or ankle, typing softly with the pads of my fingers, sometimes imagining my long hair flowing over my shoulders and down my back. No one notices these subtle changes but, to me, they express how I feel, who I am. Such small changes can come about anywhere, anytime without drawing attention and yet allow me to be who I feel I am at that moment. Do I consciously change my actions & mannerisms? Sometimes, depending on the situation and the role I'm expected to fill. That's okay because just as I have different roles in my life - techie, engineer, problem-solver, friend, lover, care-giver - I have different gender identities - masculine, feminine, and in between - they are all part of me. People only see what is right at that place and time.

When I'm home, I have more flexibility in how I present myself. I was first interested in cross-dressing because loose dresses, lace, silk, and satin feel so much softer and more comfortable to me than stiff tied leather shoes, slacks or jeans, and tight fitting briefs. One night my lady was looking at a clothing catalog. I commented that a couple dresses and blouses looked particularly nice. She asked what I liked about them, starting a great conversation about what would be comfortable, and relaxing to wear. I assured her I wouldn't want to wear such things to work, just that they looked very nice and comfortable. To my surprise, shortly after, she brought me a long slip and suggested I wear it instead of my robe... the smooth, cool satin, no drawstrings to come undone, so loose and free. A couple weeks later I found a comfy sundress at a local thrift store and wore it in the evening before bed. When she asked me why, I explained that it was loose, comfortable, and just felt right. Over time, I acquired more dresses & skirts. She bought me a few blouses to go with them. Sometimes I would wear my drab men's clothes all night, sometimes I'd change into softer women's clothes, just depending on what felt right at the time. At first, the women's clothes seemed odd, but over time they just became familiar for both of us.

Initially, I didn't have a separate persona for when I felt particularly feminine. In my mind, I was simply me. My lady found it easier to understand my different moods and appearances by putting a different name to my feminine side. We explored different names until we found one that fit how I felt... Jennifer. Now, if we're out shopping and something catches an eye either of us can ask the other "do you think Jennifer would like this?" without attracting attention. We can talk openly about what our friends like... Tim likes lighthouses, Barb likes red dresses and skirts, Via likes camo and hiking boots. It's just as easy to talk about what Jen would like.

Some days I feel like Jen, some days I don't. Some days I feel like wearing a skirt, blouse, and heels around the house, some days I'd prefer jeans and tennis shoes. What I wear doesn't make me a different person. Regardless of what I show, I'm still the same *me* that my friends and lady know and love.

[Frédérique]

When masculine and feminine collide

Think of it less as collision, and more as embracing, or blending, or incorporating. On second thought don’t THINK about it at all, just enjoy your crossdressing and be happy about it…


I would describe myself as Transgender. I fit best with the dual gender crowd. I have not created an alter female persona. It appears to work for many on here, but not all. I would be one where I just do not have an alter female ego or persona.

Last I heard, transgender and dual-gender are two different things. I’m neither of those things, and I have yet to create an alter ego. Freddy and I are one, my femme name simply being mandatory for this site. You CAN incorporate the genders, according to your own psychological makeup, divest your “self” of all labels and still be YOU. It’s not necessary to fit in with any crowd, so don’t feel that you have to…
:straightface:

[Beverley Sims]

When worlds collide, choose one course and see if that is suitable, otherwise choose another.
You will soon see where you are supposed to be going.