My wife just confronted me

[Kelly Smith]

Today I spent the day home alone. I dressed, did my makeup and took pics

This evening my wife came home, looked at me and said, "I can always tell when you put on makeup. Our son can tell. You put me in a bad position. Is this fair to me?" Then she went outside to tend her garden. She was quiet all through dinner.

I am considering purging. Do any of you have any advice?

[kelly0]

kelly - i recently told me wife about my CD'ing. tomo will be 2 weeks actually. been on here getting lots of good support / advice lately. am sure the girls will respond with some great insight.

my two cents:
- dont purge. that wont fix it. all that will do is cost u more $$$ down the road when your urge to CD comes again (which it will)
- communicate, communicate, communicate..........so it sounds like she knows about Kelly Smith. sounds to me like you need to discuss some ground rules about your CD'ing (when/where/how). at a minimum, that will at least avoid situations like tonite
- be honest. i know that may sounds hypocritical coming from me. i was married 13 years b4 my wife found out. but now, i wish i told her earlier. and my plan is from now on to be 100% honest with when i will dress, when i get urges, etc.

i hoped this helped

good luck hon

kelly

[Amy R Lynn]

It does sound like you need to have a talk with her. From what you said, she sounds more upset that your son could tell. I think some ground rules might be a good idea. Maybe you can arrange for one weekend every other week, or once a month to get dressed up. Have your son stay the night with a friend, or something else to get him out of the house for a bit. I agree that you should not purge. That always comes back to haunt you. You'll have something that you really wish you could have again, but its GONE.

Be ready to make some compromise's if she does agree to some ground rules. After all this is in the best interest of your son too!

[Kimberly Kael]

my two cents...

That's solid advice for a mere two cents! You may want to adjust your prices accordingly. Kidding aside, I don't have a lot to add. A really important part of communication in situations like this is to make sure your wife knows you're listening and trying hard to understand her concerns. Let her know why it's important to you and ask her for suggestions.

[AllieSF]

You are getting some good advice here. I think from what you wrote that your wife was short and to the point and probably does have a valid point. Are you not totally removing your makeup? That is the first thing I would check, and also improve upon. If you are in a DADT situation, leaving visible traces, may be an unintentional was of getting in your wife's protected zone unnecessarily. Have the talk with her and then keep having a lot of variations on that talk to help her understand where you are coming from and to help you understand where she is at and coming from. Good luck.

[Rachelakld]

Don't purge - put your stuff in a suit case and store it somewhere.
Communicate,
My wife had an abusive ex who liked to kick females and young children.
My wife friend had ex with low sex drive, others had ex with depression (actually looks like 60% of young males now have depression and on meds).
So communicate where this journey might go, and how it harms or effect different people.

PS, my kids see me in makeup and skirts about once a week, then they steal my mascara and a few clothes they like

[Lee Andrews]

What ever you do don't purge! You will regret it when you come back and you will. Put your stuff in one or two of those Rubbermaid containers and put it in a corner somewhere. I find that I need to use eye make-up remover and I get in the shower and scrub my face hard to get all the stuff off for sure.

[Marcia Blue]

Try using olive oil to remove your make-up. This having been said, I too recommend communication and do not purge.

[bulmabriefs144]

Today I spent the day home alone. I dressed, did my makeup and took pics.

This evening my wife came home, looked at me and said, "I can always tell when you put on makeup. Our son can tell. You put me in a bad position. Is this fair to me?" Then she went outside to tend her garden. She was quiet all through dinner.

I am considering purging. Do any of you have any advice?

A bad position? Why? Is she mayor's daughter or something? Does she have a reputation to uphold?

Hearing this reminds of something my parents might say to me if they're worried about how others might see them. Not a marriage of equals, and certainly not a relationship where the person's feelings are important (you've effectively been dismissed and she's right, end of story). Uhhhh, so yea don't purge, and frankly I think you're due for a serious talk.

In terms of fairness, the answer is yes, if you are supportive of her private hobbies. But no, to you, since she isn't to yours.

[Tawne]

Use less makeup & try to remove better, that's what seems to be bothering her, easy fix.

[Michelle789]

Purging is a bad idea, just don't do it. I can't help you on marriage, since I've never been married. If you purge you'll have to buy new clothes later on. And sometimes it can be very difficult finding clothes between the feelings of freaking out in stores and finding clothes and shoes that actually fit and look good. Not to mention spending more money just to have a basic wardrobe. Best wishes :)

[Beverley Sims]

Kelly,
First up,
don't purge, put it in a bag and put it away somewhere till next time.
Back off a little and make sure you remove makeup properly.

Being "fair to me" is an argument she can use but just agree and go with the flow a little.
Confrontation is no good as it causes divisiveness and things can go down pretty fast.
If arguments do start just back off and live to sort it out another day.
Go slowly and don't push the envelope and progress may get better.

[Rogina B]

Don't do a thing other than talk to her and your son afterwards. Let them know how important or not,it all is to you..Your happiness becomes their happiness when you are feeling good with yourself.

[Di]

Do not purge if you feel you are just pack up your things and put away.

Could you invite your wife here to Fab so she has someone to talk to.

But I have to add....I am confused I thought you were single....from some of your posts.:eek:

esp your post
How do you find GGs who actively like girls like me? :sad:

[PaulaQ]

I agree with the others that you need to talk to your wife about what's going on with you. As far as your son goes, women frequently worry "OMG, what about the CHILDREN!?!?! What will happen if they know?!?!" This is an understandable fear - worrying about your kids is healthy and normal. Unfortunately, most of the freakout implied in such statements is on the part of the wife. This stuff is WAY harder for a wife to accept than for a child. Your son, should he ever be told, will probably get used to the idea that "Dad dresses like a girl sometimes" and be rather sanguine about it. He might out you to his friends - some kids are horrible at keeping secrets, and it is sort of unfair to put a burden like that on them. (Sort of - I mean, almost nobody would feel bad about telling there kid "Don't talk about how much money we have!")

So your kid isn't really the problem here. It's your wife. Talk to her, and see if you can fix that. (Good luck - it's not so easy, although you have better odds as a CD than some here.)

As for makeup remover, I recommend the Mary Kay oil free eye makeup remover. It's excellent. (It's in a pink bottle, and it's some type of binary solution - you have to shake it up before use). I like the Garnier makeup remover towlettes, but there are a lot of good makeup remover products out there. The Mary Kay is the best I've found for removing waterproof eyeliner and mascara though. Washing your face thoroughly, after removing your makeup will also help.

[Rogina B]

Getting the makeup off is EASY!!! Changing the situation with her wife is the goal !!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

You got great advise. Let us know her responses as to the root cause of her anger since I am speculating that she was aware & open to your dressing. Was she having a bad day , did your son say something, was she jealous of your girlie time , etc.? Think positive. Hugs Melissa

[mikiSJ]

That's solid advice for a mere two cents! Lucy would be charging a nickel, so consider yourself lucky and among friends.

Work with your wife and ask her specifically what you are doing wrong in removing your makeup.

The part I don't get is if your son already knows you wear makeup, what has he communicated to your wife. Maybe he has not seen your makeup remnants and your wife is projecting her concerns.

You gotta talk with her.

[DonnaT]

don't wear makeup

[whowhatwhen]

I think your son would notice the hooters first.
Still it depends on how old he is, maybe it's time to learn that some people are different and it's okay?

[Lori Kurtz]

I'm not 100% with the girls who say, "don't purge." It's not impossible to stop CDing--I successfully did without it for a decades-long marriage. But it's not easy, and it's not for everyone. If you're ready to commit yourself to never dress up again out of concern for your marriage, and to do it without resenting your wife as a result, then MAYBE you could do it. But I'd suggest you go with what several have suggested: pack your stuff away and put it in a not-easily accessible place. If the months turn into years without your feeling an irresistible urge to retrieve your stuff, and if the marriage is progressing well, then go ahead and purge. Oh ... and if you're a TS rather than just a CD (I'm a CD, not a TS), then you need to be true to your female self, and either find a way to do that within a marriage that satisfies both you and your wife, or to let your wife go her own way without you.

[Kelly Smith]

don't wear makeup

How can I dress without wearing makeup? If I give up makeup I may as well purge.

Thanks to all for the kindness and the good advice. I particularly like the advice regarding the use of a better quality makeup remover. My things may need to be put away but I love my clothes, wigs, forms and shoes and will keep them. I just need to come to an understanding with my wife, if that's possible. It may not be.

[whowhatwhen]

Crossdressing is a form of self-expression, why should someone put that all away and box it up just because some people think it's icky?

[SandraV]

Have you tried to come to an understanding with her?
Maybe I al missing something, but it is best to come clean and work at resolving things. Talk, set limits that work for both, talk some more.... just my $0.02

[NZ_Dawn]

Are you leaving makeup remnants (eye-liner? shadow?) or other which can be tricky to completely remove sometimes without extra attention? This used to give me away every time, and although was never an issue it was like an acknowledgement of: "I know what you have been doing!". No one can tell now, as I spend some extra care when removing, especially liquid eyeliner! This gives assurance that I can also go to work and have no second looks passed from the makeup-phobic, testosterone charged individuals.
My wife knows I use and apply makeup, .......she takes great satisfaction in sharing it like her own little cosmetic counter! After having a discussion on the topic with her, we have now passed over the makeup issue. It was, in her way, an attempt to suggest, "I know you were wearing makeup, if I know, others will too, so how about stopping".
Having discussed it in depth we both now accept that it is part of me and will not go away. As I said she now enjoys having a extended supply of cosmetics. Some good advice coming above. I agree, do not purge, but rather address the issue at hand and perhaps find some common ground.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Get a storage locker for your stuff, and get a hotel room once a month and dress to your heart's content.

[Chickhe]

Try using humor. Next time, make it very obvious and laugh when she notices... then tell her you will try to clean up better. ...my wife just laughs at me if I do something different and says its up to me if I want to look silly or not...however, it all depends, she has also made comments that my finger nails are getting too long... I think the secret is whatever you do, make it enjoyable for her.

[ReineD]

Kelly, two questions: What do you get out of dressing, and what does your wife think that you get out of the dressing?

If it's at all sexual, then I can see why she'd look askance. She thinks it is a fetish and she doesn't want your son to grow up thinking that it's OK for husbands to engage in fetishes when their wives are not home.

If it is not sexual for you or if it is a combination of sexual gratification and a need to express femininity, then like the others have said, you need to communicate why you need to dress. Also, sometimes wives can get the wrong impression if the clothes that you wear are clothes that shall we say enhance sexual gratification.

If I'm barking up the wrong tree then I apologize. I am trying to explain where your wife might be coming from, so hopefully the two of you can begin sorting this out.

I'm also with all the others on this. Don't purge. Just pack up your things to put away and tell your wife that they're packed while she and you talk about how you will incorporate the CDing in your marriage. Do try hard to not make promises you won't be able to keep.

Most of all, encourage your wife to tell you what exactly bothers her about the CDing, and LISTEN to her. Don't get on the defensive, just listen until you feel that you've heard where she is coming from.

[Charlotte1987]

I dont know if this was asked or is a stupid question, but how can she tell you wore make up. Are you using make up removers or cotton swabs with make up cleaner. I usually use make up remover then soak in a hot tub with face soap on for like 10 minutes then use the make up remover wipes again. Mascara and eye liner are toughest to get off I think...

Anyways I am sorry for butting in if this seems like a dumb question, but no one addressed why you were confronted in the first place. Just my thought... XoXo


Charlotte Davis

[Jackie7]

Maybe you could ask her to show you how to remove makeup to her satisfaction.

[Rogina B]

Don't waste the effort of packing things up and pretending this isn't an important issue to work out. After you question her as to her problem with your fun,I suggest the following...Steal the "Burn Notice" quote that Barbara uses in her signature.."If you truly care about me then you should want what I want for myself"...See how she responds to that!

[Marcelle]

Hi Kelly,

I can only echo what the other gals have said ... Communication is key. The proverbial cat is out of the bag now. Have you broached the subject with your wife yet? If you have not and she appears remotely open to discourse, you need to have the talk and clear the air. Holding this back will only fester until it explodes and then it will most likely be very emotional and heated.

I agree with an earlier post. Find out from your wife if your son truly knows or is just her concern he may have noticed your make-up use.

A lot of gals have advised you to set boundaries. I agree in principle as both my wife and I discuss my dressing habits daily as I progress, and we come to an accord on what we both can accept. IMHO it is important that this is not a "one sided" conversation (although it may appear so) no party (CD or SO) should have one sided power over the other, that is not a healthy relationship.

If it is something she doesn't want you to do and you can live with it, let it go. However, if you absolutely have to do it to make you feel complete, there is no sense in causing emotional pain to yourself and you both need to work something out (including how your son factors into the equation). As someone suggested, this might be a situation where you rent a hotel room and dress up because she doesn't want to see you do it. Still, she needs to know and you both need to agree.

My wife and I think of it more as a contract between three parties, her, me and Isha rather than boundaries. Contracts can always be renegotiated over time. Boundaries sound too permanent.

Good luck

Hugs

Isha

[tiffanyjo89]

How old is the son in this situation?

Honestly, I think your wife has some doubts about her ability to handle this, and is transferring those doubts onto your son so that you have a higher pressure point to quit. You might want to ask your wife if she is okay with the dressing her self if the son wasn't an issue.

If your wife knows full well about your dressing, and your son is old enough, it might be time to sit him down and say something like "Mom has told me that you might have noticed make up on my face sometimes. Well, I do dabble in a form of self expression that involves make up sometimes. Now there are a lot of people who do this, but the fact remains that there are many more people who think it's not acceptable. I'm not going to try and completely hide this side of me from you, but since I am aware of the people who might have a problem with this, I will try and not make it known to your friends who may come over. I ask that you do the same, as the kids at school might not understand why I do this."

Honestly, if your son is old enough, it'd probably be a non-issue with him. Kinda like if he knows a guy who might like a less popular TV show or a less popular band. It's something that is your "guilty pleasure" (which I don't like that term one bit, why should I feel guilty about enjoying something I like?) and might not be accepted by people so it's best to keep it under wraps.

[audreyinalbany]

I DO NOT want to encourage continued deception, but, as a tip to all, Lancome makes an eye make-up remover that works really well...

[linda allen]

How can I dress without wearing makeup?

Easy - don't put any makeup on. Makeup does not make one a woman. I know many women who do not wear makeup for everyday living, only for that special night out. My wife is one. I am dressed right now with no makeup. I feel just fine.

From your original post, all your wife complained about was you wearing makeup so just stop. It's called a "compromise".

BTW: If you're hiding your dressing from family members who live in your house and you dress in your house, it's only a matter of time before they find out. Your son will eventually come home early from school and find you dressed or he may be looking for something around the house and find your forms or wig.

[kimdl93]

well, do not purge. Second, if your wife and son can both tell that you have put on makeup, then perhaps its time to have a more extensive conversation.

[Kelly Smith]

Well, we had our "discussion". I asked her if our son knows. She told me that it is obvious and he isn't stupid. I asked her why she objects. She looked dumbfounded and incredulous. She said that if I didn't see anything wrong with crossdressing, I had totally lost all perspective and I have a serious psychological problem. She said that it was so abhorrent that she could not possibly be asked to tolerate it and - if it doesn't stop - she would immediately end our marriage.

[PaulaQ]

Kelly, I think you and your wife are going to need counseling to get through this, if it can be gotten through. Abhorrent is a strong word, and not a starting point that allows much compromise, seems to me. You need to find someone who understands gender.

As for purging, you can try that, but it won't help. You'll eventually go back to it, and your wife will not view the respite with appreciation, in fact quite the opposite.

Good luck, hon.

[linda allen]

Well, that's some different information than what was in the original post.

It seems you have a choice here. Quit dressing or get divorced. You have to decide if you love her (and your intact family) more than crossdressing. Divorce is a pretty big life changing event.

You also have to figure out if your wife loves you or is just hanging around for the money and a place to live.

Personally, if faced with that choice, I would keep my marriage. In your case, you have to make the choice. Think about it seriously.

[mary something]

Did she say how her and your son know when you've been wearing makeup?

[Kelly Smith]

Did she say how her and your son know when you've been wearing makeup?

There was residue around my eyes. I have researched a technical fix for that, but it doesn't - of course - address the underlying issue.

[kimdl93]

That's a lot more information, for sure. OK, the first conversation went rather badly. Given your wife's feeling that CDing is "abhorrent, it seems the choices are a) quit, b) work out some accomodation that allows her to pretend you no longer CD, c) work with her towards a better mutual understanding of what you do and why she finds it so offensive, d) end the relationship. I think you are going to need objective, informed third party help to achieve anything better than a or d...by that I mean a competent counselor.

[tiffanyjo89]

I also think you need to ask her why she feels that crossdressing is wrong. Ask her if it's just because she doesn't like it, or because she's worried about your son's social life (something like this can impact a child's social life "You're talking to him? Did you know his dad is a [word that rhymes with bag]"). My previous comment could be something that could work if she's worried about your son's social life.

[Samantha_Smile]

She looked dumbfounded and incredulous. She said that if I didn't see anything wrong with crossdressing, I had totally lost all perspective and I have a serious psychological problem. She said that it was so abhorrent that she could not possibly be asked to tolerate it and - if it doesn't stop - she would immediately end our marriage.

It seems clear to me that your wife (and dear I mean no offence) has a severe educational deficit on the matter.
Your perspective on there being 'noting wrong with crossdressing' is perfect, because...
[I]All togehter now...
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CROSS DRESSING! I don't need to explain to you lot why this is so, you should all have read reams about this already.

Now, your wife on the other hand, not being CD, and clearly being quite against the whole thing based upon her words, has not read reams on why it is okay to CD.
Your responsibility here, is to see that she gets the jist of the reams that, Im hoping, you too have read.
You have an opportunity to change her opinion here.
If she's the religiously inclined sort then I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[linda allen]

.................All togehter now...
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CROSS DRESSING! I don't need to explain to you lot why this is so, you should all have read reams about this already...............

In our minds, of course, that is true, but it's not society's view in general. If the wife feels there is something wrong with crossdressing, simply saying that there is not anything wrong with it can only lead to an argument that will end badly. Convincing her (or anyone) will take a lot more than that.

Remember, these are real people with a real family and whatever steps are taken or whatever things are said can have real consequences. Any advice given should have that in mind.

[docrobbysherry]

Kelly, your wife needs proper education on u and your "addiction". Or, whatever she thinks of it as. And, she probably won't believe or listen to u regarding the matter.

I believe u both need couple's counseling ASAP. Find an experienced, well qualified therapist immediately. Your marriage and mental well being may be saved if u act now. If she won't go, it may already be too late!

[Angie G]

You really need to talk this over with you wife, This thing will mostlikley never goaway Please don't purge that never works hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Stephanie47]

I went back and read some of your threads concerning your wife finding out and her discovering you when she unexpectedly came home. You know she does not like it. That is an issue that needs to be discussed. In a prior post you speculated divorce may be in the future. She also told you your son, age unknown, knows you wear makeup and maybe more. How does she explain cross dressing to a son? If he is at a impressionable age, how does cross dressing sit with him? I bet you don't know. It should be very confusing to him.

It seems the vast majority of women do not appreciate cross dressing. Most seem to take the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" view of it. If you're wife wants to adhere to DADT, your makeup removal failures are a violation of DADT.

Maybe, you and your wife need to discuss where this is all going and establish some mutually acceptable boundaries for your self expression.

[ReineD]

For DADT to work, the wife needs to be somewhat flexible and forgiving in her attitudes about the CDing. She can choose to not be involved while recognizing that her husband has a need to express femininity. In this scenario, she does not resent the CDing. This is the ideal DADT situation because then the couple can freely negotiate where the husband can keep his stuff where the wife will not see it unless she wants to. And they can negotiate known times when the husband can dress, for example while the wife busies herself with other things. There is no hiding in this scenatio.

The horrible DADT which does NOT work, is when the wife resents the CDing and cannot acknowledge that her husband has a need to express femininity. There are many people in this country who are morally conservative on many fronts. It is not easy to convince someone who has traditional conservative views to change them. So in this case, both the wife and the husband are at an unresolvable impasse where it seems as if the solution is all or nothing, which means that unless the husband can of his own free will quit the CDing, or unless the wife can bring herself to accept the CDing in principle, one of the two is destined to be extremely unhappy. This does not bear well for the long-term future health of the marriage.

Kelly I'm really sorry that your wife has this attitude but at least now you know, and you and your wife can begin making decisions for yourselves.

One last thought. When you used the word "always" in your OP, I had assumed that your wife had known about the CDing for awhile. How long has she known? If it has not been a long time, then she does need time to wrap her head around this (providing she is not the ultra conservative sort), while she educates herself on the cross-gender expression.

How well do you and your wife communicate on other marital issues? Do you feel connected together? Are you emotionally intimate with one another?

[JenniferR771]

Good comments, Reine. We are typing at the same time.
"Abhorrent" "The end." My wife says something along the same lines to me frequently. Has for years. I think it depends on the person. It may reflect exaggeration, because she feels pressured, and she is trying some bad-tempered bullying.
Yes, she needs some education and some time to understand and accept. You're are married. You cannot change her. She cannot change you. Your job is to love her unconditionally.
Does she think Eddie Izzard is abhorrent? Dustin Hoffman? Robin Williams? Tim Curry? All of us? All of the one million people that have posted messages on this forum? Does that apply to gay men also? Gay women?
She has a right to be concerned, but I have heard that children seldom have any problem with crossdressing fathers. Does anyone know of actual problems when the children were told?

It is OK to purge--my opinion--if that is what you want. Just reserve a few hundred dollars to go shopping for when the urge returns. Cute shoes are not cheap.

[carhill2mn]

Today I spent the day home alone. I dressed, did my makeup and took pics

This evening my wife came home, looked at me and said, "I can always tell when you put on makeup. Our son can tell. You put me in a bad position. Is this fair to me?" Then she went outside to tend her garden. She was quiet all through dinner.

I am considering purging. Do any of you have any advice?

Learn how your wife knows that you have "put on makeup" and take steps to do a better job of removing it. Are you putting her "in a bad position" because your son can "tell"?

Previous postings contain much good advice. As nearly all of us here know, purging will just end up costing you more money in the long run.

[Tina_gm]

For whatever reason, your wife seems to be having a hard time with accepting, and perhaps has gone backwards with accepting. She has known and is still with you. Perhaps the lines of communication need to be made stronger. Now she demanding that it stop or else the end of the marriage. but why now and not before? What has changed either with you or her to make her feel that way now and not before?

[whowhatwhen]

Is it a religious thing?
Find out what's so wrong with it.

[KiwiKate]

Hi Kelly.Sorry things aren't going well at home.I have been in the same boat as you before.I think it safe to say that the eye make up residue gives us away every time.Now I don't wear make up usually for that reason and although it isn't quite as nice it is still getting in touch with your feminine side.Also it's more relaxing not having to panic whether anybody can see if you have been wearing it or not.Maybe wearing no make up would just be easier until things die down at bit.Good luck

[sallyjones]

first of all i dont know if youll even see this so far down here, but hee goes. apperently your wife knows, thats good. you dont need to stop just get better at cleaning up. baby wipes take offf foundation and even mascara. to get your eyeliner off use a q tip and warm water, right out of the tap. its not a big deal if you learn to conceal!!! we all know the fear and reality so be more estute.

[litlejohn]

no advice other than the professional counciling.
I've been blessed with an encouraging wife. not open to my kids yet, at some point they will find out. daughter at 19 would have a bunch of questions or none son is 12. he doesn't need an added distraction. like most parents i'm very hopefull of his abilities and don't want to mess with it. i think he would be able to deal with it but i took better part of 40 years to come to tears with myself how could i expect him to deal with itat 12
best of luck but communication truely is our best luck!

[Kelly Smith]

first of all i dont know if youll even see this so far down here, but hee goes. apperently your wife knows, thats good. you dont need to stop just get better at cleaning up. baby wipes take offf foundation and even mascara. to get your eyeliner off use a q tip and warm water, right out of the tap. its not a big deal if you learn to conceal!!! we all know the fear and reality so be more estute.

Hi Sally,

I read every post carefully and appreciate everyone's input. And yes, I do need to get better at removing makeup.

Kelly

[Sometimes Steffi]

It seems you have a choice here. Quit dressing or get divorced. You have to decide if you love her (and your intact family) more than crossdressing. Divorce is a pretty big life changing event.

Personally, if faced with that choice, I would keep my marriage. In your case, you have to make the choice. Think about it seriously.


Kelly - Your wife sounds kind of like my wife. So far, my wife tolerates my CDing, but diesn't accept it.

It's wasy for me to intellectualize, but if it came to an untimatum (crossdressing or marriage), my wife may not get the answer (marriage) that she is hoping for. That being said, every case is different, and you need to make your own decision.

[NicoleScott]

I started CDing and wearing makeup when I was deep into the closet. Nobody knew. Now my wife does. Anyway, learning to apply makeup came with it learning to remove makeup. Harsh soaps and scrubbing is the worst thing you can do (I know, I tried that). I use lotion (like Vaseline Intensive Care or generic equivalent) and baby oil. The idea is to dissolve and lift out makeup, not rub and scrub it off. Like a mechanic uses Gojo to dissolve and lift out grease and grime from the hands. I use lotion for the lips and baby oil for the eyes and face. Then a shower (to remove the oils). I never have a trace of makeup left, and my makeup style is far from the "minimal makeup" look.