Coming out to first family member *takes deeeeeep breath*

[dreamer_2.0]

Spoke to one of my sisters online today asking if it were possible we could arrange a private chat. With the way I seem to be leading, I have to know what my family would say. Of my entire family (2 sisters and then parents), she would probably be the most openminded person, excluding myself. Although that's not saying much as she's still quite religious and conservative. Despite that, she seems like the best member of the family to come out to first.

Requesting an absolutely private conversation naturally sparked her curiosity, probably thinking of the usual things a little brother might be in trouble for. I assured her it was not a pregnancy scare, which she actually thought was the issue. Fortunately it's not, although I feel like it would be easier to explain a baby than this.

She then said "We love you always, k?". This actually made me chuckle as she probably has no clue what she's about to hear. I responded "I suppose we may be testing that...".

Her next message came quite quickly, saying "Won't waver. Ever!".

I have a cousin who is gay and is still accepted and well loved by the family. Though I have no clue whatsoever how everyone would respond to the possibility of someone being TS in the family.

Won't ever waver? She's probably expecting a gust of wind and I'm about to send her a tornado.

[Angela Campbell]

I have been going through this as well. The first one I came out to was a cousin who is also a Dr. When I told her I wanted to talk to her about something that may turn the family against me and was medical in nature she assumed I had AIDS.

Since then I have told almost all of the family and only a few are having trouble with it. Not complete disapproval or rejection of me, but a clear case of just not believing it to be real.

I just kind of let it out and explained it all as best as I could. It is out, they know and time will tell.

[Jessinthesprings]

That is a huge step. People are funny and they like to do the unexpected. But anicdotal evidence and personal experience has taught me that most will deal with it positively. maybe they won't be there to support you but won't tear you down either. Then you get a few of the extreams where they are either totally in your court or totally against you. I wish you the best of luck.

[I Am Paula]

I think your family may surprise you. Even those I've never been close to were happy for me.

[dreamer_2.0]

Fingers very crossed for that. It's certainly possible, although I thinks very unlikely. That said, it would be a most welcome surprise!

[Kimberly Kael]

There are conservatives and then there are conservatives. When I came out to my family I expected trouble with my Mormon relatives, but in practice most of them have been wonderful. Likewise with a friend who lives in Alaska and posts nothing but politically right-wing support on Facebook. She has been great and turns out to be very socially progressive. No, the trouble came from my father who has never been at all religious, but seems to have all the Fox News anti-LGBT patter memorized. You just never know.

The only advice I have is that you not build it up as a bigger deal than it is. This isn't something you've done, it's simply who you are.

[vallerie lacy]

hope things work out for the best.

[kimdl93]

so, when will this conversation occur. I'm anxious to hear how it goes (and optimistic)

[dreamer_2.0]

It could possibly happen as soon as tonight though more likely over the next days. I'll definitely be posting the outcome.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

My thoughts are with you!

You can do it!!! I hope you get a good outcome!!

[Angela Campbell]

Yes just take a deep breath and remember there is no shame in being who you are, no matter what anyone says.

[dreamer_2.0]

I did it.

My sister and I spoke over FaceTime as it was important to see each other's facial expressions. We talked a lot, there were a lot of tears, and I'm still loved.

Wow. This was the hardest conversation I've ever had with a family member and it was so incredibly moving to here her say that she loves me, and will always love me. I don't think the conversation could have gone any better. She said she speaks for her husband and kids and that they all love me, accept me, and will support my decision to transition should that be the path I choose (still fighting it though).

I expressed how concerned I was with how my family would react and how it would affect their reputation among their own friends once this gets out, but my sister surprised me again here. She essentially repeated what many of you on this forum have said. This is my life, not theirs. I need to find what makes me happy, what keeps me sane, and that I need to think of myself and get me healthy, whatever way that may be. She'll support me in any and every way she can. She also offered to fly home to be there when I come out to my parents because she's got my back.

As hard as this was (and it was really F***ing hard), I've come out to the few people in my life who I felt would be accepting and supportive (mind you, this sister was a wildcard), but now I suppose the real challenge will begin. Now begins the time to come out to friends and family members who I honestly don't believe would be accepting. It's possible more surprises like tonight will arrive but saying I'm optimistic would be a lie. There is hope though. It's clouded by a lot of fear, but it's there.

Not sure if I've mentioned this in another thread but I've set an unofficial date of March 1, 2014, to figure everything out and try to get myself out of all this transition stuff. Many of you may have your doubts and, frankly, so do I but, I'm stubborn and am trying my damnedest to avoid it. March 1 is an arbitrary date 6 months from Sept 1 and would be roughly a year after I started therapy and seriously addressing these issues. It should allow more time to research those "tech manuals", have more therapy sessions, save more money, and, perhaps most importantly for now, get out of my parents house again to properly explore everything and hopefully (hopefully!) learn that I don't need to transition. But, come March 1, if issues are still dominating my life then I'll be making my official request for HRT.

Until then, I don't think anyone else in my life needs to know about any of this.

I'd like to formally apologize to everyone on the forum for my depressive nature, occasional freak outs, and all round stubbornness to accept this side of me. It's not intentional, I'm certainly not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers. I'm just trying to understand and refuse to give in without a fight. Fortunately, I believe many of you can understand this and relate. There's been a fair bit of talk about honesty and whether we should believe what others are typing, whether our avatars are really us or not or if we're creating a fake life on here and lying to everyone. Considering what I'm going through and the conversation with my sister tonight, I don't care if any of you are real or not. I don't care if you're typing lies about yourself. All I care about is that people are out there reading what's in my heart and offering their input. Every bit of advice has been, and will be, taken with a huge grain of salt and, believe me, I will scrutinize every detail before applying it to my life but, to be completely openly honest, I'm just happy you're all here. Whoever you are.

[Amy A]

Congrats! People will surprise you more often than you think; I was convinced one of my friends would have a probelm with me being trans based on things he'd said and he's turned out to be one of my best sources of support.

I'll keep this short and speak to you more in PM, but there's absolutely no need to apologise for airing everything out on here, it's what its for, and speaking for myself, I understand and relate entirely. The only reason people seem so keen for you to accept who you are and move forward is because they are trying to save you some of the pain and anguish that many of us have gone through before getting to that point whereby you can start to make peace with yourself. However transition is such a big deal that it's perhaps necessary and important that you do go through that process, so that you know yourself that you reached the point whereby you had no other choice.

I'm really happy for you, perhaps now that someone has so utterly and completely accepted you for who you are it will help with your own self image and feeling of guilt, I know it did with me. :)

[emma5410]

I am really pleased it went so well. I always assumed that it would go badly when I told someone but it never did. Several people who I did not get on very well with have become good friends and very supportive. The person who is the most supportive told me that she could never figure me out before but when I told her it suddenly clicked and she understood why I was the way I was.
I sincerely wish you good luck with fighting it. Many have tried and many have failed. Some will succeed but it is often only a temporary victory. It comes back stronger and you realise your earlier victory just wasted more years of your life.
The agony of transitioning is that there is a place where you can be the person you really are but to get there is so difficult and scary.
I really hope you are happy whatever you finally decide.