Close call at the mall

[Jennifer Marie P.]

The other day I had some free time so I headed out to the mall Macys had a sale so I went to check it out and I went to check out the bras buy one get second at 50% off and I see someone following me .It was creepy and I went to the dress deparment he was there too and I exited the store I seen him behind.I go into Lord and Taylor then he approached me and tells me how lovely I look and asked me to join him for a cup of coffee.I told him no Im on a time limit and he went away.What a creepy shopping trip.

[robindee36]

Jennifer, if you were dressed, then he might have just been taken by an attractive woman. On the other hand it could have been another CD trying to figure out an approach line. Or it may just have been a creepy guy.

Can't comment much more based on the details. I would offer the safety comments from a different thread; we need to be vigilant as it as a dangerous world and CD's are just another visible target.

So glad nothing came of the experience but is does reinforce the need for always being alert.

Hugs, Robin

[Michelle.M]

Hmmm . . . Jennifer, your instincts were probably spot on.

I get hit on all the time but I don't get followed like that. Initially it might have been coincidental, but if by the time you were in the dress department he hadn't introduced himself (and pointed out that he wasn't actually stalking you) and asked if you might be interested in coffee then I could see why you might have been alarmed.

But Robin's right, that you caught his eye in a good way was probably the spark that got this going. Too bad for him that he effed it up by being so weird. Good for you that he did.

[kimdl93]

Yipes. Apparently, this guy doesn't even realize how creepy it is to follow someone around... Bet he has a hard time getting dates!

[vallerie lacy]

Jennifer you should know how many weirdos there are here in jersey

[Bree Wagner]

The following from store to store is a creepy bit. Otherwise, if I try to be positive, I could see it as someone just trying to get up the nerve to talk to you. At least you resolved the situation well and he left you along.

-Bree

[DebbieL]

The other day I had some free time so I headed out to the mall Macys had a sale so I went to check it out and I went to check out the bras buy one get second at 50% off and I see someone following me.

There are two possibilities. The first was that he had no idea that you were a cross-dresser, and thought you were a real woman who was dressed incredibly well. One of the reasons women don't dress as beautifully as they used to is because if they stand out as more beautiful than all the other women in the mall, there ARE men, especially alpha males, who WILL want to ask them out, but it often takes them time to get up the nerve, to make sure your not married, and to make sure you don't have obvious indications of a boyfriend. Congratulations! You've made it to the big time!! I've had this happen a few times, and one time, I was out with two other women, all three of us were dressed way too sexy, and the guy couldn't that the other two were GGs and that I was CD (actually TS but pre-HRT). He waited until I was alone and said "I didn't want to upset your friends, but I'd really like to go out with you" and gave me his phone number. One of the girls, a GG, was around the corner and watching. She had spotted him stalking us earlier, and wanted to see which of us he would approach.

In my case, he did everything right. He didn't follow too closely, gave us our space, and when he approached me, he gave me HIS number rather than asking for mine.

Because I was with the other women, we all had a nice laugh about it.

Another time, I was wearing a 16 inch spandex skirt, blue satin blouse, and 3 inch heels. I'd gotten a run in my stockings so I went to Walgreens to buy a new pair of hose. I walked into the store and this guy started following me back through the store. He was big, wore a hip-hop style, was overweight, a bit hairy, and I had some dental problems as he flashed a smile that was almost scary.

I moved to a more public part of the store, and he gave me some distance. Eventually, I went back to where the hose were and he comes right up next to me puts his hand on my ass, and rubs his body on me. I used my femme voice, and said "I don't think you know what I am". He said "I know what you are lady, I just want to know how much?". I came back with my lowest bass voice and said "More than you can afford", and gave him an evil laugh. I wish I could have photographed the look in his eyes as they widened and he backed away. He said "Sorry dude, I had no idea" and made a beeline for the door.

After this, I had a true appreciation of the trauma many GGs go through when they are dressed beautifully. I had taken some self-defense for women courses and had learned in high school how to defuse sexual advances and potential threats, but I was getting really worried that he was thinking more in terms of rape than prostitution, and even then I wasn't sure that he might STILL have rape on his mind. For a while after that, I carried a whistle on my key-chain.

On only one occasion in my life, I have had to deal with a REAL threat, where even the bass voice trick didn't make him back off. He wanted me to go back to his car and take a little ride. At that point, I just yelled "FIRE" as loud as I could. The guy ran out of there as fast as he could. I did explain to those who came to put out the fire - that the man had tried to kidnap me. They told the manager. I didn't want to file charges (and make being a CD official), but I did see police officers driving in as I was driving out.


It was creepy and I went to the dress deparment he was there too and I exited the store I seen him behind.I go into Lord and Taylor then he approached me and tells me how lovely I look and asked me to join him for a cup of coffee.I told him no Im on a time limit and he went away.What a creepy shopping trip.

There is one other possibility. He may have been another cross-dresser, who wanted to get the chance to talk to someone like himself. Given how bashful he was, and how long it took to get the nerve to make such a simple request, I would guess that this might have been the case.

I've often wondered how many men are closeted CDs, and TGs living in "Stealth Mode". I have been astonished each time I came out, at how many men would come up to me and tell me *very confidentially* about their own CD and TG issues. But then again, I've been amazed at how many men have shared some even stranger sexual preference and gender identity issues. I've also been amazed at how many women have been through traumas including incest, molesting, and rape, including "date-rape" and "stranger-rape".

I'm sure there have been more than a few times when the main thing that saved me from such a trauma was being 6 foot tall and being able to sound like Darth Vader while wearing my short skirt, hose, heels, and sexy blouse. The women's self defense course has also taught me some other tricks, like putting keys between my fingers, to make a set of spiked knuckles, and knowing that all I have to do to win in the long term is get some tissue samples, scratching with keys or finger-nails is very effective. Spitting on the dress and blouse is the other alternative. I don't know if I could actually have acted effectively in such a situation, but it gave me much more confidence when walking through Journal Square to my apartment.

[Jorja]

If you are worried about someone following you or possibly attacking you, do not ever leave the confines of the store you are in. Contact an SA and have security called. Pepper spray in your purse is your best friend if it is allowed. A few squirts to the eyes will do it. Have a Storm Safety whistle available. Blow it until someone comes to your aid. If it is allowed in your area a taser is very effective. Once you use the taser get the hell out of there because he will recover and he isn't going to be very happy. Of course you can stand over him and tase him repeatedly until the batteries are gone. :)

[DebbieL]

If you are worried about someone following you or possibly attacking you, do not ever leave the confines of the store you are in. Contact an SA and have security called.

CDs are often reluctant to file reports, as are TSs who have not reached the point where they are working as women. However, just letting the store manager know about the stalker can alert the manager. Often stores will have surveillance footage, and when you alert them, they can call the police, have the police review the footage, and have them correlate with known predators, sex offenders, and similar patterns. Often, they can match with other footage such as ATM cameras and mall cameras, as well as any financial transactions (credit card purchase, ATM withdrawals,... to get a positive ID. If he's doing it to you, he's probably doing it to other women as well.


Pepper spray in your purse is your best friend if it is allowed. A few squirts to the eyes will do it. Have a Storm Safety whistle available. Blow it until someone comes to your aid. If it is allowed in your area a taser is very effective. Once you use the taser get the hell out of there because he will recover and he isn't going to be very happy.

One of the things they warn about in women's self defense class is not to use anything you aren't willing to have used on you. If the pepper spray isn't easy to whip out undetected, he might grab the purse, find the weapon (pepper spray, tazer, brass knuckles...) and it against you, disabling you so he can do what he wants. The key knuckles is a trick you do before you leave the mall as you go to your car, so it's there when you need it. If he does get the keys from you, he probably won't want to bother with trying to use them against you in the same way.

The whistle or any other means of getting a lot of attention from a lot of people very quickly is VERY effective. This is why you yell FIRE rather than something about being attacked. I've heard that one TG fended off an attacker by shouting very loudly in her femme voice "What do you mean your cheating on me with a MAN!!" Very effective apparently. Never had to use that one.


Of course you can stand over him and tase him repeatedly until the batteries are gone. :)

The danger of a taser is that if he has a heart condition, and you tase him repeatedly - you could give him a heart attack.

I created a taser in 7th grade (1968) using an audio transformer, a 9 volt battery, and a push button. It was very effective against bullies and I gave a few to some very close friends who were getting bullied. The bully avoided the stun and took it away from one of my friends. He then used it on an old lady he wanted to rob, and she had a heart attack. She didn't die, but she described the device. After that, I realized how dangerous this was and destroyed the devices and the plans.

Taking a good self defense class for women is a very good idea, especially if you are on HRT. You will lose upper body strength, so you will need to learn to defend yourself without brute force. Fortunately, there are techniques - I won't publish here, that can disable a man long enough for you to run to a more populated area, where you can get attention.

[Michelle.M]

There are two possibilities. The first was that he had no idea that you were a cross-dresser, and thought you were a real woman who was dressed incredibly well.

I don't want to sound like I'm nit picking, but this post is in the Transsexual Forum, not Male to Female Crossdressing.

I don't know Jennifer, but if she identifies as TS and her choice to post here was conscious and not accidental then she IS a real woman.

[Jorja]

Debbie, I agree with the most of the points you made. However, police and security personnel use tasers and other equipment that can be taken away from them every day and very few ever in their career get their equipment taken away and used on them. Why is that? Maybe it is because they have been trained how and when the equipment should be used and the proper use of the equipment. If you are going to carry a piece of equipment get trained on how to use it.

If you are aware you are being followed or stalked in a store CD/TS/or GG I would hope you are smart enough to realize this situation is not going to have a happy ending for you. Lose the bravado and report it before you lose your life over shopping.

Actually, I was out of line suggesting a person stands over a taser victim and repeatedly tase them. However, ask yourself, how did this victim get in this position? He was preying on innocent unsuspecting women. He did not give a damn about their safety and well being as long as everything was going his way. Who gives a damn if he has a bad heart? If it is that bad he shouldn't be stalking women like a piece of meat in the first place.

[mikiSJ]

Jennifer - sorry to hear about your creepy experience. Macy's and L&T are quality stores yet there are creeps everywhere.

Jennifer and Valerie and other Jersey girls - you guys in New Jersey have simply had enough. First Sandy and now the Boardwalk fire. Please hang tough. Jersey is a nice place and it will come back, if it hasn't already

[laurie01]

It must have been creepy to have someone follow you. He might of had a difficult time to get the right moment to talk to you. In a situation like that its good to stay where there's people around.

[linda allen]

Actually, I was out of line suggesting a person stands over a taser victim and repeatedly tase them. However, ask yourself, how did this victim get in this position? He was preying on innocent unsuspecting women. He did not give a damn about their safety and well being as long as everything was going his way. Who gives a damn if he has a bad heart? If it is that bad he shouldn't be stalking women like a piece of meat in the first place.

There is always the danger of misinterpreting someone's intentions. He may have thought he recognized you as an old friend, he may have just wanted to ask for directions or the time, he may have wanted to ask for a handout, or he may have been mentally retarded and didn't understand that some strangers want to remain strangers.

There is always a risk when we chose to use violence or a weapon in a situation. Even trained law enforcement officers sometimes make this mistake. The consequences can be serious.

If the person is a clear threat, if he is pointing a gun of knife at you, that's one thing. If he is simply following you, getting to a safe area, scaring him off with yells or loud noises, or getting help from security or the police is a better solution.

At any rate, using the minimum force or violence to accomplish the task is the best plan.

[randeegirl]

I have also had many experiences shopping for female clothing over the years - most positive and a few not so positive. Main thing is keep your head up and be proud to be feminine. Our money is the same as everyone else's.

[ReineD]

Hm. I would have asked him if he was in the habit of following women from store to store. You've got to admit, this is not a standard way to meet up with people and there is a huge chance of being rejected because such meetings are unsolicited. It's different when we're at singles' venues like bars or clubs. I also would have asked him point blank, why he had been following you. If he was willing to place himself in that position, then he should have been willing to deal with embarrassing questions.

And then you would have known ... had he become enamored by you, was he a CD who had questions about passing, or was he an admirer who had mistaken you for a well put together CDer whom he thought would be open to his suggestions.

Last, although you were safe in the store with other people around, having asked him the questions would have enabled you to read him better in order to report him if you found his answers alarming. I do hope that you were careful when you went to your car, making sure there were lots of people around there too.

[Sheren Kelly]

We will never know his motivations.
I have been approached while out in town by a closeted crossdresser who was fascinated (or envious) of my confidence in going out in town as a lady. He came from a very small town in the mid-west and could only dream of going out enfemme. Probably more "needy" than "creepy" so I allowed him to join my friend and I at our table (at "Freddies" the local straight friendly gay bar) but left it at that.

[Loni]

stalking is stalking.

just watching in one store, is a maybe admirer....

but in fowling you to another store is time to call in security.


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