Why do some feel the need to come out?

[Mistress Frillee]

I told my best friend. But thats it. He said that he accepts it, but does not understand NOR does he want to understand. I think that most people feel this way. I feel NO need to tell anyone else. Whats the point of telling them? Its not something that they need to know.

I do not get it. If you feel the need, then by all means, go for it.

[Mistress Frillee]

Understand than I am not saying that you should not. I firmly believe that you should tell your gf before you get serious.

[Wendy me]

ok in my thinking i am doing that get things out in the open with my wife she knows but we never realy talked abought things unless i got cought (busted) for little things as time goes on it becoumes something i think that we feel like we need to tell some people ... some i will tell and some i won't tell ....

[Mistress Frillee]

In one sense, I can understand. If the cross dressing agenda ( do we have an agenda! LOL) is pushed into the forfront of mainstream life, then peopel will be free to shop & dress as they please in public.

If more & more peeps come out, then it will not seem like such a strange thing to the general , non cross dressing public.

[ReginaK]

Secrets are never healthy. They can cause a lot of stress and stress related health problems. Plus the living in fear of being caught can take a toll as well.

Especially if dressing is a large part of your life. Some people may just like to wear intimate stuff in the home, but some people also like to go out and live as a woman sometimes. In the latter case, it's best to tell someone.

I think everyone should tell at least one person that they communicate with on a one-to-one basis.

[LisaRaye]

Secrets are never healthy. They can cause a lot of stress and stress related health problems. Plus the living in fear of being caught can take a toll as well.

Especially if dressing is a large part of your life. Some people may just like to wear intimate stuff in the home, but some people also like to go out and live as a woman sometimes. In the latter case, it's best to tell someone.

I think everyone should tell at least one person that they communicate with on a one-to-one basis.

you are correct Regina you should tell at least one person. myself i have told my girlfreind and daughter in which they both have seen me dressed and we sometime go shopping that is fun. and four other girls that i have told but they have not seen me dressed nor do they want to. and one gay guy who is my friend he has seen me dressed but i had to stop dressing like that in front of him because it was turning him on and i am not gay.
:) :)

[Laura Jane]

Why do some feel the need to come out?

I feel NO need to tell anyone else. Whats the point of telling them? Its not something that they need to know.

I do not get it. If you feel the need, then by all means, go for it.

I suppose some come out to SO's or close friends because they wish either to involve them in their cross dressing or gain their acceptance.

Its not like they are telling every tom, dick or harry something intimate about themselves.

If you are happy with dressing up in the privacy of your own home and do not live with SO, then I suspect you could happily live the rest of your life without telling anyone, but if you wish to be involved with someone, this is a rather big part of who you are to hide away.

[Mistress Frillee]

I told my last gf . I will tell any future gf. If she cannot handle it, then I have 3 words for her, theres the door!

I feel that life is too short to live in fear.

[kathy gg]

Hope u dont mind a gg perspecive. I find most friends think 'nothing'.

Nothing = not outright lost of freindship...but nothing also mean = no need to ever want to talk about it.

The freinds usually have no idea what it means, even after detailed explanation. I think in some cases it makes them look at the guy in question in a different light. So if they thought he was the kind of guy you go to for guidence or as a 'father figure' that trails off. If they thought of the guy as a tough/macho guy that is gone too. Most people with no real ties to the community almost can't help but view the person in a different way after this comes out.

I have seen this happen and I think it is just an 'indifference'. Not everyone gets this huge declaration of 'support' or the opposite, but just like a 'gee, um, okay.'

I think most people might even try to forget about it. Espically if they never saw you as a feminine soul before

BUT>>...all that said, I think telling people (not even wanting to broach the SO button) needs to be thought of long and hard. How does telling benefit the other person? And also, once you tell, you can never untell, it is there and can never be unsaid.

[Sweet Susan]

I'd like to be able to tell the world, or maybe just do what I want and let them find out for themselves. But to honest, I don't feel a need to "tell" anybody. It's nobody's business.

[gennee]

I have only told my support group about my crossdressing. I may tell my spouse in the future but I have no desire to tell anyone else. There's no stress in me because I don't feel ashamed or guilty about it. I do things because I enjoy doing them, not to gain the approval or acceptance of others.

Gennee:)

[Tamara Barclay]

I think you need to look at your motivation. Is it because you have a close relationship with someone and you feel you need to share this with them, or is it because there is a certain "thrill" in letting others know about you or see you this way?

[Sophia Rearen]

Tough question. Acceptance of ones self is a large factor. If, you have accepted who you are, the more likely you are compelled to tell others close to you. I also feel it depends on the circumstance or situation. I, at times feel that I must tell some people or else I feel as though I am lying to them. Without telling them about who the real me actually is, then I feel like I'm somehow cheating in the relationship.

My wife feels I should not tell anyone. Why do I need to share it with others? What is to gain from me telling them?

I now see her point. Recently, a friend disclosed some sexuality information to me. While I can lend a sympathetic ear to that person, I can see why you may not want to disclose too much. On the receiving end, a person could get the reaction of, why are you telling me this?

So, I have to agree with kathygg, I would think long and hard about telling someone.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I have never felt a NEED to come out==I have been perfectly happy in the closet for many years---However I have had some insight into it last (2004) Haloween, when for the FIRST time I devised a femme Costume, a Gypsy Fortune teller actually for my sunday school Halloween party.

Ordinarily, I would never be cought dead in public in womens clothes, even on Halloween, But I was SO PROUD of the quality of my costuming work, and the fact that I looked completely unrecognizable, that I HAD to go out in it===my sense of pride overode my sense of caution. The costume WAS a success BTW and I won first prize for it.

Still, thats the only time I ever have been in public CDed. It DID get me thinking though. Is it possible that CDers feel a need to show themselves in public because they are VERY PROUD about how they can make themselves look, and HAVE to show off? I can understand THAT.---but somehow I still think thats not the whole story with other CDs--I still think I am missing something here.

[Katrina]

I have told my GF early on in our relationship because she would probably stumble across my stuff eventually and I can wear stuff around the house now. I would like to tell my sister and parents because I feel like I'm living a lie. I also think I could have some fun shopping with my mom and sister. I'm not so sure my dad would be all that happy with it. I would like to tell some female friends because it might be fun to have more shopping buddies. I don't plan on telling anybody but my immediate family though. Its not really anybody's business. I think that one reason people might want to come out to others is it may allow them to dress more often.

[Kera_Efflorescence]

Well... if you're telling GGs, the benefit is then you have the freedom to talk with them about cosmetics and fashion, etc, and they'll understand. Also they might be able to give you some tips, or perhaps you could arrange a girls night out or something.

At least, from a purely practical point of view. =P

[Sarahgurl371]

I feel compelled to tell others of myself because of this one thought that runs thru my head.

If I am OK with myself, and not ashamed of who I am and how I like to look, shouldn't I be able to tell someone else and not fear thier reaction?

So I guess that for me its a self acceptance thing. How can I accept who I am and still be afraid to tell friends and family? I guess I am sort of an all or nothing Idealist type.

[Sharon B.]

My thought is this while still in the closet somewhat, it would be nice to answer the door dressed as we feel comfortable. To be able to come and go as dressed we please.
But for the most part should you tell someone, they just start finding excuse why they can't come around anymore. So I would have to say most of us will probably stay in the closet or we have to take the chance and lose our friends.

[gender_blender]

Because anything else is simply lying or misleading those around you.


Charlie

[stlmichelle]

The only time I really came out was to my gf now my wife. However she felt the need to talk to her mother and sister about it, so in essense outing me to them. She later explained why she felt she needed to do it, and it made sense to me so I let it slide, and it also makes it easier because we can kinda joke about it. I also made it very clear that they were to be the only ones who know. Well my mother in law was angry with me for some reason, and felt to really make things better she would tell my sister in law, who naturally told her husband. Well at the time her husband and I worked for the same company and he of course could not keep something like that a secret. Needless to say to this day I am still not comfortable around them and I have never forgiven my mother in law for doing that to me. I did learn a lesson, it if far easier to come out to people on your own terms than to have someone do it for you.

[kwebb]

I think the older you get the less and less you are concerned with what anybody says about anything you do. I have heard this form cders and non-cders alike, its just the same things that bothered you once no longer phase you or push your buttons.

Shame you have to age for that to occur but that'll be the case in my case.

[susancheerleader]

I wish I can "come out"
Then I wouldn't feel like I am hiding anytihng. And then I would be more comforable "dressing" as oposed to feeling like I am doing something wrong and having to hide it.
I freak out whenever a car pulls into my driveway. I wish I didn't ahve to feel I was doing something wrong.
SOMETIMES I just ant to yell out "I dress like a women" and et things fall as they may.
One of my sisters (kind of) know, but that is it. I don't feel like this small New England town can handle a guy dressing like a women.