Scared out of my skirt

[Dani0948]

Yesterday started out really nice. My wife was at work and I was able to dress most of the day. I am currently in the closet (complicated - see earlier posts). Usually my wife calls before coming home so I can get dinner started, but every once in a while she comes home early. Well the dog started barking and it sounded like the garage was going up. I thought "She's home and I'm dead." My heart was pounding and I rushed up stairs to get into guy mode knowing that I really didn't have a chance. It was a false alarm, but it made me realize that I need to tell her, as I can't keep hiding.
This is another flip-flop on my part, because my last posing indicated I was not going to tell. The time isn't quite right at the moment. My wife's father passed in May and our daughter is getting married next August. In addition to all the wedding planning anxiety, she is still suffering from a medical condition that makes her uncomfortable much of the time (small improvements with treatment). There will never be a perfect time, but the time is not now. I will just have to bide my time and hope that over the next couple months things improve enough so I can tell her without adding another burden.
I will continue to look to the forum for advice and encouragement and am devising my "tell script". Any advice will be appreciated.

[Tina_gm]

I had not had that kind of scare, I was rarely dressing and for a very brief time at a time. But I felt the need to tell her because I felt sooner or later somehow I am going to get caught. And that the desires were becoming too strong not to tell her. It has greatly decreased that stress I had going on at the time. There will rarely be a truly good time to tell her. There may indeed be times where it is truly good not to, such as the loss of a close relative or friend, job loss, serious injury etc etc.... But if you are waiting for a truly good opportunity, it is likely to never come around. There will always be something going on that is a source of stress and that can always be used as an excuse for us to put it off. Yes, build up the necessary confidence and be as prepared as you can be. Then go ahead and reveal it.

[Genny B]

I think we have all been in your same situation at one time or another. Hang in there. Don't really know you or know your wife so I find it hard to give advise. I do know for me being married almost 35 years now, being honest with my wife early in our marriage was the right thing to do. But that was us. You have to feel it our and be smart about it. Good luck to you Dani!
Genny B

[sheilagirl]

It happened to me many times too, and I still continued to never tell. After two marriages and many girlfriends, I've decided, I prefer to live alone. I've only ever introduced Sheila to my therapist who is very excepting, in fact, encouraging of my dressing. She's a sort of Earthy Girl, late fifties, who is really fascinated by my outfits and the things we talk about.
There's never a perfect time to tell someone something this personal and sometimes, depending on the person, I think sparing them this may be for the best. It's tough to live under false pretenses but this is your thing and only if you think it's going to have a positive influence on your relationship with your wife, should you tell her. Some women accept it but if you read through all the posts on this forum many have a very hard time with it. My ultimate desire would be to meet a woman who not just "put up with" my Love of donning women's clothing but who encouraged and helped me and would really be turned-on by my "hobby". Best wishes to you, Dani
Sheila

[Beverley Sims]

Dani,
Keep posting about your situation, it get's it out of your system although no positive answers yet.
You will have to work up to it but eventually the right time will come and a burden will be lifted from your shoulders.

[Rachelakld]

Since mine knew before we got serious I'm unsure what to say, but and opening during winter could be "do you mind if I wear warm leggings?", or "it's cold, may I wear stocking under my trousers?".
I'm always wearing leggings because I find them comfortable - anyway it could be a place to start (and a hell of a lot better than her "discovering")?

Best of luck

[linda allen]

Yes, if you're dressing in a home where a wife or family members also live, it's only a matter of time before someone finds out. My wife left for the gym and I put on a bra, water balloon forms, and one of her blouses from the laundry basket.

Next thing I knew, the front door was opening. The tire pressure warning light had come on in the car so she turned around and came back home. She caught me in the shop trying to change back. The rest is a long story and I've posted it here before.

It's hard to do and there is some significant risk, but in the long run, you're going to have to tell her.

[kimdl93]

Seems like you're facing the reality. Coming out needs to be viewed as a risk management strategy. Assess your risks in several scenarios and choose the course that has the highest probability of success. But remember, their are no guarantees. You can't be sure she won't find a stash of clothes, see a trace of makeup on your face, or come home unexpectedly. And you can't be absolutely certain how she would respond to such events.

The same is true for coming out in a planned manner. You may be pleasantly surprised...or deeply disappointed with the results.

[reb.femme]

Just like Linda Allen, I too got busted by my wife whilst dressed, but I was in the kitchen. I suppose she was pleasantly surprised as I was doing the washing up at the time :heehee:.

Coming out to whoever, is a high risk strategy, as many here will testify. At least that decision was taken out of my hands, but only you can decide on how you run your life and whether you tell or not.

Rebecca

[Joanne f]

It is not for me to say whether you should tell or not as there are risks both ways and in a way moral responsibility's both ways that is for you to decide but there is certainly more advantages in coming out with it but the problem is once you have come out with it you can never go back that is why I always think it is best to do it in a small way first as that will be less damage done if it go's wrong , yes I can understand that some will say it is best to come completely clean in one go so that there are no more lies or surprise's later on which can make sense but different wives/so adapt in different ways plus the CDer does not always know how far they want to go with it until they are given the opportunity to do so , at the end of the day you know you wife best and you will know when it is the right atmosphere and at the moment just make sure that you do not have a top or dress on that you may get stuck in when trying to take it off in a hurry :heehee: you know arms above the head can't move them up or down :D

[AllyCDTV]

Sounds like your wife has a really full plate to deal with right now. Is quitting an option, even if it is only until after your daughter's wedding? The wedding is a huge deal for your daughter and your wife. If the reveal does not go well, the repercussions could last well past August and be devastating to them, especially your daughter. If even a temporary hold is not possible, could you do something like rent out a hotel room for yourself in order to get some dressing in, if you have an uncontrollable urge?

[Barbara Maria]

I'm not much for advice on relationships because all of mine failed,and I have no SO to deal with now,but I do know this much.No matter how hard it is to tell her,and what complications it stirs up,it will be much worse if she finds out some other way.

[Dianne S]

I told my wife before we were married, so I was never busted by her. I had an extremely close call with my daughter, though. My wife took the kids to school, so I dressed up. Next thing I know, the front door is opening. I thought it was my wife returning, but some spidey-sense made me disappear into the washroom. I called out to see who it was, and it was my daughter... she'd forgotten something at home and dashed back to pick it up. *whew*, but my heart rate was crazy for a few minutes...

[RenneB]

I know the fear. I've managed to master the ability to de-girl in under three minutes...a quick shower and all traces of my other me are gone...

On the being honest part, I'm not sure our relationship is ready for that. I wish I could ask the question, but if I get hit with the D word, I could retract the question. Oh we've come close to talking but as soon as I got wif of her reaction, I'd back down.

You'll find two camps on this forum. Those that say be honest/come clean and the other side that's more of a don't ask don't tell...

Not sure if this helps, but knowing that you aren't alone on this issue may be of some comfort....

Renne.....

[Dani0948]

Thanks for your responses ladies. I'm going to try to reduce my dressing to avoid discovery and try to ride this out for a while. I know there will never be a good time to tell, but I will look for an opportunity that will have the least dramatic impact on my wife.

[stefan37]

There will never be a good time. You will aways find a reason not too. The longer you hold off the greater the risk of her finding out. I cant advise whether you should disclose or not. I told my wife when it looked as if we were going to get serious. I knew it would be something that was a part of me and wanted her to make the decision to stay or bail. Having it in the open makes life much less stressful.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Dani, It really sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place with this one.
There's just no way of knowing how it will go as you have probably read on this forum.


A ROCK>>>>>>>>>>>DANI<<<<<<<<<<<A HARD PLACE

[freeindress]

After reading so many horror stories of those telling everything at once or getting busted, I believe it is safer to avoid shocking news at all costs, and let the truth be discovered slowly, giving over several weeks positive hints of CD interest while making sure you're still perceived as the same man as before since it's just clothes.

[Lori Kurtz]

After reading so many horror stories of those telling everything at once or getting busted, I believe it is safer to avoid shocking news at all costs

Mine was pretty much the ultimate horror story. I didn't hear her coming in, so I was in front of a full-length mirror when she came around the corner and saw me. It wasn't quite an instant divorce, but ultimately, the picture in her mind was indelible, and she couldn't handle it. If I had somehow let the truth come out in some more intentional and controlled way, I don't know if the marriage would have survived, but it would have had more of a chance. For my second marriage, I knew I either had to stop CDing or be completely open about it. I stopped--stopped the behavior, although not the fantasies. I know that wouldn't work for everyone, and certainly not for a true transsexual, but it did work for me, and I'm grateful that I had a great marriage.

[Cd Jennifer]

I started dressing and doing exactly what you did since i was about 13. I did it on and off whenever I had the opportunity raiding my moms and my sisters drawers. I did stop doing it for a short while when I got married by eventually the burning desire came back. I don't think this is something that you can wake up and decide not to do anymore and "quit". To me this is a part of who I am a part of me that doesn't get to come out that often. For my wife and family's sake I would like to stop but I know it's not possible. I have limited myself to dressing only when I travel on business. Hopefully that should work for me.

[Lindseynrva]

Like a moth to a flame we all are drawn. I have tried to stop but just love the feeling of dressing up. I don't need it every day but when the urge or mood hits it can be hard to suppress. I keep things under lock and key as being out is not a good option for me at this time.

[DonnaT]

You might think about loading a program on her (and your) phone to keep track of where it is.

My wife has it, and on her iPad as well.

[Maria 60]

When I married I thought I would never wear women's cloths again in my life, well first week back from our honeymoon there I was wearing her pantyhose, and that was the morning I decided and realized its not going away and I wasn't going to hide the rest of my life. That night she came home from work realizing this marriage could end before it started. I took a big chance and did it, still to today I don't know how I did it but I didn't want our marriage to start with secrets. Surprising she was pretty cool with it but it could have gone either way. I think you must know your wife and what she stands for to maybe have a small idea how she would react. It's very hard to give advice on this one because I don't know you and your wife as a couple and what kind of relationship you have. If my friends wear crossdressers and they asked me if they should tell there wife's I would more less know witch wife would be OK with it or the one that would be against it. It's a tuff call and you know your wife best. I hope I helped you a little it's just a throw of the dice and hope they land on your number. Take your time and stay focused and hopefully it will all work out.

[Veronica497]

I think you are right on que to wait, as a gg , being told during such major events would not have been good for me, I needed time to process everything and it was a bit of a whirlwind, if I had just lost my father and/or was about to attend a wedding of anyones let alone planning one and it being my child I think it would have been more than I could have emotionally and mentally handled. I do feel you need time as well now that you have decided to take this major step. You need time to prepare and to get yourself ready emotionally. I commend your seeking advice before doing so too , I think it will better help you to prepare for what you will need to know to help her and you with this transition in your relationship. I will be happy to help you in anyway and more than willing to share what my husband and I went through together after he told me if you think it will help to learn anything from our story. You can ask me anything anytime I'll be completely upfront and honest with you about our experience and what I think with you and yours. Add me as a friend if you like and know I care greatly about how much this is affecting you and understand completely how difficult this is. Tons of hugs <3

[kimdl93]

I think you're right - there's never a perfect time. But there may be better times and worse times, depending on all that's going on in your wife's life and yours. So, start thinking about when she may be most comfortable and at peace. And think very carefully about the way she normally handles difficult situations and surprises.

[Dani0948]

Thank you ladies. Things haven't changed much. My wife is feeling a little better, but is still struggling. I'm always on the alert waiting for a good moment. I appreciate all of your advise and good wishes.

[Calbab]

I sympathize with you, Dani.. Although I've already 'come out' to wife 8 1/2 months ago, we're still working on many 'issues'.. I have been in therapy, and we have two young kids.. My son is as healthy as an ox and will be four next April, but my daughter was born ten weeks premature about 18 months ago.. She has been diagnosed with "hip dysplacia", and her dislocated hip she has may require surgery.. The doctors, however, aren't convinced that surgery will correct the problem (her femur bone is attaching itself to her pelvis, instead of being securely in the hip joint).. November 12th is the next appointment date, when we should get more clarity on what the doctors plan on doing -- it may be NOTHING until she's much older..

So, where am I really going with this?? Well, it sounds like your wife's current health and upcoming daughter's wedding next year are providing your family with additional stress, which is having an impact on your ability to 'choose the right moment'... And, when I consider the uncertainty regarding my daughter's condition -- I feel like if I 'push my wife too much' when it comes to my desire to dress, I would be taking advantage of her during this otherwise nervous time for all of us..

[5150 Girl]

The time isn't quite right at the moment. I will just have to bide my time and hope that over the next couple months things improve enough so I can tell her without adding another burden.

Tomorrow never comes. There will always be something adding stress to our daily existence. It's called life that's how it is. If you put of for tomorrow what you should do today you end up putting your whole life away.
A post full of cliche's for sure but they really do apply to your situation.

[Michelle_NY]

I was in almost the same situation a few yrs ago. Mine found a pair of boots I had . When I got home from work she just asked me whos there were. I finally got the nerve to fess up to her,now she knows but still wants nothinmg to do with the dressing part. I wish it was a better answer though. Still will dress forever though