The Prospect of Work Transition

[LeaP]

A recent comment in correspondence with a friend highlighted how much things have changed in the last year. What was unthinkable is not only thinkable now, but embraced to a degree.

My feelings about transition at work, for example, have changed from terror and flight (or early retirement) to looking forward to it. Now that's a bit of an overstatement, but it conveys the nature of the mind shift. I'm developing a growing sense of impatience to get on with things and frustration over the things slowing me.

So what is this? Acceptance? Trans-acceleration? Yes, but also a change toward seeing myself post-transition as normal and not some kind of pathological imposition. Feeling normal (thank you, God, for hormones) is the source of much confidence, assertiveness (without aggression), and hope. It is a wonderful feeling.

Don't get me wrong - I'm aware of the reality. Stephanie's post on her first week at work is a superb example of the concerns and anxiety. Maybe the way to describe things better is that the prospect has changed from flinging myself into an active volcano to jumping off a high board into a pool. First swim of the season! Cold water! Fresh out of the locker room and still dry! Daunting! But exciting. Hopefully, it will be refreshing and not heart-attack city ...

[arbon]

When you do transition at work, Lea, I think you will do fine. You just have that quality about you were you think everything out and plan and find certainty.

Me on the other hand - Transitioning at work was the scariest thing I ever did, and it did not go well. Its something I would like to forget ever happened in my life.

[LeaP]

I know it was. I followed your story from the first. You were doubly disadvantaged by a hostile boss. I'm also familiar with Idaho culture (I'm LDS).

Oh, I expect to be frightened! I can easily put myself in the situation Stephanie described, where she sat in the car and debated whether to go ahead. So I think I'm describing something more of my current state of mind than what it will be at that time!

You may not feel like it, but you are a role model for patience and persistence.

[Badtranny]

I can easily put myself in the situation Stephanie described, where she sat in the car and debated whether to go ahead. .

That sounds familiar. Stephanie who?

[sandra-leigh]

Melissa, see today's thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?201081-I-survived-the-first-week-at-work!

[Angela Campbell]

Lea, my thoughts on this seem to go up and down. On one hand I am so tired of waiting and want to just get things done and move on, and on the other I know it will be very uncomfortable. I will not hesitate one bit when the time arrives at work, but it will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. Then again not too long ago I could not even imagine doing so. That will be my next big step and I do so want to do it right away, but I will work with my HR director and give them a chance to prepare and try to make it work. Originally we discussed sometime next spring, but I am not sure I can wait that long and will likely do it soon after the first of the year.

I am very patient...as long as I don't have to wait very long.

[sandra-leigh]

The place I was working, I had reason to expect that going public would end up with me losing my job 2-3 years down the road due to the personalities of my direct chain of supervisors. Not directly for anti-trans reasons, but the place was under pressure to cut positions and I probably would have been considered to have crossed the line about who was worth keeping. (I had a nasty habit of asking embarrassing questions, and another nasty habit of refusing to go along with turf wars.)

I wasn't much concerned about the reaction of my co-workers; the ones that had seen me already treated me politely.

I was getting ill from the pressure of hiding, and I believe that if I hadn't been laid off (impersonal, a lot of us were), that within another 4-5 months I probably would have cracked and gone ahead. That or gone on disability.

[StephanieC]

Wow, this DOES appear to be a change (for the better?).

For me, this has been so gradual, I'm hoping people will have largely expected it.

Good luck on your continued progress.

-stephani

[LeaP]

It is a change for the better, and indicates a more positive outlook generally. I still have my moments, maybe too many of them, but I feel different - and better.

[emma5410]

There were lots of scary moments when I went full time including telling people at work and the first days. There was a time when I could not imagine ever doing it. But in the end I did. Somewhere inside I found the strength to do what had to be done. I am really not sure where it came from. I am sure you will find the same strength when the time comes.

[melissaK]

Nice thread.

My transition at work is little more than going from clean cut albeit bearded attorney to long haired attorney who oughta play in a metal band. And I'm in such a minority in my legal community I am uncomfortable with how much I stand out. Every new court appearance and every new business client I meet makes me feel like I'm on that high dive board LeaP.

But it's me. I am not trying to look like a woman. I am way happier. So it's a matter of just pressing on.

But as I work for others, I need a backup plan. I need more contacts in case I need to launch a solo career. So I signed up for a network club. I need to attract business associates who dig a rebel lawyer.

Your story is encouraging to me LeaP, as are all the others - even Arbons and Josees and Bad Trannys on the dime concerns she's shared over the years. Because in each story is the knowledge we can do it, we can find ourselves and our way.

[steph1964]

I completly understand the shift in comfort towards transitioning at work. It wasn't very long ago that I was sure that I would wait until I retired before I went full time. But it didn't take long with the frustration of trying to live a double life, male at work and female everywhere else, that pushed me to seriously consider doing it now. Once everyone found out that I was ts, and the reaction wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected, it became a lot easier to imagine working full time. I met with the chief and got his support and at that point I knew than that I had to do it.

Jumping off of the high board is never as bad as you think it will be. I think that the stress of showing up to work as a female is more than made up by the fact that you get to work as a female.

[LeaP]

Your story is encouraging to me LeaP, as are all the others - even Arbons and Josees and Bad Trannys ...

LOL - "EVEN"??? I'm not in the same league! Big difference between looking at what's coming vs. actually having done it. I know it, and they know it.

What this describes is a shift in mindset. A lot of people talked about hormones creating a pressure to transition. I haven't found that true at all. What is true is I've become more stable, have better perspective, my judgement is improving, and I'm happier. So I can see making transition "work" ... even without knowing exactly what that means. Things feel a lot more like "why wouldn't I?" and no longer "should I?".


I met with the chief ...

Steph, I can't imagine a more daunting environment in which to transition. A cop. In the Southwest. My God.

[steph1964]

Things feel a lot more like "why wouldn't I?" and no longer "should I?".


I had a similar experience with a couple of people at work who asked "everyone on the department knows so why aren't you working as a female?" I thought I had a good answer but the more I thought about it, the more I asked myself the same question.