Can you cry?

[PaulaQ]

I find that I can weep for others - that is pretty easy. I really care about other people. But my ability to cry for myself - I just can't do it. It was literally beaten out of me as a kid. My Dad would tell me "don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about!" (And he and Mr. Belt meant it!) The children's hospital where I spent much of my youth, shall we say, discouraged negative emotions, such as sadness, homesickness, or pain. They discouraged these strongly. Very strongly.

So I find now that even though I'd feel a lot better with a good cry to get things out of my system - I just can't do it. Even though I'm no longer trying to hide behind a male mask.

Anyone else have this problem? As a CD, can you let go of your emotions any easier? Or does that not go away? Can you weep for others? For yourself? Do you find any difference in this based on how you are dressed?

Paula (the emotionless robot)

[Sabrina69]

Not for me, Ill shed plenty of tears dressed or not, if its something really sad.... Like a sad part in a movie. I also think, men should not be so afraid of it. My father is, his attitude is a man should not cry, especially in front of a woman, makes us look weak. That is the old thinking, as I believe, REAL men can and do cry. I xdress to relax, It just puts me so much more at ease, but as for my emotions, they seem about the same. However, I am less likely to get angry while I am in fem.

[Tracii G]

I can and do cry for others maybe at a movie I will.
Myself not so much.

[Kate Simmons]

Being totally in touch with all of my feelings, I don't have any negative things to cry about Hon. I do, however, cry over sentimental things, loss of a loved one and something that touches my heart and makes me really happy. :)

[StephanieCD21]

Crying is definitely not a problem. I cannot even get through movies or TV shows without the water works going into full swing. Stress at work pushes me over the edge frequently. I have a hard time hiding the fact that I am crying or about to cry.

[Norah_joy]

Paula, thank you for raising such an interesting question. Now that I think about it, I do remember being called a cry baby when I was very young. I don't remember ever being punished for crying too much, but I remember deciding that I might have more friends if I wasn't viewed as being a cry baby. As an adult, the tears will flow so easily at a movie, certain stories on the news, and at funerals. But I don't shed tears for myself. I will admit, quite proudly, that I cried at both my son's and my daughter's weddings. I'm not sure of it, but I don't think my wife did. Norah

[MatildaJ.]

I find that I can weep for others - that is pretty easy.

Do you ever cry at tearjerker movies? If so, maybe you could put one on, and then let the tears flow. Might help!

[Alice Torn]

I have tears well up, oftem, and, i am sad modt of the time, as i see the world in so much suffering, but seldom sob or cry. At some movies, sob some, and when a friend dies, but, especially when a dear pet dies, or is killed. One of my few girlfriends killed herself, and i cried a lot. Another died of cancer, i hardly knew, but cried very hard, and a dear older basketball buddy father figure died, and i cried several times hard, then. When my 92 1/2 yr old tyrant father dies, i will cry, but be relieved. Men do have trouble crying, out of shame. Some women cry a lot, but some don't cry much at all, seem more like men that way.

[reb.femme]

.........My Dad would tell me "don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about!".........

My Dad was a spoilt, only child (his Mum's words) and ones with which I concur. He really was an emotion free zone and it was the line in the quote that resonated with me. He used those words exactly, but never followed up like your Dad! He was most often the cause of the tears, the miserable bar steward (keeping it clean).

I can cry for Britain whether dressed or not, always have and always will, for me or for whoever. I have all the emotion for me, Dad and more. I cry most for the loss of others , especially family, and I've seen a few of those in the last upmteen years!

Sounds like you've had a hard life. Emotionless robot? No, just conditioned into a protective mode borne of instinct IMHO. Hope that doesn't sound patronising, as that is not my intention.

Rebecca

[Christina Kay]

Interesting topic. I well up at times , to things I can relate to emotionally. Or a movie that strikes a chord,( 6 people you meet in heaven). My wife and i were bawling at that one.The only movie to do that too us. Really lost it , when putting my dog to sleep. Done that to many times over the years. Welling up now thinking about them. I think I tend to well up more than my wife. But it's been a lifetime thing with me. Don't understand why. ;) hugs.

[LilSissyStevie]

It's all I ever do. Click my tagline and let it out! Go ahead, you'll feel better.

[SexySarah0727]

After years of being told crying is for wimps and men don't cry and all that I had a really hard time crying. As said before most of this came from my Dad trying to "toughen me up" and make me a proper man... so much for that lol.

There were times when I was so upset and wanted to cry and just couldn't. I could not only not cry for myself, but I couldn't cry for others. I would feel the emotions, but no matter how strong they were no tears would come.

There's only one thing I found that's changed that at all for me, but it's not a legal substance and I don't want to get banned since the guidelines state that "Use/sale of illicit drugs and drug paraphernalia or condoning any other illegal activity." is against forum rules. I don't suggest or condone what I did as okay and don't want to overstep and say too much.

That being said, since introducing the substance to my system (last time I did was about 6 months ago now) I can actually cry when something emotional happens. Even if i'm listening to a song or watching a movie that tugs on the heart strings. At most I use to just get a lump in my throat and that would be it, but now I actually cry.

I can still hold it back and suppress the tears if I really want to, but it's freeing being able to cry again.

[PaulaQ]

@Stevie - I will have to pick up that recording, I love Purcell.

Back @ you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYELAu9hqdU

Sorry for the OT. Sometimes weepy music is nice though!

[Frédérique]

Can you cry? I find that I can weep for others - that is pretty easy. I really care about other people. But my ability to cry for myself - I just can't do it.

Yes, I can cry. I cry when the transsexuals lug their viewpoints over into the MtF section and transpose them over whatever is being discussed, as if only THEIR opinion matters, changing the course of a thread and ruining the proceedings. Just sayin’…
:waiting:

[Emjay]

Interesting question, as others have already said. I personally didn't have a male "father figure" in my life until I was around 13 when my mom married my stepfather. Who I now very proudly call my dad. He is the one who has been and continues to be there for me and has always been everything I wanted to be for my own daughter. He isn't the "tough guy" type, not that he can't be or whatever, he's just........ cool. Always has been.

Anyway, I've never really had much trouble crying at just about anything and everything that sparks a strong emotional reaction. But for me? I honestly can't say that I ever have. I have for others, at movies, watching the news sometimes lol... But no, I can't think of any particular instance where I cried "for me".

[FeliciaCDSNJ]

I try to but truly can't cry. I don't know what my problem is but no matter the situation I cannot cry.

[robindee36]

Have yet to shed tears dressed. Came really close after the last purge, but that behavior has been corrected.

In drab, I have been known to tear up during a movie, particularly tragic romances. Go figure!

Hugs, Robin

[Lady Mandy]

"don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about!"

Hi Paula! I've heard this many times myself, but that's not what did it for me. I have always been very emotional myself & no, I can't cry hardly at all - I've even scoured the internet as to why & haven't really found a suitable answer. I'm thinking that something "happened" about 15 years ago when I was in a deep depression (losing my 2nd marriage) & I cried nearly constantly. After all was said & done there, I noticed that I seemingly couldn't cry when something upset me like I had most all my life! I know that crying is something we are supposed to do - it is an emotion & we should be able to feel & express it - but I just can't! I WANT TO, but can't seem to let loose & do it!

Will be interesting to read more responses here!

Hugs! Mandy.

[VS Fan]

I can't MAKE myself cry, even though it would be VERY therapeutic i'm sure (I've tried)... however being a parent, all I have to do is watch a movie with a tender (or sad/tragic) moment between a parent and their child, and it's all over. Luckily my wife is afflicted with this same "condition" LOL, so we have a good cry together during these scenes. Not sure how much of this has to do with my "sensitive side" and how much is just being a parent, but I suspect there are more "macho" dads that still wouldn't be effected by these scenes as much, so there it is...

[Msora]

I am an emotional person. I cry at weddings and funerals, romantic and/or tragic movies and books if I get invested in the characters, certain songs, and of course when I get dumped. I'll even tear up a bit when I hear random news that excites me for whatever reason (most recently, I found myself and my friends on Google Street View and this happened). I'm also really good at hiding it. I've stood up for numerous weddings where I've started to cry during the service and no one noticed.

I've never cried whilst dressed, though if I was ever given cause to, I would probably still try to stifle it. Wouldn't want to ruin my makeup, ya know. ;)

[Barbara Maria]

Any of us in the 50+ age group were raised in the mentality that men don't cry,PERIOD.My dad is the best man ever and never hit me unless I really had it coming(in those days it was called discipline).I've always been a crier,ever since I can remember,but I always hid it because I didn't want him to be ashamed of me.I cry now more than ever,and usually I don't even know why.It usually comes after I've been in an emotional funk for a while,some little thing will set it off and I'll cry uncontolably.I don't have to hide it from anyone any more,and when it starts I just let go.afterwards I feel much better.

[Megan Thomas]

Before I transitioned I'd rarely cry, if ever, and emotions were never displayed. However, HRT enabled the emotions to flood out and tears come all too easily now. I'm learning to control them more now but it's been a long haul...

[Beverley Sims]

Paula,
I still get emotional and cry.

Megan,
This one I blame on the hormones,
I think it is a feminine trait and I know when I was on them I was emotional and cried more easily.
Even now I do cry sometimes.
Keep up the good work.

[lynnef]

I often cry while listening to music (not even vocal/singing music, but strangely - some trance/hardstyle/dubstep (!) can make me cry if i really listen to it... being dressed doesn't seem to make much difference... but in real life it seems very hard for me to cry :(

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Normally I don't cry, but lately I find that I do lean a lot more toward crying. I cried at my dad's funeral 8 years ago. I started to cry at the movie "Tangled" when the lead man "died".

So the answer is yes.

[flatlander_48]

I can always tell when I feel like crying because my nose plugs up. Many times I feel that even though I may not actually cry. Some things just touch me, I guess.

Some years back, Microsoft ran a contest for grade school kids (I don't remember what the specific age group was). If you won, your school got free computers I think; something like that. The students had to complete this sentence:

The most powerful computer in the world would let me....

The winning entry was:

...see the world through someone else's eyes.

EVERY TIME, without fail, when I see that it just resonates because that's the kind of world I would like to live in. It means I would feel someone else's triumphs and sorrows as they would feel mine. We are not here for a minute and that's it. We forget that, in part, we are here to experience. Once we have that experience, we carry it with us where ever we go; it is a part of us, it changes us, it is how we evolve.

[sometimes_miss]

Can I? Yes. Do I? No. Never in front of ANYONE. Period. This topic has been brought up over and over again in other online forums over the years, as well as on tv talk shows; and every time the same answer eventually comes out; they feel that guys who really bawl aren't able to control themselves, it makes them feel insecure and they're not comfortable with it. The only time we're allowed to cry is at a parent's, brother's, sister's, or child's death. And briefly; a few tears are fine, but no sobbing or crying out loud, ever. That's it. Crying over anything else is verboten. Otherwise, women seem to think it's ok for other people, but not their man. It's the same old NIMBY thing. OK for others, but they want nothing to do with it. Sort of like crossdressing.

[Chiana]

In my adult years, the only time I remember crying for myself was when my Mom passed away. For the most part, I just don't cry for myself. But otherwise, I can have the tears flowing at almost anything. I can go to a wedding of people I don't even know and I'll cry. Funerals are horrible for me even if I am not that close to the person. I went to a funeral of a young co-worker. He had committed suicide. I had very little contact with him at work and no contact with him away from the job but I was bawling like a baby. I imagine that raised a few eyebrows. At movies, I am a mess. I went to see the "Sex And The City" movie with a lady friend and she had to keep giving me tissues. Some ladies a few rows in front of us noticed me and kept turning around to look at me. I cried watching the movie "Rudy"! My emotions can be so close to the surface that I cried today when Jim Furyk shot a 59 in a golf tournament. What's up with that?

[Druscilla Supernovae]

I can make myself cry rather easily. I just think about my dog I lost in 08 at the age of 16.5 years.

[NicoleScott]

Is crying some sort of self-validating feminine quality? Really?

[Ressie]

Yeah, I don't see what this has to do with crossdressing really.

Crying for myself would have to be because I feel sorry for myself to the point of depression. I'll have to admit this has happened to me at times in my life, but I know that it's not a good frame of mind to be in. Having a pity party is a waste of time unless it leads to a realization that changes are needed, and you'll commit to taking action to make those changes.

Crying brought on by a Country song or sad movie - yep I do this.

[Paulette]

Increase your E level and crying is easy, all you have to do is watch a sad movie or think about a situation where you have an emotional connection. Years are very therapeutic .

[PaulaQ]

I appreciate everyone's honest and heartfelt replies. I was really sad about my relationship, or lack thereof, with my wife. I'd really like to cry about this - but I just can't cry right now. My wife takes this for indifference.

Many of us were socialized that men don't cry. So I was curious how that worked out for a group who can break other taboos. Anyway y'all are special and I appreciate your responses.

[SophieKitty]

I have no problem crying in either boy or girl mode. I also have an extreme empathetic ability to feel exactly what someone else feels in a room. Sometimes it's more of a curse.

[vallerie lacy]

Felicia even when you get a run in your best stockings

[Stevie]

I only cry when it affects my inner circle. I must admit though my feminine side is very emotional. Maybe dressing can be therapeutic for me.

[Rachel Morley]

Omg.. crying is so super easy for me. It always has been all my life. In fact, before I embraced my feminine side it used to be a fairly serious problem as I would cry over the almost anything. Like when I was really sad (say I got dumped) when I was really happy (when my wife said she would marry me, yes I cried my eyes out when my wife said "yes") then things like tear jerker movies, I'm an absolute baby. I used to kinda joke about my "sensitive nature" but now I have embraced my feminine side it happens less and when it does I embrace that too as I do all of me.

[Connief]

Yes, I cry. A romantic movie, sadness that happened to a friend, being dumped all will do it. Not so easy when there are guys around. You know how it is, got to play the role of man or else. Things that effect my grown children will sometimes get a tear when they are not around. Sharing some more intimate (no, not sexual) details about something with a lady friend can choke me up, bring a tear or 3. One of the things I have "thrown away" from the growing up days is guys don't cry. BS! They are allowed emotion just as much as any woman is! Ask my brother, he crys like a real baby. Its also a way for the body to relieve stress from emotional issues.

Go ahead and cry, its okay, its healthy.

[NicoleScott]

Many of us were socialized that men don't cry.

How about the flip side: girls/women socialized that they can/should/do cry. It's sad that too many people cry when they shouldn't and don't cry when they should.

[Aly Cat]

Sadly, I don't cry. There are plenty of times when I want to but the tears never come. I'm sure I would feel better if I did, but it doesnt matter if its physical or emotional pain, my eyes stay dry. For the most part, I am pretty numb inside (which I know is not a good thing). The only time I can recall crying in the last 5 years or so was actually recently when I was playing my cello to some very emotional music and right in the middle, I lost it. Heavy, body wracking sobs. It was pretty crazy. But before that time and since, I have had plenty of opportunities but the tears aren't there. I'm sure one day, they will all catch up to me and I'll cry for a very long time.

[suchacutie]

Before we knew about Tina I admit that I was often embarrassed when my eyes would become noticeably wet when there would be some situation in a movie or in a conversation that is to me sentimental. Now that we understand Tina it's clear which part of me is controlling under that circumstance.

Somehow my male self can now control my emotions better in male mode.

[Soriya]

Yes I can cry a lot and often do very easily such as when it comes to others sorrows and watching emotional things on TV. I work in a Hospital and often have to turn the other way or walk much faster past families that are upset. I am like a sponge when it comes to others emotions but as I have gotten older and buried my own emotions down even further I have found it difficult to cry regarding myself.

[TheMissus]

I grew up with the 'stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about' spiel. I now struggle to show emotion without feeling bad. My sister can't cry at all.

I imagine all men would cry more if they weren't repeatedly told they shouldn't.

[Stacey Summer]

It's an interesting question. And I'll give you an answer to ponder. What degree of crying?

I can cry certainly. The videos on the Welcome Home Blog never cease to make my eyes water and recently I cried a bit over a personal matter but it was only a bit. The last time I did what I consier to be REAL crying was 12 years ago. You know, proper soul cleansing stuff. My fiance had just broken up with me and I was completely shattered. Went to see my dad and the first thing I did was curl up in his arms and sob. It's a bit embarrassing that I was 18 at the time but I was close to my dad back then.

I haven't been able to do that since. I think when I rebuilt myself after that I did too good a job on the foundations.

[arbon]

Up until about 16 I was a cry baby, very sensitive and emotional. Then it kinda shut off, maybe because I was getting into heavy drinking or because testosterone had done its deal, but I was pretty closed down to emotion and crying until I started hrt. With hrt it did loosen it up, much more depth of emotion, feelings, can laugh really hard and cry again.

It will be interesting to see how it affects you, Paula, over the next couple years.

[Ressie]

One thing that brings a tear to my eye is thinking about relationships I had that ended, and how alone I've been for nearly 10 years.

[Tina_gm]

I am learning to cry more. My wife actually wants me to cry more. She personally does not view it as girly or feminine for someone to cry when they are hurt emotionally. She feels it is the best way for someone to express those feelings. (with some reservation in public of course) I, like many others have been brought up to be expected not to cry in all but the most saddest of situations. And, I am finding that the more I am able to cry, the better I can release feelings of sadness, or any type of past emotional pain. I still have a ways to go, but I am getting there.