Lost my nerve.

[Kara in CT]

After a long period of not dressing, I have found that I have lost my nerve when it comes to venturing into the public. Only last year, I did not have any problem going shopping or to the casino. I had a few pleasant interactions with SA's that really boosted my confidence. But now, I can barely muster the courage to get out of my car. The debacle at the casino in Delaware last week didn't help either.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you overcome it? I hate being trapped in the hotel!

[reb.femme]

Been suffering with this myself lately. Been to my local Trans Group meetings but feeling extremely vulnerable, if that is the right word? I can't quite put my finger on the exact reason so I think I am going to have to push the envelope again by getting my sorry butt out and about away from my regular meets. One of the girls there has offered going to a wine bar, better me thinks than the average pub, in an effort to spread my wings. I have also pulled back from dressing in front of my wife, so asked if it was OK to spend all day tomorrow femme, which is agreed upon. So hoping this is my first step to self-healing my confidence level?

Looking as you do Kara, I think you are depriving the world of an incredible sight. That's an amazing look you have. I'm trying to lose some weight as an extra confidence booster, (long term steroid user fatty face and belly syndrome) about 20 or so pounds would be a step in the right direction for this Michelin-man style body .

Rebecca

[Kate Simmons]

Well, I don't know Kara. Seems like you are a lovely enough gal. Just give it time Hon, you will be okay. :battingeyelashes::)

[Dawn cd]

First, try simple things: a drive in your car, a movie, a walk in a crowded place but without interaction. Second, try daytimes (they're less scary than nights) with you en femme but casual in jeans, flats, a simple top (& maybe shades). Be comfortable with this before you go any farther. Third, stay away from pickup bars and casinos.

[Suzanne F]

You are lovely! For me I just can't imagine going back to being totally in the closet. I love being Suzanne out in the world. If you have that desire don't let other people rob that from you. I am not saying to disregard our families or SOs wishes. We must consider their feelings. But I am not going to let the general public stop me!
Suzanne

[Jamie Christopher]

Kara:

You are way too good looking to stay bottled up in a hotel room, IMHO......

Jamie

[nethiker55]

How about this gorgeous if you were here I would ask if I could buy you a drink and see where things went or didn't go.

[Alice Torn]

I could surely understand not going out, that pretty! It might be very uncomfortable keeping interested blokes away! You look better than most gg.s, and you may have uninvited attention.

[Lady Mandy]

I agree with Jamie!

You are VERY attractive & will have NO problem passing! Although I don't really have experience with this myself, I feel that when the time is truly right - it will FEEL right & happen for you!

Best of luck Hon

Hugs, Mandy.

[Tracii G]

Walk out of your room and walk down to the lobby and get some travel brochures anything just get out.
If they have a bar/restaurant go there.

[Leah Lynn]

If you know another girl, get her to go out with you. It's much easier with someone there for moral support.

Hopefully it's just a little case of the jitters.

Hugs,
Leah

[stacycoral]

Miss Kara, girl you look great, I hope you can get to go out soon, I know it is so fun being out as a lady, and everyone would think that is what you are for sure, but please be careful sister, hugs.

[Barbara Maria]

I haven't even worked up the nerve to go out yet,but if I looked like you,I'd go everywhere.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kara,

You are absolutely stunning. I think once you get back out there you will be fine.

Hugs

Isha

[suchacutie]

Kara, your presentation is terrific, so instead of being stopped by generalities maybe it might be better to focus on one thing that you think might not be working in your mind. Working through that issue might provide a renewed confidence. It's all mental once we can look as good as you do.

I went back to read your previous thread any it may just be that presenting as successfully as you do it might mean that thinking more as a single woman is all you need. It might be time to take a cab door to door or head out with friends. It's sometimes hard being an attractive woman.

[Beverley Sims]

You can lose your nerve, I think it is getting out of practice that does it.
Just jump on your bike and go out again for a short walk, the habit will soon return along with that confidence.

[Chiana]

I have only very, very limited experiece out in the real world. But I think if I looked as good as you do, I would have been much more willing and confident to venture out.

[PaulaQ]

Kara, as everyone else has said, you look amazing!

Passing is a lot like being Wile E. Coyote - you know how he can go trucking off the edge of a cliff, going quite a ways out on thin air? Then he looks down and only then he falls.

Don't look down! When you walk in someplace feel like you own the place - you'll be fine. It gets easier with practice.

[chelyann]

if you were on the west coast you and i would be out haveing dinner
you are very young lady looking

[AllieSF]

I wouldn't worry about it at all. Sometimes we need to just be a little more patient and wait for the proper moment and opportunity to arrive. You can push yourself a little, but if you end up with a bad experience you may wait even longer before you try to go out again. Go at your own speed and you will know when you are ready. Good luck.

[NathalieX66]

Kara, your pic look great to me, no problem there.
98% of the problem is in your head.

Self acceptance is the main hurdle. I managed to fly from Baltimore to Atlanta dressed as female (wearing a dress, no less), and everyone, including the TSA, was very accepting and nice. Now I'm hooked.
Restaurants will generally treat you quite nicely.

[mbmeen12]

I sent you a PM if like to meet and us go to a friendly bar, i.e. wingman:)

[kimdl93]

Of all people, you should have no fear of going out...but I understand that it's there holding you back. So analyze your fears....what do you think is holding you back?

I used living out of a motel as a coming out opportunity. One evening I just walked into the lobby en femme, after already getting well acquainted with the staff in male mode. They took it in stride and I soon felt quite at home in and around the hotel dressed. You might also try some differ percent venues. Nicer restaurants, maybe some theatre. And depending on where you are, check for TG groups or friends.

Also, try some daylight excursions if your schedule permits. I think it's safer and it's easier to blend. With a crowd!

[Jocee]

I've gone though that from time to time as well, especially when my dressing is less frequent.

What I do is try to find an "event" where there lots of girls out and about. That helps re-establish the confidence for me.....

Joanna

[JenniferR771]

Its easy. Get dressed. Decide which girly accessory would complete your outfit. Keep thinking about all the good sales you are missing. Then go shopping. When the time is right, you will know.

[Rileyaz]

Seriously?! You're beautiful! I wish I could look that good. Go OUT!

[linda allen]

It's like anything else that scares you. Make up your mind, walk yourself through it in your mind a few times, and then just do it.

Unlike many of us, you have done this before so there's no reason to be afraid. Since you're in a hotel and presumably away from anyone who you might not want to know about your dressing, it's simply a matter of opening the door and walking out. Don't forget your key!

[Jenniferathome]

Easiest fix is to go out with a friend or you SO. Takes the pressure off.

[Kara in CT]

Thanks to everyone for the great advice! As Nike says, "Just do it!"

[PaulaQ]

Btw what do you feel afraid of? I meant to ask that before. It's ok to feel nervous, or even lose your nerve. Happens to a lot of us.

[vallerie lacy]

Kara if I looked like you, i'd never be home. you're gorgeous

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Kara,
First, you look very nice in your outfit. It is just a period of time that you will need to regain the confidence to be in a public place again. When a frightening event happens, it is natural to retreat to a safe place to regain that confidence again.Your decision to post your feelings on here is a step in the right direction. It allows fellow crossdressers the ability to help boost your confidence with adivice and just moral support.

I hope that you will go back to dressing in public and just enjoy yourself. It is too bad that people have to harass others that wish to express themselves with no intention of bothering others.

I wish you all of the best,

Rebecca