Identity Issue

[JuliaC]

Well I know I am a crossdresser because I definetly don't want to transition because I love being a guy. What sucks is I am ashamed of crossdressing. I also can't decide whether im bi or not. I know I find girls attractive and don't really find guys attractive. But I really want to be with a guy and be treated like a girl....this is giving me so much stress!

[reb.femme]

Not Bi myself so can't answer this with authority, but I think the general term for your thoughts is called bi-curious? I'd like to be treated like a girl by whoever when I'm dressed, but personally have no desire for a man. Definitely a case of each to his own.

I suppose the next question is, 'do you have a partner at present'? Your next steps could impinge on this relationship. Otherwise, you're free to do as you please.

Rebecca

[Alice Torn]

I can sure relate. Exactly!

[ReineD]

You should try it and see if it fits. If you enjoy the experience of being with a guy and you feel that there is potential for an emotional as well as a sexual relationship, then you'd be bi (providing you are equally attracted to women). There's nothing wrong with that.

If it's just about using a guy (like a prop) to make you feel more like a girl, then this isn't so much an attraction to him as it is an attraction to being treated sexually as a woman. In other words, you are attracted more to the idea of being an enticing, sexy female.

[Karren H]

Why stress over putting a label on yourself..... You are who you are and you like what you like.... and tastes change over time..... Personally.... let others label me if they want.... I'm not going to label myself....

[Kate Simmons]

There is nothing more mportant than being true to yourself Hon. As Reine said, maybe give it a try being with a guy. Then you will know for sure if it's for you or not. Nothing ventured, nothing gained my friend.:)

[Beverley Sims]

Julia,
I think you have the feelings of a young crossdresser just starting out.
They are not abnormal feelings.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Maybe you are hetero, but want a role reversal relationship with a GG where you are the "passive" partner in the relationship? (not necessarily in the sexual sense, you know what I mean.)

[kimdl93]

That last part seems to be utter fantasy. "to be treated like girl..." its a bit of a romanticized notion, when you think about it. Women are treated courteously...sometimes. And they are often treated very poorly, very disrespectfully by the males closest in their lives. If what you want is someone to provide you with that idyllic, fanciful version of relationships, you're hardly bi. Being Bi means you want sex with males and with females...perhaps not equally. Got nothing to do with that la di da nonsense.

[Marleena]

Julia get ready to hear opinions on whether you're gay, straight or bi.lol.

Like Reine said you'll need to figure it out for yourself and it really doesn't matter to most of us because MTF's are a minority anyways...

[Tracii G]

Just because you dress doesn't have anything to do with your sexual preference.Most people think it does but thats not the case.
I have been with both sexes and it can be very good either way.The main thing is for me if sex is involved I have to be in love with the person.
Perhaps you could date a man while enfemme and see how you feel about it.

[Lorileah]

You are thinking....stop it!

And I like Reine's remark, you can't say you don't like it if you don't try it (this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA and is not intended to treat cure or suggest thou do something you may regret later)

[Rachelakld]

Will it kill you to try it, if not, then maybe you should try it, learn and experience.

[Chickhe]

First part is to convince yourself that you are normal and Cding is just a fun thing to do. Then go spend some time out in the real world and some of your fantasies might cure themselves...

[MissJoanne]

Julia,

I've been dressing on and off for 43 years, but it's reached a new level since the start of this year. Occasionally, I experience moments of self doubt.......even self-loathing as I transform. Many of us do. We get through it.

On the sexuality aspect: the vast majority of us have no desire either to engage in sexual relations with men or to undergo reassignment. Some do. It's down to what works for you.

[Stephanie47]

I think before you jump into the sack with a guy to explore your sexuality, you need to come to terms with your cross dressing. If you are ashamed of cross dressing you may want to resolve that issue first. It has been said by many psychologists that a man does not mature until age 23-24. Younger men are prone to more reckless behavior than older men.

Sometimes a fantasy should remain a fantasy. If you're attracted to women and not men, but, yet want to be treated as a woman, does that make you a gay cross dresser? A bisexual cross dresser? Do you want a physical relationship with a woman when acting as a cross dresser? Are you trying to validate who you are?

Some of the encouragement I've read above is not appropriate. Are you ready and able to handle any of the negative outcomes that may occur?

[ReineD]

Not Bi myself so can't answer this with authority, but I think the general term for your thoughts is called bi-curious?

I think that the term "bi-curious" is synonymous with "I'm having so much fun fantasizing that I think I'll keep it that way rather than go out and try it and potentially determine that men really do turn me off ... which would ruin the fantasy for the future".

Seriously, if someone is curious about something, why don't they just try it to see if it fits or not, and then be done wondering? :)

Stephanie47, in the post above mine you write: "Sometimes a fantasy should remain a fantasy. If you're attracted to women and not men, but, yet want to be treated as a woman, does that make you a gay cross dresser? A bisexual cross dresser?"

No, if they aren't attracted to men but want to "be treated as a woman", it doesn't make them gay or bi. But, it's worth determining whether they are attracted to men or not, to clarify things when they do eventually get in a relationship with a GG. What GG wants to be in a relationship with someone who is secretly pining away for a sexual situation that is not about to happen, and where sexual energy is taken away from the sexual relationship with the GG?

Also, from a personal growth point of view, if a crossdresser is in fact autogynephilic (sexually attracted to the idea that he is an enticing woman), then it really is a good idea to not cloud this with a belief that "maybe" he is attracted to men. This only serves to make things complicated when he is in a relationship with a GG.

If he plans on staying single all his life though, then he can have at it! :)

[Stephanie47]

The kid is 19 years old. He does not need encouragement to engage in activity that he may not be ready to handle. He says "but I really want to be with a guy and treated like a girl" Unless I am totally dense or not up to date in my book that means sex, and, not going out for a cup of coffee and having someone pull my chair out when I do to sit down.

[Marie-Elise]

Why stress over putting a label on yourself..... You are who you are and you like what you like.... and tastes change over time..... Personally.... let others label me if they want.... I'm not going to label myself....

Exactly. Who cares? Try it. If you like it, great. If not, don't do it again.

[ReineD]

Stephanie, a lot of people experiment with sex, especially while young. There's nothing wrong with that. There's a trend among college girls with lesbian experimentation too. No doubt they'll eventually graduate, settle down with a guy, have a family, and never think twice about it again. :)

[Taylor Ray]

Hey Julia, I can totally relate to your post. I went through a period of shame that I eventually was able to let go of. In terms of finding guys attractive, for me it isn't visual like it is with women. But once I let my shame go I was able to embrace my attraction to males. And wanting to be treated like a woman, either socially or "behind closed doors", is something to cherish.

Good luck on your journey!

[rhonda]

Hi Julia Women dress to attract men (most) we cders must be careful we're more likely to attract men so be careful

[Brooklyn]

Whatever you do, stop being ashamed of the way you are! No-one finds that attractive, guys or girls.

[Tracii G]

Whatever you do, stop being ashamed of the way you are! No-one finds that attractive, guys or girls.

I agree Ashley. Be open about yourself and people will sense your honesty and find that attractive.

[kellibra]

i tink reined said it best (as is often the case), it is about treated sexually as a woman.

[GenderCurious Andrea]

Your feelings aren't unfounded you feel the way you do because your body is telling you what you want and to another extent what it needs. You are on the right track by listening to what your body, mind and heart are telling you. Some times they don't always agree, there is no easyway to mediate between then either. I wish I had a answer for you but the only right answer lies in your heart. Maybe finding the right person is the key but limiting your self to one sex will only make finding that person hard if not impossible. I wish you the best of luck and if it helps I think there are a lot of us including myself that are trying to find our selve in this wide world of uncertainties.

[NathalieX66]

Well, I like me.
It took a long time to get there, but here I am. The shame & guilt years are long gone. Yeah, I wear dresses, so what? Life is good.