Im guessing im transgender

[AprilCross]

I thought I was crossdresser for a long time but I think it's more then that. I do have boy tendencies but personality, the way I view things and just when I look at myself in the mirror I don't feel like a boy. I feel like a woman. I dress like a woman and get all dolled up because I feel like this is who I am. The only thing that is not women about me is that I'm not attracted to men. So it's kinda hard to figure out what I am. What do you think?

[ReineD]

Sexual attraction has nothing to do with gender identity for most people in the LGBTQ community. There are homosexual men who are attracted to other men and who identify as men. The reverse is true for lesbian women.

So, you're attracted to women. That's fine!

Independently, you are struggling with your gender identity. There are three major groups:

1. Crossdressers who identify as men.
2. Gender Non-Conformists who are gender fluid, fluctuating between a male and female gender identity.
3. Transsexuals who do solidly identify as women and whose Gender Dysphoria is so severe that they cannot bear living as a male, or having the body of a male.

If you're not sure where you sit, just enjoy going with your gut and expressing the way that you feel like expressing. Go out and interact with people as April, and when you've had your fill, revert to guy mode and enjoy that too. In time, things are bound to get clearer for you ... but first you need to go out, experiment, and live it.

[Brooklyn]

I say don't over-think things and just roll with how you feel each day. In time, you will know, like Reine says.

[rhonda]

Hi April why not just play both sides and find which side you like best , nothing ventured nothing gained it might just be fun

[Marleena]

I don't want to talk about that TG word anymore.lol. I agree with the others, just go with the flow. If you feel it's getting unbearable seek out a gender therapist to find your answers.

[Beverley Sims]

April,
Reine has explained it well.
Her last paragraph is what I would live for until you find that feelings are greater and you have a change in direction as far as interests go.
At the moment your mind is sending out mixed signals anyway.

[Tracii G]

Seems the younger crowd here is caught up in the whole I'm TG/Bigender I'm soo messed up craze that seems quite popular right now.
Some are really so messed up and confused they can't deal with not having a label.
April dress the way that makes you feel the best and don't worry about the rest. You need more time to let things progress at their own pace, lordy girl there no need to rush things.
Be happy being both.

[Lucy_Bella]

Seems the younger crowd here is caught up in the whole I'm TG/Bigender I'm soo messed up craze that seems quite popular right now.
Some are really so messed up and confused they can't deal with not having a label.. Maybe it's the way I read it...But to call people messed up because they want to know where they fit into a spectrum ? It must be nice to have the experience ,confidence and security to judge others ..Most need to crawl before we can walk lets not forget that :) ..


April dress the way that makes you feel the best and don't worry about the rest. You need more time to let things progress at their own pace, lordy girl there no need to rush things.
Be happy being both. You are correct there is time and the O.P. should take her time because if she is miss guided her path could lead to self destruction.. Labels are important and they do give some sort of direction as to how far you should go..Don't make hasty decisions from being pressured rather it may be your self or others.. Remember you can not change anything you do,like having same sex sex or outing your desires to be a female..

[AprilCross]

It's not the fact im stuck in labels but having a label of what I am would guide me a bit better in the next direction. I do feel transgendered and reined post out me in a way better direction now that I have read it. And don't judge me I just feel like crossdressers are more stuck on the fantasy of being a woman which is different for me because I do truely feel like a woman. Please dont take my opinion offensive I'm not completely educated on the terms. I think I'm just coming to the conclusion that im transgender and just go from there

[julietalyse]

AprilCross,

I agree almost 100% with ReineD. With our drives that make us want to be feminine, and then our experience of being a man seem to make us unsure of ourselves sometimes make us feel guilty of our actions. Personally I have quit assaulting myself for my gender identity feelings. Now I go with the flow, I accept my wanting to sometimes to be in female mode, and my opinion of myself is now positive. It appears to be a permanent part me so I relax and enjoy it. As tonight, I spent today doing my daytime work, said good night to my fellow workers, and returned to my nest. Showered, laid out my clothes for the evening, got out the make up, and finally here I am all girl for the evening. What a beautiful feeling.

JulietAlyse

[Sarahwithanh11]

Hey I'm in pretty much the same place here.

I always thought I just liked the clothes. I'd do that a while, then purge, then start again. Then as time went on I wanted to dress more and more, and it wasn't so much a turn-on as it had been when I was in my 20s as just comfortable. Then, with the encouragement of the ladies on this site, I started dressing more, using makeup and even going out as Jessica.

At this point I only want to stay dressed for a few days at a time, but I really miss it if more than a week or so goes by without it. So I guess I'm in category 2 above, which is actually pretty cool. The best of both worlds!

So I'd say just see how you feel and go with that, and don't get in too much of a hurry to figure it all out. Life is a journey, so enjoy the ride.

[ReineD]

It's not the fact im stuck in labels but having a label of what I am would guide me a bit better in the next direction. I do feel transgendered and reined post out me in a way better direction now that I have read it.

A lot of people here recoil from labels, because there is not one that fits them perfectly to a T ... which is not surprising given there are only a few words to describe vastly different motives and feelings about presenting as a woman.

It's really OK if you are experimenting and searching for your own definition of who you are. Don't pay any attention to the "No Labels" people. :p

Keep in mind though, that even using the term "Transgender" is confusing. To some people it means being transsexual ... certainly, the media uses "transgender" that way because it sounds nicer in the news if they want to take the word "sexual" out of the action of transitioning. To other people, "transgender" means being somewhere in between CD and Transsexual. While to the majority of GLBTQ organizations, "transgender" is an umbrella term that covers everyone who is not gender normative (which for a MtF is a birth male, who identifies as a man, who lives as a man, who presents as a man, and who is hetero).

Since the term "transgender" covers so many different conditions and too many different types of people use it for themselves, I subscribe to the Umbrella meaning and prefer to use "gender fluid" or "gender nonconforming" for someone who does not identify either fully male (like the crossdressers) or fully female (like the transsexuals).

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I have to add that I am sort-of gender neutral. Let me explain the best I can. I know it's nice to put on a nice dress or outfit and feel very feminine wearing a wig and makeup. But as I look around at mainstream women, they seem to be as gender neutral as me. They wear jeans and T-shirts like me and their hair is as short as mine in many cases. I wonder if any even own a few dresses for special occasions. I doubt they sit around or do the dishes all dolled up. I know my wife doesn't use makeup. She is as I describe above. Yes, she can wear some feminine tops with her jeans, and I do the same at home. Doing that is my comfort with my gender---to feel more feminine. Getting down to the basics of everyday life, comfort is key. While some women dress to express their feminity or attractiveness, so do many men with jackets and ties. Gender identity is in the mind, and depending upon the degree of need to express it, it is how we dress. In the real world, men and women dress to feel comfortable for everyday life. Hope I made sense.

Cheryl

[docrobbysherry]

Labels r important only when u wish to describe yourself to someone else. Other wise, u r who u r.

Besides, life is NOT about who or what u r. It should be about your journey of discovery and enjoyment! If u have most of it figured out be the time u pass, good for u! But, that won't seem important then. Only your regrets for not doing the things u wanted to but didn't, mite. My goal is to do it all while I'm still able to.

[Tracii G]

Lucy I'm just relaying the way some young TG's feel. They DO feel messed up and I agree with them.
I have spoken to a lot of young CD/TG youth both on line and face to face, they are really confused and tell me in their own words they are messed up.
They feel a wide range of emotions and are striving to find a label or a place in the spectrum to where they fit in.That is very hard as we all know.
Kids and young adults have grown up in a society of instant info and have a hard time dealing with it when they can't find the proper pigeon hole to climb in.
I do my best to tell them take time to understand who you are first and get comfy in your own skin.Don't follow everyone else and to follow your own path and just be yourself.
Depression and peer pressure among teens and young adults today are staggering and that makes me very sad.
I feel for each and every one of them I truly do.
I don't pass judgement on anyone no matter who they are and try to help them when they ask for help in understanding what is going on with them.
I have several young TG/CD's that call me frequently just to talk and find some guidance. They tell me its nice having an adult to talk to that doesn't judge them and is a TG person as well.

[Tina_gm]

Since the term "transgender" covers so many different conditions and too many different types of people use it for themselves, I subscribe to the Umbrella meaning and prefer to use "gender fluid" or "gender nonconforming" for someone who does not identify either fully male (like the crossdressers) or fully female (like the transsexuals).Transgender was described to me by a gender therapist much the way you are describing it. It is an umbrella term for any who engages in actions, thoughts or feelings that are nonconforming to a person's birth gender. I am ok with this, and can say I am transgendered. Gender fluid also works well for me. I do conform to my birth gender in many ways as well, so I do not know if non conforming one would work for me.

I really do not get to bent about labels, and really do not care if someone wishes not to consider themselves TG or anything else. I crossdress because I have a much higher degree of femininity than does the "average" male and crossdressing allows me to physically connect to my femininity. That femininity would put me (according to the GT) in the category of being transgendered.

For nearly 30 years I suppressed and denied my femininity. with only a handful of occasions and those occasions being of a very short duration did I crossdress. When I decided to allow myself the comfort of crossdressing and began accepting myself for all of who I am, that did not change anything about me. I didn't start becoming TG, I always was. I simply started acting on what I had always felt and desired deep down, no matter how hard I tried to suppress it, deny it and overcompensate for it.

[NicoleScott]

Reine has explained it well.

I agree, and as I was reading all the posts in order, I decided to post a comment that Reine explained it well without using the term "transgender[ed]".
But then, she posted again and explained it even better, and why using the word doesn't explain much, preferring "gender non-conforming" for those who see themselves as "more than CD, less than TS".
To the OP: yes, you are TG. Probably not CD, probably GN, maybe TS, given the limited information. I am an occasional pleasure dresser, and identify as a male, even when en femme, but since I endeavor to present as a woman, if only to the mirror at times, I too am transgendered. It's a big umbrella.

[Frédérique]

Besides, life is NOT about who or what u r. It should be about your journey of discovery and enjoyment! If u have most of it figured out be the time u pass, good for u! But, that won't seem important then. Only your regrets for not doing the things u wanted to but didn't, mite. My goal is to do it all while I'm still able to.

AMEN to that!!! :clap:

[Marcelle]

Hi April,

I can only echo what a lot of the other gals are saying . . . this is a road of discovery for you, take your time, look around. Advice given by Reine and others is perfect, spend time as April then spend time as you. Which one suits you better?

I'll be the first to admit that I am not a label fan as it seems to start a whole debate society on this forum. However, I also understand why it is nice to have something as a start point (I was looking for that as well when I first came here). However, IMHO while a label can be nice as a start point, don't just latch on to it and say "this is what I am" because that is what a group of people say I am. You should do some self-discovery (perhaps talk to a therapist who specializes in gender identity) and explore what makes you feel good/whole.

As I move forward I find that I am as Reine described "Gender Fluid" living both sides of my person (masculine and feminine) at different times. They don't cross they have their own clothing, expressions and gestures.

Hugs

Isha