Am I a Crossdresser?

[Rakita]

For most of my life, I've been surrounded by woman. First six or seven years of my life, I lived in a house with my mother, Aunt, and Grandmother. The most consistent male I saw at the time was my grandfather and great grandfather. Yet that decreased once we moved and men always came and went. My step-father stayed for a while, but left us in the end. So outside of teachers, I had no real guy to teach me how to be a 'man'.

In school wasn't any different. I usually interacted with girls (a few I still keep in contact with), kept my distance from the guys. Or at least tried. I wasn't bullied, but it always felt awkard around them. Felt like I didn't belong. When it came for gym, because I wasn't as aggressive as the other guys (we also had an odd number of girls) so I usually ended up paired with the girls.

At a young age, I was always wanted to be a girl. Like I said, I grew up always surrounded by woman. Even in high school, most of classes I had there were more girls than guys. Something felt so appealing about it. That there were less expectations for them than it was for me. Girls could have emotions, cry when they wanted, could many other things. A long time ago, I realized (or theorized) that guys couldn't have emotions, that attachments are sign of weakness. So I shoved my feelings away, only emotion that ever showed was laughter and rage.

During a spirit week, there was a Powderpuff Day, you know time where footballs would dress as cheerleaders and the cheerleaders would play football. I immediately wanted to join in. I ran over to my local thift store and picked up a dress that I liked. A friend let me borrow a wig from her, my mom had wigs but won't let them use one, and I was set. Looked like a hot mess by the way. My mom even forbid me from doing it. She didn't think that any guy would do, but was proven wrong.

I still did it and through out that day, I felt whole. Like I had discovered who I was supposed to be. So whenever she wasn't home, I would wear the dress around the house. Sometime near graduation, I went and brought two more dresses, both something that an old lady would wear. Hey, I never truly had paid fashion any attention.

Come college, I had wondered how the other half lived so I decided that I would dress as a girl for a week to see it for myself. Of course, like an idiot, the most I did was get a bra and wig. After walking around campus as a test run, it was completely clear that I wasn't convincing. So I stopped. I contacted a few friends and they helped me with pick out clothes.

Ever since, even though I have two dresses, two shirts, two pairs of jeans, a wig, a pair of sneakers, and a pair of flats, I've been walking campus dressed as a girl. Some have noticed, or just assumed I was an ugly girl. I could live with that. But, it felt right and at the same time felt wrong. Everytime I look into a mirror, I can't tell if I'm looking the real me or not...

[Beverley Sims]

Rakita,
When walking campus as a girl it is better to present well.
There is a lot of advice and tips you can pick up here.
Look around ask questions and read what others do.

[rhonda]

Rakita We all here started somehow ,enjoy it ,we all do

[Stevie]

I understand what you are saying. If you like to dress then yes. Being raised like you said means you really never had a male figure to show you the differences. So your natural instincts changed over time. Nothing wrong with that..

[TheMissus]

I have no clue if you're a crossdresser, transexual or just plain confused but I will say, as a GG, that life isn't easier for women! This idea is utter nonsense and drives me mad every time I hear it. If you're dressing to avoid the apparent hardship of being male I'd consider therapy. Women have it equally hard if not harder, trust me!

But if you enjoy it, identify with it or whatever, then what harm are you doing? :)

[Emogene]

Are you a cross dresser? I personally go in for the duck test. If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, flies like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck; it is most probably a duck!

Study up, what criteria must a person have to commonly be accepted as a cross dresser? If you meet the standard criteria . . . .

Your call!

[stephygirl]

hey hun,

i am of similar age to you i just graduated from university. Going out dressed is a ton of emotions, am I passable? is this right? oh dear, someones looking at me.

At first it does seem weird. If the question whether or not your a crossdresser or not... I think feminine things are more familiar so your more comfortable with fashion and dressing, so its appealing. any male who enjoys dressing as a women is a crossdresser. if you honestly feel like you are a women trapped in a man's body then you are transexual.

Are you happy as a man? Will you be more happy as a women? This sorta thing is something you should explore with a professional. Atleast for me, I am happier dressing as a women, and the normal social values in me says its wrong. Its a normal feeling for CDs to feel this way, because well, we are not living as a full time women, and being a cd is not socially accepted.

Its good you have friends that accept you for crossdressing.

[Rachel Morley]

Are you a crossdresser? ..Could be, you sure sound like you might be, maybe even a transsexual as it's not uncommon for TS's to come out as CD initially. I do think there is some sort of gender variance going on somewhere with you. I would say just go with it and see where it leads. I would advise you to join a TG support group as they will almost certainly be able to help hook you up with resources that will be able to get you where you want to go ... where's that? Only you will know.

Someone once told me that a transgendered person's journey is kinda like riding a train. There stops along the way where some people get off but some stay on and go onto the next stop or the one after that. Some folks stay on and go all the way to the end of the line. My point is, it's up to you to find what station you're most happiest at.

[jennyluvly]

I guess we all have our own stories of how we started & why we started. And it's a question that only yourself could have an answer to, maybe not right now but later. My 2 cents worth of advice is, to be comfortable with yourself in which gender you wish to express yourself in &, most definitely, enjoy the journey you're on.

[linda allen]

"Am I a Crossdresser?"

Well, if you wear clothing designed and sold for women and try to look and act like a woman while doing so, and if you do it for personal enjoyment, I would say yes, you are a crossdresser.

Like Emogene posted above, the duck test: If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, flies like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck; it is most probably a duck!

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

By reading your post I say transsexual more than cross dresser as sound like your feelings run deep so could be more than just wanting wear woman clothes. So i recommend getting advice from gender specialized to talk things over and i'm sure people on here will give you support i also offer support & advice if i can.

[Rakita]

Thanks for comments. I know where I stand now.