So... do you really think you're fooling everyone?

[Marleena]

This is for all MTF's including TS members no matter what you label yourself as.

We learn early on to hide our gender non conformity because we know much of the general population are not all that accepting yet. So we try and hide it from everybody and/or overcompensate so people won't catch on. Even if you're out to everybody now I'm sure you've tried to hide your gender "issues" at some point.

So do you think you fooled everybody so far? How did you hide "it" or overcompensate?

GG's did you notice something "different" about your SO before they came out to you? What were your first thoughts and questions when told?

[Suzanne F]

Yes I fooled many people and even myself. I think my female friends always knew something was a little different. Now that I am out to my wife and several other people the over compensating has been reduced. Suzanne is coming out more and more. My wife pointed this out last night and I had no idea that I had been femenine in any way. I hope to just be me!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Melissa73]

yes fooled many people. when people at work found me out, they admitted they never thought i was into cding. And then, my soon to be ex wife, also never saw this coming! i withheld it from her b4 we married, and 1 month before we separated, i confessed to her. she too even though she would say i was like a woman... she honestly never thought of me as cding... just emotional person

[PaulaQ]

I pretty much fooled everybody. Especially myself. When I finally admitted this to myself, I was sure that I hadn't fooled anyone, and that everyone must've seen through my mask. Nope. Everyone I've come out to has been shocked, even people who've known me >30 years. My wife had not a clue.

In my introductory thread to the forum, I said that I was a liar. I had no idea how true that really was at the time...

[Sandra]

Marleena I had no idea, all though after Nigella told me things clicked into place, there was hints but I was that naive I just didn't catch on, this of course was when she was presenting as a cder. The first time I saw her dressed was the same night she told me, my reaction was well I laughed then I cried. We sat and talked and yes I came up with the usual questions, was she gay, was I not enough for her, why did she like to do this.

Now as for what progressed, I had an idea that there was more to her than what she was letting on and had an idea long before she accepted herself as TS. Not going to go into any more detail as you are aslking about MtF's and this may take your thread of topic :D

[Marleena]

Now as for what progressed, I had an idea that there was more to her than what she was letting on and had an idea long before she accepted herself as TS. Not going to go into any more detail as you are aslking about MtF's and this may take your thread of topic :D

Sandra I'm trying to include the TS members too. It is on topic and thanks.:)

[robindee36]

Not fooling everyone. Even with a stellar makeup job I retain certain masculine features. Guess it would take HRT, FFS and a whole lot of other alphabet treatments to fool everybody. But then, my goal is not to fool them only to enjoy my explorations of femininity. Just being the best Tgirl I can (and as cute as possible ;)

In drab, I doubt anyone suspects my feminine nature. But that is my perspective from here in the closet.

Hugs, Robin

[nethiker55]

Most people yes everybody no. In drab am very male. I tend to be dominant, gruff. I work with computers and electronics. I work on cars and machinery. I ride a motorcycle and am not at all emotional.
My SO is aware of my penchant for panties and skirts as I wear silk bikinis made for men and sometimes wear a kilt

[Marleena]

I'll reply and butt out to let this this thread take it's own course. Thanks in advance.:)

I thought I was good at fooling everybody but looking back I was kinda obvious. My own mom hinted that I might be gay. My younger sister found a pair of panties in my room and I just played dumb on how they got there.:heehee:

As I got older I had problems with the girls, I was super shy and scared of sex, now I know why. So they probably thought I was gay.

Then I joined gangs to prove I was macho even though the older guys protected me. I use to worry if I wiggled when I walked or swung my arms too much.lol.

So yeah, always overcompensating or trying harder to prove I was a guy if people got suspicious. I think everybody was catching on that I was "different". It's still ongoing as I asked my wife last year if she thought I was "different" when she met me and the answer was yes but she couldn't put her finger on it.:doh:

[Michelle789]

I'm confused as to whether I've fooled anyone or not. People have dropped hints all my life suggesting I'm a girl, gay, or crossdresser. I have been called all three by friends, acquaintances, and co-workers. So I think people suspect something.

On the other hand, there are a few people who always thought of me as a man's man. My parents wondered if i was gay when I was younger, but today seem convinced I'm a typical stoical guy. In recent months, people view me more increasingly as a guy (they could be completely in denial though), and drop more hints of me being a man's man than anything (which I really resent).

It's even harder to tell because "with every joke there's a bit of truth" but at the same time people just say so much nonsense there's no way of telling for sure...people can be very sarcastic and facetious. I actually feel like if I were to come out to anyone, whether they're shocked I'm a CD or expected it, might literally depend on their mood or what phase the moon is in.

Edit: People's reactions are rarely, if ever, what you expect them to be. I find if I expect a certain reaction, I might get something completely different, and it might be the opposite of what I expected, or something in the middle.

Edit: I think sometimes it isn't the physical signs of a CD or TS, but rather some behavior or attitude cues, or even just a feeling. We all give off vibes and sometimes, something of our feminine nature can shine through.

Edit: I also had a tough time dating girls and getting past the "friend zone". I have lots of female friends though, about half of my inner circle of friends are male and half are female, interestingly enough.

:eek: :D

[ReineD]

I didn't notice anything different about my SO, even though s/he has long hair. Long hair tied at the nape was popular when I was a teenager and I still do not think it is odd for creative sorts to wear it that way.

At the time, my SO did not have any other feminine gender cues like eyebrow thinning and shaping, arm hair clipping, leg shaving, fingernail growing and shaping, or pierced ears. Any combination of these subtle clues can add up to the point where an onlooker notices there is something different about this person. He will simply not look like the average male who does none of those things. Now that I know the signs, I'm pretty sure I can spot CDers in male mode when I see them. Prior to this I would have taken it they were either gay and/or Drag Queens out of costume.

As for mannerisms such as the feminine way that some genetic males walk, sit, cross legs, etc, I know a man like this who is not a CD or trans in any way. Nor is he gay, although I thought he was when I first met him. So likely the opinions would be divided although I think that most strangers would suspect homosexuality since transpersons are simply not as visible in our society.

[Beverley Sims]

I was considered to be faultless for a time in my early 20s.
I was like a lot of the younger ones who present here.
As a male I was a slightly built blue eyed blonde boy, almost effeminate looking.
As a girl I was a blonde bombshell. I really was proud of myself and could strut my stuff then.
Gone to the pack now.

[Stephanie47]

Based on who I am, spiritually and morally, I don't think anyone would suspect I was a cross dresser. I had the little boy crushes on a girl or two. I played all kind of street games and sports. I always wanted to dress as all the other boys.

Getting caught or someone suspecting something because the lingerie was out of place really does not count. Getting caught doing the deed is not really being suspected without any hints. Back in the 1950's and 1960's being gay was asking to being excommunicated from the human race. I do not ever recall seeing an effeminate male until the mid 1970's. I never saw a "butch" female, although I knew some women were lesbians because of the way they acted out, i.e. open displays of affection with another woman.

[Karren H]

My wife says I'm a chameleon ..... changing into what people think I'm supposed to be......

[Lady Mandy]

As best as I can tell, my friends & work acquaintances (when I was working & in a rather "manly" job), had no clue that I dressed. A few close friends (females) knew I liked female things because I was open about that with them. My parents might have a slight hunch, but don't know everything - they know I wear feminine jewelery & carry a purse with my stuff in it . . . The only time I had what I would even consider having a close call was one day years ago at work. I was doing something and was in a crouching & bent over position, & I'm POSITIVE that one of the guys I was working with got a GOOD shot of my panties - when it occurred to me that he was behind me & I knew my panties were showing, I turned around & he was smiling (that "knowing" smile). He didn't say anything to me, but I'm sure he told others that I was wearing them. . . Didn't really bother me though! :heehee:

[Marcelle]

I really do not know if I fooled anyone. I know I went to great lengths to gravitate to super macho activities and work - perhaps I was fooling myself? :idontknow:

My wife guessed something was wrong before I finally came out to her but she though I had some combat stress. When I came out to my younger sister just recently, she said she would not have guessed. The only other person who knows is a close friend (psychologist) whom I discussed gender identity with and she said she would not have guessed.

So, I think I may have been able to fool others, but I don't think I was fooling myself.

Hugs

Isha

[Dianne S]

I "fool" everybody by your measure. In my male mode, I don't think anyone has the slightest suspicion that I crossdress. Of the three people I've come out to so far who know me in male mode, every one of them has expressed great surprise upon finding out. Oh, and I don't do it by over-compensating. As a male, I'm not the slightest bit interested in sports or cars. I'm not particularly handy or good with mechanical things and I don't act macho. I just don't have feminine mannerisms or look feminine in any way when I'm in guy mode.

[Tina_gm]

I have and still do fool many I suppose.... But there are times where I have slipped and said or done something that has given away something. Perhaps not that anyone would think I am a cd'er, but that I have a bit of femininity about me.

[arbon]

At different times in my life maybe

When I was young one uncle used to always tease me by calling my suzy and I did not fit in with boys at all

Jr high and high school, into early 20's, lots of people thought I was gay. There were even a couple people that knew I sometimes wore womens cloths.

In adulthood I kept a very tight lid on it, and even though a lot of people thought there was something off about me I don't think anyone suspected I was TS. I did have one old girlfriend say "well that explains a few things" when she found out.

My mom suspected I was gay, my wife to. But being TS shocked them, and most everyone else I think

[Jenniferathome]

I didn't "fool" anyone. I am a dude. I love sports. Love physical activity. In every way, shape, and form, I'm a guy on the "more manly" end of the spectrum. No one would ever guess I am a cross dresser. Never. Not a hint of it and not because I "fool" people. I am what I am.

[heatherdress]

I don't care if I fool anyone. I dress for my own enjoyment. I don't try to guess if I fool anyone or not.

[Rileyaz]

The only time I had what I would even consider having a close call was one day years ago at work. I was doing something and was in a crouching & bent over position, & I'm POSITIVE that one of the guys I was working with got a GOOD shot of my panties - when it occurred to me that he was behind me & I knew my panties were showing, I turned around & he was smiling (that "knowing" smile). He didn't say anything to me, but I'm sure he told others that I was wearing them. . . Didn't really bother me though! :heehee:[/QUOTE]

I had one time where a guy asked if I was wearing panties. I smiled and said " ohhh yeah!"

[Marleena]

I didn't "fool" anyone. I am a dude. I love sports. Love physical activity. In every way, shape, and form, I'm a guy on the "more manly" end of the spectrum. No one would ever guess I am a cross dresser. Never. Not a hint of it and not because I "fool" people. I am what I am.

Sheesh I feel like you bit my head off there! Okay so you've never hid you were a Cder to anybody, even your mom? Yes I agree you're a man but you look pretty feminine there. Do you feel insulted by the question? It's about hiding the fact we're (MTF's) too..

[LilSissyStevie]

I don't think that trans(whatever) is on anybody's radar. That's only something that happens to other people on TV (no pun intended.) It's not the first thing that people think if you appear to them to be a little effeminate. So even though I would openly play with dolls with my sisters and would rather jump rope with them than play with the boys down the street, my mother just blamed it on not having any male influence around since my dad was always locked up somewhere. When my dad finally disappeared for good, my mom would hook up with these ultra-masculine dudes in hopes that they would be a positive manly influence on me. I despised them. So the "gay" cloud has always followed me around. A psychiatrist once told me flat out that I was a "latent homosexual." I'm still latent 40+ years later. Maybe he was just trying to hit on me. LOL! My first wife's favorite epithet for me was "faggot" and she had no idea that I ever CDed. I personally don't see what they see. I see myself as hopelessly masculine. I just don't feel that way.

[Tamara Croft]

Sheesh I feel like you bit my head off there! HE did... full blooded male that one :rolleyes:

My fella, you would never know in a million years when I first met him. Very short army cut hair, muscular etc... so yeah, that one came as a shock when he told me, but then again, little things did make more sense ;) His mum did think he was gay, never had a proper relationship until he met me... People at his office make funny suggestions about things and they always say, not our 'namehere', he's all man.... lol... they have no idea ;)

[Marleena]

I don't how the heck I insulted anybody with this thread Tamara and thanks for your reply. Ah well.

I'm not trying to insult anybody here.

[Tamara Croft]

You didn't insult anyone, people just are just like that... take no notice :hugs: testosterone overload at its' finest ;)

[NicoleScott]

Kind of sensitive there, Marleena. I rarely agree with Jennifer, but I saw no head-biting in her post. And I could have written what she wrote: I am a guy, like being a guy and doing guy things, and see no need to overcompensate or fool anyone. My activities and demeanor are genuinely my guy self. I just like to dress up occasionally. Not all of us have "gender issues".

[Jodie_Lynn]

My wife says I'm a chameleon ..... changing into what people think I'm supposed to be......


OMG! I had a conversation about the subject with my wife (for once, she actually listened), and I mentioned to her that I felt that I had been like a chameleon my whole life. Assuming the role of whatever it was people were expecting. Kind of refreshing to hear that from another person.

[kimdl93]

Good question. No, I did fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but not all of the people all of the time. (apologies to A Lincoln's ghost!) I did grow proficient in hiding (or denial) of interests and behaviors that betrayed my non-conformity. But it slipped through...i was too nurturing to a infant nephew when I was 8 years old...and my aunts just couldn't stop talking about how good I was with the baby. I wasn't sure what I was, but I was sure I'd outed myself that time. I did all the guy stuff...had a cowboy hat and leather fringed jacket, rode horses, took care of livestock and worked in the fields, played football, basketball and baseball. And later in life, I got crap for throwing like a girl and walking funny...or having a cute wiggle, according to my first wife. Even in the Army, a guy found out my real name was Kimberly and said, you would have made a pretty girl. I was mortified...hoped he was joking.

Not so many years ago, a GG friend and co-worker commented that "you're just like one of the girls" and gave me the nickname of Marta...I guess Kimberly wasn't femme enough. When I came out to her a few months back, she said, "You're still the same person you've always been - just with cuter outfits!"

[Ressie]

It's a good question and a fresh topic. But I don't think I was trying to fool anyone either even though I've never cared for sports very much. I've always been one of the guys for the most part and I doubt any of them detected that I wore bra and panties at home once in a while. As far as macho activity, I got into a few fights in school because I was rather small and got picked on. As a teen I always had a bigger guy as a best friend which might have unconsciously been for protection. I've worked factory and construction jobs and never felt like I was a sissy trying to fit into a man's world. But to this day I feel I can be myself more around women than I can around men.

[Vanessa5]

I don't know if I fooled anyone. I was always considered "different". Even to this day. I did like sports but mostly to watch. I tried in vain to not fight so I did get bullied all through jr and sr high. I also found that I could relate to GG more than males and found conversing with them easy. My wife has forbid me from talking to some GG but I just find them to be excellent conversationalists. And it isn't all about sports, cars, beer or how stupid/annoying/whatever else thier wives make them do.

[Marleena]

Kind of sensitive there, Marleena. I rarely agree with Jennifer, but I saw no head-biting in her post. And I could have written what she wrote: I am a guy, like being a guy and doing guy things, and see no need to overcompensate or fool anyone. My activities and demeanor are genuinely my guy self. I just like to dress up occasionally. Not all of us have "gender issues".

Maybe.. and I do apologize if I took it wrong. As for gender issues we all have them to some degree as technically we're doing things outside of the expected gender norms based on our anatomy. We are here on this forum because we all are "different". I tried to include everybody here. I definitely don't want to piss people off and expected it to be a harmless thread which it is and was (I hope). I find it hard to believe that anybody here at some point wasn't hiding the fact they are different or at least embarrassed by it. Now I'll disappear like I promised.:)

[Angela Campbell]

I was never very "manly" and I sometimes pushed things a bit with the clothes I wore and hair length, but no one really noticed anything like what I am. Yes I had tough times when dating because most girls very quickly decided I was more friend material than boyfriend material. I grew up smaller and weaker but most just thought I was a wuss. Everyone knew I liked girls and wondering if someone is TS or a cd is pretty much off the scope for most people, they never even think about that much less consider it a possibility.

I knew I was different on so many levels so I tended to be a bit antisocial I guess. My kids thought of me as a better mom than their real mom was, and I did all the domestic stuff around the home. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, checking homework, decorating, shopping, etc...and absolutely hated yard work, fixing cars or watching most sports. I do love football though.

So yeah everyone knew I was "different" but have been shocked to learn that I am TS.

[Krista1985]

OMG yes, fooled them all.

Growing up I played Soccer in the fall, Basketball in the winter and ran track in the spring as a kid and later for my high school teams. I also played league Hockey and baseball, just never for my school teams. I lifted weights, learned to use tools and defend myself. It was actually a ton of fun. But I was able to fool myself for a long while too so it wasn't really acting, just being natural.

Since I started dressing regularly but still privately, hiding it has gotten more difficult but I don't think anyone is 'on to me.'

[Lori B]

I over compensate when in drab,,,,,,,,but then it fluxes the other way enfemme and I over compensate the compensation,,,so I guess it balances out:brolleyes::facepalm:

[Jorja]

I really don't know if I fooled anyone. On the day I had enough not being me, I started dressing as a woman. I just didn't give a damn what others thought or said. I came and went like everyone else.

[Lori B]

"I just didn't give a damn what others thought or said.":^5::)

[Dianne S]

I don't think that trans(whatever) is on anybody's radar.

+1. That's about the last thing that comes to mind for most people.

[Babette]

I don't know if anyone was ever fooled. Maybe people are just too nice to ever say anything to my face. I never (totally) fooled my wife because she is a very intuitive person. When I confessed after many years of marriage, she admitted a feeling that something was a little "special" about me. Perhaps like some other SO's, she was confused at first because of her unfamiliarity with transgenderism. That happened years ago and it has yet caused a heated discussion. As I am proud to tell others, she is my personal fashion consultant is darn good at it! Here is the bottom line - I may be a "little special" but make no mistake, I am first and foremost, her main squeeze.

For all of these years, I never tried to overcompensate. On the other hand, I never tried to flaunt "it" to any extreme. I'm fairly comfortable with my position along the TG spectrum. So there is no reason for me to go overboard.

Babette

[Kelly Greene]

I know that I don't fit into the "man's man" mold, and I am told that my car, pocket knife, ect..... are girls things by a couple guys at work. I haven't advertised that I am tg and no one has accused me of being tg, but I am seen as some one who is different they just can't say define the way I am different.

[ArleneRaquel]

I don't try to fool nyone, including myself, I just live as I feel, which has been been enfemme for 24/7 for a number of years.

[suchacutie]

I was so successful in being a "guy" that it took us (my wife and me) 34 years to realized Tina existed. To date it's just the two of us who know, and no one else has a clue. If they were ever to find out about Tina there would be a few people in coronary distress!!

:)

[Ressie]

I find it hard to believe that anybody here at some point wasn't hiding the fact they are different or at least embarrassed by it. :)

Of course I've had those moments Marleena, and I have them more now that I've been buying more and dressing more in the last few years. If my brother or any of my guy friends walk into my bedroom and peak in my closet there won't be any way to explain it or lie about it. I'll be caught! So that thought is in the back of my mind all the time now. Plus my personality is probably getting more fem than it was during most of my life.

What about this scenario? You're with a small group of friends and someone brings up crossdressing and if one of them looks closely at your face, they'll know they struck a chord! At this point do you say nothing? Do you go along with them and laugh at the CD joke? Do you give up the charade and blurt out the truth? Of course, the smart thing to do is to remain calm in order to fool them IMHO.

[sometimes_miss]

So far, so good. But then, I'm pretty good at making sure I don't leave any clues out for anyone to pick up on. Plus, I don't have any female mannerisms to be observed. As I back further into the closet, I close the doors behind me, and lock 'em shut.

[Babette]

Marleena, I never meant to imply I have never been embarrassed by being a little different. I felt that way for years. Now I embrace it.

[Rogina B]

The world of commercial fishing is not a kind one[think Deadliest Catch,Perfect Storm,etc]. I am aware that I have been the subject of many a galley table discussion on other boats. However,I was[retired to shore..mostly] a big producer,no one died and very few injuries and mishaps,in 35 years of worldwide fishing.So,most people[crew and family] tended to overlook my strangeness,and trust me for their safety and income. I never set out to "fool" anyone,it just happened as I suppressed my inner self. But I am ashore now,so I can be true to me all the time.

[~Joanne~]

Hi Marlenna, good to see you back on the boards :D

I think I am fooling a whole bunch of people myself. I know I have tell tales, no hair on my legs, really short arm hair, knowledge about this or that which I probably shouldn't know much about but no one has asked directly so I have never had to answer. My SO though knew which is why I think our "talk" went a lot smother than what I thought it was going too.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't have to try to fool anyone, Marleena. If I told any of my long time friends I dress? They wouldn't believe me!

As it is, the family members I've told have no idea what Sherry looks like. I'm sure they imagine me trying on pantyhose and heels when I'm all alone. Maybe with a wig and a long, loose, grannie robe? Ha ha ha! I love it!

[KellyJameson]

I think some people are protected by the vessel they live within.

If someone has certain physical features that are associated with being a man such as a beard or a "masculine" facial structure or just shear physical size they can use this as part of their mask to hide behind.

If you already have feminine features such as large eyes or delicate facial features it becomes almost impossible to hide unless you do something extreme such as shaving your head and allowing whatever facial hair you have grow.

This becomes a source of great internal conflict for a transgender to intentionally "masculinize" their outward appearance because it increases the powerful and relentless pull toward the identity that wants to do the opposite.

By physically masculinizing yourself you are "uncreating yourself" just as the "act" does.

It is incredible for better or worse how much the vessel we live in shapes peoples perceptions.

I do think that crossdressing is an act of rebellion for the "men" that do it.

I would think that most healthy, thinking, feeling men must find the societal and cultural expectations place on men to "be men" as defined by the culture to be oppressive and it does not surprise me that men die earlier than women.

Crossdressing could actually work like a safety valve to reduce this relentless pressure to live up to this "image" extending a man's life and increasing the chances of him experiencing good health.

I'm always amazed when I see men willingly embrace these expectations because I would think they sacrifice far more than they could ever hope to gain.

I think I understand why they do it but I still think it is dangerous to their well being.

[Frédérique]

I thought I was good at fooling everybody but looking back I was kinda obvious. My own mom hinted that I might be gay.

One day I was getting ready to tell my sister (the other one, not the one I’m living with) something very important (BTW, I was not going to spill the beans about my crossdressing). Once I did, she said to me, “I thought you were going to tell me you were gay!” That floored me – my own sister didn’t know me? Anyway, I think, at some point, she noticed that I was different in some way. However, she still doesn’t know that I’m a crossdresser. Meanwhile, all three women I have told (come out to) over the years ALL said, “It doesn’t surprise me.” I guess I haven’t been fooling anyone, eh?
:doh:

[Brooklyn]

I don't hide my gender-fluidity. I am out and also femme, so unfortunately the people who seem fooled the most are some gay brothers who just assume I'm a Kinsey-6 and/or a drag queen. Fine... at least no-one thinks I'm vanilla. But like you said, I fooled myself for a number of years when I did not dress up.

[Jacqueline Winona]

All the people? Not sure, I'll settle for most of the people. :)

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I've hidden from myself forever. I became a paratrooper, then a Drill Sergeant. Now I am an Alpha Male business executive. Unfortunately during my formative years, the internet didn't exist. I felt that I was one in a million, a freak. It was lonely. If resources existed then as do now, I probably would have had the information, courage, and access to products to explore my gender identity.

But I became good at being a man. Successful, decent money, and I met a wonderful, beautiful woman with a calm soul that agreed to be my wife. I think she perceived some of the bitterness and resentment within me...and while sex was good, my libido was always torn between wanting to be with her, and wanting to look just like her. On some level I think she understood that the nice lingerie, hose and stockings, heels, skirts, dresses, etc., that I would purchase for her when shopping together was not entirely normal behavior. At the same time she appreciated this about me and enjoyed my sense of style.

When I came out, I told her that I lived vicariously through her all those years. She's OK with this, I think. I recently had a six month dressing hiatus, which reassured her that I controlled it, and it didn't control me.

I'm sure I seem a little off to my male colleagues. I don't golf, hunt, or fish, but I do love the Green Bay Packers, wilderness hiking/camping, and I am really good at building stuff. I believe the gals at work perceive me to be slightly more sensitive and receptive to discussions on girl topics, but that is probably just my imagination. I've been working on my false persona for so many years that I am really good at it.

Still, I don't "feel" like a woman. I don't find guys remotely attractive. As much as I would enjoy going into max pink fog and really trying to look like a woman, and live as one, I don't think the juice would be worth the squeeze to ever transition. I do like wearing women's clothes, especially hose and heels, but I think by now my road in life is fairly well paved. I guess it feels more like a private hobby with some erotic overtones, than a desire to change everything. Besides, to get my wasp waist and fit into a size 10, I would have to give up pizza, cheeseburgers, dark beer, and scotch. I'm not sure looking pretty all the time is worth it.

[Lynn Marie]

I'd like to think I fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but there's just no way I can fool all the people all the time. There's just not that many blind and deaf people out there!

[BOBBI G.]

I don't feel as though I am fooling anyone, especially myself. I have no delusions of what I look like. Inside I am me and I am quite comfortable with that. People should accept me for who I am, not what I look like.

Bobbi

[Secret Drawer]

This thread actually taught me something. I always considered my non crossdressing behaviors to be "normal," and my CDing to be "weird." (For me CDing is actually more "normal" then dressing drab in my heart, but in so far as social norms are concerned...) When I came out to my wife one of her comments was "Well that explains a lot!" But even when pressed, she didn't elaborate. I suppose most people either don't pay attention or don't put the clues together for the most part. If I consider the non CDing part of my life then I suppose I am far more sensitive and not nearly as competitive as a "normal" male. I can't actually shut off my emotions in situations when I rarely have seen other men cry. I have been "hit on" by homosexual men, but have no sexual interest in men so it must be something along that gender chain that gives a false reading?
In so far as "fooling people," I know from life experience that people will believe what they want, even when faced with evidence to the contrary. Also there is something to be said for knowing when to put on the machismo and when to relax.
I think KellyJameson a few post up, really hit it on the head! I crossdress so that I can live longer! Hmm, gotta try that one.

[linda allen]

I'm not fooling myself, I am a straight male crossdresser, that's it. No gender confusion, no transgender or transexual tendencies. I just like to dress up and pretend I'm a female from time to time.

When I go out in public (not often), my hope is that I'm fooling everyone who sees me. In reality, I know I am not. It would be nice if I could arrange for someone to follow me and question those who have just seen me to find out what they thought they just saw, but that's not going to happen so I'll never know. At least nobody has ever made a scene or caused a commotion after seeing me dressed in public.

[JamieTG]

In my early 20's I greatly overcompensated by joining the Marines. I had a lot of guilt feelings and low self esteem back then so I was trying to prove I was a "real man". I'm glad I had the experience but it wasn't really a good fit. I did not feel comfortable trying to act the part.

[Bifrost]

I'm not sure I ever tried to hide my femenine side. I was always a little left-field and never had the physique or attitude to be a big, masculine guy.

After I came out to my SO (like 17 years ago), I actively came out to pretty much everyone and have been juuuust a little girly ever since. I don't try to hide my tendencies from anyone, though I do stop short of femming up fully in front of my kids who are very young and would not understand. Also I haven't (yet) worn any skirts or dresses to my current work (I have in past jobs).

[mary something]

I don't think I fooled very many people lol. I remember how my first serious girlfriend in my teen years tried so hard a couple times to get me to let her put makeup on me and do a makeover, she kept trying to tempt me by telling me that she thought I would be a pretty girl. I've had lots of people make comments throughout my work career that led me to think they suspected I was gay or trans. Don't think I've ever fooled anyone but myself :).

For me personally it wasn't so much that I thought that I was a "manly man", but that I couldn't accept or understand that I was trans and still was attracted to women. At the time most of the literature and anecdotal evidence on the early internet seemed to point towards transsexuals as being not only effeminate but also attracted to men sexually. It was a really confusing part of my life because as a kid I wasn't allowed to play with girls, I remember once going over to a neighbors house and playing dolls and puppets with a girl who was a year older than me and I had a good time but after that my folks didn't allow me to play with her anymore. It sounds silly but I think the lack of social interaction with other girls as a kid delayed my realization that I was female even though my body wasn't.

[MysticLady]

So do you think you fooled everybody so far? How did you hide "it" or overcompensate?


I'm not out to fool anyone. What you see is, what you get.:heehee:

[NicoleScott]

As for gender issues we all have them to some degree as technically we're doing things outside of the expected gender norms based on our anatomy. We are here on this forum because we all are "different".

Fair enough, Marleena. We are "different", but expected norms don't have influence inside the privacy of my home. Anyway, several of us posted that we are just regular guys who don't have gender issues (make that gender identity issues), but like to dress up at times. It seems to me that those with greater degrees of feminine identity are the ones more likely to have the need to fool and hide (pretend, for as long as they can stand it, to be "all guy"). The drive to dress is different for others.
Also, I wouldn't call pleasure dressing in private "hiding". It's just private. No one is served by bringing this out.

[Jaylyn]

I agree 100% with Nicole who would I fool any way. Certainly not myself or my wife as she supports me. I just love the feel and look I have when I wear my outfits and made up over the top. I really think sometimes I turn myself on or would enjoy a woman that looks as I do in real life. I am not out in public but within the confines of my own home my privacy my life. Who am I hurting making believe and enjoying my dress up time.


I'm not out to fool anyone. What you see is, what you get.:heehee:

That's why we all love ya Mystic you are who you are. You don't leave anything or anyone to be fooled to believe your someone your not and us Texas gals are welllllllll you know what I mean..... Lol

[Jenniferathome]

Sheesh I feel like you bit my head off there! Okay so you've never hid you were a Cder to anybody, even your mom? Yes I agree you're a man but you look pretty feminine there. Do you feel insulted by the question? It's about hiding the fact we're (MTF's) too..

Marleena, you read between lines that are not there. I am not insulted in any way. My answer is a straight up response to your question. I don't "fool" people. In guy mode, I act normally. There are no hints that I am a cross dresser but not because I am hiding something. I am a guy first and a cross dresser second. They don't intertwine. And thanks for the compliment.

[Angie G]

Yes for most of my life. Even now my wife is the only one who knows.:hugs:
Angie

[Stephanie Michelle]

There are only 3 people that know. Ex wife, former GF and current GF. When I told the current GF she said that explained alot that she always knew something was different than other guys. I am a very attentive to her needs, I show interest in what she likes, I love to cuddle. I even go shopping with her. Many other things that I wont bore you with. What the best part, is the fact that she wants Stephanie to go out with her. Not sure I am ready for that but its nice to know that she is in my corner for whatever I am willing to try. Never had an issue with people knowing my secret.

[Marleena]

Marlene, you read between lines that are not there. I am not insulted in any way. My answer is a straight up response to your question. I don't "fool" people. In guy mode, I act normally. There are no hints that I am a cross dresser but not because I am hiding something. I am a guy first and a cross dresser second. They don't intertwine. And thanks for the compliment.


It's Marleena and thanks for the reply.

This gives me a chance to say this thread is not questioning anybody's manhood or manliness. All CDers are gender non-conforming and most want to keep it private or hidden because it's outside of societies expected norms. I think it's great if some of you have never worried about being found out. This thread also proves we are all in different places and at different comfort levels.

Thanks everybody.:)

[Stevie]

Interesting. I want to believe no one knows except the one I told but always suspect others know already or think I'm gay.

[mariehart]

Once again we see the advantage of a forum like this. We realise there are plenty of others like us, maybe to different degrees. I realise now that I spent much of my life convinced I was hiding my feminine side from everyone, while ignoring the hints they were throwing at me, often gently, sometimes not so.

Going right back to school, several kids referred to me as 'sweety' in a bullying way although I quite enjoyed it. When I joined the part time army reserves, there were comments which I took to be normal army banter that everyone was subjected to. But it was harmless. As a part time unit many were from comfortable middle class backgrounds, not your typical army privates. But If I had gone into the full time forces I wouldn't have lasted five minutes. Later I realised that someone made a very obvious gay pass at me which I missed at the time.

That happened again in my job where a gay guy very subtly wooed me. But I missed all the signals. He must have seen something as did all the girls in the office as I found out later. That continued into other jobs where again a gay guy made a pass at me. Later when I did come out as TS to a friend. He told me everyone on my shift already thought I was gay because I acted so feminine. One of my managers must have thought so when I burst into tears in front of her over some issue. Certainly I was asked straight out several times. I always truthfully said 'No, I'm not gay.' I doubt they believed me though.

Also when I went to crossdressers group not quite knowing what to expect. I created a stir because to them I was clearly different. I remember several of them taking out cameras and taking pictures of me. I was flattered but puzzled.

I certainly don't fool my family particular the ones who know about me and I suspect the others too.

Most of all, I never fooled my wife who worked me out long ago but won't address the issue directly.

So who am I fooling right now? Only myself.

[Ressie]

I fooled my mom for about 5 minutes in the hospital back in 1953 lol.

[MysticLady]

That's why we all love ya Mystic you are who you are. You don't leave anything or anyone to be fooled to believe your someone your not and us Texas gals are welllllllll you know what I mean..... Lol

Thank You Sweetie. I luv you all, also.:hugs: Go Horns:D

[sandra-leigh]

Not many people have said anything one way or another. A fairly small number said that they didn't expect me to be a cross-dresser, but so far the only person who has indicated "surprise" is my mother; oh and maybe my former boss. Everyone else it has been like, "Yah, so?" or "Ah, that explains it!" (i.e, that they knew something was different about me but had not pinned it down to gender.)

Did people think I was gay? I don't know. I was called gay many times since elementary school. I was never considered to "fit" as a guy. But not-fitting is not the same as people thinking you are gay or female.

[Rogina B]

I'm not fooling myself, I am a straight male crossdresser, that's it. No gender confusion, no transgender or transexual tendencies. I just like to dress up and pretend I'm a female from time to time.

When I go out in public (not often), my hope is that I'm fooling everyone who sees me. In reality, I know I am not. It would be nice if I could arrange for someone to follow me and question those who have just seen me to find out what they thought they just saw, but that's not going to happen so I'll never know. At least nobody has ever made a scene or caused a commotion after seeing me dressed in public.
Not sure why a few terms raise people's "hackles" so easily. "No gender confusion".."I just like to dress up and pretend I'm a female"...What is so tough about sliding under the "Transgender umbrella" for some of you? Baffles me entirely..Perhaps someone will explain to some of us...

[Debglam]

The short answer is yes - completely.

However I don't think I was "fooling" anyone. When I came "out" as a little child it was made clear to me that I was a boy, not a girl and anything else was unacceptable. From that point forward my whole life was a series of expectations that I was expected to live up to and I surely did! Whatever phase of my life that I was in, I "learned" what was "normal" and acted accordingly. I finally hit a point where I felt that I had gotten all the holes punched in my "guy card" and didn't want the damn thing anymore.


Jr high and high school, into early 20's, lots of people thought I was gay.

Me too! No Internet so I thought that they may be right. I mean isn't a boy who wants to be a girl "gay?" :straightface: I hated being thought of as gay!

So years of acting "normal" have gone by and now that I am out and don't give a crap what people think, I am actually back where I started. A number of people that I am not out to think I am gay except this time around I love it! I love watching them try to figure out what is "different" and it is quite flattering to be occasionally hit on by guys and girls. :battingeyelashes:

Debby

[Launa]

Overcompensate you ask? Yep I've done that all right. I always have had macho jobs, doing extreme sports and my favorite hobby other than CDing was mixed martial arts.

Now its all about CDing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How far can I go! hehe