Considering the Bonus Room

[Aly Cat]

So I have been doing some soul searching and finally decided that on my next set of days off, I will be moving into my bonus room and out of the bedroom. The bonus room is a little flat and has some decent space for me to live. I don't want to completely move out of the house quite yet because my wife just started her own chocolate making business and though I don't really have any feelings for her, I also don't have any animosity towards her and don't want to force her to have to put her dreams on hold and get a regular job. She is doing quite well with it so far and I want to give her a chance to succeed.
Also I think it would be better still being at the house to be a part of my kids lives and be there for them. The bonus room is large enough to where I can dress and do my thing and be basically on my own. Also, with me still living here, it gives the opportunity to potentially come back together with my wife at a later date should feelings change. I would just separate rather than doing a full divorce. If it doesnt work than I can move out and do what needs to be done but I think this is best for my situation. Hopefully it will go ok when I tell my wife. I know she is going to be upset but I think at this point in time, it needs to be done. Wis me luck. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Eva, It sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place, Please keep us advised.

[Beverley Sims]

Eva,
If your wife still has affection for you I think you should try and work at it.
Moving out of the marital bedroom is a big and devastating step.
It is part one of the roller coaster going down hill.
Support your wife and her chocolate factory.
Think of why you married in the first place and work at it.

[Greenie]

Its sad to me how far this has progressed in such a short time. As is life I guess. :/ I would say that I hope it all works out. But she sounds too stubborn to try.

[daarleane]

My own two cents worth, actively support your Wife's chocolate shop. Work with her in her new business. If you want to spend some of your time in the bonus room, o.k. but moving out is not going to help your marriage. Just my two cents worth.

[Stacy M.]

This is so sad. I agree with the others here, you should reconsider moving out of the bedroom. It's a very big step.

Keep posting, you can use some support at this difficult time.

[Linda Leigh]

I also agree with the others not to move out of the bedroom. That would be huge mistake!

[Aly Cat]

Im all for helping her and supporting her in her new venture but A) I sleep way better alone, B) at this point I feel absolutely nothing for her and feel more like we are roommates already, and C) I dont really want to be married anymore and would love to be able to live my life the way I want to (and that goes beyond crossdressing). I look at moving to the bonus room as a step in detaching and becoming more independent in my life in general. I dont know, those are my thoughts on it. Ive already been sleeping in there for 4 days and the only difference is that all my stuff is still in the bedroom. Im still giving myself a few days to think about it but I really do feel like this is what I want.

[AllieSF]

If that is your decision, then try it to see if it really does work for you. Good luck to both of you.

[Leona]

I haven't been following your story, but my gut says moving to the bonus room is probably a good move. Studies show that marriages usually improve when the two spouses split into different bedrooms. Lots of reasons for that.

The question is, are you willing to try to romance her, after a suitable period of decompression? The biggest reasons spouses living in different rooms help a marriage are these:

* Better night's sleep. Face it, we all sleep better alone, no matter how much you want to believe you sleep better next to that special someone.
* Not sleeping together means sexual negotiation, aka ROMANCE. The relationship returns back to the "your place or mine" question and adds excitement.
* Increased levels of privacy leaves both spouses feeling more free to express themselves, both alone and together.

I'm not with the folks here who want to say this is a bad step. I think it can be a very positive step, and since you're still supporting your wife pursuing her dream, there's obviously still a lot of hope here. You say you have very little feelings for her, but you're considerate enough not to wreck her dreams at this point. I'd say there are still considerable feelings there.

This can be a marriage saver, if you both Do It Right.

[Michelle (Oz)]

The biggest reasons spouses living in different rooms help a marriage are these:

* Better night's sleep. Face it, we all sleep better alone, no matter how much you want to believe you sleep better next to that special someone.

Its really sad hearing stories like yours Eva. Love and relationships are complex. I hope that your decisions work out for you.

Minor point Leona. I travel every few weeks with overnight stays. I actually don't sleep as well when I'm away as I do when I'm home. Even though my wife intrudes on my space (as is the right it seems of all GGs), it is still good to know she is there.