Urge to tell someone??

[LorraineW]

I usually know why I think something....but once in a great while a thought will pop into my brain and I cannot explain where it originated. Recently, I had the urge to tell someone about Lorraine. I did not tell that person and I began to wonder why I did not. It has happened before but I never followed through. I do know that telling someone about my "girl" side might end a friendship and I might regret that happening. Also, telling someone might lead to exposure that I do not want for my wife or myself.
Thoughts??

[Jodie_Lynn]

Lorraine, I know exactly how you are feeling. So far, the only person who knows about me is my wife. The past few years, I have had the same urge to tell, specifically to my oldest and dearest friend, whom I've known since grade school. The thought that my revelation might end our friendship has kept from doing so, so far. But lately, the urge to reveal has become stronger, to the point where I sometimes feel as if I will explode if I don't tell someone.

And although I am not a religious person, per se, perhaps speaking with some sort of minister, or a councilor of some sort may help. Personally, I think I would go with councilor over religious, as I feel that a councilor/therapist would be less biased and judgmental.

[franlee]

I have dealt with the same urge in the past. And after thinking through the feelings I decided that I have no reason to tell anyone more than the few that do already know and one of them I wish I could erase it. All I will tell you is everybody's business aint nobody's business, and after you tell someone that fails to to true to you that is exactly what happens.

[marny]

Did that years ago with a guy friend. he was understanding but not thrilled. In the ten or so years since I just come out dressed to whoever i think will accept it, and i think most see the writing on the wall before they see me dressed, nails polished, feminine clothes, breastforms most of the time, kind of hard to miss. A good note, i took my wife out to lunch the other day and she said people were looking at me, boobs, and I said yeah! and she said OK. I'm past hiding. 55 and I want to be who I am. Marny

[Dannigurlfriend]

I have a few people that I would like to know but I don't know how strong the urge is to tell them. But I do make jokes about i.e telling someone that I am so busy that I don't even have enough time to crossdress or I would have been here sooner but I was trying on high heels comments like this are met with laughter to which I join them in the laughter but for different reasons completely LOL.

[Ashley_K]

Yeah, I wrestle with this, too, and like a lot of questions on this forum, there's just no clear answer. My wife would even like me to tell someone (or allow her to tell others) so that we could both have someone to talk to about it (other than our counselor), but I'm worried about wrecking friendships and/or connections. I seem to think that my GG or LGBTQ friends might be more understanding than my guy friends or family, but you never know. And just like in the Matrix, if your friends take the red pill, there's no turning back. But, until last week, I wouldn't have tried on women's clothes in the store. Some days, you just have to go for it and see what happens.

I guess you also have to think about what you want to come as a result of the conversation. Is it just getting it off your chest with no changes? Do you want to be around that person while dressed? Do you want to go shopping together? Do you want to be seen in public together? I feel like I'd love to have a supportive GG friend who'd go shopping with me and who I could be dressed around, but if I do that and I'm dressed, we couldn't be around others, which could be constraining and awkward. So I keep playing it safe, waiting for the insatiable urge where I'll just HAVE to say something, or I'll explode.

~Ashley~

[Beverley Sims]

I think the urge is always there, it just doesn't happen for the reasons already mentioned.

[Requal Jo]

This urge appears to be common bond between all of us. I to have the urge to tell someone else other than my wife. I was only just thinking who to tell while washing the car 30 minutes ago. Secrets are hard to keep especially something as dear to us as our CDing. Wouldn't be a wonderful world if we could share a secret.

[rhonda]

Lately I've had the same urge to tell a best friend from church , I guess the time must be right ,I'm going do it sometime just gonna Good Luck

[Tawne]

The time must be right I agree, I haven't told my best friend yet, I've been thinking it might be easier and more appropriate to stage a situation to be caught out rather than explain, then I can blame him :P

[Bianca Star]

I understand how you feel. My wife is currently the only one who knows and I'm totally cool with that. For me dressing up is a private thing that me and my wife can enjoy, it's brought us closer together and it makes me feel confident, sexy and self assured and it's those feeling that make me want to tell someone. One of my closest and dearest friends is a drag performer and I've debated telling him, but you just never know.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Thinking more about this subject, two movie lines come to mind.

The first, I have no idea where it comes from: "Two men can keep a secret, if one of them is dead."

The other is a dialogue from the movie "Clue", between The Butler and Colonel Mustard:

Butler: Can you keep a secret?"
C.M.: Of course!"
Butler: "So can I."

Not sure what the ultimate answer is, just advising caution before spilling the beans.

[sometimes_miss]

I usually know why I think something....but once in a great while a thought will pop into my brain and I cannot explain where it originated. Recently, I had the urge to tell someone about Lorraine. I did not tell that person and I began to wonder why I did not. It has happened before but I never followed through. I do know that telling someone about my "girl" side might end a friendship and I might regret that happening. Also, telling someone might lead to exposure that I do not want for my wife or myself.
Thoughts??

I believe that all people want to be loved and accepted for who they truly are. That said, most crossdressers are aware that should we tell another random person, the odds are that they will be less than thrilled at the idea of being friends, much less lovers, with a crossdresser. We have to live with that knowledge; and yet, we still yearn to be accepted. So we dream about telling someone and being loved and accepted for it. We even make up scenarios where it happens, and fantasize about it. Some even fool themselves into believing everything will happen wonderfully, and that we will all live happily ever after. it's a nice fantasy, but it rarely happens. For most, the best we can hope for is being tolerated. Unless you want a male lover and meet him somewhere where homosexual behavior is openly common such as a gay bar or gay online meeting forum, your chances of finding a mate are remote should you initially hide the knowledge of your crossdressing from a potential spouse.

[Debi]

I am struggling with this at the moment and I can tell you that my motivation to tell my closest friends revolves around the fact that I am sick and tired of feeling slightly nervous about having residual traces of make up (especially eyes) and nail varnish.. Not to mention my shaved arms! If I was HONEST, things would be so much easier. I told my BEST friend years ago and he was brilliant! He actually told me that it made me even more of an interesting person, which I thought was a lovely thing to say.
Eddie Izzard was on a British TV(!) show this week ... and he made a reference to coming out when he was already a famous comedian. He said that he could have gone down the traditional route of keeping it hushed up and feeling guilty and miserable about it, or to announce it to the world which of course is what he ultimately did. This was an unbelievably brave thing to do, as he had a LOT to lose, but he has become EVEN more successful. Might it be because can truly be exactly who he is? It was great to see him dressed as a guy, but with lovely high heeled boots and nail varnish on. I find him a real inspiration.
I have always found that the FEAR of a given situation is invariably worse than the actuality of what happens. I don't have any knuckle dragging moronic friends, so I don't envisage TOO many negative issues... I've just got to pluck up the courage now!
So, in summary ... yes - any bedroom activities are NOTHING to do with anyone else... If it was simply a fetish, I'd keep schtum, but as I DO like to go out as Debi and life WOULD certainly be a bit easier if my close friends knew about it given the fact that I really don't think that I'd suffer any over the top, hostile reactions.

D x

[Marcelle]

For me the urge to tell others (besides my wife who knows) probably stems from coming to grips and accepting that part of me. It is who I am and I like that side as much as I like my "guy" side. So naturally, I would like to share Isha with others (friends included).

To date I have shared myself (not dressed) to my younger sister who is very close to me and one of my best friends (woman). But I picked these two people because I knew the trust was there. I think if you plan to tell others, depending on your personal situation, you need to be certain that it is going to go well as it may cause problems down the road.

Hugs

Isha

[Jenniferathome]

If you tell anyone, it had better start with your wife. Imagine how she would feel otherwise.

[Frédérique]

Urge to tell someone?? I usually know why I think something....but once in a great while a thought will pop into my brain and I cannot explain where it originated.

Oh, yeah, I’d LOVE to tell someone about my crossdressing, in fact I have done exactly that on three occasions, all with mixed results. But, the URGE to tell can barely be contained, mainly because I think this thing we do is endlessly fascinating, somewhat unique, rarely seen, reassuring (in some cases), an expression of joy (in my case), and worthy of respectful deference, if not reciprocal fascination. Alas, you get none of that. A little momentary lip service is all you can expect, just before you start to wish you had never spilled the beans...
:sad:

[Tracii G]

We all get that urge from time to time but actually doing it is the hard part.
You never really know how they will react and you don't want to lose a friend over it.I have been close a lot of times but back off when I feel that OO this isn't the time moment.

[Persephone]

The urge to share your life with others is definitely there, probably for a lot of reasons, one of which may be the intensity with which we sometimes feel we are being less than honest. Of course, we don't know what goes on in other people's homes either. I've always felt that "No-one is normal after 5 o'clock," that they all do their own thing once they are in their own home - from simple stuff like funny pet names for each other to stuff like BDSM. Who's to know?

My son puts it a different way, he says, "Everyone IS normal after 5 o'clock," meaning that what we do in private is really the norm for humans and it is the suit and tie, dress and heels, pretending to be serious kinda stuff that we do in the office that is weird.

In any event, a couple of years ago I did act on the urge to tell, after thoughtful conversation with my spouse. We met with the couples that are our friends one couple at a time and over lunch or dinner I came out to them. It was very, very difficult and very, very emotional. One was so difficult that my digestive tract literally locked up in the middle of my presentation and I had to spend the next 20 minutes gagging in the rest room.

We've lost NONE of our friends. In the last couple of years nearly every one of them has now spent time with me en femme and they have all been O.K. And these are friends spread across the religious, social, and political landscape, mostly religious and politically conservative.

The result is that my life has become richer and vastly more comfortable and I love and enjoy my friends even more.

Your individual milage will definitely vary, all I can do is share my experience.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Sheila11]

I constantly have the urge to tell everyone, so that I could dress and do as I please. Then wisdom stops my tongue. The desire to do every and any thing I want is tempered by the desire to continue to enjoy life as I know it. A great life that would be forever altered by the exposure of me in a dress.

[kimdl93]

We are social animals so we want to be able to be ourselves and share our interests with others. That's why this forum exists, and that's why you feel the need to tell about yourself now and then. If you pick the right friend, it won't be an issue. Pick the wrong person and you might have a problem or two. But most people will live and let live.

[vikki2020]

Yeah, that urge is overwhelming,at times. Why? For me, I'm tired of hiding, and have gotten over the hump about what others may think. Still, there is the right time and place, which takes some doing,sometimes. I've started with casual acquaintances, andn am trying to move up the "friend/family" ladder. Actually, going out tonight with close friends, and, if the conversation has an "in"----I'M TELLIN!

[Celina]

The time must be right I agree, I haven't told my best friend yet, I've been thinking it might be easier and more appropriate to stage a situation to be caught out rather than explain, then I can blame him :P
Even if staged, I could suspect it being slightly akward for you, and really akward for your friend :P

I can definitly relate to this, and it seems that i'm in the same boat with a lot of you. I've only been a "serious" CD'ere for a couple of months, but I allready have an urge to tell someone else then my GF about Selina. I think telling your best friend, really depends on how open minded he may be..

[Steph_CD_62]

I had a friend that asked me about me wearing women's clothing one night at the bar. I did not deny or admit to it. He had heard it from my ex-wife that I wore women's clothing. Since that night I have not heard from this friend. I tried to call him a couple of times and got his voice mail, but he never called back. I realize that I will never see this "friend" again.

As far as how many people know about my crossdressing I am not sure. My current wife know (of course), my ex-wife and whoever my ex-wife might have told. I think my kids know, but have never discussed it with them. My mom and dad knew when they were alive. I told one lady that I met online and visited her (100 miles away) once and dressed for her.

I realize that everyone will react differently if I told them about my crossdressing, but with the one negative result I find it hard to let anyone know about my true self.

[jenni_xx]

If you have the urge to tell someone, then just tell them.

[JamieTG]

When you hold a big secret deep inside for many years, it eats away at you until it finally has to come out. For me that happened in my mid 40's when I said "screw it", I'm tired of guarding this secret and no matter what the consequences, I want people to know the real me. I gradually came out to everyone, family and co workers and I felt like a huge burden had been lifted. It wasn't that big of deal to anybody and they treat me like they always did.

[Celina]

If you have the urge to tell someone, then just tell them.

Yes if you have the urge, it would be fantastic to just let out your big secret to everyone... However reading some of the comments and Happilymarriedguy's comment, loosing a "friend" and who else in the path of telling is perhaps not a risk everyone is willing to take afterall, regardless the burden of the secret or not.

[MissJoanne]

Lorraine,

I'm right where you are. I'd love to share with someone.

The only person who knows about Joanne and is known to my wife is the therapist she sees regularly - I've told the story of how I went to see her as Joanne before she knew and almost gave her a heart attack! I can think of two people (both GGs, one at work and one I know through work) who I would trust - the one at work is someone I've talked with about clothes etc., and I think she believes I'm just having a laugh, but slightly thinks I might be serious! She is a wonderful person and I would absolutely trust her.

[stephNE]

Hi Lorraine, I too have that urge. It seems silly to keep doing this in "secret". I dress and go out in public once every week or two, but I am only out to my wife. However, I have recently joined a meet-up group, all CDers. We have meetings, discussion groups and dinners out. It is very nice to be able to share with others, and to just not feel alone. You might search for a group in your area, and I'll bet you'll have a very nice time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lorraine, My thoughts on that is, Be careful what you wish for.

[Ashley_K]

Hey everyone! I tell you what, I've been on these darn boards for less than 2 weeks, and it's really lit a fire under me. First, trying on clothes in the store, and today, because of this thread, I came out to one of my gay friends (who is very out and proud)! He's a mutual friend of my SO, so now the 3 of us can talk about it (very important for my wife to have a peer to talk to about it). He's pretty supportive so far, so we'll see how it goes! He did admit he had some preconceived notions of the TG community, and he's looking forward to learning more and dispelling them. I've had the urge to tell him for months, and so far, I'm glad I did it. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it's helpful to know what you want out of it before asking someone else to (in "The Matrix" terms) take the red pill. I think what I want from it is just a person I can talk about it safely, and with my wife, too.

~Ashley~

[Sharon B.]

The urge to tell someone?
If you have a wife or special person your life they should be the first to be inform, if you don't have those then the best thing I have found is to write yourself a letter, once you pour your heart and soul out
mail it to yourself or keep it for looking at a later date.

[Candice Mae]

Just know this if you tell some one, your on the path to telling everyone. It leads to either you telling a second person or that person you told telling someone else. Once the door is opened it is really hard to close again.

[Ashley_K]

To Candice's point, yeah, letting the cat out of the bag definitely has consequences, and choosing how you do it smartly is important. Sometimes you have to balance telling someone with not going crazy. Thinking through how to mitigate the worst case scenarios before you act is key. You never know what's going to happen unless you try, and sometimes you just gotta try. Also, it's one thing if you're happy just dressing in private at your house and you decide to tell someone. It's another if your goal is to eventually go out in public. If you're planning on going out in public, well, someone's gonna find out eventually.

~Ashley~