How do you tell your son.

[LisaRaye]

More and more everyday I want to dress when I come home from work but I cant because of my 14yr old son. right now I dress when he is away on the weekends. I feel so lost during the week when I can not dress.

But how do you tell a 14yr old boy that you crossdress and at the sametime explain to him that you are not gay. I want to tell him so bad so I can finally be free but I am scared that he might disrespect me and I lose him all together I cant have that, another reason that I am scared is will he be able to keep your little sercert and dont tell anybody else.

I am confuse, Ladies your input should I tell himornot.

It can go either way with me, on one hand I will be free or the other I will be depressed for four days of the week, I am cool with that if I had too I've been doing it this long. Beside this is something I have been thinking about doing for the new year. but if all fails I will just have to do some late night dressing.

[TGMarla]

Listen, I know how it is. Parents wear blinders when it comes to their own kids. But the truth of the matter is that one's own children are much like others' kids. They are subject to the same influences and have much the same cultural interests. No matter how close you are to your son, no matter how open minded he may be, at age 14 he is sexually very immature and is not ready to have a bomb like "my dad's a heterosexual crossdresser" landed on him. It's tough enough just being a kid. Furthermore, there isn't a kid alive who could keep such a secret. Before you knew it, he'd end up in a situation where for some reason he would spill it to his friends. Then it's all over....all over his school and all over for you.

0.02

[KathrynW]

There's no way I'd tell him unless it was absolutely necessary, and it doesn't sound like it is in your situation.
It's all about restraint...and control. Plays your cards wisely. Put a lid on it and cd in private on the weekend when he's not around. ;)

[erica12b]

if your having a hard time living with it , how do you think a 14 is going to live with it?

[Wendy me]

ok telling yor son at 14 so you can "BE FREE"????? give me a break ok if he is able to understand that and can deale with it way cool ....but if he can't???
think abought him not yourselfe... if you were going through srs and going to be full time.... thats one thing but as you stated it is only so you can "BE FREE" but at what cost?? my sons at that age could not grasp that nor would i put them through that....

[Phoebe Reece]

Roxxy, I have to say first that the reason you have presented for telling him is not really enough and somewhat selfish. If you have every weekend free to dress as you want, that's hardly a situation to be depressed over. Telling teenagers has very unpredictable results. Odds are he will be OK with it, but that depends a lot on the relationship the two of you have and the level of maturity he has. In principle I think it is a good idea for your son to know, but springing it on him at age 14 may be too much for him to deal with. Telling him a few years later would be a much better idea.

My children grew up with full knowledge of my crossdressing from the time they were very small. They never had a problem with it when growing up and have no problem with it now as adults (girl now age 30, boy now age 26). But when they were teenagers, we lived in a small close knit community and they had friends that frequently dropped by unexpectedly. During that period of their lives, I severely restricted my dressing to avoid any possible embarressment it might cause to them if one of their friends saw me dressed. I didn't like having to restrict myself, but I chose to do so for my kids benefit. I'm glad I did.

[KathrynW]

I have to say first that the reason you have presented for telling him is not really enough and somewhat selfish.
Somewhat? I'm gonna have to forget being pc here and call it like it is...it's a hell of a lot selfish. We have control over the cd-ing, not vice versa. Dress on the weekends, and get over it.

[KarenXDR]

NO....way

[Clarissa3d]

Ok regardless of how your post began, I would say that telling your son is Dependant on what x-dressing really means to you. Also and most important what it would mean to your son. Is this a reason just to open up the weekend that your son is there? or is it that x-dressing is not just about the clothes. What I mean by that is; the femme part is normal with or with out clothes. Do you feel you perceive your self a female and this is normal for you?

Take it from the point of if you open this to your son and loose his faith in you can you live without your son? Or is the bond with your son stronger than anything and nothing can get between you two at all?

I hope this make sense's to you.

[Olivia]

No, I wouldn't tell him now. I know very well how much you want that freedom to express yourself. I wanted that too; many here have and do still. I have a son, and I waited until he was 23 years old before he knew about Olivia. He has been amazingly accepting and so cool with it too. But, he was an adult and a very open-minded, sophisticated 23 at that. Please think about it a lot more before you tell. I wish you the best. Olivia

[Rachael R]

Roxxy,

No matter how mature your son is, telling him about your cding is going to change how you are percieved by him. If it were me, I wouldn't risk it until he is older.

The teenage years are the hardest IMO. As parents, we should't be making it harder for them. JMO

Rachael R.

[Rosemary]

I just had the most scary and emotional 2 days of my life. :eek: I'm spending Christmas with my seperated father. The day before yesterday I came out to him and told him I am crossdressing. I did it because I found out when I was younger that he too is a CD/TV, and now I need his support. It was awsome because when I told him, he finally spilled out not only all about his crosdressing but that he is gay as well. I was stunned, because all of a sudden I realised that my dad was not the man I thought I knew.

I wasn't upset about him being gay, or even learning that he'd been living almost full time in drag, but I was upset that he'd gone to such great lengths to cover it up from me, even by not letting me meet his partner of nearly 2 years. What I'm trying to say is that honestly is sooo important even to us young people. If someone is living with you and loving you, they deserve your trust in them to be honest and truthful and they deserve to know the true person they are married or related too.

I love my father dearly. I'd be lying if I said that finding all this about him hasn't changed things and vice versa. but we are going to work through it together. At least I know the real person now, and it's cool.
I'm not saying that you should tell every bit of your life to everyone. But being gay is a really big thing and so is dressing like a woman.

I say tell your son, but do it gently and at the right time. No one should know better than you, if it *really* isn't right to tell him and if he's not the type of boy who would put up with such a thing, but maybe if that's the case, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Good Luck

Mary

[Rikki Elisabeth]

My father used to tell me stories when I was young about his father who had his "secret drawer." In it, he kept his women's panties, etc. My dad NEVER reconciled with it. It was like a stake driven between them. It was a betrayal of sex.

What I find interesting is that my grandfather must have passed his secret on to me. I would not tell my son. I suspect he knows but I will not tell him unless he asks. One can never guess as to the impact of that type of knowledge.

[Rosemary]

My father used to tell me stories when I was young about his father who had his "secret drawer." In it, he kept his women's panties, etc. My dad NEVER reconciled with it. It was like a stake driven between them. It was a betrayal of sex.

What I find interesting is that my grandfather must have passed his secret on to me. I would not tell my son. I suspect he knows but I will not tell him unless he asks. One can never guess as to the impact of that type of knowledge.



Hi there Rikki

I have been trying to get an idea from people who have more than one crossdresser in the family, why this is happening. It IS interesting that your grandfather is or was a dresser as well. My dad is, and as I said in an earlier post I have only just found out that he's *very much* into it. I've sort of been getting more and more attracted to dressing up myself as I get older. I haven't made up my mind as to whether I'm gay or straight or somewhere in between because really I haven't been sexual attracted to anyone, girl or boy as yet. What am attracted to is dressing girly and imagining I'm a girl and acting like one etc. Some people have said they believe it's quite possible that this has been passed on to me by father.
If that's right then what does it all mean. Could you call my desire for dressing up, my sexuality, the same as someone is gay or straight, or is it still just some sort of fetish. if so what would you call it. Is transvestism finally becoming a sexuality in it's own right? It is interesting.

Happy New Year to You

Mary

[MarinaTwelve200]

Long BEFORE I tell him I would educate him and make sure he knew just what a homosexual was---kids his age have some crazy ideas, far removed from the actual determinant factor as being sexualy attracted to other men. Later I would teach him what a CD is and a transsexual, just to cover all my bases in these subject matters that are all too often erroniously 'related' in the public mind.

Only when I was sure that he could tell the DIFFERENCE between a homosexual, a crossdresser, transexual and several other sexual/gender variants , would I confess that I was a Hetro CD---hopefully , by then he would understand and NOT associate it with you being gay or wanting to be a woman.

Indeed, CD or not, I think that it is a very good idea that kids his age KNOW such things---its far better than being like his peers and thinking that any and everything deemed "not manly" is gay.---Such vague and erronious information an attitudes can and often DO cause trouble for young teens --- thinking and fearing that they, themselves, may be "gay" for stupid reasons---like not being good at a sport for example, and reacting negatively to this "dark personal secret", etc. I know that knowing what gay really ment at that age saved ME a lot of grief (I looked it up in books I didnt rely on an equally ignorant peer for this info). I KNEW I wasnt gay because i knew what gay WAS and that was not me (even though I CDed) A lot of kids "suffer in silence" simply because of their ignorence in such matters and they may not CD at all.

[LisaRaye]

Roxxy, I have to say first that the reason you have presented for telling him is not really enough and somewhat selfish. If you have every weekend free to dress as you want, that's hardly a situation to be depressed over. Telling teenagers has very unpredictable results. Odds are he will be OK with it, but that depends a lot on the relationship the two of you have and the level of maturity he has. In principle I think it is a good idea for your son to know, but springing it on him at age 14 may be too much for him to deal with. Telling him a few years later would be a much better idea.

My children grew up with full knowledge of my crossdressing from the time they were very small. They never had a problem with it when growing up and have no problem with it now as adults (girl now age 30, boy now age 26). But when they were teenagers, we lived in a small close knit community and they had friends that frequently dropped by unexpectedly. During that period of their lives, I severely restricted my dressing to avoid any possible embarressment it might cause to them if one of their friends saw me dressed. I didn't like having to restrict myself, but I chose to do so for my kids benefit. I'm glad I did.

When I put this thread up this morning, I was in dout if I should or not tell him. But I didn't think I was being selfish or maybe I was. But the truth of the matter is that I don't want to hide it in my house anymore everone knows but him.
My son and I are really close I don't want to change that between us he is special to me and always will. Like Kathryn said get over it.( tough love huh?);)
I guess in all reality I was being selfish I will just wait till one day when he moves out.
Ladies thank you for showing me the way. Btw the whole reason I brought this up beside the way I was feeling is the past few weeks I have been thinking about cding all the time, all day long thats all I think about beside my daughter and girlfriend is always talking to me about when are we going girlie shopping. so this is always still fresh in my mind.

My girlfriend will rather talk and do things with Roxxy then Mr. Mann.

My daughter will rather talk and have more fun in doing things with Roxxy than her father and I am her father. That the part you ladies didnt know so now you see.
Maybe it just all a mental thing but as I said before I have been hiding it this long from him and I will not messed that up not just yet.

Thank you:)

[LisaRaye]

Long BEFORE I tell him I would educate him and make sure he knew just what a homosexual was---kids his age have some crazy ideas, far removed from the actual determinant factor as being sexualy attracted to other men. Later I would teach him what a CD is and a transsexual, just to cover all my bases in these subject matters that are all too often erroniously 'related' in the public mind.

Only when I was sure that he could tell the DIFFERENCE between a homosexual, a crossdresser, transexual and several other sexual/gender variants , would I confess that I was a Hetro CD---hopefully , by then he would understand and NOT associate it with you being gay or wanting to be a woman.

Indeed, CD or not, I think that it is a very good idea that kids his age KNOW such things---its far better than being like his peers and thinking that any and everything deemed "not manly" is gay.---Such vague and erronious information an attitudes can and often DO cause trouble for young teens --- thinking and fearing that they, themselves, may be "gay" for stupid reasons---like not being good at a sport for example, and reacting negatively to this "dark personal secret", etc. I know that knowing what gay really ment at that age saved ME a lot of grief (I looked it up in books I didnt rely on an equally ignorant peer for this info). I KNEW I wasnt gay because i knew what gay WAS and that was not me (even though I CDed) A lot of kids "suffer in silence" simply because of their ignorence in such matters and they may not CD at all.
thank you Marina you have said it all.

I thank you all for your thoughts and input. keep it coming.

[Tamara Barclay]

I can understand where you are comming from, but 14 year old boys have enough crap to deal with besides having to carry your baggage.
When I remarried, my wife and I discussed this subject, for I was adopting her then 8 year old son. As I explained to her, I am not going to explain the details of our private lives to our kids. Maybe someday down the road when they are grown, but no way would I saddle my children with that burden.

[LisaRaye]

You are right Tamara. I see now that no way in hell will I do it now. Thank you all.