Progression or acceptance?

[Tina_gm]

I was the poster girl for denial, suppression, guilt, self loathing, and even fear for the way I have felt. I did this endless cycle for nearly 30 years. When I proposed to my wife I felt then I would take my secret to my grave. I was never really an active crossdresser up until 10 months ago, when I confessed to my wife that I wanted to dress and express a feminine side I never told her about.

In the months leading up to "the talk" I felt the desire growing stronger, to the point where I could not bare it anymore. During that time, I had finally convinced myself that I was a good person. My wife has also done something for me no other woman ever has. She made me feel good about being the man I am. Perhaps the initial phase of acceptance?

In the last 10 months I feel I am now much more in touch with my feminine side. I feel feminine more often. I dress more often. Although my wife has never seen me dressed, she does see my feminine side, and has remarked that she is seeing it more and more.

One of her biggest concerns, as with many other GG's from what I have read is the progression and where it will all eventually lead to. My only definitive answers are that I do not see myself wanting to transition or living full time. I do not hate being a guy. I am comfortable as one.

I am also more accepting of who and what I am, and have grown increasingly comfortable with the feminine part of myself. Perhaps it has been there all along and I am now beginning to embrace it for all that it is, or perhaps I still have a ways to go. I really do not know. I am curious as to how others see progression and or acceptance.

[ryenmatt]

Progress is a postive thing unlike Congress which is a negative thing. Progressing into your own style is a good thing. As for acceptance people either accept you or they don't and there is no way you can control that. I don't worry about acceptance cause it is something I can not control so why worry about something you can not control.

[Tina_gm]

By acceptance I am referring to my own acceptance. But yes Ryenmatt, I do think overall that progress is a positive thing. I will have to admit though that since opening up to Cding, I have gone back and forth numerous times wondering if I have done the right thing and should I go back to the life I had before. Part of me thinks this way, then part of me is grateful not to be living the self torture I had felt for so long. Overall I feel better, even though it has complicated life quite a bit.

[Michelle789]

I think it's better that you accept yourself as you are, and don't go back. In fact there's no going back, if you go back you'll only be more miserable, and the desire to dress will come back even stronger. Embrace yourself!!!

Whether or not it leads to transition, there is no definitive answer on that. Only you know, a gender therapist (if there is a need to see one), and time will tell. Because our true selves is often buried under layers of repression and denial, we can go decades and never CD and start CDing later in life, and we can be a TS who CDs for decades and transition later in life, some people even never CD at all and then suddenly there is a need to transition. Most likely you won't ever transition, but nothing is guaranteed. I hope your wife accepts you as you are, and that you can find a good balance of how often to dress, and whether you need to stay in or go out while dressed. Assure your wife that 95% chance you'll never transition, but there's no guarantees. Remember that everything in life is a risk.

There's only two guarantees in life for everyone, death and taxes.

There's an extra guarantee if you life in California, standing in line at the DMV.

There's an extra guarantee if you're a CD/TG/TS/gender variant, your gender identity is who you are and the desire to express your true self never goes away.

[kimdl93]

What gets labeled as progression for many CDrs is that initial opportunity to venture into areas that were for so long forbidden or denied. It may look like a steady progression...but its not necessarily a slippery slope...just the opportunity to find one's comfort zone.

That being said, some of us do find that there is more to our CDing than we initially allowed ourselves to admit or even could imagine. The act of CDing somehow causes the change in perspective, it merely allows some of us to discover what was always there and to recognize possibilities we never before imagine.

[cdtraveler]

Wow. I could have written what you wrote word for word Gendermutt. My story is so similar. Feels good embracing al of me and slowly letting the fem side of me out and others see it and let the chips fall where they may. Scary but healthy.

Amanda

[Beverley Sims]

Progression is something that happens slowly, it even goes backwards on occasions and when you settle down you go forward again.
Never push the issue and if you hit a block just wait and it will slowly dissolve.
Acceptance comes even more slowly and you have to slow the progression down sometimes so as not to push the issue.

[PaulaQ]

Progression is something that happens slowly, it even goes backwards on occasions and when you settle down you go forward again.


That wasn't how it worked for me, Beverly. This stuff hit me like a freaking tidal wave, going from "once every other month fetish dresser wearing only a single item" to "fast train to girl town" in half a year.

I would say that for someone who does progress slowly, or even goes backwards occasionally, probably doesn't have a lot to worry about "where will it end." Particularly if they aren't having emotional problems that seem to be related to their gender and gender expression.

[LisaDee]

"In the months leading up to "the talk" I felt the desire growing stronger, to the point where I could not bare it anymore."

This is very much the way I feel. I have hinted and will have the talk soon. I hope my result is as good as yours.

[Tina_gm]

Thanks LisaDee, My result was lets say as good as I could hope for. My wife has had her struggles and still does with it. She is an open minded non judgmental person, but came from a strict Christian socially conservative upbringing. So, this is challenging for her to say the least. I know that in order for her to stay in my life and that it remains a healthy marriage, I must go very slowly and not push this on her. In some ways, her acceptance has almost surprised me. In other ways, such as actually seeing me, that she has not been able to come to grips with. She does give me time, and she has tried to learn more about it. We do talk about it from time to time. Good luck to you when it happens. Remember though that initially it will probably very difficult, as it was for my wife. Be patient and let her absorb this. Give her lots of time and space, and maybe some forgiveness of her initial reactions.

[Suzanne F]

I have a very similar story. I finally came out to my wife about 6 months ago. I have progressed quickly to going out fully dressed on a regular basis. It has been rewarding but difficult. My wife does go out with me and has been very supportive. However she is fearful of where it could lead. We are closer than we have ever been. But even that has lead to difficulty since she does know how I struggle with gender. It is a work in progress. My heart goes out to all of us and our SOs that are so impacted by our behavior. It is a complex, wonderful, scary path. Thank God we are not alone!
Hugs
Suzanne