Questions regarding CDing and having children

[Allesandra Rhodes]

As the time of having a child draws closer I am pondering what to do should they inherit my cross dressing traits?

What would you do if your child decided to start CDing?

What if one day you caught them trying to hide it from you, how would you approach them to discuss the matter and make them feel okay talking to you about it?

And of course how could you explain that your perception is not necessarily that of society in general?

Would you hide your dressing from them until a certain age?

These questions are things I have to consider before going full steam ahead. My fiancé is for all points and purposes a lesbian, and is only attracted to my female side. She wants to promote full self awareness should her offspring share her persuasion as well. This is an awful lot to think about.

What if we have a child who ends up mtf or ftm? How can I be sure something I did has not pushed them in any way toward that decision?

Those of you with children, how have you dealt with this and how has it worked out for you?

Those of you without child, how do you think we should proceed?

I've read a lot over the years and all was well and good but I'd like to hear some fresh answers on how some of you have or would deal with this.

Thank you in advance

[Connie.Marie]

Ally,
WOW! Great questions. I don't have any answers but these are questions that need pondering.

I do have kids. They are all grown now but I still hide this from them.
I don't think that this is something that is passed thru your genes.
I never caught any of my 4 trying to hide this. Of course 3 were girls..
I did get caught dressed once by my youngest when she was a pre-Kindergartener & wife when they came home unexpectedly for lunch. She was so young that she didn't recognize me, nor even remember the event. Of course my wife was VERY Upset!
Almost caught once by my 17 year old son once... but that's another story..

Hope that helps..
Hugs, Connie Marie

[Amy R Lynn]

Being a single father of two wonderful boys (whom live full time with me), these questions are a constant in my life. If they turned out to be gay, Bi, a Cross Dresser, or anything else in the LGBT spectrum, I would love them all the same. I would want them to be happy with who they are. It wouldn't bother me at all.

So.... with all of your questions in mind.... do you blame someone else for you being a cross dresser? I doubt that someone caused you to be this way. I have seen many posts in this forum where people ponder why they are the way that they are. The unanimous answer that always comes up is that we really don't know. Most people can't put their finger on one thing that turned them onto this. Its just something that we like and makes us feel good about ourselves. I would want the same for my children.

I don't dress around my kids. I keep Amy very hidden from them. There are many reasons for this. The biggest one is that I don't think their mother would be very understanding and it could present an issue with custody. I don't need that kind of noise in my life.

I also have only recently began to fully dress. I have always wanted to be dress but didn't really understand until about a year ago. So my kids are a bit older, and I'm afraid that they would not understand. At this point, it would do more harm to them than it would do good, IMHO. I will let them in on all of this when they are older of course, but all in due time.

I don't think that it would encourage them to be a cross dresser. I have a friend who grew up with a lesbian mother. Her mother was the butch woman in the relationship. My friend is now a mother herself and is very much all girl and has no desire to be butch. I have to believe that would be the same with boys too. If this isn't something that they would want or desire to do, they won't.

Becoming a parent changes so much in your life. It was the scariest happy experience I have ever had. The best thing you can do is just LOVE you child. Love them for who they are, and they will love you back.

[MatildaJ.]

Lol, I had been storing my suit jackets & skirts in my boy's closet, since he doesn't have much clothes of his own to hang up (most of his clothes goes in drawers).. Some stories I read here made me rethink that approach ("I always knew my mom secretly supported me crossdressing because she hung her clothes in my closet.") So now my husband's manly turtlenecks hang there instead. I don't think it will make a difference to my 11 year old son's preferences, but at least it'll make it harder for him to pin it all on me...

[Beverley Sims]

Already having children, I have kept it hidden all the time.
If they showed any LGBT leanings, I would of course support them.
I never dressed in front of them after one year old.

[Eryn]

Well, there's a slightly better than 50% chance that your child will be female, in which case there's no problem at all! :)

If you have a boy and he shows TG tendencies then you do what any good parent does, express your love and support for him. There's no evidence that the tendency to be TG is inherited, but if the cards come up that way you'll at least know what it is like to walk that road.

I didn't come to terms with my CDing until my daughers were in their teens. Since I'm not out in my local community my wife and I chose not to tell them until they were in college, as it would have made their adolescent lives more stressful to keep my secret from their friends. Now that they're away at school we felt more comfortable with them knowing.

[Allesandra Rhodes]

Becoming a parent changes so much in your life. It was the scariest happy experience I have ever had. The best thing you can do is just LOVE you child. Love them for who they are, and they will love you back.

So true. We don't want to hide anything from them(her or him?) we only want them to be happy, no matter what choices they make and we will support them.

[kimdl93]

It's been wonderful to be a parent and I would never allow CDing t deny me that experience. All of my children and step children know and we share a very loving and enduring bond.

[Vanessa5]

My oldest son is gay. I support him as much as I can and he is willing. My youngest son (14) has all the traits I had at his age. When the time comes I hope that he feels he can come to me. I do feel as though he will also walk this same path (being cd). He already likes his sisters clothes. I encourage all my children to be themselves and express themselves (within reason).

[silent.cries]

so my SO is a CD (very recently opened up to me about it) and for Halloween he wants to go all out with dressing as a female. he wants to do the make up the hair and tuck his genitals back and wear a super short skirt. but here is the dilemma he wants to do this well taking his five year old son out trick or treating. he asked me what my boundaries with him doing so is but i think he should be a little more concerned with his son. so i told him so and he doesn't know how far he should push with his child so I was wondering on what you girls have put for boundaries for your children

[Kate Simmons]

The only thing I can tell you Hon is that as a Father, my love for my children (even though grown) pretty much transcends everything else no matter what and always will.:)

[Rogina B]

You are WAY overthinking being a parent! Start with hoping for the first positive of having a healthy child! Then parenting will start from there...

[Angie G]

I have two children both grown A boy and a girl with kids of there own. They have no idea I dress. If one ever told me they were into crossdressing I would give them all the love and support in the world and this also applys to the grandchildren. My wife knows but me wish is no others know.:hugs:
Angie

[VirtuaGrl]

Connie and Eryn - I have to disagree with you that CDing is not inherited. I have kept my CDing hidden from our children and until two years ago from my wife; however, my oldest son, at nine years old has expressed an interest in wearing his younger sister's clothes on several occasions. This, of course, was a great quandary for me in as much as how to handle it. For the time being, we have told him there's nothing wrong with his desire, but it is something he needs to do privately in our home and that he needs his own clothes so he doesn't stretch out or otherwise ruin his sister's clothes. He hasn't requested any clothes of his own yet, so it may be a passing curiosity, but I would argue that just as the desire/new need for me to periodically dress in women's clothing is hard wired into my psyche, that it can be passed onto our offspring.

All of that being said, my recommendation for you, Ally, is to enjoy this time pre-parenthood and not worry as much about it. When the baby is actually on the way, then you and your wife can discuss how much or how little you want your CDing to be a part of your child's life. Until then, enjoy your time with your SO and your more free lifestyle. :)

Silent.Cries, the last Halloween I went full out my oldest was less than six months old and his aunt watched him for the night while his mother and I went out. I am considering going all out again this year, with my wife's approval. I anticipate that we will explain it to the children as it is just a costume that daddy's wearing for fun. There's no need for them to read much more than that in to it or any further explanation.

[Rogina B]

Hey VirtuaGrl,Why not dress your 9 yr old and the two of you have a memorable Halloween this year? If you are that convinced he "has inherited" the interest from you,best you enjoy it together! Nothing to be afraid of...

[MatildaJ.]

for Halloween he wants to go all out with dressing as a female. he wants to do the make up the hair and tuck his genitals back and wear a super short skirt. but here is the dilemma he wants to do this well taking his five year old son out trick or treating.

Has he taken his son around your neighborhood before? In our neighborhood, five year olds usually go around between 6 and 7 o'clock -- it's still light, and they stop at every door for the homeowners to admire how adorable the costume is. The adults walking around don't wear costumes here, but the ones who stay home to give out candy sometimes do. I still think he may feel pretty silly in an sexy outfit with a super short skirt.

Why not plan on getting the kid to bed at his normal bedtime, and then your SO can find an adult party or a bar to go out to in his sexy costume. Since Halloween is on a Thursday, people will probably still be in the mood the next night (Friday Nov 1), and it'll be easier to get a sitter that night, so you could go out with him and keep him company.

[nvlady]

One of my daughters once told her mother "I know you've always liked my sister more than me."
I would be devastated if one of them told me that. I love my daughters equally, no matter what. One of them came out to me one day and told me that she is bisexual. So what? she is my daughter first and foremost. My parents had plenty of love to go around for me and my brother (even though I was a Hellraiser), and I have enough love for my girls plus plenty left over for my grandkids.
It makes no difference what if anything your kid turns out to be, he or she is simply your kid.

[DeeInGeorgia]

I have two sons and the older one is a closeted crossdresser. He knows I dress as he gets his stuff from me. I have told him I am aware and if he ever wants to talk, but he has not taken me up on my offer.

[jjjjohanne]

I don't dress around my kids. They are young. I would try to discourage it if my son started crossdressing. This is a tough thing to live with. It is like an addiction (to me). I love it and sometimes I hate it. If it is a path you choose, then I would like to help him choose to avoid all such paths and try to do that which is natural, but not craving-based. Hopefully I will not receive the negative response I anticipate due to this post. If it was inevitable that he would crossdress, I would help him as best I could to avoid having a dirty secret life that leads to fetishes that disturb the public. I, like most parents, want my kids' lives to be better than mine. So, I focus on the things that made my life hard and don't consider enough the things that did not make trouble...

[Allesandra Rhodes]

Johanne, I of course respect that, and understand too. That's where I'm a bit torn. See the point I was really asking is about the preparation in having a child; From baby to young adult. Not influencing them but letting them grow their own way and supporting it. On the other hand it's not all fun and games, peaches and cream pies. It can be a living crying hell at times. I really should put into light that I'm transgendered, not just a crossdresser, so hiding clothes and physical stuff would only hide the physical aspects. Basically I am very feminine and act feminine. I can not stand being a boi for the most part. I do it because I have to earn money and live - at least for now. I have had my transsexual thoughts and my SO has expressed much support if I chose that path. But I know all too well some of the results. I would rather continue on the way I am as I'm comfortable with this level.

My concerns are more toward how to not push any ideas into my kids head either way(for or against) unless of course I needed to. I definitely want them to have better than we did, and be aware as well as open minded. It's just scary thinking about all the things that 'could' go wrong and I'm trying to avoid as many as I can, and learn to deal with the other things appropriately. I guess soon enough I'll find out.

I wasn't expecting so many replies, thank you ladies for taking the time to respond.

[ReineD]

I'm not a lesbian nor am I transgender. But I do know that with children, honesty is always the best policy although at their level of understanding of course. The truth is that gender and sexuality are not what our puritanical society wants to pretend they are, that everyone's gender identity is within the gender binary, that everyone is heterosexual, and there is something wrong with people who do not fit this mold.

In my opinion it's important for everyone to accept and honor that which we cannot control, which is who we are first and foremost … even if we recognize that many others are not aware or non-accepting of people who are different. We can always choose our course of action as we decide to navigate those waters, as long as we are not impeded by experiencing denial and shame for who we are.

[cdmorganashley]

i think if you tell and show them that they have your unconditional love and support you will be fine... also i would encourage them to try lots of new things and pursue what feels right for them--i think we don't always know what will make us happy until we try it and a lot of being young (and old) is about experimenting and learning more about ourselves

[Dianne S]

I have three daughters, so crossdressing is very unlikely to be an issue with any of them. My oldest is definitely heterosexual; she has a steady boyfriend and loves him a lot. If either of the younger two turned out to be gay, it would not affect my relationship with them at all.

None of my kids knows about my crossdressing and I intend to keep it that way for the forseeable future... I would definitely never tell until they're adults.

[Bree Wagner]

You are WAY overthinking being a parent! Start with hoping for the first positive of having a healthy child! Then parenting will start from there...

I tend to agree with this. I think the only question you need to ask yourself before bringing a child into the world is are you prepared to love and support them no matter who or what they turn out to be. If the answer is yes, you're going to be just fine.

[TokyoLily]

I have two children (not living with me at present). I avoided dressing around them, simply because I'd hate to have one of them let it slip at school that "My daddy wears a dress." Could be uncomfortable (almost bad enough daddy is a foreigner in Japan, which can cause some complications like bullying). When they get older I'll likely let them know about Veronica, but it depends on how our relationship is.

[nikkim83]

I have two boys, and they are both awesome 9 and 2

I do not dress around either one I don't want to cause any problems for either of them.

I know it sounds strange my 9 year old step son is all boy, my two year old grabs for female clothes everytime he can.

I have repeatedly made it clear to my children they are welcome to talk to me first about anything and everything they want with no judgement. I would rather them be honest with me and themselves for a happier life.

I am quite ok if either of my two boys end up either transitioning or Gay/bi