Wish I could stop these desires

[garnet]

I try and repress the desire to dress but it's been with me as long as I can remember. I do quite like the feeling and seeing others dressed, but do any of you have any tips on quelling these thoughts.

[robindee36]

Sorry, no help. I didn't fight them, I joined them.

Hugs, Robin

[Melissa73]

none here either! i tried to stop and ignore them for a year and 1/2..... but i was a bear to live with and here i am, dressing again


melissa

[NicoleScott]

I have this occasional desire to make up and dress. So I do. And the desire goes away. For a while.

[kimdl93]

Well, you could find other activities and focus your mind on them. I don't think it's an easy fix, but with practice and persistence you might be able to at least more deeply repress the urge. That repression could, of course have it's own undesirable consequences, but I guess it's worth a try.

[garnet]

Do you have any idea what triggers the desire, I'm so pleased I found this website

[~Joanne~]

I think if we knew what causes these desires, or triggers them, a lot of us would chose not to give into them. Unfortunately we have lived with this most of our lives with very little answers. Thankfully, at least we now know we are not alone.

[garnet]

Maybe I should try and find someone in surrey to hold my hand

[RADER]

Ganet;
Welcome to the forum. I have been dressing for over 50 years. Some times I dress
a lot, others times not at all.
You dress as you want to; trying to put it in a closet, just does not work. Some day
you will want to wear that special something, and it will all come out again.
I think that rite now, you might be torn between what society dictates what you should
be wearing and what you want to wear.
Do not be afraid to wear what you want to. Just enjoy the moment.
Rader

[edith]

When I was in suppression mode, mindfulness exercises used to help. Acknowledge the desire to dress when it hits, then affirm that you are choosing not to express it, then drop it and do something else. Stuff like that.

It was also helpful to keep my nails meticulously trimmed, shave my chest and stomach hair, take care of my skin, etc. Little grooming habits that are within the societal norms for men but which for me were private acknowledgements of my desire to be feminine.

I won't preach to you, but ultimately for me this stuff wasn't enough and I got to a point where I just kind of snapped and said "**** it I'm going to do what makes me happy".

Hope some of this helps.

[vallerie lacy]

Do you have any idea what triggers the desire, I'm so pleased I found this website

Breathing

[Vanessa5]

I have tried to repress my desire to dress but anxiety is getting the better of me. I did get to go out dressed yesterday and has somewhat qwelled it but I just am drawn to it. Couldn't explain why I just have to.

[Beth Wilde]

Hi Garnet,

Firstly, welcome to a very helpful and friendly forum. There are lots of very nice people here who will assist where they can, and a look back through the archives will give you days worth of reading!

Unfortunately, your first question is one of the big unanswered (and possibly unanswerable) ones. I have no idea WHY I feel the need to dress, just that I do feel it and I found my life a lot happier when I gave in to the desire. I find that it chills me out and makes me feel good and more ready to face the world after some Beth time.

Good luck and hope you find what you need here.

[Tina_gm]

I tried just about everything I could think of for nearly 30 years to quell the thoughts. I never could do it. I can quell them when I need to for a short time, such as work or other times in public, usually. Once in a while I just have to deal with it as best as I can. When there isn't the good times to be thinking about it or feeling it, I just try to focus on what is going on around me. Then later on I can relax and let it go.

[NathalieX66]

I quit cold turkey in 1999, thought I'd give it up if I tried, put myself in a 9 year exile then discovered that I was lying to myself. Then the October 2008 stock market crash happened, my company laid off a third of it's work force, and I took a pay cut, then I went back into crossdressing to self medicate myself from the stress of my debts, then I found myself being a very repressed self-loathing gender non-conformist for those 9 dry years. Now I'm back with a vengeance.

You are what you are, I am what I am. I feel so awesome and happy now that I live life the way I have always wanted to live.

[Marcelle]

Hi Garnet,

Welcome to a great and supportive group. I spent a good part of my adult life repressing/hiding/loathing what I felt in me to do. Finally, I had to embrace or cause irreparable emotional damage. I am not sure why I do it and to be honest I stopped trying to figure out why (it made my head hurt). All I know is that now that I have embraced it, I have never been happier. It is like two halves of my soul drifted away long ago and now they are getting acquainted again. I feel a need to dress but that is allow me to express my feminine side and my male side still expresses through this. Likewise when I am in male mode, the newly discovered Isha side is there keeping me centered.

So unfortunately sweetie I cannot offer any tips to quell these impulses. The best I can offer is to embrace and integrate.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Garnet, That sounds like a question with no right answer.

[Rachael Leigh]

I know a lot here won't agree with this but for me prayer is what I help me. It did not take away the whole desire but it helped me understand myself and who I was.

[Terrylynn]

I have tried, over a period of many years, to stop/suppress/repress the desire to dress with varying degrees of success. By success I mean I had periods ranging from weeks to months were I did not want to dress. What worked best was focusing on my family, job, hobbies, etc. Prayer worked for short periods of time but continuously asking The Lord to remove those thoughts just made me aware that I couldn't stop thinking about it!

Cross dressing seems to fill some deep void in my life which I still haven't been able to determine. The best I can do is to accept that I have a strong feminine side and deal with the problems and challenges as they occur.

[Beverley Sims]

Garnet,
Welcome to the forum, and I try to suppress these desires for a fleeting moment and then go with the flow.
It is a normal reaction so do not let it bother you.

[Lynn Marie]

Seems to me Garnet that you're looking for quitting support in a forum of people who either tried to quit and failed or have no interest in quitting! It's sort of like looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous group in a bar.

[Cheryl T]

I fought the 40 years war with it and finally realized I was fighting myself and not some intangible concept.
Once I realized this was part of what makes me who I am I surrendered and accepted victory. Now I'm content to be me.

[AmyGaleRT]

Garnet, I tried to quit a couple of times, each time when I was getting into a relationship. It never lasted. The first time, I purged a lot of pretty clothes, that I still miss sometimes. The second time, I had enough presence of mind to just put them in a storage unit. Now that I don't have to hide that part of myself anymore, thanks to the fact of my fiancee being accepting and supportive, I don't bother trying to suppress the desire...if I want to be Amy, I just do it.

Getting to be Amy whenever I want did kind of "quell" the desire, to a certain extent. Just after I came out to my fiancee, I was dressing almost every day. Now I'm OK with just doing it once or twice a week. Somehow I don't think that's the answer you seek. :) But that's the answer I have.

- Amy

[linda allen]

The desire to dress (I'm assuming as a female) is in your mind. If you want to stop doing it or thinking about it, just stop. If you find yourself thinking about it, think about something else. If it's dressing that you want to stop, just don't do it. Put on your boy clothes and do something manly.

And don't hang around crossdressing websites.

[garnet]

Thanks for all the comments, I guess I was just looking for an impossible answer. Pleasing to know others are in the same boat just a different levels. I guess the thing is I enjoy wearing tights and a skirt around the house but after 10 minutes find them quite boring and just take them off. I have a desire to dress in public but I don't know why and I guess the same thing may happen then.
Trying to figure it out I see smartly dressed women and they always have an air about them of confidence and focused minds. I know this in not the real extend of their feelings but it's this projection I'm attracted to.
I think most of you are right with the answers you gave, I need to focus on something else and stop looking in closets.
Thanks and sorry for the ramble.

[ReluctantDebutant]

I guess the thing is I enjoy wearing tights and a skirt around the house but after 10 minutes find them quite boring and just take them off. I have a desire to dress in public but I don't know why and I guess the same thing may happen then.

This sums up how I cross-dress. I got tired of having an intense desire to do something that ultimately left me feeling bored. I learned that the desire to dress never really ever goes away and to try to repress it can usually make it worse but it doesn't mean you have to give in to it. Rather than focusing on the Fantasy of how dressing is supposed to make you feel concentrated on the memory of the reality of the boredom you feel only after ten minutes. That can usually take the steam out of the desire for me.

[Lacyfem]

I think you're on the wrong site to find out how to quell the desire to dress as I do believe we wouldn't be here if any of us had been successful with that. Perhaps you should just accept your desire to dress fem and enjoy it.

[Victoriana]

Since I have quit for some period of time I can advise a little on what can work. Take this with a grain of salt though. Because at the moment I think I may be going back into it. But regardless, I will write this for those who want to try to quit.

Ask yourself this:

What do you want in life and what your goals are.
If crossdressing distracts from these goals in a negative way.
If it is financially worth it and if it effects your relationships etc.
How often do you get urges and how do you feel if you neglect them. Better or worse.

Basically, if you see that you are answering towards dressing less and can control urges you have a better chance at quitting. Every crossdresser is unique and every crossdresser deals with this somewhat differently. I think every crossdresser probably has tried to quit. The ones who have you won't really find on this forum.

More tips:
Stay busy, focused on other hobbies, work, SO, etc.
Replace urges when they are triggered with other thoughts and desires (hobbies).
Recognize the triggers that make you want to dress. (like every piece of clothing that women wear! j/k)
Control the urges until they go away. But at anytime if you are stressed out due to this, you may just have to accept it. It all depends on how ONE handles this. Do not overwhelm yourself!
Ask if the benefit is worth the costs.
Stick to your decision and do not give up, anything is possible if you want it bad enough. If you can't quit, you just may want crossdressing more even if you think you want to quit.
Lastly, get help from accepting family and friends if possible. Support systems can work for quitting as much as accepting.

Do not know if that helps but, the best way to stop is to never start and if you start to never keep exploring crossdressing (unless you want to) because it will make it harder to stop. At the same time, realize it is ok to crossdress and you can always limit the amount and the articles of clothing if it satisfies you. Just do what YOU think is best for YOU.

That is it. But aside from that, crossdressing can be fun and discreet and worth it and you have this forum for help. Hope this all helps! :battingeyelashes:

[Leeza]

It's sort of like looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous group in a bar.

That pretty much sums it up here. :)

[giuseppina]

Repression is generally unhealthy. Repressing thoughts of crossdressing is not an u to this rule of thumb. If you live in certain Islamic countries or elsewhere where this sort of thing is proscribed by law, you may have to discreetly ask around and be secretive about it.

Your best bet is accepting yourself as you are. If that means you dress in secret for now, so be it.

[Dianne S]

You will probably never be able to stop the desire to crossdress. Of course, you may be able to stop actually doing anything about those desires if you have enough willpower. But may I ask why you want to stop? Is it interfering in the rest of your life to an inordinate degree? Or do you somehow feel it's just wrong?

[pantihoze]

I find this funny you should bring this up. I found this forum while looking online for insight into why I have the desire to dress. I have repressed the urge occasionally, but found that it always returns stronger than before. While I have come to accept that I have these desires, I have to find the right balance between dressing and repressing those desires. I find some good advice here, but other advice is not for me. You have to figure out what is right for yourself and go with that.

M

[Allison Quinn]

I tried to stop everything in general and just be a man. Didn't work
I was incredibly unhappy and it's not something I wish to try ever again u.u

I have no advice on how to stop, but good luck :)

[garnet]

Hey
I think the chills me out thing is right, and I wonder if it's stress related.
Good to know there are people around the corner the same!
G

[garnet]

Sorry to many posts to reply to at once, I find it does interfere a lot with my life and I worry this makes me distant from friends.
I don't know maybe I should enjoy having this little frustrating feeling every so often and buy a skirt and tights for when I work from home. Maybe just enjoy it a bit.

[Stephy]

I was in a similar position 10 years ago. I joined a local support group thinking that they may be able to help me to stop obsessing about crossdressing, but the support offered was to explore who I am. I progressed to a point where I was considering hormones and SRS. At that point I had to make a decision between my family life with my wife and children and splitting up and going my own way. I just couldn't bear the thought of losing my close-knit family, so I made a conscious choice to stop going down that path. I managed my crossdressing by limiting it to underwear. I also found that spending more on buying male clothing and being more adventurous with styles helped to some extent. Also careful management of stress is important for me as I find stress to be a major trigger for crossdressing obsessions. Regular exercise and working reasonable hours, limiting overtime helps. Also getting involved more in the community, helping others could take your mind off crossdressing and let you feel more fulfilled.

Having said all this, keeping it at bay only seems to work for a while. I have recently started crossdressing again. I can't explain exactly why. I think this part of us will only stay bottled up for so long and then it has to find a way to express itself.

I hope experiences have given you some insight into this. Ultimately yo need to find what is right for you. Good luck finding your own path.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Garnet, Crossdressing is like being in the Mafia , You just can't quit!!

[CynthiaD]

My desire to dress goes away when I put on a dress, and comes back when I take it off. Wearing a dress is neither exciting nor boring. It's just natural.

I tried successfully to quit for several years. Then I woke up and realized that I'd lost the best part of myself, the part of me that made me like myself. Going back to crossdressing was the smartest thing I ever did.

[Pinky188]

I say just let go and be yourself! Let the real you come through and you will find that you will be truley happy if you do! A friend told me once, "just do you"! That is the only way you will be truley happy.. and she was right!

[Robin777]

I can't give you the answer how to stop. If it isn't hurting anyone,why stop? If you want to stop because you think it is a sin to dress,then why did god make you the way you are? I think stopping will just just eventually cause emotional problems. I know I am a lot happier when I dress. you may need to see a therapist to sort things out

Robin

[Diversity]

Sorry, Garnet, but I can't offer you any advice. The feelings all come from within. I can say that I am just going along with the feelings (and the boundaries), and just enjoying the journey that I am on. You may wish to do the same. Good luck!
Di

[joaniek]

No help here either. It's just the way you are. It does help to talk (post) about it tho. Good luck.

[Karren H]

Resistance if futile..... you will be assimilated into the collective.....

[Brooklyn]

Why do you repress your harmless desires and why do you want to quit? Do you see this as an all-or-nothing endeavor? All of us have some boundaries. I quit for several years, and it just made me sad and less fun to be around. So even if you do have the discipline to quit, it may hurt you and the people you love over the long-run.

[garnet]

I guess the knowledge of it would upset my wife and kids and they're my main priority.

Stephy
Thanks so much for your words they're really helpful and I think the direction I want to head.

[Karren H]

Then don't tell them! I'm still in the camp where not telling someone isn't the same as lying!

[garnet]

Thanks I understand.
Sorry if I'm asking the same question over and over again, just feels good to type to someone about it.

[StarrOfDelite]

Seems to me Garnet that you're looking for quitting support in a forum of people who either tried to quit and failed or have no interest in quitting! It's sort of like looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous group in a bar.

The allusion to Alcoholics Anonymous is apt, the forum is not a Seven Step program to help you quell the urge to crossdress. At their best, the people on Crossdressers interact with each other so that we all realize we aren't alone, we aren't weirdos, and we aren't going to be carted off to hades by a demon if dress up as pretty and feminine as possible given genetic limitations.

[Maria 60]

The worst is when something catches your eye, for example I was walking behind a women who was wearing a skirt and black pantyhose. I could tell by the texture of the pantyhose and almost the name brand they were and how much at that moment I wanted to feel those pantyhose on my legs. When it's in your blood, it's in your blood. Good luck with guiting.

[Teri Ray]

I do not agree with those who say quitting is futile. I have quit dressing hundreds of times. Its not hard to quit. Its just hard to stay quit. Best wishes in finding your way.

[KristyE]

Hi Garnet, There are alot of worse things you could be involved in like drugs and harmful thing . Not hurting yourself or anyone else seems an ok distraction. Enjoy yourself when you can, work when you must and don't beat yourself up. ( sorry I'm rambling).
Love Kristy

[Jenniferpl]

Quitting is futile. The desire just refuses to cooperate. What I have noticed is the more my feminine side is expressed, the stronger the desire. The less I express my femininity the weaker the desire. The battle is learning how to live with it and while note destroying your life. The best thing I did was to embrace it.

[Desirae]

I found out that if I just don't shave, or at least keep a mustache and a goatee, I won't dress. I think what it is about, at least for me, is that I don't want to see some half bearded "freak" in whiskers staring back at me in the mirror with a dress on. Once, I went about 3 years without dressing. Well, let's just say actual "physical" dressing. If you read my intro, you'll discover that dressing is still 100% sexual in nature for me. So, when I'm not dressed, I can go to my "mind" and imagine myself dressed, or in another "pleasurable" situation (more about that in another post), and the result is the same thing.

[Tina_gm]

Hi Garnet, There are alot of worse things you could be involved in like drugs and harmful thing . Not hurting yourself or anyone else seems an ok distraction. Enjoy yourself when you can, work when you must and don't beat yourself up. ( sorry I'm rambling).
Love KristySo true. It is amazing to me how many people find crossdressing to be worse than drug abuse, or abuse period. Some women have even stated (not on here that I am aware of btw) but I have seen (read) where women would have rather been cheated on then have their S/O be a crossdresser. It can be such a weird world.

[Jessica1983]

hi i tryed stopping loads of times but i could not because i dont really want to and was lying to my self i just try to regulate it now i told my wife but shes the only one that knows im still well in the closet

[daviolin]

Seems to me Garnet that you're looking for quitting support in a forum of people who either tried to quit and failed or have no interest in quitting! It's sort of like looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous group in a bar.
Hi Lynn
I know this is a serious thread, but your reply put me in stitches. Very funny and true. Daviolin

[jentou]

I have quit many times in the past however it always comes back so why fight it

[Bethany38]

Garnet,
First off welcome. Now as to your question about repressing or quelling, I strongly do not recommend this. This is just my own opinion. This is why though, I repressed this side of me since childhood. It was a total no no in my family. There are underlying reasons as to why this subject was very taboo. Any how due to my family issues I repressed this whole thing. It turned out to be very bad for my mental health. It took decades and a very understanding wife for me to start to come to terms with whom I am.