Definition of safe place

[TokyoLily]

Hi everyone

I'm just bringing this up for discussion, as my curiosity has gotten the better of me.

I've noticed in several discussions where people talk about "going somewhere safe" when going out dressed. How would you define "safe place"? I assume people generally take it to mean "a place where one does not get hassled," but if "safe" is the key word here, well, dressing up and staying home is the safest, right? Of course, I have personally experienced the exhilaration of getting dressed to perfection (to the extent that I may) and being out in public, and no, I don't like the stares or snorts of derision that sometimes come my way (thankfully, I have never been physically attacked while dressed), but does "safe" include places where such narrow-minded remarks can fly? Or does it mean no physical violence? Or does it mean to pass completely? Or to simply go unnoticed?

I would imagine many consider a gay/CD bar or a deserted area with no people (like a neighborhood street at night) to be "safe", but

1. a gay/CD bar, while allowing for one to dress up and not be at home, still doesn't truly constitute the "world out there" like a shopping mall or public transportation. It is a limited designated area (much like one's own home).
2. deserted areas are little different from gay/CD bars in that, while they up the odds of one being discovered, they are nevertheless still devoid of strangers (much like one's own home).

So my question (again): what does "safe place" mean to you? Does your definition of safe place allow anything up to but not including physical violence?

In my case, "safe place" means no violence (nasty comments or looks may be shot my way, so long as they are few and far between and nothing too extreme). "Ideal safe place" means no violence, comments, or looks (i.e., I'm just another woman going about my daily business.). Even if I'm made, since nobody particularly cares who or what I am, I can mingle, go shopping, etc., and people will treat me as I appear on the outside and how I feel on the inside.

This is just my curiosity talking, and any opinions stated here are simply mine.

Loving to learn!

Veronica

[JamieQ]

Safe place to me means where you can go about your business and pretty much go unnoticed. I personally do not go to any bars of any type because I do not go there in guy mode either, but that might be a safe place??? I think with more people around it is less likely to have any negative impact. I mean if something ever did happen, some people most likely would intervene to help you...unlikely to happen in a deserted place. Safety in numbers...A neighbourhood walk should be safe, in daytime, but early evening okay too. IMO

[kimdl93]

I adhere to the idea of safety in numbers and the merits of daylight. The uglier side of society tends to haunt the lonelier dark recesses.

Malls, museums, Starbucks my own neighborhood, nice restaurants ...these are safe and enjoyable. Lori suggested the zoo...sounds like a splendid idea too!

[Dianne S]

A safe place has at least the following attributes:

1) It's light, preferably daylight.

2) You are familiar with it. Gauging the safety of new places is very difficult.

3) It's not a place people come to primarily to drink alcohol.

4) There are many types of people about, including kids, families, women, older people.

5) It's a place people come to in order to do things, such as a mall, a park, a restaurant, a museum, a beach, etc.

6) It's not a place frequented by young guys trying to be macho (sports bar, pool hall, etc.)

[linda allen]

What Kim and Dawn posted. Stay in the nicer parts of town and stay away from bars.

[Princess Chantal]

Hmmm would staying at home really be the "safest"? The results of being caught crossdressing in an unaccepting/untolerating home environment could be very hurtful and damaging to the crossdresser's way of life. Doesn't matter how awesome your transformation is, at home you could be a sitting duck.

[I Am Paula]

I live in 200,000,000 square miles of safe place called Canada. Thank the lord, I can go anywhere I please.

[Beverley Sims]

Daylight hours populated places and go with a group.
These things are not always attainable.

[Tracii G]

No place is truly safe but being in a busy place during the day is about as safe as anyplace else.
I'm not a drinker so bars are not my idea of a place I would go enfemme.Some here do go to bars and have a great time.
Know your surroundings and don't go anywhere you don't feel safe even in guy mode.
Lurking around a park at night or downtown walking the streets isn't a good idea.

[robindee36]

Veronica, no place is truly "safe" if you try to consider all the things that could happen. Fortunately we have a pretty active Trans community here so my definition might be, going places where others have gone before. Sort of a reverse Star Trek mission statement.

There are so many girls here with much more experience than I in getting out. I try to tag along on their heels. Some safety in numbers; some safety in friendly, accepting venues; some safety in the LBGT establishments. Rolled together, one could frequent a different establishment each weekend and never duplicate the venue in a years worth or weekends.

Just the good fortunes of this part of the world. You can always learn from more experienced girls, just a matter of making the local community connections I suppose.

Hugs, Robin

[Dianne S]

I live in 200,000,000 square miles of safe place called Canada. Thank the lord, I can go anywhere I please.

I dunno. There are parts of Vancouver, Toronto and Montreal where I wouldn't go even in guy mode, let alone cross-dressed.

By and large, though, Canada is pretty safe. You still need to use common sense.

[Rachelakld]

For me, I follow Kim and Dawn idea - daytime, malls, museums, art galleries, zoo, evening movies or resturants - ie the same places you might take your family.
Skytower on 1/2 price family day was a blast, I meet so many people, chatted to lots of tourists, many Americans and Canadians from a cruise ship in town, tried to encourage kids to jump on the glass floor.

[Veronica27]

Everybody's need for safety is different. Our physical safety is pretty much universal, but for some, it is their only safety concern. At the other extreme, safety from discovery by friends, co-workers, neighbours and family may be of prime importance, while others couldn't care less. In between, there is safety from other forms of harassment such as snickers, comments, etc. and safety from being badly treated by sales clerks or others that we have to deal with. No place can be a safe place from all threats to our safety, even our own home as Princess Chantall pointed out. As a Canadian, I like Celeste's comment, but must admit I have to agree with Dawn. I would be hesitant to take to the streets crossdressed at night in parts of the downtown areas of the small cities and towns near where I live. Aside from physical safety, my definition of safe place is anywhere that protects me from unwanted discovery by those close to me. I don't care what opinions strangers might have as long as they leave me alone. And my house hasn't always been the safest place.

Veronica

[suchacutie]

The more elegant, the more sophisticated, the better. I doubt that there would ever be a problem in Carnagie Hall assuming one was dressed well! :)

[sandra-leigh]

In the original posting, a gay/CD bar is termed "a limited designated area". Gay bars are not generally "designated areas" for cross-dressing: going to the "wrong" gay bar can get you into trouble. If, for example, you went to a bar that had become (either formally or otherwise) a "womyn only safe place" or a "men are the enemy" lesbian bar, and you were not obviously a male cross-dresser who had wandered in by accident, then when you were "discovered", you could have an uncomfortable time being thought to be trying to "infiltrate" or "pollute" or "disrespect" the customers. And going dressed as a female to a gay male biker bar might not go over very well either.

On the topic of "limited designated" areas: I found in time that I was positively welcomed in one of my local new-and-used clothing boutiques. I do not mean "tolerated", I do mean "welcomed" -- a favoured customer, known by name, a big smile, hugs, and so on. The inside of a store is a "limited" area, but that store was not a "designated" area -- indeed, the owner is prominently Christian and the store name is a pun on a Christian theme. The owner known to pray over the clothes. It is a "safe" place, no stares, no violence, welcomed, and an inner knowledge that the owner would take my side if I were being bothered by another customer. But I had to find that out for myself through experience.

With regards to crowds and busy places: I don't think I exactly agree with that advice. Once the density gets to a point, it becomes easy for someone to hassle-and-hide or grope-and-hide... or even stab-and-hide. I, at least, would prefer a density where I can easily observe the people nearby me and move freely to avoid getting close to people, and yet dense enough that if something happened, people would potentially be available soon for assistance.

[TokyoLily]

Thanks for all the responses. Of course, when I said home is "safe" I meant it in the context that one lives alone, or the SO knows and understands, etc. I imagine that if home is not even a safe place for someone, then a person would just keep suppressing the urge to let their inner woman out (barring dressing out of town on a business trip, for example). That sort of leads me to a new question: does anyone purposefully go to not safe places? I suppose going to a mall where one could get clocked would be deemed "unsafe" for some, even if one could "hide" in the crowd of people. Although in Japan I feel very safe physically when going out en femme, I like to ride the trains, even though I might be made. It's the rush I get, I suppose.

[Frédérique]

what does "safe place" mean to you?

My upstairs rooms in this house, taken as a whole. Beyond that, I'm able to create a temporary safe place for myself in the outside world, using found materials, common sense, and a lot of imagination...
:battingeyelashes:

[sandra-leigh]

With regards to going to non-safe places: my internal pressure to be female was very strong, so while there were many places that I was not initially comfortable going as female, I faced up to each situation, faced up several times if necessary, until the situation no longer became uncomfortable. My last frontier unconquered is switching to using the women's washroom routinely (especially when I am not wearing a skirt or dress). Other than the washroom, the places were I would not go as female are the places that I would not go as male (e.g., a concerned friend recommended that I never go to one particular bar even as male.)

Oh wait, there are two exceptions: I have never dressed in a skirt or dress in front of my mother, or in front of my "old friends" "back home" (one of whom I have known since... I don't know, grade 3 maybe.)

You might be wondering by now about my workplace: I am not working at present and will likely not be able to for a time yet. I have determined that it would cause me far too much internal distress to have to hide my female side, so when I finally start to apply and interview, I am determined it will be as Sandra-Leigh.

[TokyoLily]

Sandra-Leigh

Good luck with the job hunt. Be who you are from the get-go. Everyone (including you) will be happier for it!