Why are we scared when buying female clothing?

[susan jackson]

What is it that makes someone who was born with a female body brave enough to venture out and buy something that is meant for a male, while someone who was born with a male body becomes a wreck when confronted with the concept of buying something that is meant for a female?

Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family?

Or are we just a bunch of snivelling wimps?

I know a number of ‘real’ men, who love nothing more than playing rugby on Saturdays and think it has been a great game when they end up covered in blood (preferably their own); who think nothing of drinking 20 pints of larger on a Saturday night and then speeding home to watch the football on telly; who boast of all the ‘birds’ that they have ‘shagged’; but who become a quivering wreck on the floor when their wives/partners ask them to go to Tesco to buy a pair of tights.

One of the main quotes that always appear on television programmes around St. Valentines day or Christmas, when asking a man if he would buy something pretty for his wife/partner is that ‘the shop assistant might think it is for me’. Well, I have got news for you, honey – if you are reading this, the chances are that it IS for you!

So, I ask the question again – why are we so scared of buying woman’s clothing and accessories? In this day and age, I am sure that the people who work in shops have seen it all before and would turn a blind eye to us. I am even more sure of the fact that money talks and shop assistants will listen to it. Why do you feel the need to let your palms get sweaty and your voice to quaver when making a purchase? “It’s not for me, it’s for my sister’ is an excuse most of us have used in the past, but why not be honest. Why not just say ‘It’s for me – I’m a crossdrsser’.

Experience has shown me that the response you are likely to get is more along the lines of ‘Am I bovvered? That’s £14.99’ rather than ‘Bloody pervert. Hey Jane, call the police. I’ve got one of those here’.

Forget your nerves; don’t let fear get the best of you. Stand up and be proud of who and what you are. The more you get out there and are seen by the hoi-polloi, the more we will be accepted.

You mission for tomorrow is…hold your head up high, be proud and go and buy yourself something pretty!

All joking apart, and getting back to the original question – why are so many men scared of buying female clothes and accessories?

[nhlighthouse]

This is a great question and I myself am glad that it has been asked. That being said, Yes I did in the past quiver when shopping for femme clothing but I went in with the mindset that it was for my wife to justify my shopping.
Little by little that has changed and I shop for what FEELS GOOD on ME!I find it best if done in a place far from where you live and people do not know you.

Now if I can only get that Pedicure done!!!!LOL...Mychelle

[BillieAnneJean]

A couple of weeks ago another girl and I spent quite a bit of time in the women's dressing rooms at Burlington Coat Factory, a big box clothing store in the USA. She had about a dozen outfits to try on. I kept going back and forth from the racks to the dressing rooms as the tops I were trying on were too big and I kept going down in sizes from XXL to medium. I couldn't find the sizes for all so the combinations required trips in and out.
No one said anything. The room users totally ignored us. Even the guys waiting for their women ignored us.
I think it was the first time for the other girl.
If anyone wants to do this, find a more experienced girl to go with for confidence.
BTW I found four summer tops for $44 including VAT (OH WAIT, we in the USA don't have VAT YET!)
A white short sleeve with a single vertical ruffle down the front. A white dressy T type shirt. One each teel and purple ruffled all over tops. For less than ten bucks each. I needed some summer tops.
This is SO much fun!

[Launa]

Why are we scared you say?

Its because when you get to the counter at a womens clothing store, you will be asked some questions just like when you go through international customs at the border. If you don't answer the questions correctly then you're busted on the spot, taken away in handcuffs and you picture will be posted on the front page of the papers.

That's what shook me up for years...........

[linda allen]

Being scared about anything is all in your mind, nothing more. Just make up your mind and do it. Eventually you won't be scared any more.

[Ruthie Leather]

No matter how many times I try, i still find it really difficult to buy clothes. I can tell myself that it's no big deal until i'm blue in the face but i still get the shakes. Glad to hear it gets easier with time...

[EllenJo]

Great Question! I raised 2 daughters by myself and had no trouble going into stores and buying them clothes. Even as teenagers when clothes shopping took forever for them to decide on something I would run back and forth to the changing rooms and no one paid any attention. When I met my second wife she was amazed that I would buy her nice fashionable clothes as gifts. No man had ever done that for her in her life.

I am not passable by any stretch of the imagination and I shop for my girl things while in drab. I have no trouble and often get help from SA's who will let me use the dressing rooms. In most department stores I take my lady things to the men's side to try on and really don't care what anybody thinks. I love shopping for clothes and enjoy going with my wife to shop for her clothes. We were in a DADT situation for many years but she is now very accepting. She still offers to buy me things so I won't have to but I am not embarrased. I am not intrusive on other customers and am respectful of the dressing room situation in shops that cater just to women.

Susan you are right, we are the alpha males. We are the hunters and gatherers of society so why should we harbor fear of anything, especially something as simple as buying a skirt for ourselves? Man up ladies.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[NicoleScott]

Right or wrong, brave or chicken, doesn't matter. There are situations in which it is better to keep CDing private. There may be CDers who hold prominent positions, but that's no assurrance that every community/family/board of directors/etc. will be so accepting. Some CDers don't feel the need to risk their success for the cause of acceptance of other CDers they will never know. Some CDers dress for sexual pleasure and see no benefit to themselves or anyone else by outing themselves.
Here we go, once again, not respecting others' wishes to keep their CDing private by calling them "a bunch of sniveling wimps".
What you see as hiding, I and others like me see as keeping private matters private.

[daviolin]

Personally I don't know. I used to be one. But I got over it. Lets go shopping. Daviolin

[vallerie lacy]

Better be careful about that "alpha male" talk. If the other half sees it, she may kick your butt.

[NicoleScott]

Better be careful about that "alpha male" talk. If the other half sees it, she may kick your butt.

That's right - in the animal kingdom including humans, there are alpha females, too. At their discretion, they might allow a male to have sex with her. The alpha type, male or female, is a role in the family/community/society. Not every male is an alpha type.

[Rhonda Darling]

Personally, I'm finally getting pretty good going to stores (preferably en femme, but in drab also works) and buying pretty much anything I want. I've gone alone and used the dressing room at Kohls eith no trouble, but have yet to "invade" a D.R. Chock full of younger GGs. Give me a wing girl or two and I'm rearin' to go.

My early inhibitions probably come more from my grandmother and my aunt, rather than from my mom. I was strongly discouraged from looking in catalogs at women's intimates (how's a guy to learn, otherwise), and chased away from willingly helping with the laundry if it had anything other than sheets and towels. Those women did not trust men/boys to know or see anything about ladies underthings. Got busted when I took my cousin's bra and panties down from the clothes line to check them out. Thought I'd put the back EXACTLY as they were before, but Sherlock Auntie outed me and barred me from her basement.

Scarred for a long time, and growing up in a time where CD/TV/TG were synonymous with pervert, it's easy to understand the built in and built up/reinforced inhibitions to shop in the ladies department. The SAsof the period reinforced all this with disapproving glares, calling for the floor detective to hover nearby and watch, and ignoring requests for assistance unless it was Xmas, Valentine's day, or a "birthday". Even then, you'd best be looking for clothing that is clearly not your size, otherwise they locked you in an iron cage and hung you over the women's intimates department with a warning sign for other perverts to stay away.

Times have, thankfully, changed.

Rhonda

[Lynn Marie]

My shopping fears all go back to my school days when being branded as a "homo" or "queer" by other thoughtless children was terribly humiliating. My entire young life was devoted to "manly" endeavors for the sole purpose of finding the girl of my dreams and shopping for lingerie sure as hell wasn't one of them!

It really wasn't until I found my "dream girl" that I found I could shop for her without fear and that the SAs were actually impressed with my courage! Who'd a thunk it? Now I'm no longer competing, I just don't care to make others uncomfortable so I try to enlist the help of SAs and shop with confidence.

[kimdl93]

I haven't shopped for women's wear in male mode for a long time. I did for a coupe of years, held back before that by the fear that someone might find out my secret shame, including SAs that I didn't know and might never see again. Then as I began to accept myself I found I did not particularly care what others might think.

[Ressie]

I spent quite a bit of time in the women's clothing dept. Christmas shopping for my GF every year and there was nothing to fear. I would buy her sweaters, tops, jewelry but stayed away from the lingerie. There is good reason to fear holding up a negligee in the mirror or going thru the panties in the sale bin. For me the fear is someone I know will see me. That doesn't stop me of course, but I try to be careful.

[Beverley Sims]

When you start out there is the fear of the unknown and also learning womens shopping customs.
You are like a fish out of water until you get used to the surroundings.

[Jenniferathome]

...All joking apart, and getting back to the original question – why are so many men scared of buying female clothes and accessories?

You answered your own question, "One of the main quotes that always appear on television programmes around St. Valentines day or Christmas, when asking a man if he would buy something pretty for his wife/partner is that ‘the shop assistant might think it is for me’."

Now, the really intriguing question is, do cross dressers feel more angst about it than non-cross dressers?

[robindee36]

I think we sometimes create a lot of discord in our own minds about shopping and buying female clothing. Been there myself. As you do it more, your comfort level will build. It can be scary but a lot of the anxiety is self created.

If you would feel more comfortable, rehearse a few comebacks in the case of being questioned (which happens very rarely). Its for my GF, SO, etc may I have a gift receipt please. As the Halloween season approached, its for my costume...you can then be off to the change rooms with no worries. I am sure the other girls here have developed these responses also. Maybe that warrants a new thread.

Maybe the best thing to do is just jump in. Might not be as daunting as you anticipate.

Hugs and good shopping girl. Robin

[GroovyChristy]

Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family?



You're joking, right?

[susan jackson]

Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family?

Or are we just a bunch of snivelling wimps?


You're joking, right?

Of course

Put it down to English humour

[Lorileah]

I am afraid it won't fit and then I will have to return it. That is embarrassing

[Chickhe]

There is nothing to fear, except someone calling you out on your fear and then validating the fear by showing shame... The secret is to decide you are normal and to have no fear. Then if someone else has a problem, you can look at act like they are the one who is nuts... why are we scared in the first place, closed upbringing, media stereotypes, unknown environment, ego?

If you really look at it like buying stuff at the hardware store, are you and the sales people okay with a woman coming in to buy a chain saw?... yes, but its unusual, but there should be nothing wrong with it. You just have to decide its right and don't listen to anyone who says otherwise...and probably that will never happen.

[AveryS]

Returns are easy - they don't know who it was for and don't care. It's the browsing and trying things on that's hard to get over. I bought all of my own clothes so far, primarily at Walmart, Target etc. Although my favorite clothes all came from F21 online.
I'm one of the chickens that has a hard time, but I push through it. I don't necessarily have the courage to try things on yet -- which is how I know the returns counters don't care. :)

[Ressie]

I made a return at Penneys and the cashier looked at it and said, "I wonder why she didn't want it"? Then she made another remark of the top being cute. I just kept quiet, but it was embarrassing to me.

[MysticLady]

I'm not.............:D

[PretzelGirl]

I am afraid of my card being maxed out.

[shayleetv]

Every once in a while I just go out shopping by myself to see what"s new in ladies wear. I'm always in drab because I don't dress in public to honor my wife's wishes not to so. Sometimes when out shopping like this I get "the look" from the ladies who are shopping as though I am invading their domain. When I have obviously bought something for my wife(She's a size 8) I'm always complimented on my fashion sense. To which my standard reply is "Well the best designer of women's clothing seem to be men, sooooooo....!" I even use that line when I buy for myself.

I even have gotten remarks from men who have been dragged by their wives shopping that I have more guts than they do. My remark to them that I don't see any difference in buying my clothes or clothes for my wife, "it's just cloth isn't it, what's the big deal?"

[Micayla]

I used to be shy , not anymore.Was greeted at peningtons today with a happy" Hello we have not seen you in a long time.You picked the right time to come in.All the 1/2 price mark downs are now 5$ and 2$.Let me know when you want to start a room."Gotta love it!
Micayla

[Michelle789]

Fear. Much of it is created by the idea that it's okay for women to buy men's clothing or manly items like hardware or chainsaws, but it's not okay for men to buy women's clothing or accessories. It's a prejudice created by society. We also fear getting outed if we should bump into someone we know, either male or female.


The secret is to decide you are normal and to have no fear.

Great point. People and animals sense fear. They say if you project confidence you can pull anything off, no matter how taboo it is. I really think all these rules created by society, such as men can't wear or buy women's clothes or men can't cry, are created by society to keep a certain order, because the leaders of society fear if we break the order then society will fall apart. So what do leaders, religions, do, they play on our fears to control us. And because we have fear, we allow fear to control. CDing and gender non-conforming behavior in many ways is like a brick wall that's meant to be climbed.

Personally, I think if we break the order society will function better because everyone will be happier, and it's not just restricted to CD/TG/TS. Even cis-gendered people face a lot of conformity, such as dating rules, dress codes at work, even what kind of car to drive, and yes having to abide by gender roles strictly. No one is 100% male or female, so every cis-gendered person may need to from time to time feel a need to express the opposite gender behavior, but will have to repress it. Sadly, we're all forced to comply with strict rules and customs which can make all of us miserable to some degree.


Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family?

Or are we just a bunch of snivelling wimps?

If men really were the superior gender, we wouldn't have this problem. There is no such thing as the superior gender.

Some men are wimps, I'll give it that. But not for keeping CDing private, but because they can be all rough and macho but when it comes to stand up for their wife or kids or friend in a real gender situation, they back down.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is pretty simple. Most men don't want to see perceived as gay (a big hangup men have in general, even among those who are gay but want to be perceived as "straight acting") or wimpy in general. Since society still views men who like women's clothes as gay and/or wimpy, and men in general have hangups about those thing, it is not surprising most men even if they dress do not want to be perceived to be either.

[MysticLady]

"it is not surprising most men even if they dress do not want to be perceived to be either."

:thinking:.......Vicky, you may be on to something there. Naaww, most men are confident and are not ashamed of being men.:straightface:

[suzanne]

I'm sure the heck not scared. But to answer your question, maybe some people haven't realized that no one's really watching, or no one really is getting all that worked up about it. Or maybe they don't know how to begin an appropriate conversation in a clothing store. Within only a couple of such trips, it comes naturally. Examples:

SA: Hi! Can I help you?
You: Yes, I'm looking for (garment name) in size (whatever).
SA: Sure! And who is this for?
You: (This is the most important, and initially most difficult part, but here goes) It's for me.
At this point, you may be shocked at the response the SA gives you, but it has never, NEVER been negative in my experience, nor in the experience of the vast majority of forum members. This is equally true whether I am in drab or in a dress.

Or, try this one:
You: Excuse me, do you have this in size (whatever, but in my case, 20)?
SA: Yes, we do. Here it is.
You: Thank you. Can I try it on? (Another tough hurdle, but well worth it!)
SA: Sure! I will put this in a room for you while you continue looking.

It really is that easy, once you get comfortable with it. Pay no mind whatsoever to anyone else. They don't matter and the worst they can do is give you the stink eye.

[ReineD]

Susan, it's just guilt or fear of being discovered.

I'll give you an analogy: A man and a woman, each married to other people, are coworkers and friends having lunch together. They'll eat around the corner from the workplace and then get back to the office. In a different scenario this same man and woman, each married to other people, are coworkers and also are having an affair. They'll go to out of the way places for lunch and they'll constantly be looking over their shoulders.

As to your first paragraph about people with female bodies who buy clothes intended for men, I don't know about the females that you do know, but all the females that I know buy their jeans and slacks, that are cut and tailored for female bodies BTW, in women's stores. :)

[Requal Jo]

Good discussion point Susan. First time out buying clothes in drab very nervous. Now I have no problems with purchasing any article of clothing. Confidence and experience grew with each purchase.

[julia marie]

I've been out more en femme in the past few months, and it gets easier all the time to shop for skirts, bras, whatever. The whole pretext of "it's a gift" goes right out the window. Nobody who works in the stores seems to care, and the looks from other customers may be as much about "hey, glad I don't look like the old fat broad" rather than "that's a man in our part of the world". There was a thread recently about whether CDs are "mainstream". Maybe not, but the thing I'm noticing is that there must be enough of us passing through department stores that the clerks and cashiers don't even blink when they see us.

[MysticLady]

Wasn't it the same when, you were a kid buying condoms? After a while, you get used to it.

[AbigailAlexis]

I finally jumped this hurdle earlier this week. I bought 2 bras, albeit at a smaller less crowded chain store (and yes I was scared so much I was probably physically shaking). I think that for me I'm still afraid of being found out by people I know. I think If I knew that no one would recognize me, I could go out fully dressed today. But, as is I'm just not ready.

[Sue Too]

I'm in the ladies departments all too often. I shop with ease. My checkbook balance shows my failings.

Susan in Phoenix

[Steph_CD_62]

I usually don't have a problem shopping for anything.

A long time ago during my first marriage, I needed to go to the store and buy some feminine hygiene products. I was really embarrassed but knew the brand she preferred. I went to a smaller store where all the hygiene products were in one area by themselves and had it's own check out. I found what she needed and took them up to the register, while looking around to see if anyone was looking at me. The cashier made me feel at ease by making a comment like "most men won't buy these for their wives".

I will admit if the area where I want to shop is really crowded I may not go and look around. I have never had a problem going through the check out line no matter what I have picked out to buy. It doesn't matter if it is nail polish, a bra, panties, stockings or any other item I would like to purchase. I hold my head up high and make conversation with the cashier.

Now if I am looking at clothes and an associate comes over asks if I need help, I always say "I am just looking". Most of the time they just say let me know I need any help.

[CONSUELO]

I went to the local Dillards yesterday morning. It was baking hot so I was not dressed en femme. I wandered around and chose my clothes and found a SA to pay for them. She was very nice and asked if I needed any advice. She commented that she was impressed that I did this without asking her advice and that I seemed to know what I wanted. We chatted about all sorts of things including her job and we smiled a lot and then I left with some nice things. I find that if you are pleasant and are prepared to just be chatty and ask them how their day is working out, they love that. Being a SA in a Dept store during the week can be very boring job and having someone to talk to is a very enjoyable change. Many moons ago I used to be 'scared" but I then learned that there was nothing to fear but fear itself. Now where have I seen that before?

[Jodie_Lynn]

All joking apart, and getting back to the original question – why are so many men scared of buying female clothes and accessories?


Cute post, it made me chuckle, but to answer the question, it is because of the reaction/attitude of the SA's and other customers who cause the jitters ( used to, for me anyway, but I've gotten better). As an example, for my wife's birthday, I was browsing through the women's section of a department store, looking for a nightgown that she had hinted at wanting. The staff (mostly younger women) kept giving me the eye, and one customer, older, actually made a 'tsk' sound and huffed away as fast as her pudgy little legs could carry her.

And, for the record, I was in drab, It made me uncomfortable, but I pressed on. Next time, I think I will buy some things for myself :devil:

[lisalove]

I ask myself that question each and every time I read that question. It's seem they need someone's validation,or permission, if you will.
it's so bloddy simple, no one give a damn, what you are buying, It's your hard earned money you can spend it however you want. The stores want your money, they don't give a damn if you are male, what you are buying, or how you are dressed.

[Stephanie47]

When I was newly married I bought my wife a lot of clothing. She was a real hot looking young woman, and, very very very sexy. It was fun adorning her body in lovely lingerie. I knew what I was buying was for her. That mind set lasted for decades. If it was for her, no sweat. I found it easy to buy lingerie for myself when I was younger. It seemed sales associates found it more reasonable that a young guy would be buying for a young woman. As men age out, it seems they lose interest in adorning their women. Complacency?

Some of the reactions I have gotten from older sales associates suggest to me that their gender bias has not been eliminated. Maybe, their husbands never bought them lingerie. I don't know.

It seems if a guy buys with confidence, then it goes well. Heck, when my wife was down and out with the flu I even offered, and, I did, I went out and bought her the sanitary napkins she needed. What was I suppose to do? Tear up an old white tee shirt?

[ninadiva]

I think it is more of an adrenalin rush than actual fear.

[donnalee]

I got my training in dealing with this kind of behavior learning how to handle bullies in school. As I was smaller and had a few other physical limitations, fighting them was out of the question. I did have an IQ past 150 though, so I went to my strengths; a talent for observation and the addition of a little mystery. There seemed to be an assumption of normal to their behavior on their part, but an atypical reaction confused them and if pursued, could scare the crap out of them. One thing was no recognition that they had done any damage; NEVER let them win, bloody but unbowed was the plan (a high pain tolerance helps). Another was an air of mystery; never let them know what you are thinking or might do; this made their skin crawl. Third, give them a way out; try to make it obvious, but if they were too dumb to see it, point it out to them. With any luck, this would make them turn their attentions elsewhere; if not, humiliation in front of their friends would usually do it. Give them nightmares. Make THEM feel inferior, just as they had tried to do to you; expound on their mental or emotional weaknesses in front of their friends; as they have no real ones, their "buddies" will walk away. Bullies need an audience; take it away and the desire to humiliate someone to feel better about themselves will go, too.
I have been living in this area for over 40 years and am somewhat well known; combined with a horrible memory for faces, I don't always recognize people who know me, so I would prefer not to be outed. I'm satisfied with my life as it has been and am reluctant to change.
I usually employ 2 techniques when out shopping; 1st is to pull things from the racks quickly. After years of hitting flea markets, I have a quick eye for what'll work and what won't. 2nd is to never flinch when I get to the register. Generally, women are the ones who will call you out; they seem to fall into 2 categories, either elderly or young, poorly educated and over-influenced by a fundamentalist church. While both haven't likely seen many crossdressers, I prefer the former. I had one ask me "Is this for your lady?"; thought about it for a couple of milliseconds and answered "Yes". She just didn't know that "my lady" was me! The other type was in a Walmart; although I haven't been back and don't intend to, I doubt that she lasted more than a few weeks. Stupid may be tolerated there, but rude to customers isn't, at least in any employer I've ever seen.

[Ressie]

Shouldn't any fear mostly go away when shopping in a different town where you have no friends and family? You still get strange looks from strangers but who cares? Of course unless you're a famous Rock star :)

[Eryn]

Most males are taught by their peers from a very young age that showing any feminine traits results in ridicule, ostracism, and often physical punishment. Being a "sissy" is the worst thing a boy could imagine. This is reinforced by parents who usually react negatively to a boy who is curious about female clothing. Fathers never handle or purchase female clothing in the presence of their sons. Those are powerful lessons and they are learned in our most impressionable years. We cannot forget such things even after becoming adults and unlearning them is very difficult.

Females, OTOH, are trained to be nurturing and serving. "Tomboys" are not ostracized and the trait is often considered desirable. Moms purchase and maintain male clothing in the presence of their daughters so they learn that there is no mystery to such things.

It is no surprise that we carry these ingrained lessons with us when we go shopping. Although I shop and occasionally buy women's clothing in male mode, I much prefer shopping en femme. It just feels right to do so.

[Steph_CD_62]

Most males....


Very well stated Eryn

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Susan, I have no problem shopping for womens clothing and shoes, the only thing that I'm afraid of is the Government.

[Mickitv]

Hi sweetie - not really scared but sometimes uncomfortable. I also always stay away for teen age girls - they can be vicious

[Dannigurlfriend]

Scared....nope.

[Tracii G]

Never really bothered me I bought clothes for my 1st wife all the time because she had no style at all seriously.

[Jamsey]

I was in Macy's Madison WI store a couple weeks ago with a friend who was trying to find a dress for her son's wedding. I went for moral support, I was in drab, she is my only friend who knows I dress....that I know about...lol.
In this Macy's store the whole 2nd floor is nothing but women's clothes.
There was a big sale going on, lots of women there, only a few men. Of course I had to check out dresses and outfits in my size too. After about the 50th dress or so my friend tried on, I had my eye on a couple that I wanted to try on. A few years ago I wouldn't have even thought about it, when I first started I would have made up a story about buying them for my wife and taking them home to try on. Anyway, I approached a younger SA, and asked her what was the store policy if I wanted to try on a couple dresses in the women's dressing rooms. She said she didn't know for sure what the store policy was but she said some women complain even if male employees come in to collect hangers. She recommended that I take my selections to the men's department on the first floor and try them on there. Needless to say I didn't, I was a little surprised, they have dressing rooms all over the place and some are very secluded. Of course, they were busy. but....they potentially lost a sale.
The point I'm trying to make, poorly, is that a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have asked, now, I'm much braver, I was a little nervous but it was controllable. So, if you shop a lot, the more you do, the easier it gets. I have never ordered anything on-line, I like shopping in person, even though sometimes it is still embarassing. Like Bra shopping....lol...
btw, my friend never did find a dress she liked. in her defense, she is between a petite and misses. She eventually found the dress she wore in her closet. But we had a lot fun, should see us when we shoe shop....

[Emma England]

I can't answer your question, because I do not get scared buying different shapes of material.

[Raychel]

I am more nervous in the womens section looking for just the right thing.
The women around here think that is there private territory and no one else is
allowed, I constantly get glared at by the women that are shopping.

Never once had an issue at the cash register, Just a couple of weeks ago I
bought a nice dress and a top, along with some other groceries, Water, snacks for lunches, ect.
the cashier and I got to talking about kids and she never even batted an eye at the dress.

[bimini1]

Hit or miss for me. Sometimes totally relaxed about then others get jittery. Who knows why? Years of programming, socialization, etc.

Mostly in the mind though. How do I know? It absolutely has never happened when I really am buying something for my wife.

[Girl]

I love clothes shopping! I never get nervous. It's such a joy! :)

[joanna4]

I was nervous back when I first started a few years ago especially because I bought stuff that were out of the ordinary like leather and its obvious that I would try it on later. Then I got a rush everytime I bought something like one I remembered buying my first lingerie. Recently I bought leather leggings and other things for my gf and I wasn't nervous because I knew it was for her. Now I don't even care or feel scared when I walk into a girl's department store or buy girl's clothes.

[heathr1]

Good question. I remember when I was about 18, mom asking if I'd do her a favour and collect a skirt for her from a store. I was too shy to do it.

Now, I still get nervous when buying things for myself, but have no issues whatsoever about buying make-up and clothes for mom and my sister-in-law.

[Daphne Renee]

It doesn't really bother me to go shopping. Most of clothes my wife hes were bought by me.now I to get a little nervous about trying on shoes outside of a dressing room but that's about it.

[chatbuddy1987]

I think it largely depends on the location where you're buying it and which country you live in.

[Sarah Beth]

Its funny because I was wondering the same thing the other day while in JCPenny. I stopped by to look at some things for me and I was really nervous about it. Yet when I shop for things for my wife for some occasion and I'm looking at the same things it doesn't bother me at all. Maybe its partly due to that rush I get at shopping for me.

[AmandaJ]

I had always fantasized about going to a department store and trying on dresses, but never had the nerve to do it. My SO, early in our relationship, took me shopping one day and picked out a few dresses. I was scared to death and was behaving like a macho guy that didn't want to be there. But I realized that wasn't working and I had to participate and let my guard down. She convinced me to go to the dressing room with her and for the first time ever, I tried stuff on. It was a thrill and my heart was racing, but then I was relaxed. We've done this several times now and I've even gone a few times by myself and even tried stuff on by myself. It just keeps getting easier! The fear is still there, but it's definitely having less and less of an impact on keeping me from doing it!

[susan jackson]

Personally, I seem to get more nervous when I am buying myself boy's clothes!

[Sallee]

Sarah, I think you nailed it.

[Frédérique]

What is it that makes someone who was born with a female body brave enough to venture out and buy something that is meant for a male, while someone who was born with a male body becomes a wreck when confronted with the concept of buying something that is meant for a female? Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family? Or are we just a bunch of snivelling wimps?

I can honestly say that I’ve never had a problem waltzing into a store and buying an article of female clothing. I think this is my version of the famous “pink fog,” a mysterious force field that suddenly appears and emboldens me to get those precious things I need and want. I attribute this to boyish enthusiasm, and not some latent masculine virtue of strength waiting to be released. It’s kinda pointless to get all MALE and then fondle some frilly unmentionables, n’est ce pas?
:doh:

[Jaymees22]

I have no fear when shopping for my wife, in fact I buy most of her clothes she admires my taste. When shopping for myself I do get a little excited even though I'm buying the same sizes and types of things. I guess because I know when I get home I can wear it. jaymee

[Bima]

Here is a fairly speculative theory on why men may feel fear when shoping for women's clothing.

Humans are social animals, and among social animals living in groups of individuals, status and social rang in the group is one vital aspect that individuals strive for their whole life. This is so as it often determines reproductive success, wellbeing, etc. Hence, there exist an inherent evolutionary value not to lose one's social rang, and the defence mechanism developed against behaviour where one may lose status could well be fear.

Now, If you are human and male, entering a women's clothing store, buying woman clothing, then I would suggest that if you get caught and are exposed, you risk loseing your status and social rang in an instance.

So, we feel fear because this is a situation where one may lose you social status.

It seem that females in the animal kingdom often tend to raise on the social ladder if they assume male like charachteristics. So perhaps that is the reason women can buy mens clothing with more ease, because tehy have nothing to lose?

Just a thought. :-)

Bima

[Caitlin_85]

I never bought any girls clothing in person...all of mine have been acquired via the internet. I might buy in person in the near future just for the experience. Probably just a top or jeans though.

[Sarah L]

I used to have that problem in a major way. Someone on the internet said "Go in with the attitude that everybody knows you're shopping for yourself." It worked. I used to build up my courage by telling myself silly stuff: "Buy yourself some panties like a man." I'm usually wearing a skirt when shopping for clothes now, so I guess I'm over being scared.

[Amy R Lynn]

Honestly, just go in and look around. I have been shopping for women's clothing a good couple of times. I have had moments were I just couldn't for some reason. Whether that was because I was too close to home, or something else... However, when I do go in and start looking, none of the women in the store say anything to me. I haven't had a problem at all. How do they know that I'm looking for something for me? Maybe I'm buying a gift!

[Shirley Rose]

I would love to find courage to shop openly. I am new to all this but have some pertty things purchased via internet. Perhaps a trip to the twin cities in the future.

[heatherdress]

Just act confident. No one really cares if it is for you or if you will wear it. No one cares. If you ever get a question, say whatever you want. "It's for someone special." "It's a gift." Smile. Pay. Leave. You never need to explain.

[Sallee]

After thinking about this for a bit I see the reason being that women's clothing especially lingerie is a forbidden fruit of sorts. We, us CD's, find the items to be "sexy" and erotic and therefore forbidden. Kind of like looking at those magazines in the back of the rack. The counter personk nowes you are not buying Playboy just for the literary excellence. LOL

[Ressie]

How do they know that I'm looking for something for me? Maybe I'm buying a gift!

Because men don't shop for their wives in the same place every week! LOL

The truth (for some of us) is coming out in the last 12 posts. If I'm thinking about how excited I'll be when I get home to try on the bra I'm looking at, there's the fear that someone will see my excitement! I've learned to pretty much be detached from my emotions so this won't happen so much. The main question should be: Will it fit?

[linny_aggy]

we rn't really 'scared'..its only the feel of doing sumthing not really done that tweaks us..were i not a CD (or u for that matter), picking any gurly piece from anywhere wud be perfectly in order..

[Julie M]

I guess I feel, like others have commented, both ways. Not worried or embarrassed at all some times, and at others, very self conscious and potentially embarrassed. When I feel that way, I just skip it (even though I feel disappointed.)

[Eryn]

The first time I purchased female clothes I was very scared.
The first time I purchased female clothes en femme I was somewhat scared.

Fast forward a couple of years. I was in Dress Barn in Camarillo today. I had found a couple of items I liked and was carrying them on my arm. The salesgirl came up and said "Can I start a dressing room for you? I said, "yes, thank you!" She asked my name. I replied "Eryn, E-r-y-n" I continued shopping and she periodically took my new finds. Finally, I headed to the room with my name on the door. All the clothes were waiting for me. I tried on a Calvin Klein T-shirt dress and went out into the dressing room common area to look at myself in the large mirrors. Another customer was there and she said "I wish I were tall like you so I could fit into more things." I replied that being tall had its disadvantages as well and we both had a chuckle. Both the customer and salesgirl complimented the dress.

If this had been two years ago such close interaction with GGs in a dressing room area would have made me a nervous wreck. The only way I could develop comfort in such situations is to put myself in those situations over and over until I figured out what to expect and how to intereact properly. I don't believe that I am ever totally passable, but a healthy display of confidence seems to carry the day. I was in and out of 30+ stores at the outlet mall today and in every one I was treated as I wished to be treated with no anxiety about being out of place. When I'm en femme I'm a woman and that's the end of the story.

[Lexi Moralas]

Love Burlington coat factory ! Always find something there it's my go to for lingerie and especially shoes !

Heather dress ,
Super cute pic love the curls !

[Lacy PJs]

Perhaps in a larger, more liberal city it is rather easy. But when you live in a smaller, more conservative community, doing something... doing anything that might ruin you socially and professionally would and most certainly should make you nervous. People like familiarity. They like to deal with people that they are familiar with. They like to associate with like-minded people. So, when one does something that is totally unfamiliar to them, they tend to shy away from that which they are not familiar with.

Some here have decided to roll the dice and let the chips fall where they may. But I'm guessing that I speak for many others when I say that we have spouses, families, careers and social status that we are simply not willing to put on the line for what to some of us is nothing more than a rather quirky hobby. Again, that's not everyone, but many...

As the saying goes, put yourself in another person's shoes before you pass judgement.

Lacy PJs

[michelle60]

as a new member I have to say it scarey going shoping for underware but yet when I go with so shoping its not so bad I hope one day to be abel to go by my self

[jim1991]

Funny thing is I normally love shopping unfortunately when comes to shopping for womens clothes it is like dancing on the limb of what society accepts and rejects. Shopping for womens clothes literally incapacitates me fear. It doesnt help my gf doesnt like shopping so I either do it or I live with what I have. The few times I went shopping I had to play it off that I was going to a crossdressing party lol. I got a sense of my masculinity out of it but I yearn to go evening gown shopping lol.

Alexis

[Eryn]

Perhaps in a larger, more liberal city it is rather easy. But when you live in a smaller, more conservative community, doing something... doing anything that might ruin you socially and professionally would and most certainly should make you nervous....

Quite true, which is why I have a "no-fly zone" in my own community. It's a bit of a bother, but it makes things much more comfortable for my spouse and I.

[Ocelon]

People say there's nothing to fear, but I did get banned from a store over it.

[Jeri Ann]

Quite true, which is why I have a "no-fly zone" in my own community. It's a bit of a bother, but it makes things much more comfortable for my spouse and I.

I also have a no-fly zone but there have been times when outside the zone I have run into someone I know. It seems that I am always shopping for a "gift".

[ClaireTaylor]

For me, the level of anxiety has been linked to how prepared I was to be open about this facet of me. Early on I was petrified, but thanks to some really helpful shop assistants I'm a lot easier about shopping now. When I get a bad SA experience I make sure I let them know how much I'd planned to spend before leaving without gracing their tills.

[julia marie]

Lacy. I don't shop for women's stuff in my home town (even though there can be great deals here). A half hour to 90 minute drive is worth it if you are concerned about seeing neighbors, whether you are shopping in drab or en femme. Great way to spend an afternoon or evening. You might be amazed when you get to checkout. The clerks really don't care. For the few that do care, don't worry, they don't know you, they'll still take your money, and you'll probably never see them again.

[NicoleA]

The first thing I bought in a shop was just a few days ago. I probably wouldn't have been more nervous if I was robbing the place! Three days later I managed to walk into a lingerie shop and had a bra fitting, and that shop was only a couple of blocks from my office. I'm not sure where that confidence came from, but I hope it lasts.

[CindyCross]

One of my heels from one of my nicest red pumps in a very large (male) size broke. For a few months I dreamt and hesitated to bring them too the shoe maker. In the end I got my courages together and brought them to the shoe maker. Luckely I brought also the other one because he explained to me that the other one needed to fitted with the same end bit, so that they would have the same height again and make that lovelt sound "real" ladies make, and while he explained kept looking back and fort from the heels to me. It made me feel so feminine, I loved every minute of this experience. Here is a picture of these nice red heels.

[paula1964]

i love buying my cloths on ebay ..........................

[Leeza]

I shop with my wife, one day I am going to get the courage to go by myself. I have to change my attitude about not caring what people think.

[Maryesther M.]

I couldn't 'pass' in a million years and skirts, blouses & tights are about all I can find in High St shops that would fit me, so I generally buy items as though I'm the guy with the wallet, for other family members, so there's no scare involved.

Anything else, e.g. shoes, I must buy on the Net.

M.

[kristy321ca]

I honestly get scared because I'm not gay/bi. I want to be in relationships with women, so if I'm out buying clothing for myself and I potentially see someone I might date one day, it's scary to think about. I don't want to be recognized for what I'm doing. I just want to buy my panties and get the heck outa there!

[Desirae]

When I was younger, like 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, I went shopping at quite a few stores for women's clothing. This was back in the late 80s and early 90s. No, I never tried anything on in the store. I bought dresses and a few skirts. I just guesstimated sizes. If something didn't fit, I didn't take it back. No shoes. No lingerie. I even shopped at quite a few local stores in my town. On a few occasions, I drove out of town an hour or so.

Yes, the fear is from possibly getting caught by someone you know. And its from thinking about what the SAs and other customers must be thinking. It's the fear of getting labeled a perv, or gay. It's all of that stuff.

After my early 20s I couldn't do it anymore, so it DIDN'T get any easier for me. It got harder. The fear grew for me. I had to start ordering through mail order catalogs and eventually the Internet.

It's hard for me to imagine any store (Penneys, Kohls, Burlington, Macy's, etc) that have no problem letting a guy try on women's clothes in the dressing rooms. It just doesn't seem like something that stores would be willing to do because of THEIR fear of alienating their female shoppers. I would love to do this. I doubt I could do it by myself anymore. I'd love to be able to go in a store and try on some bras and dresses. It would have to be with someone much more confident than I am and, hopefully, some of that confidence could rub off on me. That's the only way I'd probably ever do it again.

And another thing is you don't know where all of your old acquaintances from high school and past jobs live. They might live in that town that's one hour from your house where you drove to buy some clothing, presumably which is in a "safe"place nowhere near your house, and just happen to be in the same store as you. You just don't know. Just driving and hour or two away doesn't guarantee that you won't run into somebody you know. Odder things have happened.

I know I just read a lot of posts where the poster said, "I don't care what people think". I think we all care, at least somewhat, what other people think. If you didn't, why would you take care of your lawn, or your house, or whiten your teeth, or lose 10 lbs, etc?

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Hey Cindy, those red pumps are awesome on you gal!

First time I gathered the guts to buy a bra (many years ago) I was on a business trip and went into the local Sears lingerie department late at night to avoid as many people as possible. I was so nervous about it that I grabbed the first one I saw that I thought was my size (big mistake) and went to the check out counter. The SO was a stern looking middle aged woman and she gave me a disapproving look that would kill. I was trying to play it cool and blurted out something like “oh don’t worry it’s not for me, it’s a gag gift”. She never spoke a word or stopped the disapproving look. I was mad at myself for saying such a stupid thing and letting her get to me. I decided then I needed to conquer that fear and it took some time and more experiences to get over the fear. I was able eventually to turn the shopping fear adrenaline rush into a fun adventure thing which it is to this day! I have always purchased en-drab but look forward to being more out in the future and shopping en-femme someday.

I picked up a nice simple blouse at Target a couple of weeks ago and the check out clerk said to me: “I don’t know who this is for but it sure is nice material”. I replied that I liked the fabric as well and it was for me. She just smiled and looked a little surprised at my honesty.

Hugs,
Stephanie

[Roli F]

I wear the pants in my house And I have the wifeys permission to do so

[PaulaQ]

We are scared because a man wearing women's clothes is still a social taboo. Fortunately, that's softening some, especially in stores that carry sizes that are apt to fit most of us. We are scared because it's in public, and we could be outed. We are afraid of the social consequences, or the consequences to our marriages if we are so exposed.

In some locales, there's still reason for fear.

[Tilly Vega]

You know there still is some feat,but overall I'm pretty chill while shopping. Nobody has ever said anything,and if they did I haven't heard anything lol I don't really care what others may think about it. Once I start transitioning seriously(electrology and Hormone Therapy) I'll be definitely buying new clothes. Especially some bras(yaaaaay!),and maybe some new dresses. When you realize that most people really don't give half a shit about you or what your doing you'll be much more relaxed :)

[Chardonnay Merlot]

I still am a little bit, mainly in shops I haven't been to before. But mostly, its pretty normal to me to shop for what I want. One thing that helps a great deal is I've managed to cultivate a cadre of salespeople and store managers who are supportive, friendly and want to make money.

That, and just being comfortable and confident on who you are is a big deal. I found that If I don't make a big to-do about who I am, nobody else will. :)

[immike]

I have never purchased any of my wardrobe in a store.It's SO easy to order clothing,pantyhose,heels online.

[Valarie]

My Texas girls know about the deals that H-E-B have so you can appreciate this. I was at the store a few weeks ago and went through the cosmetic section, and saw there was a coupon for already reduced price wet n' wild lipstick (got it for .59) then found that my favorite brand of pantyhose, reg. price: $4.39 had a $2 off coupon so I got two pairs. I was fine the rest of the time doing the shopping while my wife was at work. When I got to the check out the butterflies hit. I was not with my wife, what if someone asked me who this was for and they escorted me out of the store for being a pervert! That didn't happen, instead the sales girl was blown away by the price I got for the lipstick, and said she would have to get some latter. :) Money speaks more, these stores could care less who buys what, as long as you spend, spend, spend.

[Wezzcott]

When I was younger, I used to very scared when buying women's clothing. I was scared that someone that I knew, or a friend would see me and tell everyone. It was so bad to the point where I would get shaky. I was always worried about what others would think, and now I just don't care. I think it was when I got married years ago and wore my wedding ring, it kind of gave me the confidence to buy the clothes. My logic was if anyone I knew seen me that knew me would just think I was buying the clothes for my wife and would just look "normal". These days, if I see something I like when I'm out and about, I just buy it with confidence. I also purchase a lot online as well.

[gillathome]

i usually find it a little bit scary, but i think a two-week old beard makes it easier. after all, it can't be for me, can it? and this time of year makes it easier

[Susan.]

When I was a young and married it was not a big deal to shop for clothes. But now that I am older and longer married it is much harder.

[Billiejosehine]

I remember the first time when ventured out to buy clothes and felt very uneasy and concerned what others were thinking. But as went on I continued to go out and buy clothes. Each time I went my confidence grew and told myself that it was not that bad. Now that I am married it seems a non issue for me to venture into the women's section especially the lingerie area. If I do have issues I use the excuse that it is for my wife. One time when I was at a store browsing the lingerie section, I saw a female worker at the end of the lingerie aisle who gave me a weird look. As I turned around and continued to browse I over heard them making comment on their headset how there was a guy in the lingerie area and for other co-workers to keep an eye on them. Why did matter to them that I was in that section. I find it quite rude for them say something like that on their headset.

[Jessica giovanna]

I feel bad for the girls whom can not feel like they can go out....going out en femme and shopping has never been an issue, neither in drab as well....just went out today and bought new undies and bras....heck...I even struck up a convo with a gg regarding my taste. I understand the fear, but try and work it out.
But remember....not all of us want to go out and we all have to understand this as well...
Kisses-ms g

[karens70]

it still freaks me out, the internet is my friend although the other day I did go into a shop and buy some heels. At this time of year its much easier, I made myself feel better by walking into the shop holding a roll of Christmas present wrapping paper I just bought, and then produced from my pocket a print out from the website of the shoes I wanted with the size scribbled on as if my other half had sent me on a mission. This was at Nine West, the woman behind the counter went and checked in the back and brought them out, she cracked a joke about me wearing them later, she was just being fun, but then she said "the number of men I have had in here in the same position over the past few weeks is unbelievable" (not buying size 11 I thought! :-) )

its ridiculous that I felt I had to create this whole scenario, to put on a show, but I sure felt better about it. I am sure it will change with time...

Just for info, the shoes are the gorgeous ones that are shown in my profile photo! Nine West Martina very classy

[Adriana Moretti]

thanks to the confidence gained by chatting with all you beautiful people here i have no more fears of buying anything in public.

[grace7777]

When i first started shopping for female clothes I would do it in drab. Eventually i started to shop en femme and now I almost always shop en femme.

When shopping in drab I liked stores with self checkout lanes. Once when shopping I had pantyhose which would not scan so the person overseeing the area asked me if I needed help, so i handed her the item telling her it would not scan and she ended prup having to enter it it in manually. She then smiled at me. I think she knew they were for me.

One time when shopping en femme I heard a male SA complaining to a female SA about there being a crossdresser in the store. The female SA said she did not care and had no problem with it and the male SA said nothing more about it. I continued shopping and had no problem and bought an item and was treated courteously by the cashier.

Two of my favorite places for shopping are Marshalls and Burlington Coat Factory. It tends to be hit or miss but when I hit I have gotten great clothes ar great prices.

Sometimes when shopping en femme I have had female SAs compliment me on my outfits.

[Lisa.Stevenson]

In a larger city like where I live now I have no problem going into any store and buying female clothing, makeup, or whatever really. Back in my home town was a totally different story. the population is only 5,000 people so you always tend to feel more.. recognizable so the few times I did buy female clothing there I would do the old "make up a derpy excuse that you just happen to say out loud near the cashier" routine. Those were the days..

[Ellie52]

Sue, I'm not scared anymore, I don't give a damn what people think anymore. When I arrive home with new shoes or a skirt/suit my wife just raises her eyebrows or says that's nice dear. I am on the road everyday so have a great choice of areas in which to shop. Ellie

[Tallulah Rose]

I started buying things in my teenage years, before internet shopping became a thing. I learned pretty quickly that I had nothing to worry about. Shops want your money, that's all.

I always shop in boy mode, because girl mode is strictly indoors for me. I enjoy shopping with my wife, too and we both buy nice stuff. The only slight complaint I get is from my wife, when I'm just a little too indiscreet by talking too loudly about how I would 'totally wear that!' in public. Oops. :D

I feel positively wonderful if I'm in the lingerie department, even if my wife is doing the shopping. Being surrounded by such lovely things, I love it. :daydreaming:

I'm not gloating, though. I understand we all have different fears and this can be a big thing for some people.

[Kim81]

I'm not scared of buying female clothes but if its for me then I much rather have my SO blessing.

[Karen__Starr]

I felt uneasy back in my early teenage years but after several outings it was no big deal. Still remember purchasing foam breast forms and bra in male mode (was about 12 years old) but from what I can remember drew no undue attention.

[Edm_Jamie]

It's like when you ask a kid "what are you doing" and just by the reaction on their face, you know they were up to something wrong even though you have no idea what they've done. So when I shop in drab mode, it's important to not think you are doing something wrong, otherwise if a shop clerk asks if you need any help, you don't want to end up dropping everything and running for the door!

[suchacutie]

As fate would have it, I was married for 33 years before Tina arrived so I had a long history of buying anything and everything for my wife. I had gotten some strange looks perusing in the pantyhose/stocking aisle at times but I just stared back in righteous defiance at the time. If an SA asked if I needed help I would take the help if I needed it. When I did accept assistance they were universally impressed that I had the nerve and ability to shop for my wife for anything and everything.

Transferring that now to Tina is easy unless I need to try something on. With shoes we keep to the "no-fly zone" since it's clear they are for me, but SA's have always been very helpful. For clothes I just shop in a store with a mens changing room.

Outside of trying things on, it's all a matter of confidence from what I've experienced.

[pernille d]

Like everyone Else says shopping in drab becomes easy ... Changing areas Can still be a problem as i find they are staffed by the new Young workers that have just started and there Always hard work ... Humor and boldness is the best approach.. The Other thing i notice is. Men buying for there female half. Go to the clothing guess the size and take the style to the checkout ... Shop assistents know whats up When a man looks long and hard at things and uses time to decide is this the Right colour for me .....its a dead giveaway and so is looking through the lingeri sales section :-).

Worst thing for me is is fear of work colleges seeing me shopping .. Never happened before but happened twice in an hour in the same shop. Talking to a sales assistent becomes easy after talking to a College and hopping they dont ask about the skirts in your basket. ....

[EmilyS]

Lord I've never had a problem buying female clothing. I've bought many a clothing gift for my wife. Buying female shoes on the other hand used to give me pause. I've gotten over that though.

[immike]

I find it easier to purchase womens clothing online,where you can stay anonymous.I buy skirts,tops,pantyhose,heels online&
have it delivered to my place,where I live alone

[Rachel_B]

When I first started CD back in my teens, I purchased everything online for the most part. When I got older though I ventured into stores and if asked about the items, I would always say they were for somebody. A couple years ago, I started buying bras at Victoria's Secret and would always say that they were for somebody until one day I mustered the courage to ask a SA what color bra would look good on me and since then, shopping there has always been fun(granted most of the time I present myself as female). There have been issues with going to a store to try something on before I decided to buy. I went to a Maurice's one time in guy mode and asked if I could try on a skirt and the SA said that I couldn't and needed to buy them and said I can return them if I didn't like them. I went back to that same store a different day dressed as female and was allowed to try them on there. Another store I visit to drool over clothing(its expensive) is White House Black Market and there is a SA there that honestly believes that I am female and made a comment that she loved my blue eyes and that she hated blue eyes on men.... all I could think was "If she only knew the truth".. I seem to be getting off topic alittle. When I finally started to really buy female clothing, I wasn't scared because if I could ask a Victoria's Secret SA about what color a bra would look on me, I knew everything after that would be easy

[JackieMilton]

In the beginning (3 years ago) i was nervous about buying panties and intimate clothing. But after while it got easier. I have found some stores are easier than others. One of favorites is Maurices, the girls greet me by name, help find the right outfit and color, make sure every fits just right. another is Victoria Secrets for panties,lotion,body wash. they know I am buying for myself and assist me selecting whatever. I have found if you aren't nervous or act like it is a big secret, no matter where you will treated right. I fitted for a corset in Fredericks by not 1 but both clerks, course i was a thong at the time so that may be it. How many senior citizens wear thongs?

[Janine cd]

I was apprehensive about buying feminine clothes until I went to a Penneys store a while ago and bought an assortment of bras on sale. The salesperson asked if I had found everything that I was looking for and I assured her that I had. When she was ringing up the sale , she commented that I had selected an assortment that would look lovely on me. I thanked her and was very proud of my response.

[suzanne]

How I wish this wasn't an issue! Shopping for femme clothes, on a scale of ten, is a twelve. Shopping for male clothes is a one. I just want to get in and out ASAP. Ten minutes is too friggin long. In my favorite women's store, an hour goes by in a flash. The SAs in that particular store all know my by my male name, and I go there dressed in either femme or drab, doesn't matter. They now tell me that when I pop in to shop, they mention it the next day to those co-workers that werent there. Their response is like, "Darn! I missed him!". When I want to try something on, my SA immediately takes my selections to "Start a fitting room" for me while I hunt for more. When I go in and try something on, she offers her expert opinion about how well it works on me. The rest of the staff always wants to see how I look and they now treat me like a friend, not a customer. As with any female customer, some things work, most do not, and sometimes, nothing works, but you have to try it on to be sure. IMHO, there is no substitute for this part of the process. On line shopping is out of the question for me.

My wish for all the girls in this forum is that you all find the courage to shop that one first time. You will be very quickly put at ease and soon find yourself wondering why you ever hesitated. Just go in there and be ready to answer the question, "How can I help you?" Try responding with "I want to find a dress in size (your size here)". Remember, you have just as much right to be there as any female customer. Its really that simple and easy. Please go!

[Dana L]

For a second I get nervous but then I start looking at all the clothes and forget about it. I've shopped for my daughter and my wife so many times I just tell myself it's no different. I still prefer my wife to come with. Although I take my things over to the mens section to try on. Placed under a mens shirt or pants as I walk in the dressing room. One time I picked out this cute outfit and we were right next to the womens dressing room. There was no one around so my wife said just go in. So I did, the outfit looked great. My wife said let me see, there's no one around. So I came out. Just then a lady walked over, I thought I was going to die, when she looked at me and said oh that looks great. After my heart started beating again I thought, wow that wasn't so bad. Still and all I'll take my selections over to the mens dressing rooms from now on. I'm a whimp I know.

[Daphne Renee]

I used to be a very nervous. I remember buying a bra once at wal-mart. In my mind I thought someone is going to figure it out.. Now I just buy whatever I want. The price is what scares me now. :)

[ElisabethK]

While I wouldn't say I get afraid anymore, one trick I do if I'm feeling self conscious is just act like I'm doing something important on my smartphone. I figure then it may just look like I'm making sure it is what my girlfriend wanted me to pick up, but if nothing else it prevents eye contact :)

[Stephanie Julianna]

I have no fears at all. Went shopping today en femme and had a great time and got some incredible buys at Irenes Lingerie in Plainville,CT and Nordstom's Rack ain Farmington. I must have tried on 8-9 dresses. Got and $80 dress for $23. It's the only way to save since what looks good on a hanger does not always look good on you and vise versa.

[sensui]

whenever i go to buy clothing i always make a quick quip about hoping the clothes are the right size for my wife and i usually buy something for men in the mix, i get super scared and darn near HATE shopping for clothes but i can't get the right fit if i order online....makes me sad....at least till i get home and get to try on my new clothes........then i so happy that it makes the whole ordeal totally worth it!

[suspender]

Nothing like a good sniveller!

I used to get the nerves up when making the purchase. I posted on this site well over 7 years ago of an encounter I had at the counter when I mixed some femme wear in amongst the non conspicuous groceries, only to strike the checkout matriarch from hell. I had all of the fun at the end of the day. since then it has been all plain sailing and I now walk in dressed, semi dressed or in drab into shops that specialise in clothing or womens' apparel. No more snivelling!

[Majella St Gerard]

I'm not scared. I shop for dresses all the time in drab and try them on, nobody gives a s**t what you are buying, as long as you are buying. Be a lion not a mouse.

[Dawn Gurl]

I've found the majority of SA in the women's departments ( and most women, in general ) are very accepting and non- judgmental of my "girl" side, especially the younger crowd working today...have found them very helpful and offer great suggestions.

[Rachel292]

I used to worry, get nervous and breakout sweating. I do all my shopping in Drab. I must admit that I don't try things on but i'm fairly comfortable with my size(s) and will now just browse, pick out something I like and go to the desk and pay. Don't care if it's undies, bra or dress. Don't recall being challenged, but do occasionally say if it's the wrong size can 'she' change it (she being me of course). I did get an 'odd' look when i brought some size 16 (UK) jeans in QS last week though, but nothing was said. Years ago I used to worry when you had to write a cheque as the SA would be able to identify you, but nowadays you just poke your card in the slot, tap in your number and thats it, the SA doesn't know who you are or what your name. A few weeks ago I was in ASDA (= Walmart) and must admit to getting a bit flustered, when the self checkout wouldn't work - I had 2 bras, 1 pair of shoes (Size 9 (UK) 3" heel courts) and a pile of make up and had to ask the SA to clear an error because it wouldn't register an eyeliner pencil on the bagging side (kept saying put item in bagging area). But I wasn't challenged and nothing was said. But it must have been obvious they were for me. The other thing you get in some stores are those pesky security tags. I either go to the normal sales desk or if using a self checkout , just politely call the SA over and ask them to remove the tag. No problem.
The more I do it the more confident I get.

[MsDanii]

I was very fearful of the "perception" of the associate at the desk.
But at the end of the day, they have no right to judge a purchase.

Just enjoy it, plus remember if it wasn't for our money... they wouldn't have a job :)

[JazmyneCD]

I used to fear doing this but as I got bolder with my CDing, it dawned upon me that if you are confident with yourself, then there shouldn't be an issue. I've gone out many shopping many times but for the sake of not being recognized, at places that I know I wouldn't be (mostly across town). But I've also shopped places I frequent just because they had something I wanted. In fact I had the same cashier once in drab and again en femme. Unless you have some kind of unique identifier (tattoo, etc.) they won't make the connection. They see many people each day and you're just another one.

I will buy clothing in drab no problem -- I bought a tennis dress in drab and nobody batted an eye. I've also purchased makeup in drab and while the male cashier may have thought something was odd, he didn't say a word. Again, it's your level of confidence that will have the most impact. This makes buying en femme even easier and enjoyable, although I try to make transactions as quick as possible without much discussion as my voice is rather deep and hard to disguise no matter how I try. I have, however, had to speak up on a few occasions for whatever reasons and it was awkward. I now do whatever I can to avoid having to speak with the cashier, but will smile and carry on otherwise.

[Jolene]

I enjoy shopping for Jolene, but my big fear always is being seen by someone I know.
Would have to go into witness protection.

[Adriana Moretti]

I just did an article on this for my blog ( not published yet)...I will copy and paste it below ....btw I went food shopping today...snuck in some new blush...the checkout girl lifted her head up when she saw it, looked at me quick ( i wasnt paying attention) then went about her business...no biggie..anyway..here is the article


I had a girl mention to me that she was terrified of buying women's clothing in public. I could completely relate to this. In fact I STILL get a little nervous on occasion . I don't know why I still do...but...I do...are you like this? If so here are some things to remember.

1. Nobody Really Cares
Seriously...do you think the girl working the counter REALLY gives a hoot about what items you are buying? She rings people up all day long...all she really cares about is ringing you up and getting back to her cell phone to check her friends facebook status. They are all having much more fun than she is.

2. The fear is all in your own mind
Your mind place funny tricks on you, and you feel guilty,ashamed and embarrassed because you think the store clerks KNOW your intention to take home your purchase and dance in front of the mirror. This isn't true....and if you really want to throw the scent off that it is for you, ask them if they have a gift box and look like you have a million other things you would rather be doing.

A great way to get over this fear is to walk around a women's clothing dept, and just get comfortable being there. Just get comfortable standing there alone . Look at the women around you...do any of them care? Do any of them know why you are there? The answer more than likely is no.

Mixing your items is a great way too...When you go shopping...kill 2 birds with one stone...pick a dept store with a men's & women's dept get something from both. Who's gunna judge you?

Certain times of year are also alot easier to buy your femme items

1. Christmas
This is an obvious one...but that means you have from Thanksgiving till Dec 24th to be a worry free shopaholic...it's not for you....it's a gift.

2. Valentines Day
This is the one time of year you should be completely comfortable buying women's lingerie . Alot of men buy sexy things for their wives or girlfriends...and so can you. Throw in the gift box comment too for good measure. Go nuts...hit every Victoria Secret in the area...

3. Halloween
Another obvious one...but a great time to buy things like wigs,makeup,costumes etc......also a great night for a first time out adventure!!!!

Just some tips to make your shopping experience a bit more easier. The more confidence and experience you gain from dressing will make shopping that much easier and alot more enjoyable

[jennifer_m_23]

Yup, the only time I've shopped for girly stuff is before Christmas. That's why I love online shopping! No fear or getting embarrassed, just shop til you drop...off your chair...lol

[Trisha91]

I'm still a little uneasy, but hope I'll get comfortable with it like others. My fear isn't really about the store associates, since they likely don't care at all. But the possibility of running into people I know while shopping for female clothing or makeup really terrifies me, which is why I always shop far from home...

[Nikki 1984]

Were afraid someone will make an off handed comment. I was like that for quite some time. I would want to go look at femme clothes, but I feared trying to check it out at the store. It took multiple times to get over it. Once I did it felt great. When I go I take the time to find the perfect femme clothes that I like. I would try it on in the dressing room to see how I look in it. If I liked the way I looked in it I buy it. I also have no problems paying for the femme clothes at all when checking out. So I don't think of what other people say at all anymore.

Take it easy, Nikki

[Patty-Fay]

Those of us who do get scared, do so because we're doing something that is considered weird by our society at large, and we don't want anyone (not even strangers) to think we're weird. We want to be liked and feel respected.

Here's the solution: society's attitude really should p**s us off. Now shop boldly and angrily for that cute dress you want. Be defiant when you check out at Wal-Mart with those panties. Glare back at the shoppers who smirk or grimace when they see you holding up that nightie to your body!

[Kathy Kay]

Most of my shopping is at thrift stores. I was more than a bit nervous early on but now I could care less who sees me or what they might think.

[NikkiBeth]

I used to be scared to death, buying anything in person. Over the years I have developed little tricks to overcome my anxiety. For makeup and hosiery I have a shopping list, so I look like I am running an errand for my wife. For clothing I go to stores that are not in my immediate area.
Shoes, I still buy online.

[NANNETTE]

I used to be very scared when I started buying my own clothes. I started buying my first item of female clothes when I was twenty one a pair of black tights from Wooloworths. I was convinced that she was giving me dirty looks. A few weeks later I stared to buy more and more tights in different shops, I bought a lot in Marks and Spencers. I went through the sweaty palms stage for a good few years. I used to be so uncomfortable I would hand over too much money to the assistants. After a year of tights shopping I used to shop a lot in the Womens deparment of the Co-operative store. It was Aladdins cave full of beautiful tights. As well as loving flesh coloured tights I also adored black and coloured tights. I use to buy about a dozen pairs. I think the girl assistants got to know me, I think they guessed they were for me. To make matters worse they were not very friendly. I would take the tights to the counter and say their are not for me. Invariably they would give me dirty looks. However, there was the odd assistant in stores in the city who could not have been nicer. I am sure those S.A.'s knew it was for me. AS the years go by I am now very relaxed. One day I will pluck up the courage to say the items are for me. It is a bit of goal of mine.

[dana digs sweaters]

Afraid of what?
They're just clothes. The clothes don't bite.

Perceived "judgement" from the SA or others?
Makeup?? "Who you foolin Willis?" ........ it's for you

Trying on the clothes? Why make a trip home for an item that does not fit.
My 1st bra purchase came with the comment "at least you didn't go for the Dolly Parton look"
I replied "That look will be perfected for Halloween"
Her & I both laughed at this.

[Richelle423]

I used to be very scared n embarassed when shopping for fem things but now I don't give a hoot or holler. I used to get red faced and nervous when I went shopping but now I pretend I'm shopping for some one else. But lately I really don't care anymore what anyone thinks. There's women who buy men's clothing for themselves why can't we buy women's things for ourselves??? Hey if it fits then wear it!!!!!!!!!!!

[Laura28]

Never been afraid to buy anything. As a kid I was the one in the neighborhood who would ask the man behind the counter for condoms. Went into a store and purchased booze at 16 never nerveous. I have no issue buying clothes underwear bras anything. Yet petrified of going out in public dressed???? Why the heck is that???

[Ilsa]

Was more excited than scared.:jumping:

[Barbie Anne]

Oh dear lord! I do remember the fear when I went out and bought my first pair (well of my very own teehee) panties.
Over the years it got easier but there was still that fear. At least I finally stopped shaking whilst paying for my girl things lol.
Then one day at the local wally world while checking out the young lady picked up my pkg. of hanes her ways and said "These will look nice on you". I froze lol. instead of my standard "They're for my wife", I finally just blushed and said thank you. She winked, I paid and left. after that I stopped letting it bother me :)

[LizOfPgh]

I used to be scared to death, buying anything in person. Over the years I have developed little tricks to overcome my anxiety. For makeup and hosiery I have a shopping list, so I look like I am running an errand for my wife. For clothing I go to stores that are not in my immediate area.
Shoes, I still buy online.

I use the list trick sometimes! I'll use it mostly when I want to pick up makeup or pantyhose at the supermarket. I'll just buy the girl stuff along with milk, bread, etc.

[michellekhoo]

I don't mind shopping for clothing with the exception of shoes. Not many women are a UK size 9, so I think its fairly obvious that they are for me. As a result I do all my shoe shopping online with mixed results.

[Felicia Dee]

I used to panic when I would go shopping for my femme self. I grew up around alot of intolerant people... These days, I find that I don't care as much about what people might be thinking. It helps that there is a strong LBGT community where I live. Still, for specialty items, I shop online. And recently, I have learned how to make some of my own clothes. This is helpful, as my body can't always pull off something I find at the mall... ;P

[kristalcarlisle33]

It's still really pretty scary for me - usually I go to a big box store - like meijer or wal-mart and I do what many of you have called the list trick - just buy a bunch of whatever I need - groceries or whatever and then grab some thing in the women's section in passing, but I'm terrified of being seen by someone I know so I tend to go to stores a little ways away from where I live.

I have to say though that I really appreciate some of the things you have written about it - especially Patty Fay an Adriana. Thanks a lot for your comments - they are very empowering!
Krista

[AKADonna]

I got over my reluctance to shop for fem attire by going to a thrift shop where it is pretty common for people of either gender to shop from all the racks. They seem to put the male clothes pretty close to the ladies section, so people go back and forth interchangeably. This became so common and comfortable for me that I would ask other shoppers their opinion on my selections. Of course, there were no changing rooms, but everything is priced so cheaply that I can load up with several outfits for less than $20 and then, if they don't fit, I can either return it for credit or just donate it back to the thrift store.

After shopping there for a couple of years, I have since found it quite easy and comfortable to shop in regular retail ladies stores. Being somewhat larger, my favorite is Lane Bryant. I have had a couple of bra fittings and the SA'a there now know me and offer advice and tell me about upcoming sales, etc. All of this just makes me feel so much more girly or feminine. I can shop with the best of GG's!

[Vanessa Rose]

Was both excited and scared.

[GenieGirl]

When shopping as a girl I'm as happy as can be and could care less if people think I'm weird or have a mental problem :). When shopping as a guy super uncomfortable and feel like a creep :\ Thats why I only shop as a girl for my girl stuff unless its online :D

[Susan Stevens]

My old phone has this cool feature called "Fake Call". I used to have it programed with my wife's phone number to come up and when I hit the volume button 3 times it would ring 30 seconds later. I would pretend to answer it and act like my wife is asking me to pick something up. I would stay on the fake call and ask her about the color she would want, what size... It was all pretty silly and I haven't done it in a long time. I figure my wife wears underwear, pantyhose, dresses, skirts, thigh highs and all the other fun things, so I just tell anyone asking they are for her, but most don't even care or notice. I will say the fake call feature got me out of some boring or uncomfortable conversations! I wish the iPhone had something similar.

[GenieGirl]

Very neat idea Susan!

[jsunic_1978]

I feel people are judged by CHARACTER. ANYONE THAT LOOKS UNEASY ABOUT THEM SELVES USUALLY DOSE RAISE SOME EYE BROWSE. Who gives sh** shat we are wearing, shopping for etc. once I got over the fear, i don't get 90 percent of the strange reactions i thought i got evreytime out. carry with confidences and also with a good sense of security within our selves. SMILE HAVE FUN ;)

Sales associates are always happy i come back and also, the first time in a new store, that bond is INSTANT ;)

[Sarah21]

The sales assistants don't care, if you are in Bob mode you could be buying for a partner or a female relative.

Even if they know you are buying for yourself, they don't care anyway and why should they?
Worst case scenario is that you are a topic of conversation for a minute until another customer comes along.

[Dannigirl]

The question I have always asked myself and one that I will never know the personal answer is....... if I wasn't a CD and just a guy clothes wearing guy, would I have the same issues I have now when I go into the women's section to actually buy something for my wife ?? She is nowhere near the same size as me, so when I am buying her something like a bra in a 32B and I am clearly a 42AA, why am I sweating like Lindsay Lohan at a bail hearing ???

[Alice-n-wonderland]

A lot of it is just in our heads, most people don't really care what your doing. That said it sure raises the heart beat, and it is a rush

[julie w]

I used to shop drab for women's clothes ,somedays I didn't care and others I did ,I now only shop femme it gives me a reason to go out ,I find it less intimidating lining up to buy a bra or panties femme even if I am read than drab ,although I have done it many times as bob , as long as you don't know anybody where you are shopping who cares what they think

And interesting thing ,I was shopping in the women's dept a few weeks ago as Julie , there was a man looking through the the skirts ,he didn't seem to care and I didn't notice any of the other women looking at him Good for him

[Julia NZ]

Well I used to be when I first started shopping for female attire but not anymore. Once you have done it a few times you soon figure out the sales people don't care if you are genetically male. It's best to be honest with them too. It's for me not your wife, girlfriend etc. just be nice and courteous and they are more than willing to be the same to you.

[sanderlay]

I'm not sure why but I'm reminded of Dorthy from... "The Wizard of Oz" (1939). The Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman and Dorothy, with her dog Toto follow along hearing the wild animals sounds in the forest.

Dorothy: Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
Tin Woodsman: Mm, we might.
Scarecrow: Animals that eat... s-traw?
Tin Woodsman: Some, but mostly lions, and tigers, and bears.
Dorothy: Lions?
Scarecrow: And tigers?
Tin Woodsman: And bears.

They all begin skip down the yellow brick road singing faster and faster "Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!" They repeat this line over and over as their fears escalate to a fever pitch.

Suddenly a Lion leaps out of the woods onto the road. Dorothy hides behind a tree as the Tin Woodsman and the Scarecrow shake with fear as the Lion verbally threats them to fight. Toto suddenly appears from the side of the road and barks at the Lion. The Lion gives chase to the little dog and runs back to Dorothy as she scoops Toto into her arms. She finds her courage and slaps the lion who then suddenly begins to break out in tears and cry.

Dorothy: My goodness, what a fuss you're making! Well naturally, when you go around picking on things weaker than you are. Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!
Cowardly Lion: [crying] You're right, I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself.

With that said, Fear is not a bad feeling as it protects me from going where perhaps fools rush in where angels fear to tread, and my life is at risk. I know to use caution and realize the dangers around me.

But I see in myself sometimes when I let my fears get the best of me and get all worked up, like the Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman and Dorothy. The Cowardly Lion is the best example of someone who is controlled by their fear, perceived as irrational in scope, and can't let it go.

My point is that it does take courage, like Dorothy, to push past her fears and protect her dog Toto. I know I can also be brave and buy the clothes I desire to be myself.

Bottom line is...
Merchants just want to make a sale. And as long as you are...
1) respectful to their other customers,
2) their dressing room rules,
3) their merchandise and don't make a scene...
... they will be more than willing to sell you what ever you want. Your money is just as green as another customer.

[biggirlsarah]

Probably because if you go into a female only clothes store dressed as a male and look for clothes for yourself, then the sales staff seem to look at you a if you are a sex offender, or is that just my perception. ?

[Rachell Carter]

I think the main reason is we know it's for our selfs an think that the person that's on the till knows it's for us x