What passing is and isn't.

[Violetgray]

Hey ladies! 'sup? Yes we're talking about passing again -_- But I do feel like every so often the subject should be brought up again, as new crossdressers are being born even as we speak, and it has been that way for oh, about a couple thousand years or so. There will always be new people going through periods of self discovery looking for other perspectives.

Anyway, I hate really long-ass posts, so let's go over the aspects of passing, shall we?

(Disclaimer: I am not the Queen of all things Passing. This is just the opinion of one person. These are ideas not laws so yeah, whatever works for you.)

Passing is about acceptance! Um, NO. Passing is about power. The power that comes from information. Simply put, they can't judge you for your transgender presentation if they don't know it's a transgender presentation. People who accept us are all kinds of awesome, but they have used their power of judgement to do so.

Passing is about self confidence! Um... well.. sorta. Not quite. Self confidence can be a factor. If you act like you are hiding something people will notice. On the other hand, if you are obviously male-bodied and someone wishes to harm or ridicule you for it, it's unlikely that your self-confidence will stop them.

Passing is not important! Probably not important to you. Personally, when I look in the mirror I want to see a woman. I'd rather look like a homely woman than a pretty crossdresser. I'm not always successful, I got very loudly "SIR'ed" by someone driving by not too long ago. It hurts when people go out of there way to make me feel self-conscious.

Passing is all in the mind! Not going to spend too much time on this one, just going to say that unless you are Charles Xavier, the image in your head is going to have very little bearing on whether or not OTHER people see that you are male (or female) bodied.

Any thoughts would be welcome.

[linda allen]

For me, passing is simply walking down the street as a female and nobody notices or says anything negative. Of course, you never know if they noticed or not so success means no strange looks or comments. Real success is when a man holds the door for you or steps off the sidewalk to let you pass.

[kimdl93]

I am only able to respond from the perspective of one who cannot pass, except perhaps in a land of tall, masculine women. The acceptance, confidence, importance and mind set are necessary for me to summon the resolve needed to step out into the world. If I could pass I would approach the world more confident that I could belong.

[Kali]

What I've discovered in wandering the world over the last few years is (at least in the US) most people are so self-absorbed they simply don't notice. To the passing purists, I'm definitely not passable; I'm 6'5" and on the heavy side.

But people generally don't pay attention. If I'm in restaurant in a low cut blouse I'll notice people walking by with their eyes fixed on my cleavage; every now and then one looks me in the eye and I get a puzzled double-take.

If I'm standing and wearing skirt, people often focus on my legs; I've had complete strangers tell me I have great legs. But overall I think I'm not very feminine looking.

My wife has pointed out, that if I wasn't so tall, I would actually blend in to the general mass of female humanity; it's a broad spectrum of appearance. I usually try to dress appropriately for situations and don't do things that would make me stand out any more than I already do (though I know that I wear skirts more often than my wife, but then, she wears dresses more often than me).

And you know what; I pass for a human without any trouble. It's people who insist on labeling and identifying that have the problem, not me.

[robindee36]

You have, again, selected quite a controversial topic amongst we girls, "passing". I have acknowledged my limitations in this regard and have settled on just trying to be a cute CD. Not sure if others take me for female, male in drag or what and it matters not to me.

As Kali notes, there is a certain amount of gratification to notice someone taking in your cleavage. I also get a giggle when the parking valet tries an up-skirt look when I exit the car wearing a mini and hose. Guess so long as others are focused on these items, the things makeup can't disguise go rather unnoticed ;)

Is "passing" important? Yes and no, depends on who you are and what you are looking for in your exploration of the feminine. For me, just being dressed and taken as cute is OK.

Hugs, Robin

[Lexi_83]

I quickly learned that looking like Barbie is a good way to get a lot of attention, but not a good way to pass. OTOH long denim skirt, white cotton blouse, nice sweater, black tights, pumps and sunglasses and almost no one gives you a second look. So if you want to pass, dress like a middle-aged librarian!

My biggest problem is makeup. I still haven't found a good foundation and still don't apply it as well. I'm much more confident when I get help, and that's harder since I moved. Have to find a t-friendly salon in the area.

[Sara Jessica]

The concepts you bring up Violet are generally right on. At the end of the day, if anyone in these pages embraces them, chances are very good that they will have very pleasant experiences when out & about.

The reason for this is because we never truly know if we pass. We have absolutely no clue as to what happens in our wake, how many "a-ha" moments or snickers (or worse). We don't hear what the SA says after we leave the store. She was nice to our face, does she stab us in the back later? This isn't being pessimistic at all, simply realistic. But when all is said and done, life is much easier if we don't worry about such things that we cannot control, the perceptions of others who we are unlikely to ever see again.

But at the same time, the Muggles have no way of knowing what species of trans we are and for those who are full time, passing may very well matter to them much more (I know it would for me). Reason being that they cannot retreat into guy mode when the day is done or when the going gets tough.

[Beverley Sims]

Looking drop dead gorgeous and having everyone look at you is a bit like not passing.
Back in the olden days I needed to hide in with a group of girls so as not to be looked at.
These days I need that group of girls for much the same reason but the image portrayed is quite different.

[MatildaJ.]

I like the trend to refer to "blending" instead of "passing." For one thing, "passing" implies that you're trying to fool the people who see you, whereas blending is something that anyone of any gender might feel like doing on a given day. Blending just means that when you got dressed, you were hoping not to get unwanted attention and that people would just treat you with ordinary courtesy. That's me, most days.

Of course, there are other days, when you want people noticing your outfit, your cleavage, the shortness of your skirt, your sexy attitude. On those days, when you want attention, maybe there's another word, other than "passing" or "blending." Maybe then you're trying to titillate, to arouse, or to stir things up. Nothing wrong with that. The advice I've heard for those of us over 40 is that on those days when you want some attention, it's best to choose one feature and emphasize that (so deep cleavage goes with a modest skirt and shoulder-coverage; while a tight skirt goes with a more modest top). Putting too many sexy items on at once (or too much jewelry) is distracting from the intended effect.

[Debra Russell]

If I want to "pass" I dress as other GG's my age act appropriately and try not to be other than my self - seems to work.......most of the time. If no one makes any obnoxious remarks or gestures -- in my mind I pass and all is well.........................Debra

[Suzanne F]

I am lucky in that I have a slender body and I am not too tall. I do blend in much of the time but if course some people notice. I just smile and keep moving. I am so glad to be out in be world that I could care less. I do want to look beautiful and feel that way much of the time. When I begin to feel self conscious I remind myself of how long I waited to be out. No one is going to stop me now that I have made that decision for myself!
Suzanne

[arbon]

Looks do matter.

Passing is an interesting thing to me. I don't like the term for myself, its not the same thing for me. Its not all about the physical, because regardless of how people see me I know who I am.

I am living full time so my perspective is a little different maybe. though probably not the same as many other people who are full time.

I do have body issues, I don't like how I look, my masculine features upset me. I want people to see me as a woman and never ever ever question it. Thats not the reality I live in though, because I do have masculine features that are difficult to hide and I live in a community where I was well known as a man and I can't erase peoples memories of him. He is etched in their memory.

So what's is in my head, my confidence in myself and how I carry and project myself to the world around me matters a lot to. Thats my greatest assest.
They are going to know I am transsexual, or trans something, if they are around me long, and I have to accept and own that. But even everyone knowing that I am tans I am still generally accepted as female (except at work which is a whole different deal where I am mostly treated as a guy with a women's name, carries a purse and wears makeup - sucks.)

I'm not afraid of being read as trans most of the time though because I know who I am and it does not change that. I can dress up as much or as little as I want and usually be comfortable out there in the world.

Yet sometimes being read does sting - I was out of town last weekend and usually when I am out of town I am never referred to by male pronouns - but I stopped at a fast food place and was sir'd by the kid behind the counter - that was an unexpected shocker to me especially on a day when I felt I was looking real nice. I was mad :Angry3:

The weekend before that I was at a womens retreat at a lutheran outdoor camp (picture bellow) and I knew physically "passing" was completely out of the question or even getting close was not happening without make up and wearing tee shirts and sweat shirts all weekend - yet I was accepted as a woman, as one of them, and not as a guy. Even sleeping in a small room with 7 other women and sharing a tight bathroom and shower space it was okay. I was not physically passing, but still being a woman and being accepted as such.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7421/9968517823_6469bae002.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/theresoris/9968517823/)
IMG_1017 (http://www.flickr.com/photos/theresoris/9968517823/)


So passing is important, but for me it is still more about "being" I think.

[stephNE]

I think that there are different degrees of passing. When I am in a busy place, like the mall shopping, almost all of the people don't seem to notice me, so I feel like I am passing. But when I need to interact with someone (like making a purchase or ordering in a restaurant), I am sure they know I am not a woman. No one will ever think I am a pretty woman, but if I overheard "She is ugly" I would be happy (because of the "she"). A few weeks ago I was shopping with my wife, we entered a store and one of the SA's greeted us with "Hello Ladies". I could not have been happier!

[PretzelGirl]

I am one that separates passing from blending. I attempt to blend which means that I want to be able to move around the masses and I don't give off enough indicators that I am turning heads. When I talk with someone, they will know. Passing to me is the person who can talk with people and interact and are not detected.

[MysticLady]

Passing is about self confidence!

That's all you need.......................:D

[robindee36]

I have been mulling what, to me, is an interesting and new perspective; blending vs PASSING. As several of the girls have expressed, being able to blend in rather than stick out might be a different strategy in Robin's adventures out.

Yes, its nice to wear provocative outfits but that puts you on display and attracts attention. Not to say this is bad, in some circumstances, but it does raise your public profile considerably.

The concept of going stealth, flying under the radar, seems to offer a lot more freedom. It is something I will be think about and working on.

Hugs, Robin

[suchacutie]

To me, passing was not just the physical presentation. When we first identified Tina and she started to make complete physical transformations, it was completely clear that the way she thought didn't transform. She could walk the walk pretty quickly, and after a couple of years my wife started to compliment Tina on her makeup, but the voice just didn't work! A bass bariton just doesn't work with a pageboy cut!

After a couple of years of work Tina got a voice that matched her appearance, but a simple question from my wife such as, "what's new with you, Tina?" brought her to a standstill. Yet if Tina asked the question there was always a response from my wife that started a long conversation. Basically, Tina did not know how to interact as a woman.

In the long run, even when Tina could walk around gathering no attention, the art of interacting like a woman was the hardest nut to crack. It's not just the voice, but how Tina used her voice that mattered. For Tina, this was the hardest part of her transformation, and if there is a time when I can't transform to Tina, that's that hardest and last piece of the puzzle to return to. My wife keeps reminding me that young girls have almost 2 decades to learn how to be woman, and they are working on it full time, so how long might it take those of us who work at it part time?!

That thought makes Tina feel better when she realizes that whatever she just said sounds so like a guy, but she just wishes she had been a girl long enough to not have to work at it so hard now!

:)g

[docrobbysherry]

"Passing" means someone has opinions about THAT WOMAN they met! Meaning u.

"Not passing" is everything else those of us that go out dressed do. Except that we seem to have a 1000 different definitions for it!

When u pass, you'll KNOW! Because folks treat u completely different than when u don't!

[AmyGaleRT]

Violet, I've characterized "passing" about having confidence in myself and in my presentation. And, if I have confidence in my presentation, it's generally because I've spent an hour or so in the bathroom making my transformation, and especially the makeup part of it, the best I can. When I know I've put my best foot forward, it builds my confidence.

There are a few environments where the people there either likely know exactly what I am, or may at least suspect what I am, but they treat me like a lady anyhow. That's as good as "passing," in my opinion, or at least it feels just as good.

I'm still learning myself, though, so I may still be a bit naive in my viewpoint.

- Amy

[Dalva]

Passing is something I'll never achieve. I know it. Anyone who might see me will know it. (I'm 6'2' without heels...I'm a veritable giantess in my pumps) I can accept that.

My desire to be public (some day) is not driven by the ability to pass but rather the comfort of being who I am without hiding it anymore. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less.

[paulaprimo]

i think we have the same image in our minds about how we want to look as do teenage girls! the "dreaded beautiful model look". that's why they have low self esteem and purge to stay thin. the media puts out an image of these half starved models, then everyone thinks this is what woman are suppose to look like.

i see beautiful women everday, and they come in lots of different shapes and sizes. i also see some very plain and homely looking women. and then there are some very masculine looking women also. some woman even have more facial hair then i do... my point is, i know we are worried about our looks, want to pass and don't want to be "made" but who's judging us and do they really care? they might suspect but will never know for sure...
i will never look like a beautiful model (if you think "half starved" is beautiful) as long as i feel good about myself, who's to judge and say whether i pass or not!
let society think i'm one of those masculine homely looking woman with facial hair, and thats fine with me :)

[katiekatie]

Well said

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Interesting thread. I have only been out a grand total of 3 times (one by accident, one on deserted road and one in bar/restaurant), and passing is something that I would never be able to do. Body wise, probable as I am 5'6" and my body weight over the past few months has dropped due to a heavier cardio program (155 from 165) . . . as long as I disguise my shoulders that is. Face wise . . . one look at my avatar confirms that passing is not an option. Blending is something I am more interested in. I would just like to go out and blend with the population writ large. Sure, I'll get read, of that I have no doubt, but it would be nice if it is just a "meh, to each his/her own" and heads go down and they carry on with their day.

Confidence I find is very important. In my line of work when we have to blend in an area we call it "hiding in plain sight". You look like you belong and most people won't notice. Of course, I am blending as a guy among guys so a bit of a difference.

Hugs

Isha

[Rogina B]

Most will not be seen as a Genetic Woman to a "trained observer" in an"up close and personal situation". So,you get seen as a "T"..not the end of the world! lol And if you don't let them know what is in your panties,all the better!Then they can only imagine where you may be on the "T"scale.. So,if your presentation is polished and you exude the confidence of knowing you have "the right to be there",then you will be accepted as a "person".And with this can come celebrity status,if you play it right by being nice to be around..they will never forget you and most likely will return your niceness. For me,out in the world everyday,this is how I see it.

[Eryn]

Passing for me is simply going through life in my desired presentation. I'm 6'2" tall so I that my height would be a disqualifier for ever passing. Turns out that that isn't so. I spend a lot of time out in the mainstream and, other than one "sir" in a restaurant, I've never had a negative experience. Have I been "made?" Of course I have, but people, when faced with such an unusual situation, simply default to treating me as I am presenting. In their minds there is always a chance that I am a genetic woman in which case it would be embarrassing to them to treat me otherwise.

One evening my friend Persephone and I went to a trivia competition at a burger pub. A friend commented that, on the other side of the room, he had overheard the bartender saying "Wouldn't it be funny if that table of trannys over there won tonight?" Language aside, the bartender had certainly made us, but he thought that there were four TG individuals at our table, when in reality two of the people there were GGs!

Oh, and we've been back several times and are recognized and given great service by the entire staff!

[thechic]

To me passing is just about making life a little bit easier ,too have a more normal life and not sticking out as someone that is different, its stressful enough being TS. imagine working with a bunch of rednecks on a building site, when your trying to act and dress like a woman but look like a guy. I've got it admit I try to pass 24/7

[Tara Power]

Prefer the term blending which is a new one for me. Thats the challenge I suppose but a good goal to aim for.
As for passing, thats the first obstacle toward blending.

Not to be confused with "Will It Blend" on Youtube

[Sonya]

I like the trend to refer to "blending" instead of "passing." For one thing, "passing" implies that you're trying to fool the people who see you, whereas blending is something that anyone of any gender might feel like doing on a given day. Blending just means that when you got dressed, you were hoping not to get unwanted attention and that people would just treat you with ordinary courtesy. That's me, most days.

Of course, there are other days, when you want people noticing your outfit, your cleavage, the shortness of your skirt, your sexy attitude. On those days, when you want attention, maybe there's another word, other than "passing" or "blending." Maybe then you're trying to titillate, to arouse, or to stir things up. Nothing wrong with that. The advice I've heard for those of us over 40 is that on those days when you want some attention, it's best to choose one feature and emphasize that (so deep cleavage goes with a modest skirt and shoulder-coverage; while a tight skirt goes with a more modest top). Putting too many sexy items on at once (or too much jewelry) is distracting from the intended effect.
Great advice, most informative. Thank you

[Tara Power]

Great advice, most informative. Thank youSeconded on that!

[MatildaJ.]

My pleasure!

[docrobbysherry]

As I said, blending, confidence, and self deception r ALL handy traits to have when going out dressed.

But, they r NOT, "passing"!

[DaniellaNYC]

I like "blending" over "passing" over "convincing".
But I prefer just being and enjoying.

[Brooklyn]

There are many times I have passed; even being tall and seeing people who know me as a guy. It's nice but not life-fulfilling or anything. I mean, do you get a kick out of going unnoticed as a guy? I prefer to be noticed, to be fierce, draw attention and more stylishly cross-dressed. Passing would be much more important if you're TS, of course.