How to Assess Your Management

[LeaP]

I had dinner last evening with my boss and an associate. Nothing remarkable in itself except the unbelievable burger I (over)ate. THAT called for a 5-mile walk after dinner ...

Anyway, at one point the associate made a comment about "going both ways" in regard to some decision, which prompted a the retort "what are you trying to tell us?" Yuk, yuk, yada, yada.

The useful thing it prompted was a discussion about gay staff. Of particular interest was my manager's story about having an all-gay staff at one point in his career. He said some people made comments to him - in the beginning (before he knew) even laughing when he walked into a meeting. He asked why and was told about the staff. His response? "So what? Do they do their jobs? Do you think I would be biased just because I'm from the South? I couldn't care less." He then related a story about a senior technical manager (also gay) that reported to him that was ill for an extended period (AIDS, presumably) who was "brilliant."

I can't simply assume his attitude extends to trans people, but it is a pretty strong directional indicator. So I walked away with some assurance. It was a good evening.

[I Am Paula]

I certainly hope that your conversation was a good sign. It sounds positive to me, but I have in my life met, gay friendly/transphobic, trans friendly/ gay phobic, and some of the most transphobic of all- the gay community. Until the other shoe drops, unfortunately, you won't know. In my experience, the world is a better place than we give it credit for. When the time comes to transition at work, I'm sure you'll do fine.

[Marleena]

Lea your boss sounds open minded about things. As long as the work gets done I don't see any problems for you either.

Now that 5 mile walk, I'd be lucky to get 5 blocks and back.

[Kathryn Martin]

I can't simply assume his attitude extends to trans people, ....

But you should simply assume..... The point being: do they do the jobs I ask them to do....?

[LeaP]

Well, I am assuming - tentatively. I don't think I'll try to trigger a similar chat about trans people! "So, Joe, how about that tranny story on CNN, huh?"

[Angela Campbell]

No need to go that far Lea.....just reach in and adjust your bra strap while having a conversation with him.

[KellyJameson]

I do think it helps but only up to a point.

In my opinion purely from my limited perspective in the work place there is much more tolerance for homosexuality than being "T" and I think this apllies in general to the greater society.

Sexuality does not threaten people in the same way that gender does.

Take the sterotypical reaction of a straight man reacting to two men kissing. Some men could become physically ill. I remember my mother dragging me to a movie where Kevin Kline kissed Tom Selleck and practically the whole theatre let out a collective groan because it made them uncomfortable and this was in Los Angeles.

People are more accepting but sexuality is not in your face like gender is. I have always lived in the "gay part of town" regardless of what town I live in because for me I believed it was safer plus I connect with people on the LGBT spectrum better and find them more interesting as people "in general" but you rarely see people making out in public and this includes straights as well.

The gay parades and clubs can be crazy but in general you do not see the sex.

Transitioning is PUBLIC and if there is a way to avoid it I never learned it.

People sometimes notice the slightest changes such as no facial or body hair and you take that matched with long hair and you are going to be noticed long before the breast growth kicks in but I think it is subconscious and driven largely by sex.

Strangely the most private things is SRS in that no one knows but you and its opposite is breast growth which is very public.

The individual owns their genitals but everyone seems to own breasts if only secondary as that desire to look at them and woman check out other woman as comparison where with the men it is sexual

The thing about gender is people use it for sex.

Transitioning can cause sexual confusion in people and they experience it as "dissonance" so it makes them uncomfortable.

A transsexual will cause far more dissonance than a homosexual and in my opinion this is where the danger lies.

Transitioning is about gender for the transsexual but it is about sex for everyone else and to the degree customers or coworkers experience sexual discomfort as "dissonance" you will have a problem.

[ReineD]

Sounds promising to me too, Leah! :)

[stefan37]

One thing I have learned in business is not to make assumptions. If you want to know a persons view on a subject, contract, scope of work, tolerance etc. You need to ask the pointed question. Transition is a very public process and beating around the bush to see what flies out may or may not be the best strategy. I know plenty of people that pronounce tolerance for gays and trans until it hit close to home, then that tolerance is not so strong. I do think that today, others are so wrapped up in their own lives and challenges, they can't be bothered with other individuals problems. It does sound encouraging, but if you really want to know their viewpoint on working with a trans individual, you really need to have a conversation and ask them. Or tell them you are transitioning and at that point you Will know how they feel. I have found as long as you are capable of doing your job but will be respected and tolerated.

I had a conversation with one of my high ranking employees the other week. He has intimate contact with our clientele. He mentioned he was very surprised to find that those I come in contact with have no reaction to me, nor do they talk about me behind my back. As I was talking about some of the problems I perceive, he told me in light of his experience, that my fears for the most part are in my head. I still think I have unmistakable male characteristics and I do. Yet many I come into contact with do not share that viewpoint and perceive me as female initially.

As for my experience, no one that I know has put up a wall and shut me out. My experience to date with my business clients, prospective business clients, employees, suppliers, inspectors, etc, has been very positive. With name change, I can not beat around asking them how they would feel. We all get to that point where we must change our name and move on. It can no longer be hidden, you are now in full view and things will be what they are. When we get to that point or if we ever do is a highly personal decision. We all have similar stories about our gender, yet the journey we take is unique to every single one of us.

I wish you the best of luck, We can suffer many personal losses , but to have gainful employment allows us to deal with those loses. Losing our livelihood can bring much undue stress in our lives.

[kimdl93]

Life and work require us to make assumptions ...the question is whether there is a reasonable basis for an assumption. I would take this as a positive indication of your bosses philosophy about business

[Michelle.M]

I can't simply assume his attitude extends to trans people, but it is a pretty strong directional indicator.

Kathryn's right. You should assume his objectivity and fairness. He's already demonstrated that attribute, so unless he gives you reason to think otherwise you ought to be as open-minded about him as you'd like him to be towards you.

[Angela Campbell]

I know when I was a manager I was mostly concerned at whether or not the person was reliable, did good work and made headaches go away for me. Not who they loved or whether they were a man or woman or even a trans person. If appearance is important due to customers then a well groomed and well dressed appearance is also a factor.

A managers job is to get things accomplished and the people under them is how they get it done. I wanted people who made me look good to my superiors and made my life easier. The only way I ever let someone go or even transfer them, was if they were dishonest (stealing, lying, cheating) or just could not be depended on to do the tasks we needed done, or if they had a problem causing disruptions in the smooth operation of my department. No one was ever fired without knowing it was coming for a while, and without many chances to correct the problems they faced.

Not all managers are like that though. Some get on a power trip, or favor the ones who are personalities they like. Those managers are not the most effective. You have to determine what kind you work with. So far he seems like a good one and as long as your production is good there should be little problem.

[stefan37]

I am self employed so my experience will be much different than someone that works for a small company or large corporation. I would think if your company has a HR dept that would be the place to start. If they are on board and those administering the company are on board, then your transition at work will have support from upper level mgmt. As a self- employed contractor I can not be fired for obvious reasons. My customers however can choose not to use me and in effect that puts me out of business.

My experience to date with transition. Moving forward has to flow naturally and in its own time. We have to be ready to move to the next plateau. If we are not completely comfortable or willing to risk, then rushing the process can only have ill effects. It is a constant struggle stepping out of our comfort zone. Transition has inherent risks and not all come to fruition. We can try to mitigate those risks, but in the end we really do not have much control how events play out. We just need to determine when we need to take that step forward.

[Rogina B]

Lea may have an accepting boss and I am sure it will all work out for her in the end. However,as an employer of many years,I will add a couple of thoughts. Coming out gay,being gay,is a relatively instantaneous situation compared to transitioning in the workplace.In exchange for compensation,an employer is entitled to the employee's skills for the work period.Transitioning is a very consuming process,as constantly discussed here. The boss may not be willing to share his part in Lea's "headspace" with transitioning issues.Similar to[in a way] an employer going through a nasty divorce or other "at home issues"..The boss is entitled to form their own opinion. Obviously, doing the great job that you do will earn you points in the "present job performance category" but may not carry you all the way with him. Hopefully,he will embrace your plan to live as yourself.However,there is a whole lot more discussion of the Tmind and your own,that not everyone wants to hear about.I think you should clue him in sooner,rather than later.

[Nigella]

We are fortunate in the UK, the law prevents outright discrimination in any form against anyone who is TS. That does not mean that discrimination does not take place, the problem is that it has to be proven. When seeking employment this is difficult and not a lot easier when in employment. Most people will be delicate in their interactions, however, once you are out of sight/hearing, who knows?

I have found that transitioning in place, from a declared 24/7 crossdresser to being TS quite easy, but that is no doubt due to the nature of the people I work with. In my last job it was a lot more difficult, I came out as a CDer there, not the right thing to do in a factory.

You cannot change the opinion of someone if they don't want it changed. Ask outright and you are likely to get the answer they think you want, not what they want to say.

[LeaP]

... Ask outright and you are likely to get the answer they think you want, not what they want to say.

All too true, unfortunately. And the more people present, the more likely that you will get a politically correct answer.

[arbon]

I don't know, I did not read my boss very well. My boss was and is very open minded about gays and lesbian and has had quite a few work for us in the past, but he sure did not like me being trans.

[LeaP]

Well, put it this way – if he had been virulently anti-gay that would've been a really bad indication.

Rogina, there is no sooner rather than later for discussions with my manager. It is a matter of the right time, with the right preparation with HR, with the right materials in hand, along with the plan. That will include a timeline for notifications. Draft notifications for different groups. Training materials. A proposed set of rules and guidelines. Etc. Directionally, I intend to have the tone to be taken with managers and others pre-agreed with HR before ever getting to that point.

I have had one conversation with our enterprise head of HR already. I have reached out for another, via an anonymous email, to the next level down at her suggestion, as that HR manager has been in the firm longer.

I have been a manager for most of the last 30 years, with various combinations of project and permanent staff of 100 or so, both multi-regionally and multinationally. Virtually all of it in some of the world's largest companies. Believe me, I know the HR drill cold, having had to work it with my own staff any number of times. No one who has worked with HR management should have any illusions about HR being there for the employee. Good HR pros will do what they can for employees (and are personally and professionally interested in doing so) – but never, ever at the company's expense. HR exists to keep the company within legal rules and to protect the company's interests. Diversity policies are part of that and also relate to public positioning, marketing, and recruitment. It is not driven from altruism.

[stefan37]

I wish you well. Transition like water will flow naturally and find its own course and level despite the efforts we exert to control it.

[Kimberly Kael]

Kathryn's right. You should assume his objectivity and fairness. He's already demonstrated that attribute, so unless he gives you reason to think otherwise you ought to be as open-minded about him as you'd like him to be towards you.

I tend to agree. Not only has he demonstrated that he's willing to look past superficial attributes to determine someone's value, he has taken a visible stand when pushed on the issue by others. That's a very, very good sign. It doesn't mean that everything would be roses in that environment, though. Other people can still be a problem as can his management chain. And what happens if / when he decides to leave the company? It's great to have an immediate supportive environment if you do decide to come out at work, but the bigger picture is always more complicated.

In the meantime, though, it's nice to know you have a potential ally in your manager.

[Rogina B]

Lea,Not sure why you are even focused on the opinion of "your boss" if you are part of a big company and HR rules the roost..but they don't always do they? You do care what the boss may think,or you never would have made the post..If you are as skillful at your work as you mention,then I am sure they will be glad to have you continue with them,why wouldn't they?

[LeaP]

A manager is one of the most important connections to higher management. That is the primary person who will represent your competence, attitude, and potential to others. It's not that one's own relationships don't matter. They do. But it's the manager who will sit in a room with his peers at review time and decide how to allocate ratings and bonuses, and who to recommend for promotion.

I never said HR ruled the roost. But they DO have an extremely important role to play for transition. They will be the ones responsible for working out the policy positions. They will set the tone of the approach and they will be the ones leading the various meetings and communications. I intend to bias that tone as much as I possibly can, and I intend to provide the policy content as it relates to trans people, as I know it does not exist today beyond the diversity statements (I asked).

LOL - if you think skill and competence are the only things that drive personnel decisions, you are sadly mistaken.

[Rogina B]

LOL - if you think skill and competence are the only things that drive personnel decisions, you are sadly mistaken.
If you look at my first post,you will read that I feel "baggage assessment" is a big factor in personnel decisions.Just curious,if your transition at work went relatively smoothly,yet you weren't advancing in the company at your usual rate[promotion,pay,etc] would you be disappointed? Just wondering..