Thanks!

[JoannaDees]

Had a bad dream last night. Nice sex with the ex, then I said/did something/nothing, and she turned on me as was her style. Her reality was what she thought, not what was real.

What does this have to do with this forum? Well, I was really depressed, wondering what the heck am I doing? How can I continue this relatively new part of my life ... I just realized I typed that ... part of my life. It scares me, how can I ever have another relationship? :confused: I felt like crying, locking everything in a trunk and trying to be "normal". :(

Well, I got online and started reading the posts and feel better. I suppose in the beginning there is always the oscillations, the highs and lows. They do become less? If I lose weight, learn to put on the makeup, will it be more satisfying? I mean, to look as good as the rest of you?

Special thanks to Tonia for her email! ;)

[babe4life]

Hi Joanna.

The oscillations tend to remain. The peaks just get a little lower and the troughs a little higher. As encouragement, I think most of us have been through similar feelings as you have to lock everything away and try and be "normal." I have got to the point of throwing everything away more than once (I am so sorry about it now!!) as have many others.

So, you are not alone. The journey is an exciting one filled with new discoveries every day. Don't rush it, enjoy it! I am still very much on the learning curve with make-up. VERY much so :D

Love,
Vicky

[Amelie]

What is normal?
Your just going through, what happens to all the girls here. There will always be high and low points. Finding a relationship can be tough for a CD, this is a choice you have to make, being a CD or having a relationship. Unless you are one of the lucky ones who finds a supportive GG.
Any way you should know all about Highs and lows being a Surfer-Dude(ess).
So cheer up it's not the end of the world, you just have to make some adjustments, all will work out.

Love Amelie

[Tonia]

Had a bad dream last night. Nice sex with the ex, then I said/did something/nothing, and she turned on me as was her style. Her reality was what she thought, not what was real.

What does this have to do with this forum? Well, I was really depressed, wondering what the heck am I doing? How can I continue this relatively new part of my life ... I just realized I typed that ... part of my life. It scares me, how can I ever have another relationship? :confused: I felt like crying, locking everything in a trunk and trying to be "normal". :(

Well, I got online and started reading the posts and feel better. I suppose in the beginning there is always the oscillations, the highs and lows. They do become less? If I lose weight, learn to put on the makeup, will it be more satisfying? I mean, to look as good as the rest of you?

Special thanks to Tonia for her email! ;)
Jonna,
A true friend indeed I hope that one day you find that special person that will fill that void in your Heart. You have also made me realize how important things are life I just wanted to say I’m glad to be your Friend.

Love always Tonia

[Tonia]

Had a bad dream last night. Nice sex with the ex, then I said/did something/nothing, and she turned on me as was her style. Her reality was what she thought, not what was real.

What does this have to do with this forum? Well, I was really depressed, wondering what the heck am I doing? How can I continue this relatively new part of my life ... I just realized I typed that ... part of my life. It scares me, how can I ever have another relationship? :confused: I felt like crying, locking everything in a trunk and trying to be "normal". :(

Well, I got online and started reading the posts and feel better. I suppose in the beginning there is always the oscillations, the highs and lows. They do become less? If I lose weight, learn to put on the makeup, will it be more satisfying? I mean, to look as good as the rest of you?

Special thanks to Tonia for her email! ;)

Jonna,

A true friend indeed I hope one day that you will find that very special person and that you continue to cherish our friendship. Thanks so much for being who you are a very special friend.

Love Tonia

[Nikki A.]

As someone else is really beginning to understand myself, I can sympathize and just to let you know that you're not alone. Together maybe we can all help each other to be the best that we can be. :p

[Tonia]

I just wished this Dam dial up Internet would stay on line I posted two times in a row Darn it. Cable here I come ........Sorry Joanna, my dial up is on the fritz!!

[Wenda]

All of our ex's lived in excess!! Your posting resonated, girl. I could do the exact same thing 7 different days of the week and have 7 compelling (and condemning) interpretations from adventurous to reckless, from bold to thoughtless and from sensitive to woosey. Trouble was, every time the story was/is retold, the facts become more polarized. The day that a friend (from CO) said....don't want to get W(enda) in trouble, and my ex replied... no fear, he woke up in trouble", that it finally dawned on me that this was not sustainable. Try to keep your true perspective. don't awfulize. If you have a friend who can be truly objective and honest, seek their observations. try to stay honest. wenda.

[GraceUSA]

I had a desire to be "normal" for once so I cut my hair and threw out my clothes and pretended I wasn't transgendered. I felt "normal", I felt like I belonged to the socity for a couple of months but a life changing event happened and I saw the farse. One thing I learned through that, this wasn't what was supposed to be normal for me. If everyone was normal, sure the marketers would love it, but what a dry world this would be. Where would the creativity go? Where would the love, the caring, the crazy, those moments of sheer beauty you see when some of the most abnormal things come together. God made me different, I'm not faulting him for that, but it is something that I need to learn to love and grow with.

We are all different, CDer or not, and I wish everyone could learn that. What a world this would be where we could celibrate in the vast uniqueness that each and everyone one of us prosess.

Grace

[Jen_TGCD]

Grace...
What a wonderful post ! ! ! One of the best I have seen and is so empowering. Thank you!!!

I, too, wonder when humanity will realize and accept that DIVERSITY IS NORMAL !

Joanna...
I also relate to your anxiety and wonder if I will ever find that "special" person... and it is not going to be easy. I cannot... and will not... allow myself to be suppressed in anyway... anymore... in this lifetime. I do accept that compromise will be in order and communication is a priority but I know it can work in a loving relationship. Until that time... I occupy myself with a lot of inner searching and learning more about myself and my feelings, as well as, building my knowledge of all facets of the Transgender community. One of our biggest problems is not being able to adequately express what it is for us to feel the way we do and why we do what we do! I can't really explain it now, if you asked me, but I have a lot of material and resources that I can draw on for support.

I, also, experience the highs and lows and the periods of dressing and not dressing. That is something I've accepted as being part of the journey and kind of just "go with the flow". I'm in a non-dressing period now but, in some ways, almost feel more comfortable with my femininity than when I do dress. It's like being in a mental female state instead of a physical, tactile state. Well... whatever... it's still a comfort to know that when I want to dress, I can! I have thought of it as a "trade off"... having the freedom as opposed to the responsibility of a SO or family but it's really not, anymore. It's just a matter of working this all into one cohesive unit. (If I figure it out... I'll be sure to share it with all of you!!! LOL>>>>)

To sum this all up, Joanna, this forum is incredibly important for all of us to be able to get this stuff out of our heads and hear what others have to say, as well. Personally, I feel humbled and honored to be involved with these wonderful ladies and hope that you will find comfort and the answers to your questions here, as well.

I just realized why we all like to grow our nails longer... besides the fact that they look wonderful with polish... it's because they help us to "hang in there" ! ! ! (OMG......... that was so corny!!!)
---Jen---------

[crispy]

Grace...
What a wonderful post ! ! ! One of the best I have seen and is so empowering. Thank you!!!

I, too, wonder when humanity will realize and accept that DIVERSITY IS NORMAL !

Joanna...
I also relate to your anxiety and wonder if I will ever find that "special" person... and it is not going to be easy. I cannot... and will not... allow myself to be suppressed in anyway... anymore... in this lifetime. I do accept that compromise will be in order and communication is a priority but I know it can work in a loving relationship. Until that time... I occupy myself with a lot of inner searching and learning more about myself and my feelings, as well as, building my knowledge of all facets of the Transgender community. One of our biggest problems is not being able to adequately express what it is for us to feel the way we do and why we do what we do! I can't really explain it now, if you asked me, but I have a lot of material and resources that I can draw on for support.

I, also, experience the highs and lows and the periods of dressing and not dressing. That is something I've accepted as being part of the journey and kind of just "go with the flow". I'm in a non-dressing period now but, in some ways, almost feel more comfortable with my femininity than when I do dress. It's like being in a mental female state instead of a physical, tactile state. Well... whatever... it's still a comfort to know that when I want to dress, I can! I have thought of it as a "trade off"... having the freedom as opposed to the responsibility of a SO or family but it's really not, anymore. It's just a matter of working this all into one cohesive unit. (If I figure it out... I'll be sure to share it with all of you!!! LOL>>>>)

To sum this all up, Joanna, this forum is incredibly important for all of us to be able to get this stuff out of our heads and hear what others have to say, as well. Personally, I feel humbled and honored to be involved with these wonderful ladies and hope that you will find comfort and the answers to your questions here, as well.

I just realized why we all like to grow our nails longer... besides the fact that they look wonderful with polish... it's because they help us to "hang in there" ! ! ! (OMG......... that was so corny!!!)
---Jen---------
dear testo gurl.

either your testo is good for your eyesight or I'm failing fast.

your font is too small for my laptop screen and I'm getting a headache.... :mad:

I don't know if any of your other bits are too small as well :rolleyes:

[Jen_TGCD]

dear testo gurl.

either your testo is good for your eyesight or I'm failing fast.

your font is too small for my laptop screen and I'm getting a headache....

I don't know if any of your other bits are too small as well Hummmm..... I'm using the same font as the others use... I think. I was using Ariel but just switched to Garamond. Could be that I ramble on more than the rest... that's probably what gives you a headache!!! :o

What font do you use??? :confused:

:eek: And... never mind about my "bits"... or "bytes" ! ! ! :p
---Jen---------

[crispy]

What font do you use??? :confused:

My font size is way below average, in both the flaccid italic style and in BOLD. The style is unfortunately foreshortened, much to my chagrin. I have always dreamed of heving the full thing but it is difficult to reinstate. There are methods but doing so would spoil the tuck for a year or more.
Yes, you will say, that's more than you needed to know!!! :p
CYC ..... Care for Your Curves

[JoannaDees]

Thank you all! I did stay home from work for two days and did a lot of surfing and looking and reading posts and different chats. It was nice, and in the end I felt much closer to my female persona.

I had a lot of time to think of why I do this. One theory I had was I have a tendency for some feminine traits. I can't recall how much I heard, "Quit yer ballin! I'll give you something to ball about!" Or how about, "Why don't you just sit here and watch the football (or whatever) game".

Well, I'm sad, that's why you mean *@($#*&! And I don't like to watch sports, they bore me, and I don't have the need yet to live vicariously through these guys. I became very active in athletics, and still am in the individual things (not teams, or leagues, or competition ... who's bigger).

I was always sensitive, always empathetic. Hard in the violent boys world sometimes. Well, I did finally learn to be in your face and angry when confronted with BS, and that worked wonders until relationships. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I've finally learned to embrace all that I was and am, regarding how I feel now, how I felt in the past (at least learned it's OK to embrace it). So, then I pile on this CD thing! Which puts me to here, and that theory I said I had way back there a long winded time ago. :rolleyes: I like to dress, because it really puts me in touch with that caring, empathic side. It is not a sexual thing for me (well, ok, maybe a little, :p ). Why do I have the desire to go out in public enfemme, with the goal of being seen by females and be accepted as a GF? To reach even deeper into the feminine persona? Maybe it's easier, because it's OK for a female to act and feel that way? I used to read posts of others on the likes of panties.etc, prior to full dressing, that ended in Hugs. I always thought, hmmm, kinda silly or unreal? But with dressing, and delving deeper into the persona, it really does come natural and feels sincere and real. A male is supposed to be stoic, devoid of feelings, hard and ready to rumble. I no longer want to rumble. Let your heart, and love for life and fellow humans guide you on the right path. There few people of that kind in this world, and that is sad. OK, those last two lines were in reference to the political thread started by Jenny.

Great Big Hugs to you all! (chuckling to myself because not dressed except for panties and lowrise jeans, can actually feel the difference when all Joanna).