6 weeks of him, then a lifetime of me

[Amy A]

Hi all,

For those who followed my last post, I've been facing up to the reality of full time and trying to overcome my fears. Yesterday as part of that process a girl I work with came over and I walked to the local pub with her as Amy and had a drink and some food.

Whilst I don't think I was fooling anyone I think I blended well enough not to attract any second glances and no one seemed to care. Afterwards we took a walk around the local area and again had no problems at all. I spoke in my female voice throughout. I've got to say it did my confidence a lot of good, although I realise I've a way to go and full time will be a different proposition.

But there's a downside; my friend and colleague has said that she's leaving work and the country in 8 weeks to travel to India with her girlfriend for a year. I'm happy for her that she's so in love but I'm gutted that I'm losing a friend and a really amazing source of support.

She's suggested that I transition at work before she leaves so she can be there to support me in the first couple of weeks, instead of waiting until the end of the year as planned. I was unsure at first but I'm starting to recognise now that I have no reason to postpone this any longer and it would be easier for me with her there.

So I'm arranging for friends and family to finally meet Amy. I've a good year of awkwardness to endure due to the slow wait for treatment and hormones on the NHS but I've got no choice anymore. I can't live on like I am.

Sorry for long post, thanks for reading :)

[Jillian Faith]

Good luck Amy. It sounds like a good plan to transition early to have support at work, if only for the first two weeks

[Carla Stevens]

Good luck Amy. I'm sure you'll do fine.
I think telling friends & family is the hardest part. Complete strangers on the street I couldn't care less what they think & I'm certainly comfortable when out & about, but can't pluck up the courage to tell my friends & family about me.
I guess it's the fear of loosing those around me that I care for.
It seems that your friends & family have accepted you for who you are without question & that's fantastic.
Give me a shout if you want a chat anytime.:)

Take care,
Carla. xx

[Angela Campbell]

Yes it is incredibly hard to tell family, but the feeling that comes after you do tell is worth it. Even if they do not support or even understand at least you do not feel like you are phony or always lying. Work could be another story. I have yet to come out completely there, the management knows but not everyone there who knows me. That could be uncomfortable for a while. It would be nice to have someone there who is supportive, even if just for a short time. After you come out you may find others who are supportive.

[Amy A]

Sorry Angela I should perhaps clarify; when I said they would meet Amy I meant they would see me as a woman for the first time. I've been out to everyone for a while now, I'm just planning going full time. :)

[Angela Campbell]

Oh OK. It might seem that that would make it easier, but I guess it will always be awkward. Hopefully that part passes quickly!

[Robbin_Sinclair]

My only thought is the concept of deadlines dependent on Amy. Deadlines grow their own soul, sometimes swallowing everything in its wake, then to only be gone. Maybe, you are trying to do too much to stay within this deadline.

Life is different in the UK but this is a big decision. Go as slowly as you need to don't miss an opportunity, either. Stay healthy, that's number one.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Amy, I'm sorry you are going to lose the work friend, but I'm glad that she will be with you for your first two weeks of transition at work. I can still remember that scary excited feeling as I worked up to that point a few years ago. I know that telling family can be a bit worrying, but I hope that you will find as I did that they are fairly supportive of you even if they do not understand.

Just think, In less than two months you will no longer have to hide your true self at work!!

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry your friend is leaving for a while, but I'm sure you're excited for her as well...and she'll be back eventually. It was great of her to offer her support for you as you go full time. If the schedule works for you, then having her there even for a few weeks should help you get over any initial bumps.

[Amy A]

Well everything is arranged now; my friends are coming over on Saturday to see me as Amy, then the Saturday after I'll be going as Amy to my parents (they've all known for a while, just never seen Amy).

I'm surprised by just how upset I am about my friend leaving. I think I had a vision of my transition that very much included her, and with her having come out as gay at the same time as me coming out as trans, she really seemed to understand a lot of how I was feeling. She's an amazing person.

My head is just a whirly mess right now.

[Angela Campbell]

Even when your friend is a long way away she is still a friend and there are phones and skype. She can be a friend over a long distance too. A whirling mess......yes a good description of my life as well sometimes.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

..... My head is just a whirly mess right now.

Of course it is. Enjoy the moment. Savor each moment, especially those moments with your friend. Move with strength of conviction.