Do we need therapy?

[AbigailAlexis]

So I've been reading posts here and it seems at least a fair portion of CD's talk about seeing a therapist about their CDing...

For me I'm having trouble seeing any benefit. I'm happy and comfortable in my own skin as <InsertMyGivenNameHere> and I'm happy and getting more comfortable as Abby. I'm not having trouble functioning. I'm aware that the 2 personalities are sides of a single coin (I'm me either way) and I'm not looking to suppress or get rid of either one, ever. I'm over the teenage angst of many years ago and okay with being me.

There are certainly times when I wish I was dressed up as Abby when I'm doing other things but it doesn't get in the way of anything. And even when I'm Abby, I don't ignore <InsertMyGivenNameHere>'s responsibilities, phone calls, etc. (And I wouldn't ignore Abby's calls "en homme" either but she doesn't get any since there are very few that know at this point)

I think that the name I give myself at any given is more to distinguish my dressing state rather than to be believed to be truly 2 different people. I am a very effeminate man who likes to dress in female gender clothes some of the time and it would be hard for others to deal with me as <InsertMyGivenNameHere> in those clothes and easier as Abby. I may let less of my femininity show as <InsertMyGivenNameHere> to most people, but to those that have known me for years, I doubt they would notice a lot of difference when talking to one or the other dressed up or not. I would tell you that although I didn't label my more feminine self until recently, she's had alot of conversations prior to being named.

I (<InsertMyGivenNameHere> and Abby as one person) rebel against the fact that society says a person can normally be only a he or she or a him or her or a girl or boy... these gender terms do not support who people really are. When I'm in male mode i'll answer to Boy and in female mode I'll answer to Girl because although they are an incomplete way of discussing me, they'll have to do...

Abby reads these forums because she wants to be more public. <InsertMyGivenNameHere> simultaneously approves of Abby's desire because... seriously both of them are me and it makes me happy. And, I intend to be both for a long long time (universe willing). I've always been more girl than guy (gender not sexually) but now I can discuss it easier and act on some of the desires associated with both (like cute shoes...).

I don't know if I explained that well or not... Thanks for listening!

-Abby

PS. the name cutout above is because I don't use it on this forum.

[AllieSF]

I am going to answer your question and not comment on the rest of your post. Therapy for some can be a great benefit as it helps them see some issue in other ways, helps them learn how to better communicate with whoever that they cannot. However, therapy is not necessary for everyone. If one does not need it or does not want it but is going into it to please someone else, it could very well be a waste of time and money. One needs to go into therapy with an open mind and a very open and honest communication with their therapist. I have had therapy for relationship issues in the past. In my case it did not completely help to resolve all the issues involved, but it did help to better understand what was happening and why.

[AbigailAlexis]

Thanks Allie. You are correct that I definitely tailored the rest of my post to myself and not the the question in general. I appreciate the response!

[Rachelakld]

Hi Abby,
Therapy is a fancy word for communication or discussion, be it to communicate internally or a way to discuss things with others within a group, sometimes with a therapist to control the communication flow.
My duality have been communication for as long as I can remember, so like you I do not need to spend money on this.

I do have a lot of people known to me who have so many issues, that deciding between a cup of tea or a cup of coffee is a significant problem without a therapist, but they are still nice people most of the time (actually this lady is real fun and always in upbeat mode, but I chose her drink instead of asking her).

[AbigailAlexis]

Thanks Rachel. I'll have a tea if we ever get to sit down... :p

[Ineke Vashon]

Therapy, in my past, has helped to uncover restrictions I've placed on myself without consciously knowing it. If CD's use therapy it might be for CD issues or for other reasons. Humans are a complex bunch. You seem to have the separation between Abby and <IMGNH> well in hand and are comfortable with both sides.

Personally, I haven't felt the need to give myself dual Ineke and <IMGNH> 'status'. To quote Popeye: "I yam what I yam" , simply a man who enjoys feminine clothing when at home.

Ineke

[Jenniferpl]

We all could use some therapy. Opps, useful therapy. Than the question "therapy for what". Depends on what you want to accomplish.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

It's up to the individual if they need it or not. In my case it was needed, in that it really helped me to open up, accept and embrace certain aspects of my gender gift. Where if I had not been to one, I'd probably still be traveling 200 miles into another state just to purchase clothing, refuse to be on this forum because I'd be so worried about getting outted (like I'm some really big important person of major influence in male mode, NOT!!). Also it helps just to have someone to talk with about life's problems be it work issues, finances etc. Friends and family are good to lean on but after a while you don't want to be that depressed moody person, with a black cloud hanging over them to everyone in your life. By all means if you are able to go through life without the need for one, that's great, and continue on your path. I'm not endorsing or advocating everyone should find a therapist. As for it being endorsed on this forum you can look at it like going out in public dressed. Lots of members will recommend it, lot's of other members will be perfectly content and not have the need or desire to go out in public dressed. :2c:

[Marcelle]

Hi Abigail. Speaking as someone in the profession. You are right, not everyone needs therapy to deal with day to day issues but in some cases it can be quite useful. I am currently seeing a therapist to help me integrate the two halves of my whole. It helps to talk things out as I explore both sides of me. I have spent a greater part of my adult life lying to myself about who I am and repressing a lot. When Isha finally came flooding out on the scene, it was both wonderful and very confusing. Heck . . . I am dude who likes to wear lingerie and pretty dresses . . . talk about an identity crisis :eek:

I am as you say "quite comfortable in my skin" and happy to be who I am "a man who likes to dress like a woman from time to time. But there is a part of my psyche which is very feminine and that does give me cause to think . . . hence the gender identity therapy.

In addition, therapy keeps me grounded. Isha can be quite a force of nature when she gets going (we refer to it as the Pink Fog) and therapy helps to understand it is not just about me but my wife as well. Finally, it gives me a sounding board to discuss things about myself and my own personal growth. For me it has been a bit of a beacon in a somewhat fogging night.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

Not sure about anyone else but I don't. When I did go to a therapist it was to try and figure out how to deal with family and friends who had a problem with it, not myself. :)

[kimdl93]

Years ago, in the turmoil of a painful divorce, I developed deep depression. I finally sought help after suffering for months. The combination of cognitive therapy and meds alleviated the depression, not overnight, but eventually. If a person is in emotional distress, feeling confused or disoriented, then therapy can help.

If you feel fine and have a realistic grasp of the world, you don't need it.

[Marleena]

No CDer needs therapy unless they are stressed by all of it and can't function. A therapist will tell you this is your normal and you're not hurting anybody.

[linda allen]

If you think you need therapy, you may need it. Trying it is the only way you will know if it helps. I went (long ago and not related to crossdressing). For me it didn't do anything except waste my time and money.

[NicoleScott]

Dear Abby,
I'm a crossdresser and can't afford therapy. Should I write to "Dear Abby"? Hey, wait, I just did.
-- Confused

[Allison Quinn]

I haven't needed it. But then again I went through a major bout of depression a while ago. Like Rachel said the whole communication aspect seems to make me feel better. I talked about everything with a person I knew I could trust and we talked it out. Lot's of talking xD I'm no longer depressed if that helps?

I talked to a counselor at school also. She again just told me communication is good. Keep talking to my girlfriend and having conversations online etc. I don't know if it it's helpful to others though :P

[whowhatwhen]

I started seeing my therapist because I'm troubled in many ways and there was no way I was going to fix it all on my own.
Let's see... Gender issues, undefined sexual orientation, extreme anxiety, depression, and a few others in fact.

Since I've started I've grown and improved immensely despite there being lots more work to be done.

Do CDs need therapy in general? Probably not.
But there can be a lot of issues that are related if it's causing you stress, in which case talking to a pro may help.

I see lots and lots of posts about therapy being bad or whatever and I have to wonder if people just went to the first one they found*?
You must pick someone your comfortable enough with to share the deepest, most personal parts of yourself.
If you treat him or her like a doctor then it's not going to work at all.

*I went with the first one I found, but during the first interview session I felt I could trust her completely.

[~Joanne~]

I agree with everything you said abby. I do not see the benefit of paying someone to feed me BS about who I am or am not. I am not in conflict with myself, there are no two sides, there is only me no matter what clothing choices I make for the day. I am not saying that anyone can't benefit from seeking professional help if they feel they may need it but personally for me, it's not needed

[AbigailAlexis]

I really want to thank you all for the responses. I guess I wanted to be sure I'm not missing something in the process and for me I think I'm not, it does definitely seem to vary by person. The individual explanations help a lot in understanding what reasoning those that did go had.

I also do not want to diminish the importance of a good therapist for those that may benefit. Please don't just take my example here... make choices for yourself based on what you need. There is NO SHAME WHATSOEVER in seeking help when you need/want it, be it from a professional or even just a close friend.

[Jorja]

Abby, it is great that you have no problem mixing your masculinity and femininity and do not need therapy. Consider yourself very lucky. However, many CD/TG/TS people do have a hard time balancing the two in their lives. This can lead to depression, guilt, confusion and other very destructive problems for them. Counseling therapy is and can be a great help for those dealing with these problems.

[Barbra P]

Hi Abby

Fantastic! I’m really happy for you in that you feel you don’t need therapy; it’s much better to not need therapy then to need therapy. But don’t assume that the 21,878 people who have signed up as members here all share your carefree life.

As you wrote in your introduction “I am a VERY new m>f CD. This is my first time opening up info like this to anyone.” You also wrote in one of your posts “I had long hair in college (guy mode only at that time)” so it sounds like your desire to dress en femme is indeed relatively recent. There are many members who first felt the urge to dress en femme when they were seven or eight and some even younger than that. I’m a bit older than you and when I was your age there was no Internet, no forums, no way really to even know if other people felt the same way I did.

Your 31 and I take it single. Many of the members are married and many of those have children and some of them even have grandchildren; some members were raised by deeply religious parents. Many wives, probably most wives, don’t approve of their husbands feminine side. Dealing with children is yet another possible point of contention. Let’s not even bring the work place and jobs into the mix. My point is that you don’t have a wife to deal with or children to deal with, not even a mention of an SO. While I haven’t read all of your 28 posts, in those I have read I didn’t see any mention of devoutly religious parents that you had to contend with, or your own religious feelings. No mention of siblings or other extended family members that might have very definite views on cross dressing that might affect your family.

Well I do have a wife, and children (now grown) and grandchildren (now living with me) and advancing age, the death of my Mother two years ago, financial problems, and assorted health problems. After a hiatus of nearly eight years, I had a resurgence in wanting to dress en femme and possibly go even further. I sought advice from my Doctor, who referred me to her Family Counselor, who referred me to the Psychiatric Department where I met Kelly a Licensed Therapist.

From the start Kelly explained that she couldn’t cure the urge to dress or be feminine but we could talk things through and she could help me accept a lot of what was troubling me. She has helped me deal with the lack of support from my Wife. She helped me deal with my Mother’s dementia and subsequent death. She has helped me deal with my daughter and her two young daughters moving in with us and her subsequent divorce. A lot has happened during the last thirty-months and I have been thankful that I had Kelly to talk to. Would I have survived without Kelly? Probably, but I think these last couple of years were a lot easier due to Kelly being there to talk to.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm a great believer in therapy for CDs. I go every Friday evening and meet with a half dozen or so CD therapists. We have a few drinks, admire one another's attire, dance, and flirt with every one in the place. Of course, these are not professional therapists, just good friends that don't need to be paid to listen to and care about each other. Okay, they really like it when you buy them a drink!

[vallerie lacy]

Whether you need a professional therapist or not, is up to the individual. I have been to a few over the years for other reasons. I don't recall any of them coming up with any earth shattering news for me. As far as my desire to crossdress, it's what I want to do,and what I will do. I just wish I looked as good as so many of you girls.

[Beverley Sims]

Some people can not handle this situation well and use therapy for some input.
Me, I feel lucky that I do not need to see someone about what I think I may be.

[Stephanie47]

Do we need therapy?

I think anyone will benefit from therapy IF something is interfering with normal functioning in life or personal relationships. It's necessary to figure out if the need to seek counseling is based on your functioning or others. I see no reason to seek therapy because somebody else thinks you need it. I guess I'm alluding to the societal negativity towards cross dressing. Seeking couples therapy is fine if the goal is to get both parties realizing what the issues are and how to resolve them. The goal should not be to suppress one for the benefit of the other, if there is nothing inherently illegal going on.

[Tina B.]

Everybody needs someone to talk to, if not a good friend, why not a Therapist. After all there are some things that are easier talking to some one detached from one self, a friend, wife, or relative has a image of you and what you are suppose to be, it's hard for them to see you as someone (something) different from what they know. A Therapist is a stranger, taught not to judge or take sides. A non judgmental, non opinionated listening post, should be a nice way to spill it all. Wish I had done it when I was younger, might not have taken so long to get to know me.

[JamieTG]

For us Baby Boomers we grew up in a much more intolerant society. I grew up in the 50's and 60's and terms such as "pervert" were commonly used to describe someone who xdressed. Thats why feelings of guilt and self hatred are so common are so common especially with us older CDs. Therapy can be very helpful when dealing with feelings of being "different" or having low self esteem.

[Vickie_CDTV]

In terms of being trans, you only "need" therapy if you want to pursue HRT (depending on the endo) and SRS.

[Tina_gm]

I do not think that just because someone CD's that they need therapy because of it alone. For me, being Transgender is not always easy for me to deal with. The balancing act of both Genders that reside within me. How to be able to express and be ok with the feminine side while society in general is not ok with it. That should my kids or friends or co workers ever find out, the difficulties that would present for them, as well as me. A wife that struggles to accept. I have had some gender counseling, and am going to be seeing another counselor very soon. (general therapist) I have already informed this person that I am a crossdresser and she has accepted that she will be dealing with someone who is, and has told me that the concept of CDing is not one that personally bothers her. There will be times, just as with the gender counselor where my wife will come along. The reason for therapy this time is more than just TG issues, although they will be brought into the mix as well.

[Sarah Beth]

I have been a therapist, and I have had therapy, although not for anything related to CDing. Therapy can be very beneficial to someone to help resolve "issues" that occur in life. It isn't however for everyone and not everyone needs to see a therapist.

[Dalva]

No one can answer the question for everyone else. We are all different, we have our own issues and crosses to bear.

That said, I was in therapy for a few years and was a total waste of time. While my issues were not related to sexual orientation or my cd'ing, I came to the realisation that my issues were best dealt with head on. I didn't need a shrink to prescribe Zoloft or Lorazepam or anything else. I chose to deal with my demons myself and am now a much better person.

Yes I wrestled and did battle with said demons (sometimes with the aid of self prescribed hallucinogens) and often was weary, but I managed to beat them.

Now, I can accept myself for who I am and what I do, whether it's my sexuality, my introvertness or any other of my short commings. I am who I am and pretty damn fine with it.

:evilbegon

[Frédérique]

Do we need therapy? So I've been reading posts here and it seems at least a fair portion of CD's talk about seeing a therapist about their CDing. For me I'm having trouble seeing any benefit.

Unless the therapist is a crossdresser, I, too, have trouble seeing any benefit to be derived from therapy. The need for therapy implies a problem of some sort – is it a “problem” to be happy?
:idontknow:

[Dianne S]

I think you only need therapy for CDing if you're unhappy about it. I happen to be seeing a counsellor for other reasons and did mention my crossdressing. I told her I was absolutely fine with it and it wasn't a problem; she listened, agreed, and moved on to other topics.