Help - Stuck Between a Rock and a Silk Place...

[samxd]

Hi girls,

I'm new here and I'm hoping that if I'm totally honest and open, you may be able to help me with your wealth of experience.

I have always for as long as I can remember had a fetish for lingerie and thongs. A woman in a lacy silky thong always does it for me. At 20 I started to wear men's thong underwear.

Then I met my wife. I slowly started to bring my thong wearing into the equation, I was buying loads of thongs, I'm slim and have a nice body so they do look good..

Since then, there has been a lot of good positive moves on the subject, my underwear has become extremely girly over the last year. I wear lacy, silky frilly thongs and panties every day.

My wife seems to like them, she makes comments when she sees them but has never really suggested I wear anything like that. She seems tolerant and happy enough.

Here's my problem, I need a little more... I have a huge desire to be able to wear stockings, suspenders, sexy lingerie like chemises and lovely things like that. As girly as my underwear is, it's all made for men and I'm not confident I can make that change successfully. I've never worn any other lingerie around her, not even for a joke. This all feels like it's the next level.

How can I guide her into this? I have never really had a talk with her about this. Like I said at the beginning, I didn't consider myself a crossdresser, (starting to now though)! She's only 26 and she's the love of my life, I feel I need to get this off my chest but it would destroy me if I ruined anything. My dream would be if she gave me a gift of a silky chemise or teddy that she has picked out and bought me.

I feel I am most of the way there, my underwear drawer if overflowing with lace, silk and bows, she likes my shaved legs and seeing me with my jewel plug in - is she doing all this for me or is there something inside her that secretly loves it?

What would you do? I know you will say I need to talk to her and I will when the time is right but I think it will come out of the blue if I do that. I feel I need to drop some hints or gently move further towards the goal but I don't know how..

Any help would be super appreciated! Quite interested to hear from wives of cd's for the other side of the story too if you can..

Thank you

Sam

[cdmorganashley]

well i don't really have experience with telling a SO who didn't already know about my dressing, but my first thoughts on your situation were that the "made for men" panties seemed a little silly to me; i mean there are high heels made for men, who mostly identify as CDs, but i think most people would agree this is really "female" attire... i can understand that this maybe is making you feel like it would be crossing a boundary to wear something that is actually "women's" clothes, but IMO you are already doing this... it also sounds like whether it is her preference or not, your wife is ok with you presenting in a less traditional shall we say appearance with your shaved legs and lacy thongs, so i personally would be surprised if she had a problem with you trying out some lingerie--it may not be something she is up for all the time, but if it makes you happy maybe she would be up for giving it a shot... all that being said, i don't think we can ever really predict how another will react when we expose a piece of ourselves that may seem out of our character, but as i'm sure you'll hear from others, being up front and open and honest with your partner usually gains their respect, and is most often appreciated and many times can increase the feelings of closeness or intimacy in the relationship even if the act in question isn't something they really like.

[Rita C.]

Just set her down and talk to her, you just as well to because its not going to go a way, the soner you talk to her the better. If you wait she will wounder why you waited so long to come out to her. and if the love is there it will all work out. let us know how it works out and enjoy your cd life style don't hide it.

[stephNE]

Hi Sam,
On about our second (or maybe third) date, I asked my wife if she would like to help me with a fantasy. She said sure what is it? And I told her I wanted to try on a few of her things. She went to her closet and started pulling out things that I could get into. That was 34 years ago and we are still married! Good luck, Steph.

[Tina B.]

Samxd, sorry I can't help with your plan to lead her into this slowly, but I will add this warning, be careful, you wouldn't want her thinking you have tried to trick her into something, and that you knew where it was going while trying to fool her in to thinking it was a lot less than it turns out to be.
A women would rather you just be honest, tell her what you want, and see what see wants, and take it from there.

[NicoleScott]

You could test the water without jumping in over your head: next time you buy, get something a little more girly, and next time, even more girly. If she asks, just say you like it. Gauge the reaction and proceed accordingly. Or back off accordingly. BUT, at some point you have to address with her your "huge desire" to go further.
If I had anything to do over, it would be the CDing revelation long before it actually happened. It would have been better for both of us if the eventual breakup had come sooner. If acceptance had been the eventual outcome, it would have better if that had happened sooner, too.

[bridget thronton]

Eventually you will need to tell her - hopefully before she finds out accidentally (truth and openness are usually the best policies in a relationship)

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Based on what you described, I don't think she'll be surprised one bit. If I were you, I would order some stockings and just tell her that since you already shave your legs, you wanted to experience the feeling of stockings. If she accepts that, then tell her you'd like to go further.

[Jaylyn]

Eventually you will need to tell her - hopefully before she finds out accidentally (truth and openness are usually the best policies in a relationship)

Enough said be truthful but pick the right time and don't just plow into it with a vengeance. If it is love I can say let her feelings also be expressed. My wife and I ( with exceptions of gifts) agreed to always let the other half of the one united have a say in what ever we do. Honesty is always best especially in marriage.

[Heisthebride]

Well Sam, like you said you are 90% there already and to be honest if she has no problem with your thongs I doubt she would object to other items. But I understand your fear. You don't necessarily have to sit down and talk it all out, but you can if want.

Ways to bring it up in passing:

She comments on your sexy knickers, return in kind. "I love yours too, i might have to get some for myself. What brand are they?" If she tells you suggest you go shopping together.

It's getting colder out, in the northern hemisphere at least. Ask her if pantyhose help keep her warmer in winter. Continue the discussion asking about tights vs pantyhose vs stockings. Sum up the conversation with "hmmm, I might have to try that." Gauge her reaction.

Halloween is coming up, do you guys go out in costume? Maybe suggest a Mad Men role reversal costume idea. Stockings and garters are in line with the era.

Comment on how happy you are at how she doesn't judge you when you wear your lacy thongs. Not many girls would be so easy going. Sometimes I think I could wear a teddy and stockings and you wouldn't mind a bit. I'm lucky to have someone like you.

Go for it and best of luck.

[Beverley Sims]

Sam,
It can take a lot of time and you do need to let her take the lead, do not smother her by forcing the issue.

[vallerie lacy]

Your desire to dress is not going to be any less as time goes on. Nicole is right. Best to get it over with the sooner the better.