New Therapist (gulp)

[rachael.davis]

I met with a new counselor yesterday, She seems quite no nonsense in her approach (good). My homework for this week is to be able to ready to discuss
where do you want to be in two years
how do you see yourself affording transition
what parts of your current life are you willing/able to let go

I think I had better be willing to wear my big girl panties in conversations with her, but I think this is the "hard questions, hard answers" approach that is going to work.

Rachael

[celeste26]

Well a counselor who simply justifies letting you stay the same way you started wont be a quality counselor. Just remember that its not so much the answers to those "hard questions" but the process of getting to those answers. Its kind of like giving a person a fish versus teaching a person how to fish for themselves. Growing up can be hard but it is worth it. Good luck and report back.

[rachael.davis]

Thanks Celeste

It's been sort of strange, but "doing my homework" prepping for next week is making me take a long, hard look at a lot of my life - it's an ow experience

Rachael

[rachael.davis]

And to continue on Ow! Next week we get to go over best case / worst case / disaster preperation. This lady plays hardball, but she's cutting to the meat of the issue which I've needed to do.

[Angela Campbell]

It would do no good to only ask questions that make you feel good. This is a hard road and the sooner the hard questions are asked the better. Mine asked me what I would do if I lost my job. I said you have a pretty nice couch here......I still wonder what he wrote down about that.

[rachael.davis]

Hi Folks

My homework this week is a list of @5 things that have to change/I want out of my life, and five things I want to keep in my life.

I had something of an ephinany when I realized there isn't a whole hell of a lot in my life now that I want to keep.

It confirmed why I'm there

[rachael.davis]

ok so my usual meeting today, she starts the session off with "it would take a lot at this point to convince me that you aren't desperately in need of transition, and eventual surgery, that's kind of a given.....but what else is goiing on in your liife that's destroying your you" did I mention that she is the queen of simple hardball questions?

[mikiSJ]

Does she smile or ever laugh. I don't think I would do well with a therapist who acted like a sixth grade teacher.

If you are happy with her so far, good. But what if you start to be more assertive? Will you annoy her or drive her off?

[rachael.davis]

Hi Miki
Actually she has done a massive job of helping me clarify a number of issues in very short order, I sent that post from my phone yesterday so I was kind of brief. I was thrilled that her opening was "it would take a lot to convince me that you aren't transgendered", so we spent the session on coping skills, anger, fear etc. I realized that I am going to really need to ok with me now if I'm going to be ok in the real life transition period.
"Midstream" has been the terror point for me - living full time while not quite passing has held me back for quite a while, and kind of needs to be looked at under a strong light. So far this has been working big time for me. Yesterday was sort of a breakthrough day for me, I'm getting serious on facial hair removal, and am going to check into getting some work done (nose, upper lip) in the nearish future rahter than wading into transition with a maleish face.
Our opening meeting we agreed that honesty between us was requirement A#1, so her expectation is that I will focus on why I'm there, what i want, what's holding me back. My expectation from her is that I really need to confront myself, and I am going to her to do so. I haven't been rolling over, she hasn't been overbearing, it's kind of working big time.

[DebbieL]

I had to address many of these issues in my early 12 step inventories in the 1980s, and have continued to address them over time.
These are important questions that really need to be answered. It's not just that you experience fear, it's how you react when you are afraid that counts.
You need to look at how your self esteem, ambitions, security, friendships, and love/sex relationships are impacted and threatened, and how you respond when threatened. We all have different strategies, and we have to move beyond them to grow.

With luck, she will start giving you exercises and assignments that will be even more confronting, because they are part of dealing with life in your new gender.

In my case, my inventories eventually turned into a book (Debbie's Secret Life), and I've shared it with my current therapist as well as other loved ones. I even found out that a teacher is adding it to her lecture series as required reading. I just hope it helps others.

You are lucky. I looked for a gender dysphoria counselor for 20 years before finding one who would actually address who I now know as Debbie.
He realized in an hour that I was a type 6 and would probably die if I didn't transition.

[rachael.davis]

Massively Happyness Making !!!!

I had something of an ah ha moment prior to my session earlier this week, arrived smiling like a very happy girl who is having an unusually good day.

As of Tuesday morning of this week I refuse to be "my own personal, F*******, inner demon"
Yeah, I'm transgendered, I can deal with it, and if anyone else wants to have a problem they can, but I'm not generating my own agony anymore (I'm sure the world has a great big bucket of the stuff ready for me during the real life year).

[mary something]

That is a wonderful realization Rachael! It is a great gift that you can give yourself to be mindful of ourselves and truly be in the moment. Gender dysphoria makes that harder because by it's very nature it is making us less aware of ourselves as a protective measure. It's funny I suppose that we tend to view gender dysphoria as a negative force in our lives but really it is a mechanism of providing safety for our psyche (my opinion only). It is easy to fall into the trap of projecting our fears and worries onto others when this happens because they are real emotions and are not going anywhere. That is why you see so many numbing behaviors among TG people, but the problem is that you cannot selectively numb emotions, it's an all or nothing proposition.

The decision that you won't punish yourself for being who you are is an important step in self-acceptance, congrats! Remember the feeling that you had when you titled this post, that is what the point of all of this is, self-actualization and peace.

[I Am Paula]

Sounds like a real find as a therapist. Mine had a very laid back approach, but then again, I told her that my motive was to stay until I got my letter, and that's it.

[rachael.davis]

And massive happyness making today :)
I was meeting with my therapist, the conversation segwayed here and there, I said something about mental transition and she replied

Oh? That? You finished transitioning mentally a couple of months ago

[Valarie]

I got a new therapist a month ago, my old one took a job in another state. I like her she always wears great shoes, and like you mine is a little no nonsense which I need lol.

[BOBBI G.]

Like you, I am fortunate to have found a good one, one that suits me. After two sessions she made the statement, "What are we waiting for?" and I had an appointment to an Endocrinologist. I am now on the Early stages of HRT and am still discovering who I am and what makes me tick. I tend to ramble and she has a very unique way of getting me back on track with the thought we were discussing. I have had quite a few revelations with her as my guide. I can now find a lot of my answers while in the real world, and I just relay them to her at our meetings. A wonderful counsel, I'm gonna stay with her.

Bobbi

[Jorja]

Good for you Rachael, it sounds like you have found a therapist that is going to make you work and answer the hard questions that you need to answer. You are getting your moneys worth. I hope it will lead you to where you want to be.

[rachael.davis]

Thanks :) I think a lot of things just stopped being questions, and turned into logistics problems.